TDWT: Reducks Redux
by The Kobold Necromancer
Summary: In this requested redux of TDWT, things are quite different and more insane! Currently in Yukon, where the ship teasing heats up the frozen zone! But how much tease can you take? How much cold can they hold up to? Get ready, because it's sledding time!
1. Egypt, Part 1

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Do not try any of this at home, except for the stuff that you can do at home. Except for the things you shouldn't, but can, just don't unless it's okay, but not when it's not.

**TKN's Warning** - The answer to the poll was more than half of you asked for a rewrite of TDWT. And the amount of messages I got here and on Deviant Art was also inspiring. So here I am, updating this and TDBG at the same time. Though with Left 4 Dead 2 and Starcraft 2 (sequels rock), I am gonna have a hard time updating. So please be patient, and do not feed me to the crocodiles.

**Pairings** - Not telling! It shall be... A SURPRISE!

**Rating** - This is seriously rated T. It contains violence, some cartoonish and some harsh. There will be bad language, though nothing too serious. Romance, sexual innuendoes, and other yicky stuff like that will be rampant. Sad moments, over-the-top happiness, love and strife, and also, DRAMA!

**Time Setting** - Right before Total Drama World Tour starts.

And now for something completely different... a ducked redux!

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...

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* * *

**Chapter 01** - A Whole New World Tour

* * *

...

**(Some airport in Toronto.)**

Eighteen teenagers, a co-host, and a host were all on a bus heading towards an airport. While everyone had jitters, worries, and excitement, there was one of them who was more nervous than any of them, than all of them, than any of all of their nervousness in them.

The person in terror was biting her fingers, whimpering, tapping her foot, and annoying the heck out of the person sitting near her, who was trying to read. As noted many times already, this person's fear was at an all-time high, higher than Owen's building fear of flying, Lindsay's fear of a chipped nail, and Bridgette's fear of being away from Geoff for so long.

The predicament could have been avoided so easily. If only that bus hadn't crashed, if only the teenagers hadn't split up. If only... she had stayed with her.

* * *

_"Look, we gotta form a rescue party," Geoff had said to alert all of the others. "Some of us have got to go out and find someone to help us. We know we cannot rely on Chris Maclean to help us out."_

_ "I'll go with you, man," Trent volunteered. He had wanted to get away, he felt too awkward around Gwen, and Duncan more so._

_ Eva grumbled something about not wanting to be around wimps any more than she had to. Beth wanted to go to walk off her motion sickness, but couldn't convince Lindsay to come. Justin followed after Beth, saying he wanted to be away from prying eyes._

_ Katie stood up when Sadie did, and the former started to say, "We'll go with you-"_

_ "No no, Katie," Sadie said, interrupting her BFFF. "You should stay here with them."_

_ "What? You mean, go without you?" Katie looked horrified by the idea._

_ Sadie looked at the horizon, and then back at Katie. "Look, we both shouldn't go. If the party gets lost, or if help comes here first, at least one of us will survive."_

_ "My, how inspiring," Noah, a short distance away, remarked._

_ Katie bit her bottom lip. "But... is... is this about the green clothing accident? Are you still mad at me?"_

_ "No no no!"_

_ "Is this about my bad sense of direction?"_

_ "No no no!"_

_ Katie sighed, then hugged her friend. "Okay, I'll stay here. But," she leaned in and whispered, "this isn't about getting alone time with Trent, is it?"_

_ "No no no!"_

_ "Justin?"_

_ "No no no!"_

_ "Both?"_

_ "No no... well maybe."_

_ Katie groaned in frustration. "Oh fine. Fine, be that way. I'll stay here, since you obviously don't want me around."_

_ "Don't be like that! Besides, how else are you going to get a chance to talk to _him_, hmm?"_

_ Katie elbowed her friend, and then walked away, shouting, "Good luck, Sadie!"_

_ Geoff had tried to convince Bridgette to come too, but she had wanted to soak up some sun rays. The party animal had caught a glance of Ezekiel casting a glance at Bridgette, but chalked it up as another token that his girlfriend was super hot._

_ Katie watched her BFFF walked away until she couldn't be seen anymore. She muttered her name in her sleep, and called out to her when she was woken up with a start. She ignored the teasing she heard that Noah and Cody were getting for accidentally cuddling up with each other ("I don't care what _Star Stalker_ says, Lindsay,") Noah had shouted, ("I do not have the hots for him! Or any other guy!"), far too focused on the helicopter saving them._

_ Everything happened so quickly after the rescue. Katie and all the others who had stayed with the bus were next on the set of Total Drama Action, somewhere she and a few of the others had never been. Chris Maclean announced the next season, and the prospect of a million dollars and another chance at fame excited most._

_ Sierra, that excitable and eccentric fan, was joining them. Alejandro, who had been betrayed by Chris' double-cross on a canceled show, was also going to compete. Those who had gone out in the search party, however, were not going to join the show._

_ Katie had heard that from Chris Maclean, and freaked in a way very natural for a teenaged girl to do: grab her hair and scream like a banshee. It had taken a power sedative to calm her down (warm milk), but the moment she got on the bus, the powerful dawning of a new dawn dawned on her._

_ She was leaving Canada, and going all over the entire world. Without Sadie._

_ On the bus ride, she had been outright sobbing, and Noah sat next to her to give her a shoulder to cry on (he had lost at drawing straws by some of the others). Now his shoulder was very wet with her tears, and she had calmed down to the point of not sobbing outright._

_ Owen was starting to freak at the idea of getting on a plane. Bridgette was thinking about what Geoff was doing. Gwen was glancing repeatedly at Duncan, trying to catch his attention by doing nothing to catch his attention. Sierra and Ezekiel were bursting at the seams at the chance of competing this season. Still, Katie was the one with the most emotion bottled up and ready to burst.

* * *

_

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to another exciting season of Total Drama," Chris Maclean said as he stepped off the bus, grinning at the cameras. "This time, we have two new people joining our crew, a handful of veterans returning, and a lot of the same crazy teenagers back!

"This time, we're flying around the world, seeing all the sites, and having a ton of fun! For you, that is, not these clowns. We're determined to make their lives as horrible as possible for your entertainment!"

"My," Noah said as he stepped off the bus, "aren't you the definition of generosity."

Chris blinked, then he shoved Noah back onto the bus. "You're not supposed to come out yet! Get back on there for your proper introductions!"

"Ow! Stop pushing me," Noah shouted as he was manhandled back onto the bus. "I haven't stood up for hours, the others are losing it, and what's more-"

He was cut off when Chef yanked him back onto the bus himself. Chris straightened out his clothing, and grinned at the camera again. "Our contestants are anxious to win one million dollars-"

"Help help," Noah called out from the bus, "I'm being repressed!"

"Let him go, foul cook," Izzy exclaimed.

Fighting noises could be heard from the bus, to which Chris laughed. "My, aren't they spunky! Well then, we'll have music and fun on this season! Let's introduce and reintroduce these poor saps. I mean schmucks. I mean contestants! Ha ha, I kid!"

Courtney stepped off the bus first, slightly disheveled. "How unprofessional," she exclaimed, "starting a fight like that on the bus!"

"Yeah, and if we're lucky," Chris said, "there will be more fun like that!"

" 'Fun'?" she repeated. "It was like a wrestling match without rules in there! C'mon, if ever there was a bad start-"

"Move, Princess," Duncan said from behind her, nudging her with his suitcase. She stumbled forward, glaring back at her boyfriend. Gwen was right behind him, chuckling to herself.

"As you can see," Chris said, holding his hand up at the three contestants, "we have Courtney, along with Duncan and Gwen!"

"Excuse me, but I'm with Duncan, not her," Courtney remarked, moving over to Duncan and nudging Gwen away with her hips. The goth girl frowned at the CIT, but only glanced at the punk one more time.

"Gah, mommy!"

Owen was struggling to stay on the bus, being pushed off by DJ, the only one strong enough to handle the very large teenager. Once he had been successfully pushed off, he had to be pulled away as he tried to get back on the bus.

"No, I cannot be riding on this plane, I'm allergic," Owen pleaded, looking around for any kind of excuse. "I'm not tall enough for this ride! And I suffer from dizzy spells! And I'm pregnant!"

"Dude, calm down," DJ cried out, pulling him away from the bus. "Please man, you'll get dizzy and pass out from fear! Do we have a sedative? Warm milk?"

"Used it all up on Katie earlier," Leshawna said as she stepped off the plane.

"Hey, will you all slow down?" Chris exclaimed. "I'm trying to introduce you."

"Then do so!"

"All right then! Everyone, that's DJ, that's Owen, and that's Leshawna."

Leshawna rolled her eyes, and walked away. She noticed Gwen glancing at Duncan, and walked over to her. "Girlfriend, please tell me you're not-"

"Don't worry, Leshawna, I'm not... anything," Gwen tried to reassure her friend, but looked uncertain herself. Her friend smiled and wrapped an arm around Gwen's shoulders.

"Girl, we may have had troubles beforehand, but we're still friends, right?"

"Of course."

"Then tell me-"

"Moving on," Chris shouted, stepping between the camera and Leshawna, "camera on me, thank you. Next up, we have Lindsay!"

"Hi, everybody," Lindsay said, waving at the camera. "It's so good to see you all."

"Keep moving, girl."

"But I'm trying to say hello-"

"MOVE!"

Lindsay pouted, then walked off, looking sad. "All I want is a little moment of fame..."

Chris roughly shoved her to get her moving, then motioned at the bus. "Next up is-"

"How dare you," Tyler declared, jumping out of the bus. He grabbed the host's lapels and shook him. "Totally unnecessary, dude, and way too rough!"

"Whoa, Tyson," Lindsay declared, pulling Tyler away from the host. "Please don't attack the host! I know you're new and all, but you should know, Chip has a bit of a temper-"

"Lindsay, I'm your boyfriend," Tyler protested as he let go of Chris, who immediately straightened himself up.

"No, I don't think so. My old boyfriend left me last season, and he never said hello."

Tyler looked like he had been slapped, and walked away from her, a grief-stricken look on his face. Chris shot him a glare before continuing his introductions.

"Next up we have Harold, and..." the host said, "... Bridgette?"

The two had stepped off the bus at the same time, the surfer girl handing a book over to the nerd. "Thank you so much for letting me borrow that," Bridgette said, smiling at him. "It helped me keep my mind off things."

"No problem at all, I've read it enough times to be able to part with it for a while," Harold said, then he noticed the plane that was going to be used for the show. He dashed over for a closer look, holding the book to his chest. "Sweet! You know what kind of plane that is?"

"No one cares, Harold," Duncan, Chris, and Heather, the last one just stepping off the plane just then.

As Harold looked crestfallen at such harsh treatment, Heather scoffed as she walked by Chris. "But what I do care about is our safety. Is that plane safe?"  
"Heather, ladies and gentlemen, our worrywart," Chris announced.

"Yeah, wart is right," Gwen said, grinning. She and Leshawna and Bridgette all laughed, exchanging high-fives. Heather seethed, and said something we don't want to repeat. She pat at her ponytail, as if a nervous tick was caused by seeing Gwen.

"Yes yes, all so much fun," Chris commented. "Now, our next contestant is-"

"YO YO YO, MAH HOMIES!"

Ezekiel jumped on the bottom step of the bus, his loud words startling everyone. Looking at the camera, he pointed with both hands and continued. "I'm in da hood noo', jiggy! Let's get it going on, and pump it to max, yo!"

"Woohoo, the max indeed," Izzy, standing behind him and looking quite disheveled, cheered. "Let's get driving, dogs!" Ezekiel glanced back, and then saw the redhead jump on his shoulders. He was knocked off-balance as Izzy loudly sang, "They see me rollin' / they hatin'-"

"Watch 'oot, eh," Ezekiel shouted, waving his arms frantically. He lost his balance completely, and Izzy was pitched forward as he fell back. They crash-landed, Izzy on his stomach and her legs on his face.

Duncan burst out laughing. "Nice," he commented.

"Owtch," Ezekiel moaned from the ground. "That hurt, yo."

"Sorry," Izzy said, giggling.

She tried to stand up, but Noah came off the bus in a hurry. "I'm not spending," he was shouting, "another minute on this stupid bus-"

He tripped over Izzy, knocking her down into Ezekiel again, and landed right on his face. Noah stood up, clutching his sore features, and Katie bounded off the bus.

"Are you all right?" Katie asked. She dusted off his shoulders. "That looked so painful."

"Nonsense, a face-plant into ash'fault just helps me get going," Noah grumbled.

Chris chuckled. "Ladies and gentlemen, that's Noah, Katie, and Izzy."

Katie helped Noah over to the others, though he didn't need it. Izzy was helping a crushed Ezekiel up, while the prairie boy protested, "Yo, Chris! You didn't introduce me, homie."

The host turned back to the camera, ignoring Ezekiel completely. The prairie boy's shoulders slumped in defeat, and started to walk away when Izzy stopped him. "Hey, what's wrong, Zeke-Man?"

"Chris didn't even introduce me," he complained. "That's whack, yo."

Izzy started to giggle, and just when Ezekiel was convinced it was at him, she said, "Your slang is funny, but I think you should drop it."

"What? Why?"

"It's not gonna get you in with the cool kids, like I'm sure you think it will be," Izzy said, grinning at him. When he stared in confusion, she said, "I get your drift, homie. You want in the hood. Well stick with me, kid, and we'll go places you could only dream of."

She grabbed Ezekiel's hand and pulled him towards Owen to introduce them to each other. As they talked, Ezekiel, blushing slightly, pulled a small notepad from his pocket. A good deal of pages had been used, but he was quickly filling up more notes as Izzy talked.

"And introducing," Chris said, gesturing to the bus, "Alejandro, one of our two new competitors!"

Alejandro stepped off the bus, looking around at the other contestants. With a smile and wave, several of the girls swooned aloud. Izzy stopped talking to her boyfriend and Ezekiel to swoon, Katie gaped, and even Heather was staring a little. Alejandro, however, was interested in a trio of ladies.

He walked over to Leshawna, Gwen, and Bridgette, looking directly at the surfer girl. "Ladies, it's a pleasure to meet you all," he said. "I haven't had the pleasure of watching the show, but I'm sure it will be nice to be with you all."

Leshawna and Bridgette were grinning, while Gwen looked slightly surprised. Bridgette was giggling before she froze and exclaimed, "I have a boyfriend! Boyfriend, yes yes, one I love!"

"The good ones always do," Alejandro said.

"My, you are a charmer, sugar baby," Leshawna said, smiling at him.

Harold, from afar, overheard this. " 'Sugar baby'?" he repeated, looking downcast.

"I assume you ladies have boyfriends too," Alejandro asked. "I have a bit of a radar for this kind of thing."

"My buddy Gwen doesn't," Leshawna said, slapping the goth girl's back and slightly knocking her towards Alejandro. "And I don't either."

"What?" Harold exclaimed, high-pitched with shock. Several people looked over, and Chris quickly changed the subject away from them.

"And also joining our show is our show's biggest fan," Chris said, "proving that dreams do come true... Sierra!"

Sierra leapt from the bus, pumping her fists. "I'm on the show! OMG, I love you guys! I'm gonna freak!" She started hyperventilating, and asked, "Are you sure we haven't got any warm milk left?"

The purple-haired girl ran around the others, asking questions nonstop. "Tyler, what's your second sister's name? I never got it!"

"Gwen, I heard you got a tattoo! Was that a rumor?"

"Katie! What's it feel like to be away from Sadie for the first time since TDI?"

"Hey, Izzy," Sierra asked the redhead over Katie's wail of anguish, "is it true you're gonna be in the movie creation of _Metroid_?"

Chris ran over to Sierra and slapped his hand over her mouth. Although this did not stop the girl from talking, he said, "Well, that's everyone. I guess it's time to start the show-"

Sierra vehemently chattered against Chris' hand, and the host ignored it. Harold approached Chris, still looking down, and said, "Actually, there's a member of my band missing."

"CODY," Sierra screamed as she pushed the host's hand away. She sprinted for the bus, then came back off with a very startled Cody in her arms, carrying him bridal-style.

"Ooo, that looks like fun," Izzy commented when she looked at this. She tried to pick up Owen, but failed miserably for obvious reasons. So she picked up Ezekiel, and said, "Wow, it is fun! Owen, you gotta lose some pounds so I can do this!"

Sierra was giggling as she set Cody on the ground; Izzy was gently rocking the now brightly blushing Ezekiel in her arms. The uber-fan pointed at Cody's ears, and said, "He had his iPod's headphones in and fell asleep, never knowing we were here."

Cody popped his headphones from his ears, looking around. "Oh, we're here?" he asked. He smiled. "That's cool! It's good to be back in the game! Hello, ladies! And..."

He strutted over to Gwen, and smiled. "Hello there, my good friend Gwen."

Gwen groaned, shaking her head. "Hello, Cody," he mumbled, then forced a smile. "Look, I want to thank you for helping me hook up with Trent in season one, that was nice of you."

"No problem."

"And congratulations on that band, I heard you're doing well."

"Why thank you!"

"And I want my bra back."

Cody froze, and chuckled nervously. Sierra was suddenly by his side, and said, "You wanna know what he did with your bra?"

"My mind works overtime trying to make sure I don't think about that," Gwen said, tweaking an eyebrow at the uber-fan.

Sierra continued to grin. "He has it in his belongings," she chirped. "I'm sure he thinks it is good luck. Or maybe-"

"I wanted to give it back to you," Cody said, fishing into his backpack and pulling it out. "I felt it would be good to mend bridges with this. And I washed it with my clothing so that it was clean when I returned it."

Gwen intrepidly took it back, as Cody chuckled nervously. Then the tech geek stopped and looked at Sierra. "Wait, how did you know I had it in my backpack?"

"I went through it when you were asleep," Sierra said, giggling. She pulled something out of her pocket. "Oh, here's your deodorant back. I just wanted to smell it a little longer."

"Ewww," Chris gagged, then grinned. "We got us our stalker fangirl, isn't that great, ladies and gentlemen?"

"What are you, a ringleader?" Noah exclaimed. "What's with your announcements?"

"Shut up, Noah," the host said cheerfully, not looking at the bookworm as he silenced him. "Now, everyone, we're preparing ourselves for the best season ever! It's time for Total... Drama... WORLD TOUR!"

"Woohoo," Izzy exclaimed, spoiling the moment. "I call shotgun!"

"Can you call shotgun on a plane?" Owen asked.

"I'm pretty sure you can."

"Interesting, homie," Ezekiel said, writing this down too.

* * *

**(Total Drama Jumbo Jet, Economy Class)**

The eighteen teenagers walked onto the plane, Izzy holding a very scared Owen's hand tightly. Chris Maclean was leading them, with Chef following up from behind. The large man walked passed them all, up to the cockpit. Chris stopped the teenagers and smiled, gesturing around the interiors.

"This is the economy class, the section of the plane where most of you will be spending most of your time," he said.

The contestants looked around. There weren't any seats in the economy class, just a long bench on each side with seat belts against the wall. Baggage holders were above the "seats," but they were broken and jostled. Some rotting suitcases sat up there, rats living in them. A leak was coming from the ceiling, though no one knew how that was possible, since it wasn't even raining outside.

"This is what I pictured hell to look like," Noah grumbled.

"What's the in-flight movie?" Lindsay asked.

"There is no in-flight movie," Chris said, shaking his finger at her.

"What?" she asked, very startled. "But there's always an in-flight movie!"

Chris shook his head. "Not in economy. This'll be for those who don't win first place throughout the show."

"Well then," Ezekiel exclaimed, "I'm never gonna be here, so let's moo'v on, yo! I'm gonna be busting throo' this contest like a boss!"

As he scribbled down in his notepad, several of the contestants frowned at him. Gwen was the only one to say something. "Okay, I am so not trying to be rude," she said, looking at Ezekiel, "but you do know that you were voted off first last time you were on this show?"

"I knoo' that, yo," he said, grinning. "But I've bin studying all kinds of stuff, like hoo' teenagers interact and stuff, and I've bin studying your mad slang-"

"No one cares," Heather snapped, looking away in disgust.

"But I wanted to say that-"

"She's right," Chris chimed in, "no one cares, Ezekiel."

The prairie boy looked downcast again, but Izzy pat his back. "Don't let him get to you," she said, "he's just trying to hog the limelight, since the show just started."

"Oh, I see, eh."

"But you shouldn't try to hog it yourself," Izzy said. "The trick is to keep a low profile."

"Like you would know about that," Courtney commented.

Some of the others giggled, and then Ezekiel asked, "So does that mean you have to keep a low profile if you want to win, but you have to-"

"Ezekiel," Chris snapped, glaring at him now, "you need to learn to shut up!"

The prairie boy whimpered and hid behind his notepad, and then scribbled something down real quick in it. Gwen was sighing in disgust, and leaned against a wall. "Look, Chris," she said, "you have a bad habit of getting stuff that's not exactly in good condition."

"Do you kids always have to complain?"

"I'm just concerned, is all. The words 'low profile' just had me think about what your tools are sometimes like-"

She was cut off when the wall of economy class gave out behind her. She almost fell right out of the plane, if Tyler, who had been closest to her, had grabbed her flailing wrist.

"Thanks," she said, catching her breath as she heard the side of the plane hit the ground below.

"Welcome," he replied. "I think your point just came through."

"Look, lay off the Total Drama Jumbo Jet," Chris said. "We got her recently from the junkyard, and our producers spent a good amount of money fixing her up-"

"The junkyard?" Courtney exclaimed. "We're going to be flying around the world, over the oceans and mountains, in a junker?"

Most of the contestants started to protest, but Chris waved them away. "Don't worry, we'll be perfectly fine."

"But amigo," Alejandro said, "there is now a very large hole in the side of the economy class."

"The interns will fix that before we take off."

"Soon, right? You are concerned about our safety, aren't you?"

Chris looked at him for a second before he burst into wild laughter. Alejandro was quite startled by this, and looked at the others. "I think I should have thought twice before accepting the invitation to this show."

"OMG I N O," Sierra said, sounding deep. She glanced at Cody, then smiled. "Oh yes, now I'm glad I signed up again."

Lindsay looked around the awful accommodations. "I really never want to spend time back here," she complained. "My dad's jet is so much better. Beth said how wonderful it was... I miss her."

"I know how you feel," Katie said, hugging Lindsay in comfort.

Ezekiel looked around, looking impatient now. "Look, how much longer of this ugly part of the plane are we going to stay in? This is one ugly crib, yo."

"Shut up, Ezekiel," Chris said. "I just want you all to see this place, because if you think it's bad, try staying here overnight. Thinking of you trying to sleep back here might be rather amusing too."

Owen swallowed, and started to shake. "Big scary plane... lots of holes... sucked out to our death! I WANT OFF!"

He started to run for the emergency door, but Izzy grabbed his shirt. "No no no," she shouted. "Big O, you need to focus! There's a million dollars at stake!"

"There's a million ways to die up here, and steak isn't worth that," Owen hollered.

"But Owen, you deserve a chance at the money again! You lost it when you forfeited it at the end of first season!"

"I did?" he asked, then smacked his forehead. "Oh, right I did! I wanna win that back, times ten!"

"Right, we'll get that money from Duncan, even it its from his cold, dead hands!"

Duncan balked at this. "And once again, the crazy meter flies off the hook with you around, Izzy."

"Thank you! What did you do with that money anyway?"

"Spent most of it on stuff."

"My, that's descriptive," Gwen said, smirking at Duncan. "Most of it on Courtney?"

Courtney scoffed, but Duncan smirked and waved his hand. "Yeah, kind of. But I kept my promise," he added, "and spent a little on a nature preservation group."

"Really?" Gwen asked, looking very surprised. "I... didn't think you would do that."

"What now?" Courtney exclaimed. She stormed up to Duncan and said to his face, "You said you spent that on a motorbike!"

"And if you had noticed I never had a motorbike around my house, you would have known I didn't spend it on a motorbike."

"Ooo, gangster," Ezekiel commented. "That's cool, homie."

"PEOPLE," Chris Maclean shouted. "This is MY show, and people are NOT paying attention to ME! Quit talking! The next person to talk will get it good! Hear that, ZEKE!"

Ezekiel squeaked in terror, pulled his toque down over his eyes, and wrote down another note on his pad.

* * *

**(Total Drama Jumbo Jet, Cafeteria)**

"This is where we'll have our meals and gatherings," Chris said, gesturing around. "You'll have breakfast, lunch, and dinner here. Hope you all like airline food?"

Duncan groaned in disgust. "We're traveling all over the world, and we're only going to eat airline food?"

"What did I say," the host snapped, "about talking?"

There was silence, then he scoffed. "Whatever. Look around, so you all know where everything is. Sierra, don't steal anything to eBay it."

"Aw darn! How'd you know?"

"I know fans."

Sierra sulked, and then started up a chat with Harold as they looked around. DJ wandered over to the kitchen area, and said, "Yo, Chris, can I make the meals on this trip?"

"No, that's Chef's job."

The intercom for the airplane crackled and came to life, and Chef's booming voice came out. "I don't want the dang job anymore! Give it to Deej!"

Chris had been startled by Chef's voice, then scoffed. "Oh? You two got in serious trouble last season. Are you sure we can trust you?"

DJ shrunk up in his shoulders. Bridgette rubbed his back in comfort, managing to calm him down a little. The surfer girl spoke up, and said, "I think we trust DJ's cooking, thank you."

Most of the other teens agreed, knowing that he made real food. DJ's chest swelled with pride, and he grinned sheepishly. "Aw gee, thanks guys. Momma would be so happy, to hear you all trust me again!"

"What, you think because you did something bad once, we don't trust you anymore?" Gwen asked. "C'mon, we've all done bad things, Deej."

"And you're one to talk," Courtney snapped at Gwen, casting her some eye daggers. The goth girl halfheartedly returned them, and looked away. Duncan barely seemed to notice, and didn't even look when Gwen walked away; she accidentally walked into someone, knocking him over.

"Sorry," she apologized, helping Tyler up.

"No problem, I wasn't paying attention either," he said, glancing over at Lindsay, who was fawning over Alejandro. The new guy was inspecting a coffee urn, rubbing smudges off of it.

"My my, this isn't exactly first class," Alejandro said. "I assume we have instant coffee to drink?"

"Yep," Chris said joyfully.

"Dios," he cursed. "That stuff gives me a headache."

"Me too, sugar baby," Leshawna said, patting his shoulder as she headed over to Chris. She tried to ignore Harold's pained whimper, it hurt her deep down. Shoving away the pain, she walked up to the host and said, "Chris, I need to use the little girl's room. Where is it?"

"Two of them, in-between this compartment and the economy class."

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - WOOHOO! First cameo!)**

** Leshawna** - *She walks into the bathroom, which has faded graffiti and grime on the walls. She starts to unfasten her pants when she realizes something about the mirror, and quickly fastens them again.* "There's a _camera_ in the bathroom? Again? What the hell, Chris? You could have warned me that this one was a confessional."

* * *

Leshawna walked out of the bathroom, and slammed the door shut. She heads into the other one, grumbling about how disturbing this all was.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - WOOHOO! Second cameo!)**

** Leshawna** - *She grumbles and starts to unfasten her pants again. She then looks at the mirror, cries out in shock, and fastens her pants again.* "There's one in this one _too_? Chris Maclean!

* * *

Leshawna stomped out of the bathroom, growling in frustration. She walked up to Chris Maclean, grabbed his lapels, and pulled him down to her eye level. "Where is a bathroom _without_ a camera in it, you pervert?"

"Oh yeah, that," Chris said, chuckling weakly. "That's right, those two are your new confessionals, people. The ones without cameras are the two bathrooms in-between here and first class."

She shoved him away, and marched over to the bathrooms without cameras, grumbling angrily still. Ezekiel was writing down notes like crazy, and Izzy leaned over his shoulder and whispered, "Her name is spelt L-E-S-H-A-W-N-A, Zeke."

"Oh thank you, eh."

Chris cleared his throat. "Shut up, Zeke. Now it's time to go to first class, so you know what you all get when you do well and win!"

"Finally," Heather said. "Even though I'm sure it's crappy like the rest of this crappy plane."

* * *

**(Total Drama Jumbo Jet, First Class)**

"Okay, I have to admit, I was wrong," Heather said. "This is quite nice."

She looked around first class. The seats were plush, the corridor was carpeted, there was a bar loaded with soft drinks and bottled water, and the baggage compartment wasn't crap at all.

"Leg room," Cody cheered. "That's reason enough to try my best!"

"This be my type of crib, homies," Ezekiel cried out. "I'm gonna be camping here all contest, yo! Because I'm not going to lose this time!"

"Beautiful," Alejandro said, smiling as he looked around. He walked near Lindsay, and said, "These are the right accommodations for a lady."

"Aww, you're so sweet," Lindsay said, beaming at him.

Tyler watched from afar, DJ standing next to him. "Dude, this ain't right," he complained. "Lindsay was going out with me."

"Sorry dude, but that new guy is smooth," DJ said, shrugging. "Maybe you just gotta remind Lindsay of why you two went out together."

Tyler tapped his fingers together nervously. "Trouble is, we met while running behind the backs of our teams. Got us both in trouble."

"Might want to be more straight and narrow, dude."

"I'm totally straight, I like girls."

As DJ tried to explain things to his confused friend, three friends were making up for lost time. Bridgette, Leshawna, and Gwen were chatting, excited, about all the things they had done during the break between seasons, and how much they missed each other.

"I never had time to see my friends at home," Bridgette admitted. "I hated the paparazzi treatment so much, but Geoff did like it."

"I got a lot of that, but I was cool," Leshawna said. "Tyler loved it too, he was a good partner during all those shows. Shame we never hit it big."

Gwen chuckled. "I watched every show and program you two were on, always shouted out in my blog. I missed you, and you, Bridgette."

"Me too, girlfriends," Leshawna said, patting them on the back.

Harold approached, holding a plate in his hands with all kinds of chocolates on it. "Leshawna, my Chocolate Goddess! I got you a collection of lovely chocolates for you."

He was grinning as he handed her the plate, surprising the three girls. The nerd pointed out the chocolates on the top. "That one's cherry, that one's raspberry, blueberry, coconut, almond, peanut, mint, and that one is white chocolate. I made sure none of them were pineapple, since I know you're allergic, and there's nothing worse than eating something you're allergic to, am I right?"

Leshawna gaped at him, then looked at the plate of chocolates. "Um, thank you, Harold babe."

He grinned even wider. "Anything for you, Leshawna! You want anything else? This place is awesome!"

"No thanks, I'm good."

"How about something for your friends? Bridgette? Gwen? Anything?"

"I'm kind of thirsty," Bridgette admitted. "Just tell me where the drinks are, I'll get them-"

"No no, I insist," Harold exclaimed, waving his hands. "Anything for Leshawna's wonderful friends!"

He started to run off, and then was promptly tripped by Duncan. The punk burst out laughing as Harold picked himself up and grumbled, "Idiot."

"I really don't like that guy," Bridgette said, crossing her arms and glaring at Duncan, who walked away still laughing. "He can be such a jerk."

"Oh, he's not so bad deep down," Gwen said. "You just got to know him."

"I've known enough of him," the surfer girl said, shaking her head. "I'm so tired of him always being mean to everyone, for a cheap laugh on his part."

As the three friends continued to chat, Sierra was chatting with Heather. "You ever seen such plush accommodations?"

"Yeah, back home," Heather said. "My dad's rich, but I think a stalker fan like you would know that."

"I do know that, yep," Sierra said, "and I found out your mother married him, and they seemed quite happy whenever you were out of the house. Was that because the last party you held cost over seven hundred thousand-"

Sierra got a smack in the middle of the face from Heather, who walked off in a huff. The uber-fan rubbed her sore nose, and muttered, "Gee, when I talked to Geoff, he used to brag about his parties."

Courtney was inspecting the first class area thoroughly, believing full-heartedly that she would spend most of her time there. Her curiosity was peaked when she came across the door that led further up into the plane. She looked in, and was awed by what she saw.

"Wow," she said, looking around, her wonder causing her to narrate what she saw. "A gold-plated jacuzzi... a log-burning stove... is that an antique desk?"

She spun around, and laughed. "Wow. Is this part of first class?"

"No," Chris said, "these would be my accommodations."

"Yours?"

"Yep! And you piddling contestants aren't allowed in here, ever. Now out! Out!"

He rudely shoved Courtney back into first class, and slammed the door. She was stunned for a second, then turned around and kicked the door. "The budget for the show bought you a gold-plated jacuzzi," she hollered, "but you couldn't get a plane that has sturdy walls? Jerk!"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - No gold-plated toilet seat here.)**

** Courtney** - "The show hasn't even started yet, and already Chris' ego is insufferable."

**Bridgette** - *swigging from a water bottle* "Geoff, I miss you, but after seeing the plane, I think you should be glad you're not here!"

**Noah** - "There should be an airline slogan for this plane. Maybe... Come Fly With Us, Come Die With Us."

**Owen** - *wailing* "We're all gonna die up here, aren't we? Where are the barf bags, I need some real bad now!"

**Sierra** - "Woot! I'm loving this all already! I'm so pumped, I could squeal!" *She pumps her fists in the air, and a coaster from the first class bar slips out from her top. Looking around, she stuffs it back into her top, chuckling nervously.* "Well, Chris never said anything about Craig's List."

**Ezekiel** - *quickly writing down notes on his pad* "Okay, I think I have a lot of this doo'n, but I need to make sure a'boot the rules of the game. That's how the gangsters roll, yo!" *He chuckles, then looks in the mirror and bites his bottom lip.* "Aw dang... it does sound a little phony, doesn't it?"

**Harold** - "I will win Leshawna's affections again! I will do my best to show that I love her more than any other boy can!"

* * *

**(Total Drama Jumbo Jet, Drop of Shame)**

Chris was standing in front of a wide-open door. Wooden stands were on the opposite side of the room, and a podium near the far wall. Obviously this would be where the elimination ceremony would be.

"This is where the elimination ceremonies are going to be," Chris Maclean announced to all the contestants. "Each ceremony, the losing team will be receiving a bag of peanuts, except for one."

"I got a peanut allergy, yo," Ezekiel called out.

"Shut up, Zeke. Now, if you don't receive a bag of peanuts, you must exit via the Drop of Shame. Five thousand feet of terrible failure, and I'll love hearing you scream in anguish. You all will vote for who you want to go by stamping a passport of your least favorite teammate."

"What if there's a tie, homie?"

"Shut up, Zeke."

"What if there's a tie, Chris?" Leshawna repeated the question.

Chris rolled his eyes. "If there is, there will be a quick challenge for those with the most votes. Winner stays, loser jumps."

"Doo'nt we get parachutes or something?" Ezekiel asked.

Chris ignored him. "You all will do the votes inside either of the two confessionals on our plane. Don't worry, these will be in complete secrecy."

"What happens," Ezekiel asked, as he wrote down more notes, "if the two teams tie, homie?"

"That won't happen, Zeke. Now. Shut. U-"

"Wait, is this drop safety-tested?" the prairie boy asked, looking at the open door worriedly. "I mean, I knoo' reality TV shoo's have to have safety regulations, and this doesn't look safe."

"WANNA FIND OUT?"

Chris grabbed Ezekiel by his jacket, rough enough to cause him to drop his notepad and pencil. He hurled the prairie boy out of the door, to which Ezekiel painfully bounced off the asphalt of the runaway.

"Crank up the plane, Chef," Chris shouted up at the ceiling, "and get us out of here."

Ezekiel recovered from his fall, and watched as the plane slowly began to roll forward on the runway. "Hey," he called out, forcing out a laugh. "Okay, good one, Chris! I promise to shut up!" He ran after the plane, shouting, "Sloo' doo'n, and let my bling back on!"

"Sucks to be you, Zeke," the host hollered from the open door. "All eliminations are final!"

Duncan also leaned out the door, and cried out, "Buh-bye, Home School!"

Chris Maclean slammed the door shut, and he looked back at the contestants. "Anyone else care to ask any stupid questions?"

There was silence, until one person dared to speak up. "You know," Katie said, hands on her hips, "he was asking perfectly legitimate questions-"

"You wanna be next, Katie?"

Katie flinched, then shook her head. When the host walked away from the contestants, dusting his hands, she glared at his back. "Big fat frigging jerk."

"Wow, harsh words," DJ said.

"Well, he wasn't exactly gentle," Tyler muttered.

As the teenagers murmured among themselves, Izzy looked down at the ground, and saw Ezekiel's notebook. She picked it up, leafed through it, and sighed sadly. Glancing at the door that led to the Drop of Shame, she muttered, "That was totally whack, yo."

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Yo, so totally whack, homie.)**

** Izzy** - *waving the notepad at the camera* "What's up with that? Is Chris so egotistical that he won't even tolerate a little interruption? This is a reality show, that's what your editors are for! You're lucky I don't use my new katana blade skills on you that I got from my movie making days! This is... this is..."

*She flips through the notepad to find an insult.* "Totally not the bomb! Ooo, that's good."

**Tyler** - *sarcastic and bitter* "Well, this is a fun contest so far. My girlfriend doesn't remember me, Chris is more arrogant than ever, and we haven't even started yet! I wish I was with Leshawna again, competing on nicer shows than this!"

**Gwen** - "Flying on a plane with a man who cares more about his screen time than the very walls that hold the plane together. Has he forgotten he's on the plane? Or does he have a golden parachute?"

**Alejandro** - "Heh. Rule number one, let the big bad host have his screen time, it would seem. I must remember that."

* * *

Time past by, and the plane was up in the air. The contestants all sat in the cafeteria of the café, all pondering what the future held. There was barely any talking, most had been rather put off by Chris' aggressive upheaval of Ezekiel. Izzy was flipping through the notepad, reading everything he had written down, and was looking more serious by the minute, very uncharacteristic for her.

DJ seemed most distraught, however. He kept glancing out the window, and sighing heavily. "Seems every minute, I can feel us getting further and further away from home. And further away from Momma!"

Katie pat his shoulder. "I know how you feel. Getting further from Sadie, an entire ocean separating us!"

The two exchanged a tender hug. DJ smiled faintly at her before looking out the window again. "I hope Momma's okay at home. Jamaica's cold this time of the year."

"Wait, Jamaica?" Duncan asked. "What are you talking about, dude?"

"Momma went back home to Jamaica. That's where I'll be going once the contest is over."

"Seriously?" Bridgette asked, looking at her friend. "You're leaving Canada? But... this means we won't see you again."

"More than likely," DJ said, shrugging his large shoulders. "Sorry guys, but this may be the last time I see you all."

This startled Bridgette, Katie, Gwen, and Tyler the most, though most everyone was surprised to hear this. DJ's closest friends were quick to crowd around him and ask him all kinds of questions, while Sierra was trying to Twitter this to everyone on her cell phone.

"Darn, no signal over the...," she started to say, then was puzzled. "Wait, which ocean are we over?"

"Does it matter?" Heather asked.

"If we're over the Pacific Ocean, Hawaii might help us. Or Japan. How long have we been flying?"

Cody checked his watch, which was accurate with time zones. "Oh, I'd say about six hours, not counting the change in time zones. Most of us are gonna be hit by some killer jet lag; it's far worse to go west to east, which is the direction we're heading, so we're over the Atlantic."

Sierra squealed in joy, and hugged Cody, squeezing him hard enough to make him squeak. "Isn't he the smartest thing? Beauty and brains!"

Gwen chuckled as she watched this. "Seems like you got a fan, Cody."

"I'd like it more if she wasn't squeezing the life out of me."

Duncan snickered. "You have a life?"

Cody (and Sierra) were about to reply to this when a musical chime suddenly rang, startling everyone. The lights went out, and while Owen royally freaked, a spotlight shone from the ceiling of the plane on the door to the first class. Chris Maclean was standing there in the doorway, dressed in a fancy suit and holding a cane that looked like it would come from a musical number.

"Is everyone ready to sing?" Chris said, moon walking into the room. "Because, as I might have mentioned on the bus ride to the airport, this season is going to be a musical!"

Lindsay and Courtney cheered and clapped. Katie looked happy for the first time this trip. Harold was delighted, thinking of beat boxing and rapping. Everyone else looked confused or miffed.

"You were serious about that?" Gwen asked, aghast. "Man, I thought you were joking."

Chris grinned. "Serious as a heart attack, my friends."

"Heh heh heh," Duncan chuckled, crossing his arms and laughing. "Ha ha ha ha, yeah no."

"You gotta," the host said, smirking at the punk. "The rules are, when the sound of the musical chime goes off, you all have to break into song!"

"Ain't gonna do it."

"Sorry Duncan, but if you don't sing when you're supposed to, you're disqualified and out of the contest!"

Duncan stood up and walked over to the host. He fished in his pants pocket, and pulled out a bunch of papers folded up. "Care to review my contract?"

Chris didn't even look at the papers, though Duncan had pushed them against his chest. "I remember them perfectly," he said, grinning. "You have to do whatever rules I set."

"And did you forget the perk I got last season for winning?"

The host's smile faltered, and faded. "You wouldn't."

"Oh I would."

"Duncan," Courtney stood up and approached her boyfriend, "what is going on?"

"I won Total Drama Action, thus according to my contract, if I want to join the next season, I get to have one major say in how the season goes. After all, the audience wants their favorites."

"You can have anything you want, man," Chris said, clutching his cane. "Wanna be in first class the whole time you're here? Want to be co-host? Want to have Harold thrown out too?"

"Hey," Harold exclaimed.

"All tempting, but not good enough. I have a simple request, as my contract allows," Duncan said, then snatched Chris' cane and smashed it over his knee. "No musicals, no singing, no dancing, none of that crap!"

"That was a nice cane, dude," the host wailed. "But man, seriously?"

"Yes! Birds sing, little girls sing, Duncans do _not_ sing!"

Chris sighed, holding both pieces of his cane as Duncan handed them back. "Fine. Never mind then, people. Same kind of contest, with challenges and such. Thank Duncan for that."

"Duncan," Courtney exclaimed as Chris walked out of the room. She hammered her boyfriend's shoulder. "I _like_ singing! I like musicals!"

"Too bad, Princess, I don't. But hey, it's not gonna make a difference in the long run," Duncan said, dusting off his hands. "Oh man, I am so glad I had that ace in my sleeve, singing would have been hell."

"I like to sing too," Lindsay whined, looking downcast.

"Oh, I've heard you sing. That would be hell too."

The blond beauty let out a hurt whimper, slumping at her table and burying her face in her arms. As Alejandro made to comfort her, Harold raised an eyebrow. "Well," he said, managing a smile, "I can still beat box."

Duncan glared at him. "I'll _beat_ you if you do!"

As Courtney scolded her boyfriend, Cody frowned at him from afar. He leaned in to whisper to Sierra, "Kind of funny that just when we think Chris' ego cannot get any bigger, Duncan's gives his a big run."

Somehow the punk heard this, and turned towards Cody. "What did you say, scrawny geek?"

"Nothing," Cody replied from under his table. "Nothing!"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Distant relationship to the Confessional Can.)**

** Duncan** - *shrugging, smiling innocently* "What? Don't tell me you would have enjoyed hearing some of them sing? Besides, musicals are very, very stupid, and even worse done with people with no talent. The musicals that I had to sit through in grade school, junior high, high school, and in juvie? Awful!"

**Gwen** - *She wipes her forehead.* "Thank goodness, I don't like to sing and perform either! Duncan helped me dodged a real bullet there, I must thank him personally." *She grins, then her eyes widen in terror.* "I meant that in a totally innocent way! Honest!"

**Cody** - "Ugh, it's _so_ nice to have two bullies on the show. Now Sierra scares me a little, but hey, it's like having an attractive, stalker fangirl! That's cool, right?"

**Lindsay** - "First there's no Beth, then there's no in-flight movie, and now there's no singing! I'm having such a horrible time... I want to go home!"

**Katie** - "Nothing seems to be going right in this contest, and it hasn't even really started. This contest is so lame! But... I am an optimistic girl! I'll stay positive on this."

**DJ** - "Despite the tension and frustrations we're having, I'm determined to have a good time. This may be the last time I see my friends here, so I'm determined to hang out with them as much as I can before I return to Momma and Bunny in Jamaica!"

* * *

**(Total Drama Jumbo Jet, Cargo Hold)**

Someone was hiding in the cargo hold of the jet, shivering uncontrollably. He bit his finger, trying to control his chattering teeth.

"C-c-c-cold," Ezekiel whimpered. "S-s-s-so c-c-cold."

The cargo hold was freezing, as there was no heating for the dank compartment. Also, holes in the floor were causing the freezing air of the Atlantic Ocean to chill the cargo hold more. It was unbearably cold, and Ezekiel could almost feel his blood circulation slow down.

"C-can't stand this," he whimpered. The plane jostled slightly, and a large suitcase toppled over, almost hitting the stowaway. He flinched, and then realized the size. Unzipping it with shaking hands, the prairie crawled inside and zipped it back up. Something touched his hand, and light flooded his cramped compartment; it was a cellphone.

A picture of an attractive and warm-looking woman in her forties or early fifties was on the screen of the phone. Ezekiel looked at it for a second when he was able to look around the suitcase he was cramped in. Some nutrition bars were packed in there, and, unable to contain his now overpowering hunger, he unwrapped them and wolfed them down. He grabbed the biggest thing he could find, a thick and rubbery article of clothing, and held it close to him for some kind of snuggling warmth.

Ezekiel didn't even notice something had slipped into his jacket pocket as he struggled to get comfortable inside the suitcase. "I... hope we land soon," he said to himself. "If I have to spend moo'r time doo'n here in this freezing, dark, horrid hold... I'm going to lose my mind. That's... that's whack, yo!"

As he continued to try and warm himself, he thought about if this had really been worth it. "I wonder if anyone even misses me," he muttered. "No one woo'd miss a brother from the hood that joo'st moved in, I guess."

* * *

**(Total Drama Jumbo Jet, Cafeteria)**

"What are you reading there, chica?" Alejandro said, sitting down next to Izzy. The redhead grinned at such an attractive man sitting next to her, as the other attractive man in her life was busy burying his face in a bowl of oatmeal to distract him from overwhelming fear.

"I got me a notepad," she bragged.

Alejandro nodded, and was about to ask a question when Leshawna grabbed his arm. "Excuse me, but I have a couple sad girlfriends who want to talk to you."

"Hey," Izzy protested, "he was with me!"

"Oh sorry," Leshawna said. "Didn't see you with your boyfriend and this handsome boy too."

Izzy glanced at her boyfriend, who was burying his face in his bowl of oatmeal to distract him from the sight of the plane's windows. She also looked over at Alejandro, who was very attractive and smiling sincerely about both of them. "Yes, I can certainly see how I'm not too obvious when I've got two smoking hotties sitting next to me. Borrow him."

Leshawna took Alejandro over to her circle of friends (Gwen, Bridgette, Katie, Lindsay, an earnest Sierra, and puppy-dog head-over-heels Harold). Izzy went back to reading the notepad.

"What is that, Izzy?" Owen asked, mouth half-full of oatmeal.

"Ezekiel's notepad. He was writing down everything, so it would seem," she said, shaking her head. "He had down rules to the game, tactics, and a short review on every contestant on this show."

"Sounds like he was aiming to win."

Izzy giggled. "Aww, his opinion on me is so cute! And he seems to think highly of you too. Oh, and..."

She burst into a long fit of Izzy-giggles and snickers. Owen joined in, despite not knowing what it was he was giggling about. When they was done giggling, Izzy continued. "He also looked like he was trying to fit in. He has written down definitions of slang, what seems to be cool, and who likes who."

Noah, sitting nearby and reading something of his own, scoffed. "Trying to mark that stuff down on this show is like trying to score a three-pointer from the opposite side of the court."

"Did you just use a sports analogy, my dear bookworm?"

"Yes. Now I'm dreadfully ashamed. Do not hold it against me."

"Sure thing, former member of Team E-Scope."

"And don't hold that to me too."

Nearby, Courtney was passing by Heather, and noticed she seemed to be staring at everyone, scanning them. The CIT saw her glancing particularly at Sierra, Alejandro, Katie, and, most disturbingly to her, Duncan.

"Don't even try it," Courtney said to Heather.

Even without an explanation, the queen bee seemed to know what Courtney was talking about, and stuck her tongue at her. Courtney rolled her eyes and walked off.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Fun times, huh?)**

** Courtney** - "There was one thing I kept repeating to myself when I told myself how to win this: Do _not_ be like Heather. I will win this time, but I swear not to sink to her level. Also, I'm keeping a tight leash on Duncan, and I'll keep Gwen far away from him."

**Sierra** - "So... overwhelming!" *She squeals in joy.* "I'm so sorry, but I'm over the top excited! I gotta say though, watching Duncan and Courtney together here isn't as much fun as watching the show, especially when he's so mean. Unlike a sweet, little brunet I would love to spend more time with!"

**Alejandro** - "Already the ladies are fawning over me, even the taken ones. That one girl, Bridgette, she seems serious about her boyfriend... but I'll break her. I can tell when a girl wants something physical, and a tomboy like that wants action. This can be fun as well as profitable."

*He grins.* "Like I said before this show started, the new guy is going all the way to the top, and one by one... they will all go down."

**Heather** - "I have no intention of losing this time. My unfair elimination first season and that cheap shot at me second season, but this time, it's different, with those I can manipulate. Katie's a vapid girl without her twin, Cody's a lovesick puppy-dork, Tyler will do anything to get Lindsay back, and Harold... well there may be hope for him this time again.

"I'm going to win this time. Just you wait."

**Chris Maclean** - "Don't you just love these confessionals? They show us the corrupt souls of these greedy teenagers, and you know how dramatic this can get! We're all going to have a ton of fun, now aren't we? This will be my best season yet!"

**Chef Hatchet** - *He is dressed as a stereotypical airline pilot, but thankfully, it's a male pilot's uniform.* "Why did they make me fly this plane? Couldn't they hire a real pilot? Chris has got a gold-plated bubbling bath, and I didn't even get a raise! I hate my life."

* * *

**(Total Drama Jumbo Jet, Cockpit)**

Chris Maclean sat in the pilot seat, sulking bitterly. "No singing," he grumbled. "Thanks a lot, Duncan! I could have shown off my wonderful, musical talents!"

"Wha'choo talking about, foo'?" Chef Hatchet said, grinning at a chance to use one of his favorite quotes. "The show is about the kids, not you."

"It's my show, Chef Hatchet, not theirs. I'm the host, I'm the lead! Duncan's lucky he's so popular."

"Unlike Ezekiel?"

Chris snorted. "Who cares about him? Now, I'm just mad. I gotta hurt someone."

"That's a bad habit of yours."

The host scoffed, then looked out the windshield. He squinted as saw something up in the sky with them and the plane. "Is that a duck?"

"Sure is. Thing must be migrating or something."

"Over the ocean? Stupid bird. Let's hit it!"

"I ain't gonna hit a duck."

"Oh? Then I will!"

Chris grabbed the controls for his plane, and it tipped the plane. Several of the teenagers in the back were thrown off their feet or seat. Duncan bumped into Gwen and caught her. Noah was knocked into Heather. Lindsay was smashed between Alejandro and Cody. Izzy bumped into her hysterical boyfriend Owen, who was screaming again on how they were all going to die.

Up in the cockpit, Chef smacked Chris' hands, but he managed to accomplish his goal. The duck, which had weaved to avoid being hit by the plane, smacked into the windshield. It was sent tumbling through the air, banging against the wind, and slamming into the tail before the jet cruised by.

Spiraling south and splashing into the sea, the damaged and dinged duck was dunked. It kicked its legs frantically, and managed to surface. Gasping for breath and then gargling in pain, it winced and panted.

{Gah, that really, really stung,} it quacked. Looking up to see the jet depart, it snarled as best a duck could. {Lousy, high-flying humans, racking up your frequent flyer miles and munching on peanuts! And I could tell you did that on purpose!}

Struggling to stay afloat, it licked one of its wing tips and held it up. {That plane is heading to... Egypt, from the looks of it. Never underestimate a duck's determination, Mr. Pilot. I'm coming after you!}

* * *

...

...

...

**To Be Continued.**

...

...

...

* * *

**Contestants** - Alejandro, Bridgette, Cody, Courtney, DJ, Duncan, Ezekiel, Gwen, Harold, Heather, Izzy, Katie, Leshawna, Lindsay, Noah, Owen, Sierra, and Tyler.

**Eliminated** - Ezekiel.

...

**Next Up** - Egypt.


	2. Egypt, Part 2

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Do not try any of this at home, except for the stuff that you can do at home. Except for the things you shouldn't, but can, just don't unless it's okay, but not when it's not.

**TKN's Warning** - Some of you are probably wondering whose suitcase Ezekiel crawled in for warmth. Think: who would have all-natural granola bars, a picture of her mother on her phone, and a wetsuit?

And now for something completely different... TDWT in Egypt, with Katie!

...

...

...

* * *

**Chapter 02** - Wrapping With The Mummies

* * *

...

**(Total Drama Jumbo Jet.)**

Everyone was making small chat when the plane headed into Africa. Chris Maclean was trying to play around with the plane, but Chef Hatchet was preventing him. The plane was tilting every now and then because of the small struggles every now and then. Thus, the contestants were struggling to talk while keeping their balance.

Duncan was trying to chat up Courtney, who was ignoring him as best she could. Noah was trying to calm down Katie and Owen simultaneously, because he couldn't stand people being upset, and Izzy had disappeared when reading the notepad.

Alejandro was chatting with Bridgette and Lindsay, both of them flushed slightly at such a charming man. Tyler kept staring longingly at his former girlfriend, while Gwen sitting next to him, looking the other way, at a certain punk. Heather was watching all this, trying to keep a sly smile from forming on her face.

Cody was trying to keep up with Sierra, who was chatting a mile a minute with no letup. It startled the tech geek how much she knew about him, but when Sierra was telling him about the things she knew about Gwen, he was suddenly very keen. DJ was talking with Harold about rabbit raising, while Leshawna was making coffee for her friends.

Ezekiel shivered and huddled in the suitcase he had crammed himself into. When the plane landed each time, he had rushed to one of the small holes to soak up all the heat he could before retreating to the suitcase for some refuge.

When the plane finally landed, all of those aboard could feel the heat almost instantly; Harold was vocal about his confusion, saying that planes were very temperature controlled. Gwen pointed out that the plane was as sturdy as a playing card castle, a fact she had discovered personally earlier.

The seventeen teenagers were escorted off by Chef Hatchet about an hour later, and Chris, dressed like a pharaoh in the old days, was being carried on a royally-decorated throne. The interns looked dehydrated and in pained exhaustion, while the host gleefully fanned himself.

"Well, here we are, boys and girls, and Noah," Chris said, grinning down at them. "Welcome to Egypt! Enjoying the desert?"

Most all of the teenagers were feeling the heat. Leshawna was trying to keep her hair from puffing up, Lindsay was wiping away her running mascara, and Izzy was moping the sweat off Owen's forehead with a towel. Bridgette had removed her hoodie and tied it around her waist, but Harold approached her.

"You really should cover up, even if it's hotter that way," Harold said. "The amount of sun burn you could get from exposed skin, especially this hot and dry out, could be lethal."

"Oh yes, that's right," Bridgette said, and quickly put her hoodie back on. Several of the boys were disappointed, as her in only a blue tube top had been a nice sight. Harold had been one of those boys, but he didn't want her hurt.

Safety seemed to be everyone's concern. "Does anyone have any sunscreen?" Katie asked. "We could, like, get so seriously burned!"

"Can we get some water?" Heather exclaimed. "Dehydration is a serious case in a desert!"

"Can't you give those interns a break?" DJ asked, looking worriedly at the four interns supporting Chris. "That cannot be good for their health!"

"Anyone got any more tin foil?" Harold asked as he shaped a hat out of the tin foil he had. "I'd like to add an antenna on this thing just in case."

Chris Maclean waved his hand. "Man, the desert sure brings out the whining in you kids! Well, who's ready for the first challenge of TOTAL... DRAMA... WORLD TOUR?"  
"So just like last season," Duncan grumbled, "you're going to do that every episode?"

"Yes. Yes I am."

Duncan swore while rolling his eyes, to which Chris merely chuckled. "You're just jealous because you don't have four interns carrying an air conditioned crown."

"That's a mite vain," Alejandro muttered to the others.

"You exaggerate just a mite, sugar baby," Leshawna said.

Chris Maclean went back to talking. "Your first challenge is going to decide the teams for this season! It's called the Under-Over Pyramid Challenge!"

He hopped down from the throne, adjusting his pharaoh head piece. Gesturing to the large pyramid near them, he said, "This here pyramid has a passage underneath, and a wide-open entrance that leads deep into the ancient catacombs!"

"There's no way you got authority for us to go into those," Courtney exclaimed. "The pyramids are historical!"

"Well yeah, this is a really nice make-up of one, done by the courtesy of our producers' handiwork."

"You have a gold-plated jacuzzi," Leshawna said. "How much money in the budget was left for that? Is it made out of paper mache?"

"Styrofoam?" Katie teased.

"Hardened cinnamon buns?" Izzy quipped. "Those things are hard as steel when they get old!"

"I wish you'd all stop talking," Chris grumbled. "I don't need to hear your voices during my time. Now, about me. I mean, haha, the challenge!"

Chris pointed at the large entrance that was at the front of the pyramid. "That is what you're going to take if you want to go under. Now, if you want to go over, you can easily see the path of choice: climb to the top, and then down the other side."

"In this heat? That high?" Heather remarked. "Screw that."

"It'd be worth going over if to get away from your whining for five minutes," Gwen snapped.

"You know, the sun might cook your pale, ghastly body, Weird Goth Girl!"

Gwen and Heather snarled at each other, and Katie hid behind Leshawna. "Wow, it's more intense in person than it was during their blog wars."

"You should have seen the interview," Leshawna said. "My girl got in a few good punches there."

"I'll give you a couple minutes to decide which way you're going," Chris Maclean said, walking them all over to a long starting line. "When I'm ready, we'll be starting off."

"Don't you mean, when 'we're' ready?" Alejandro asked.

Chris burst into laughter as he walked away. Sierra giggled too, and nudged Alejandro. "You got a lot to learn about Chris Maclean, new guy."

"And the more I learn, the more I wish I hadn't signed up for this show. Except of course, for the very cool fellow cast mates I seem to have."

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Cool in here regardless of Egypt.)**

** Sierra** - "My mom is a major Chris Maclean fan. She thinks he is so handsome and clever and crafty. I guess it's the bad boy image he brings up, that and being incredibly rich and powerful. She has a real good analyzation of him, which should help me in the contest. That is, if I cared about winning, I just want to hang out with these really cool people!"

**Alejandro** - "I had a little chat with Sierra on the plane, and she loves to gush about the people here. But when I got some information on Chris, I knew I struck gold. He loves drama, he loves angst and trouble. So if I stir that up, I just might get a pass from him."

* * *

"I'm going over, just to get away from Heather," Gwen said to Leshawna.

"Sorry girlfriend, but I hate this weather, I'm going under."

"Anywhere you go, I go," Harold said, saluting and tilting his tin foil hat up for her. "This tin foil hat works better from the alien scans when I'm not in the open!"

"I'll go with you guys," DJ said, grinning eagerly. "Not eager to go at this alone."

"Gwidgette, come with me up the pyramid," Lindsay insisted, grabbing the surfer girl's sleeve. "I need to talk to you about something!" Tyler overheard this, and glanced at the pyramid, pumping his fists.

"I took rock climbing in my freshman year," Courtney said to Duncan, nudging him. "Trust me when I say we can rappel this together!"

"Wow, Princess, you trust me tied up with you? That sounds like some kinky fun!"

"Let's go inside the pyramid, Big-O," Izzy said, grabbing her boyfriend's arm. "We might find a mummy in there."

"Can Noah come with us? He's a nice guy!"

"Gee, thanks," Noah grumbled, "and you're just my big Chubby Buddy, Owen."

"Can I come with you guys?" Katie asked, walking over to them with her hands shyly crossed behind her back. "I could use a buddy too."

"Aw great," the bookworm grumbled, "am I going to have to comfort people this contest? I'm not the CIT here, it's someone else, remember?"

Sierra was walking towards Cody when someone clutched her shoulders from behind. "Hey you," Heather said, with all the charm she could muster, "I could really use a friend for this challenge, and you look like you could use one too, being the new girl and all!"

The fan girl was quite startled, and smiled. "Sure thing, Heather! Let's raid a pyramid together!"

Cody, watching this, shrugged and looked at Gwen. He wanted to go with her, but the sun was getting to him and he wanted in the pyramid. He cracked his knuckles and said aloud, "I'm going in alone, like Indiana Jones. Just wish I had a whip and a fedora!"

The contestants were all lined up when Chris called for the start. With an intern holding a fan behind him, the host was grinning as he held up a small gong and a hammer. "Contestants? Are you ready?"

A row of nods followed. "Really? Good! On your mark," he said as most of the contestants prepared to get running, "get set-"

"WAIT UP, YO!"

Everyone looked behind the line of contestants to see Ezekiel running towards them. He looked ragged, his hoodie tied around his waist. "You guys," he called out pitifully, "wait up!"

"Zeke-man," Izzy exclaimed cheerfully.

"How the hell?" Duncan cried out.

Ezekiel blitzed past the line of contestants, skidding to a halt in front of Chris Maclean, kicking up sand on his legs accidentally. As the host looked down at the small mess with disgust, the prairie boy panted and heaved, sweat running down his face.

"I told you I wasn't going to lose this time, eh," he gasped, hands on his knees, trying to compose himself.

"Didn't we leave you in Toronto?" Chris asked, annoyed. "How'd you get here, Zeke?"

"It's called landing gear, homies." He managed to smile in a moment of pride. "I climbed up and hid in the cargo hold, yo."

"Impressive!"

"Wasn't really fun, though... *_gasp_* ...doo'nt wanna go throo' that a'geen, eh! *_wheeze_*"

"But you're still out."

"No way! I'm in it to win it! Word!"

Ezekiel pumped his fists for emphasis, and this little movement finally set his exhaustion over the edge. He collapsed in the sand in front of the host. Izzy and Owen went to go help him, but Chris held up a hand.

"Hey! No crossing the line until I start the race," he ordered.

He waited a few seconds, and then struck the gong. Most everyone ran for the pyramid, while Izzy and Owen hurried over to help Ezekiel.

"Let's get him in the pyramid, out of the sun," Owen said.

"Can you carry him through the challenge, Big-O?" Izzy asked.

"No," Ezekiel moaned as he struggled to his feet. "Doo'nt want a hand'oot, eh."

"You just rode in the cargo hold, and are now in the middle of the desert," Katie exclaimed. "Don't be so full of pride!"

"I gotta shoo' to Chris that I deserve to be let in," Ezekiel said as Owen and Izzy helped him towards the pyramid. "He's gotta let me back in if I get throo' this alone, and jiggy with it."

"Oh let him go," Noah groaned in frustration. "If the man wishes to stumble through the pyramid in a contest he's not part of anymore, let him. Heck, he can't get cursed, he's already got more bad luck than a black cat walking under a ladder over a broken mirror."

"Poor kitty," Katie said.

Ezekiel managed to get back on his feet, and then they headed deeper into the pyramid. A few minutes in, they came across three doors.

"Aw, great," Noah bemoaned. "King Tut Maclean said there were catacombs, but I didn't think it would be this bad."

"Wonder which way all the others who went it went," Katie mused.

"I'm going to go this way," Ezekiel said, heading down the middle corridor. "Bye, Izzy, Owen! Thank you fur the help, cool beans!"

"He has got a lot to learn about slang," Izzy said with a giggle. "Well, to our certain doom!"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Certain doom? Cool beans.)**

** Owen** - "This is gonna be an awesome season! Already I have my girl, even if she is pretty wild at times, and my new little buddy! Just wish there was some way to avoid traveling by plane."

**Izzy** - *still leafing through Ezekiel's notepad* "Harold's tin foil hat is a good idea, but aliens invade everywhere and rarely during the day. Still, I was more concerned about the mummies. I wonder how you be that strong when your brains have been pulled out through your nose. Noah seemed distressed when I told him that."

**Noah** - "When I was growing up, I remember my grade school teacher gleefully teasing us about how they removed those brains through the nose. Then I had nightmares, lots and lots of nightmares, about evil mummies. Brainless mummies wanting their mutilated brains from the jar back. I would have gone over the stupid pyramid, but do I look like the kind of guy who'd climb over a frigging pyramid?"

**Katie** - "When we ventured into that pyramid, I was terrified. Noah held my hand for a while, to calm me down. It was really sweet of him, but then I felt him really squeezing my hand. I think he was more scared than I was!" *She burst into a fit of giggles.*

**Izzy** - *She reads more of the notepad, and taps at a sentence inside.* "Ezekiel here has a lot of praise for the girls that I think is genuine. But I think he's too shy to approach us. So it's up to a 'crazy but alluring redhead' to help him out." *She grins as she Izzy-giggles.*

* * *

**(Outside On The Pyramid)**

Gwen struggled hard to climb the pyramid. She ground her teeth as the rough stone seemed to scrape away her palms. "Damn," she cursed. She lost her grip and fell on her butt, crying out in pain. "Double damn!"

Just then, Courtney pulled her up next to Gwen. "Hey, how'd you get so high up already?"

"Guess it was just a surge of adrenaline," the goth girl strained to say. She tried to pull herself out another stone, and felt her stamina slipping with the effort.

"Purple looks good on you, Pasty," Duncan said from beneath her. Gwen blushed bright red on her pasty face and tried to lower her skirt with one hand. As she lost her grip and fell on her back ("Aw, triple damn!"), Courtney considered stomping on her boyfriend's face as he pulled himself up. She was so pent up in fury, but it diminished when she heard Gwen moan in pain.

"I should have gone through the pyramid with Leshawna."

Courtney headed over and helped Gwen up. "Look, maybe you could rappel with us, we have enough ropes."

"You sure about that?" she replied, struggling to her feet as she frowned at Courtney with suspicion. "Me with my goth girl hooks?"

"Just think of it as my way of making sure he doesn't look up your goth girl skirt again."

Courtney and Gwen gave each other suspicious glares, Duncan grinned and wiggled his unibrow. "Am I going to be lucky enough to see a cat fight?"

As Gwen had to hold Courtney back from throttling Duncan, Tyler was struggling desperately to not look like he was desperately struggling. He lost his grip for the second time, and came crashing down, sand billowing around him.

Lindsay winced while Bridgette came rushing over. "Any shooting pains this time?" she asked. He shook his head and she helped him up. "Maybe you should go under the pyramid?"

"No, I don't want to look like a wimp in front of Lindsay," he grunted, dusting himself off. "Especially since-"

"Look at Alejandro," Lindsay exclaimed, pointing up the pyramid. The Latino teenager was gracefully leaping up stone step after stone step. It looked so effortless when he did it.

"Wow," Bridgette admired, stroking her collarbone as she watched. "He's very athletic!"

"Like a mountain goat!"

Tyler approached, looking very let down. He rushed over to Lindsay's side and exclaimed, "Lindsay, I can be a goat! Watch!"

He leapt up the first stone, or at least meant to. There was a painful smacking against the side of the stone, a scrapping slide down, and then an agonized fall back in the sand. "Damn it," Tyler whimpered.

Alejandro stopped hopping up the pyramid, and looked down to see Lindsay looking up admiring him, and Bridgette tending the pained Tyler. He hopped back down and smiled at the two blond ladies. "Hey come on ladies, we don't want you to fall behind, now do we?"

He smiled and extended his hands. "I have a couple shoulders that could be used to carry such lovely passengers."

Lindsay burst into a fit of giggles and accepted his hand. Bridgette was blushing a little, but hesitated to look at Tyler again. The sporto waved her on, and muttered, "Just make sure he doesn't do anything smarmy to Lindsay."

"Aw, I wouldn't worry about that," Bridgette assured Tyler as she accepted Alejandro's hand. "He seems like a very nice guy!"

Tyler looked up and watched Alejandro gracefully carry the girl of his desires and Bridgette up the pyramid. He punched the stone in frustration, then cried out in pain. Tears came to his eyes, but they weren't in pain.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - A rocky start. *rim shot*)**

** Tyler** - "I tried to contact Lindsay after Total Drama Action when we all parted ways. She lost her cell phone in France when she was there, so I tried the most old-fashioned way to contact someone: I wrote her."

*He sadly looks at his fingers.* "I was never really good at words, but I wrote as best I could. How could she forget me so quickly? Did she not read them? Did she not want to?"

**Bridgette** - "Hey, Geoff, if you're watching, just to let you know, I'm not falling for Alejandro. He's just a nice guy who's lending a helping hand. You're the most handsome man in my life. We're just friends, or at least, I really hope we'll be." *She chuckles, then her eyes widen when she realizes how that could sound.*

**Courtney** - "Duncan is getting too close to Gwen, and it's really starting to irk me. Look, I believe boys and girls can be just friends, but there is way too much going on between them. And see the way she looks at him. He's _my_ boyfriend!

*Her determination dissolves, and she looks uncertainly to the side.* "Or at least... well, he still is, right? We made up on the bus, didn't we?"

**Gwen** - "Look, I'm not falling for Duncan. I like him, yes, and so what if I'm a little... interested? It's over between him and Courtney, because she never acknowledges they are together. Hell, did she ever recognize it beforehand? Therefore, I'm allowed to look, because I haven't touched yet."

* * *

**(Inside the Pyramid)**

Sierra and Heather were walking down the corridor, making idle chitchat. Actually, Sierra was talking nonstop, but we were trying to be nice to her.

"So how does it feel being labeled as the villainess of Total Drama?" she asked. "Most people call you the Queen Bee, or the Villainess!"

"I don't care what other people think, darn it," Heather shouted, very annoyed by all the questions Sierra asked. "Now please, Sierra, can't we talk about something besides talk about the show?"

"Well, I wanted to ask you about yourself, at least," Sierra asked. "I mean, you want an ally in this contest, right?"

"And you... trust me?"

"Your hesitation to believe that wounds me, but I will manage to recover," Sierra said, trying to sound overly intelligent (and thus British). "I think you and I will do very well together. I have the dirt on everyone, and you know how to spread it."

"And then, we can rule the world, right?"

"That's too big for me. We've already traveled over the ocean to another continent, and it seems too-"

"I was joking!"

Sierra giggled. "Aww, you're no fun. Now, let's kick some bums!"

She ran forward, shouting a rather ridiculous battle cry ("For Cody's deodorant!") as she rushed deeper into the pyramid. Heather shouted, "Wait, you stalker-crazy ninny girl! I don't run properly in heels! Slow down! HEELS, DAMN IT, HEELS!"

Heather's screeching cries out to her partner reverberated around the halls of the pyramid, greatly startling everyone in there. Cody heard it, and muttered to himself, "Did someone lose a dog? I thought Egyptians worshipped cats?"

As he walked through the corridors, something tall and fast and purple ran into him. Knocking them both to the ground, Cody rubbed his sore head. "Anyone get a license number of the purple car that just hit me?"

"Hi, Cody," Sierra said cheerfully. "Wow, how'd you get ahead of us?"

"Beats me, this place is a labyrinth. For all we know, we could be in last place."

Sierra pursed her lips. "That does not bode well. We shall charge forth! Tallyho!"

"Why are you British all of a sudden?"

"Come, my tech geek joy! Oh we have to wait for Heather!"

"Oh no, I cannot be seen with Gwen's worst rival! Can't we ditch her?"

Sierra hummed in thought. "Take a suggestion from Cody, or let the meanest girl on the show catch up as a potential ally? Hmmm."

Heather caught up before she could make a decision, and Cody exhaled. "Sierra, maybe if we run really fast? She's got heels on."

"No no, it's time for me to be a little like you, Sierra," Heather said, and grabbed Sierra's arm. "I'll be clinging to you like you cling to Cody."

"This'll be one strange conga-line," Cody grumbled.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - You said it, tech geek joy!)**

** Cody** - "Sierra's not so bad, but she does seem to be more intelligent than she lets on to be. Still, I could do without her clinging to my arm. Or sniffing my shoes. Or trying to find out where I'm ticklish."

**Heather** - "As much as I hate to admit it, I really have to get Sierra on my side, as she knows so much about the others. Once that is done, I'll get that Alejandro guy to help me out too, I'm sure he'll want an ally. And Cody too! That guy will do anything a hot girl asks him to, and he's so easy to read; what could possibly be a mystery about that horn dog?"

**Sierra** - *giggling* "Cody's most ticklish right under his ribs, right in-between his sides and tummy."

* * *

**(Still Inside the Pyramid)**

Harold licked his finger and made an 'E' in the dust on the wall. "There, marked our place. We won't get lost."

"That's a little gross," DJ remarked.

"No place to carve a mark, no chalk, no handy Lightsaber to slice an X where I need it," the nerd pointed out. "I'm just trying to keep us in track."

"Why an 'E,' hon?" Leshawna asked.

"I'm doing my marks in alphabetical order, so we know where we started. Also, seems unfair for the rest of the letters that X always gets the special treatment."

"Boy, you crazy!"

Harold bowed as they walked. As they carried on, he kept trying to start up a conversation, but she seemed distracted. Harold was praying it wasn't Alejandro on her mind, and Leshawna was hoping her worry for her friends on top of the pyramid (and hunky Alejandro, poor Harold was right).

DJ was just thinking of Bunny when they passed by a display that could almost be mistaken for a gift store rack. On top of the display were several mummified animals: a dog, a badger, a platypus, and a flamingo.

"Oh wow, guys, look at these cute critters," DJ cried out, gleefully looking at them.

"I don't believe this," Harold snapped.

"I know," Leshawna agreed. "DJ man, we got a challenge to compete in, and you're staring at fake-"

"None of these animals are indigenous to Egypt," Harold said, crossing his arms in indignation. "Can't they even keep to realism in this challenge?"

DJ was too transfixed on the mummified animals to hear his upset friends. "Hey little buddy," he said, grinning at the mummy dog. "Wish I had a biscuit to give you."

"He's dead, Deej," Leshawna said. "Dead and long since decomposed. He doesn't care about food."

"Oh, you don't know dogs, Leshawna," he replied. "They always love to eat. Don't you, boy?"

He pat the mummy dog's head, and the figure collapsed in a pile of ash and disintegrating bandages. DJ let out a scream fitting for someone who had their hands chopped off (or his foot by a saw, if you find that more to you liking).

"Wow," Leshawna remarked as DJ bawled and Harold cringed. "Puppy dust."

Then the ground, walls, and ceiling shook. The three froze up, and then Harold shouted out words he always wanted to shout.

"IT'S A TRAP! RUN!"

The three sprinted forward, DJ blubbering apologies to all kinds of deities and gods and some other sources (he might have been losing it when he called out to Tassadar and the Overmind, whoever they were).

Elsewhere in the pyramid, the quartet of unusual friends were traversing through the higher corridors. Izzy was still reading Ezekiel's notepad, to which Noah was finally losing his patience over.

"You've gone over that so many times, you cannot possibly still be reading it," he commented.

"I know, I'm rereading it."

Noah rolled his eyes, to which he noticed a large amount of bandages hidden behind a pillar in the corridor. "Oh look, mummy tracks," he commented, inching away from it.

Izzy quickly stashed the notepad in the cleavage of her top, and rushed over to the bandages. "Oh yay! Let's play dress-up! I love cosplay."

"Izzy, really not necessary," Noah said, inching behind Katie and Owen. "Please, step away from the bandages."

"Look at who I am now," the redhead said, wrapping bandages around her eyes. She pointed at the others, and shouted, "YOU ARE NOT PREPARED!"

Then the pyramid started to shake, and the four all wobbled on their feet. Izzy cackled, and shouted her line again. Dust filled the corridors, and the four coughed. Noah could hear some trap doors swinging open and some kind of machinery working in the distance.

When the dust cleared, Noah looked around and saw that he was alone with Owen. He called out to Katie and Izzy, but neither replied. "Oh great."

"No Izzy, scary pyramid, mummies all over," Owen whimpered. "This is as bad as the plane!"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Can mummies rap?)**

** DJ** - *He is wiping his eyes from tears.* "I'm so sorry, spirit of little mummified puppy dog! Even if Harold insists you were fake, I still feel guilty!"

**Leshawna** - "I really wonder how they rigged up the whole pyramid to shake like that. This is the desert, not a theme park!"

...

**Noah** - *chanting to himself while frowning* "Mummies aren't real, mummies aren't real, mummies aren't real..."

**Owen** - "This is like being on one of those scary, horror reality shows! I get gassy when I'm scared..."

**Noah** - *wearing a face mask now* "Mummies aren't real, mummies aren't real..."

*He looks over at the camera and stops chanting.* "Thank God there are two confessionals now. Darn it, Owen!"

* * *

**(Yep, We're Still In The Pyramid)**

Ezekiel had been wandering the corridor, still exhausted from his ordeal outside. He looked around, fascinated by the hieroglyphics even though he knew they were fake.

"Whoever worked on these did a nice job, eh," he said to himself. "Those peeps have some mad skills, dog!"

He looked around, and face-palmed. "Dang yo, who am I talking to?"

When the pyramid shook, he pressed up against the wall and waited for it to pass over. When it did, he saw something on the wall that looked rather unusual: an intercom speaker.

"Ooo, this looks dope, yo," he exclaimed into it. "Yo, players! Woohoo!"

Ezekiel had mistaken the speaker for a microphone, he hadn't had enough experience with these things. When he heard no voice amplification, he asked the device, "Are you on? Is this thing on?"

He poked it, and thanks to the world of unearthly coincidences (a world you all know exists, and _cannot_ deny), a trapdoor opened above him. As he looked up, a ton of bandages, Egyptian-styled trinkets, and a redheaded mummy all came tumbling down on them. Ezekiel was weighed down by the bandages, and limped off, not seeing the mummy.

"You cannot stop me," Ezekiel called out. "Chris, I knoo' your tricks, you woo'nt stop me from getting out of here."

The weight of the bandages weighed him down after several minutes of dragging himself, and he was soon breathing heavy. He gasped and slumped against the wall, muttering that he wasn't going to lose and he really wished to get untangled.

He heard voices coming towards him, one very cynical and one curious. "Look, we should just keep going forward, my Chubby Buddy."

"But we lost our girlfriends!"

"What? Katie is not my girlfriend!"

"I... meant that as in friend who is a girl. Girl friend, ehehe."

"So you and Izzy are just friends?"

"No! We are... hey!"

Owen was looking at the bunch of bandages that could be known deep down as Ezekiel. He clapped in celebration and said, "There's Izzy! Look how cute she is all wrapped up."

"Yes, cute, cute," Noah said, inching away from the wrapped-up being in front of them.

His big friend was slowly approaching Ezekiel, grinning slyly. "My, you do look fetching as a mummy."

"_Fetching?_" Ezekiel thought. "_What does a game you play with your dog have to do with hoo' I look-_"

"Gimme a kiss, you adorable mummy!"

"._... CRAP!_"

Ezekiel tried to shout out, but the bandages muffled his voice. Owen grabbed Ezekiel's shoulders and puckered up, while the prairie boy reached up with heavily bandaged arms, shoving at his shoulders.

Noah saw the slow, encumbered movement of the bandaged person, the muffled and masculine voice. His entire body froze up, and then he panicked. "That's not Izzy," he cried out, and then screamed. "_RUUUUUUUN!_"

Owen stopped puckering up and looked over at Noah. "Why?"

Noah thought hard, and then rephrased that. "It's a trap!"

"A TRAP? OH NOES ON A HEAVENS ABOVE SANDWICH! RUN AWAY!"

Owen pushed the mummy away from him, and he and Noah sprinted off, screaming in terror. Ezekiel moaned in pain and exhaustion, and then saw a redheaded mummy above him, with a cute grin on her face.

"Why hey there, toque-wearing mummy," she said, "were you scaring people?"

* * *

**(Finally Outside of the Pyramid)**

Chris Maclean (who was still dressed as a pharaoh), Chef Hatchet, and a blond intern were sitting around the finish line. The intern was fanning the host with a very large leaf, while the co-host was being left out and not happy about it. Chef Hatchet grumbled as he picked his shoes back up, and started to put them back on.

"Better be careful, Chef," the intern said. "Might want to check for scorpions."

"Ha," Chris stated. "There's no scorpions around these parts."

A very loud "OW" came from near the top of the pyramid, the sound of a sport-loving jock being stung by a scorpion, and falling back down a few steps.

Tyler struggled to pull himself back up, sucking on the wound on his hand. "Damn nonpoisonous scorpions with their painful stingers," he grumbled.

He was the last one to be coming up, as Alejandro carrying Bridgette and Lindsay up on his shoulders was next, and the trio of rappel climbers ahead of them. Gwen was the first one to the top, and saw a battered sign. It said, "YOU ARE HERE" with an X at the top of a poor drawing of a pyramid.

"Gee, thanks," she sarcastically told off the sign. Taking a deep breath, she quickly unhooked and untied herself.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Courtney asked as she pulled herself up. "You cannot untie yourself just now?"

"Why not? We're heading down!"

"You cannot untie yourself, we need to rappel down!"

Duncan groaned in frustration as he pulled himself out. "Can't you two do anything but squabble? Jeez, what a fun trip this has been!"

As Courtney and Gwen continued to argue, much to Duncan's annoyance, Alejandro stepped up to the top and placed the two ladies on their feet. "A fine workout, but I think I need a breather."

"You're a real gentleman, Alejandro," Bridgette gushed as Lindsay nodded vigorously.

The Latino teen chuckled, then looked over at the arguing Gwen and Courtney. "What's wrong with them?"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Top of the pyramid, ma!)**

** Duncan** - "Courtney and Gwen can fight like two cats. Luckily, for me, it just makes Courtney want me more, and it makes Gwen a little more feisty. Which I like." *He clicks his tongue and chuckles.* "Nice."

**Lindsay** - "Alejandro is such a nice guy. He's got such a complicated name, but I think that makes it more simple, you know?" *She laughs, then looks puzzled.* "Wait, I just confused myself."

* * *

**(Finish Line in Front of the Pyramid)**

Chris yawned as the intern refilled his lemonade. "Can't I get better service out here?" he whined. "Where's my lobster dinner?"

"We're out in the middle of the desert, pretty boy," Chef pointed out. "And it's not even close to dinner time!"

"Petty details," the host bemoaned. "I wish they'd hurry up, it's not so much of a trek. And it's boring sitting out front here."

Right after he said that (thank you, world of unearthly coincidences), three people came barreling out of the pyramid: Harold, Leshawna, and DJ. Harold tripped and fell down, destroying his tin foil hat.

As the nerd picked himself up, Chris Maclean chuckled as he stood up with his megaphone. "Attention, everyone who can hear me," he announced, "we have our first winners: Leshawna, DJ, and Harold!"

Cruel laughter came ringing up from the top of the pyramid. "Nice face plant," Duncan's holler could be heard all the way down, "nerd!"

Harold pouted, then shouted up at the pyramid. "You're just jealous I won! Why don't you come down here and say that?"

"You talking to me," Duncan started to shout as he walked to the edge of the top, but was yanked back by the rope attaching him and Courtney. Furiously untying it, he hollered down, "You really don't want me to come down there, sticks-for-body nerd!"

"I triple dog dare you!"

Those who could hear this argument were grimacing, hoping Harold wasn't going to wind up seriously hurt. Duncan stood at the edge, shaking his fist down at his rival. "You and me, Harold! When I get down there, I'm gonna-"

The stone around Duncan's feet crumbled, and he fell forward. With loud, cursing bounces down the side, people watched with winces on their faces, horror on Gwen and Courtney's.

When the punk bounced across the finish line and came to a painful halt, Harold was standing nearby him. "Okay, you're down here. Shall we settle this?"

"Gonna... kill... you...," Duncan groaned, sounding as bad as he looked. He was completely ruffled and tousled, dirty and scratched up.

Bridgette was staring down, trying to hide her dark delight of seeing Duncan get some karma. She realized the same might happen to herself and her friends if they tried to climb down, when she saw the sign.

"I know what to do," she said cheerfully. "I'm a surfer."

She yanked the sign out from the roof, and looked over at Lindsay and Alejandro. "Shall we ride down?"

Lindsay cheered and Alejandro beamed at her. The three got on, Bridgette in the middle, Lindsay in front, and Alejandro standing on the back. When the handsome Latino placed his hands on Bridgette's waist for balance, she shivered and blushed.

"Is this all right, chica?" he asked her.

She took a deep breath, trying to calm her hormones and emotions. She wanted to say yes, or no, but instead said, "Did the earth just move?"

"No, that's me trying to kick us off, Brenda," Lindsay said, pushing with her foot. Soon, she got the sign to start sliding down the side of the pyramid. The three cheered as they headed downward.

Gwen started to watch them, then was startled as she felt Courtney's arms around her waist. She looked down to see the CIT tying the rope around the waist again.

"We're rappelling down," Courtney exclaimed. "Pronto! No complaints, no arguments, just work with me, Gwen!"

As the surfing team slid across the finish line, Chris clapped. "Good work! I see Lindsay and Bridgette came in before Alejandro."

"Yes," Alejandro said, glancing at the two ladies in front of him. "So? There's only seven people here now, surely that's okay for one of the two teams."

"Who said anything about two teams? This time around on Total Drama, for the first time, we are going to have three teams!"

"Fun," Harold exclaimed.

"Interesting," Leshawna remarked.

"So?" Alejandro asked again. "Does that mean the ladies and I are starting our own team?"

"Nope," Chris said, patting Alejandro's shoulder. "Lindsay and Bridgette are joining the first team, you're starting the second one."

The Latino teen signed, and then smiled at the two ladies. "Sorry, my new friends, but it looks like I am going to have to be your opponents. Still, it was a pleasure to meet you, both of you."

He took Bridgette's hand, and kissed the top. The surfer girl gasped, blushing bright red, smiling. She stammered a thank you as she shyly stepped away. Lindsay squealed, romantically intrigued, and approached Alejandro, bouncing up and down. "Kiss my hand next! Please!"

As Alejandro granted Lindsay's request, Bridgette walked over to the first team, still blushing. "Did you see that?" she asked Leshawna and Harold. "That was the most romantic thing I've ever seen!"

"Sure hope Geoff is watching, girlfriend," Leshawna said, smirking.

"I would have done something like that," Harold said, looking glum, "but now that he's done it, it's not romantic anymore."

"Well, you can always try something with Leshawna later, something different," Bridgette suggested, joyfully bouncing on the heels of her feet. "I still think that first you two shared was one of the most romantic ever."

Duncan snickered, earning glares from the three. The punk shrugged and said, "What? Compared to Alejandro, Harold is as romantic as a date at a waste treatment plant."

"Knock it off, Duncan," Bridgette grumbled.

"Why? It's hilarious, the differences! Alejandro has Bridgette almost wanting to have his children, and Harold's first impression was to call Leshawna a loud fatso."

As Leshawna gripped Duncan's ear and demanded he take that back, Harold walked as far away from Duncan inside of his team as he could. Bridgette followed Harold, and pat his back. "Don't let him get to you, Harold," she said. "He just likes to see your reactions to this."

"Just once, I wish I wasn't on his team. And I don't know which is worse," Harold said as he tucked his hands in his pockets and sighed. "The parts where he's being rude, or the parts where he's right."

"I hope you don't mean you think I really do want to have Alejandro's babies?"

He looked to see her playfully smirking at him, and he managed to chuckle. "I just wish I could be more romantic. Leshawna's losing interest in me for Alejandro."

"Just rely on your own charm and skill, Harold. With your haikus, you won her over once."

"How good could they be, though?"

"Gwen and I argued at one point because we wanted them to be for us."

Harold perked up a little at this. "Now there's incentive!"

Alejandro was done kissing Lindsay's hand; the blonde had been excited and giggling nonstop because he was playfully kissing each digit of her dainty hand. The Latino looked over at the pyramid, and quirked an eyebrow. "So how much longer do I have to wait for my teammates?"

"YAAAH-*_bonk_*-WAAH-*_bonk_*-AAAUGH-*_bonk_*-ARRGH!-*_poomf_*"

Tyler came crashing down the pyramid, into the sand. He was buried up to his waist, upside-down, at the end of his painful fall.

"Oh," Alejandro said, unamused. "Tyler's his name, right?"

"Yep," Chris said cheerfully as Bridgette and DJ hurried to pull Tyler out of the sand.

Right when they succeeded in unearthing (unsanding, maybe?) Tyler, Noah and Owen came sprinting out of the pyramid, screaming in terror and pale. Both were desperately trying to catch their breath.

"Mummies," Owen whimpered as he placed his hands on his knees for balance. "Why do they have to keep returning and cursing?"

Noah collapsed in the sand, staring up at the sky. "Never thought I'd be so glad to be outdoors."

"You two thought you were being chased by a mummy?" Duncan asked, laughing.

Alejandro pursed his lips, then forced a smile as he approached Noah and Owen. "Amigos! Glad to have you on the team!"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Mummies aren't dummies.)**

** Alejandro** - "Es ese ***censored*** Chris _tratando_ de hacerme perder? Estos ***censored*** son estúpidos como el infierno !" **[1]**

**Harold** - "_Baka_ Duncan, making me look bad in front of Leshawna! She's so _kawaii_ when she's yanking his ear and making him apologize. Luckily, Bridgette-_kun_ has me in high spirits again. I usually use a little Japanese when I'm in deep thought... time to start romancing Leshawna again!"

**Lindsay** - *looking at her fingers where Alejandro kissed them* "Mmm... maybe this trip won't be so bad!"

**Duncan** - "That dork Harold has no chance at wooing a woman like Leshawna, or any chick for that matter. Girls don't go for the sappy nerds, especially ones who like to vote off girlfriends to get revenge over a few pranks! Trust me, Bridgette wouldn't be so nice to him if Harold had wanted revenge on Geoff too."

* * *

**(Outside The Pyramid Still)**

Something rather startling came running out of the pyramid next. It was a mummy with curly red hair, bright green eyes, and an impish smile; she was carrying another mummy with a blue toque poking out the top.

"Izzy, no!" Owen screamed, eyes widening in terror. Noah gasped and hid behind Owen's large girth, even Alejandro looked quite alarmed by this.

Noah's voice slightly cracked in fear as he pointed from behind his big friend. "You're carrying the undead!"

"Naw, he's not dead or worse," Izzy said cheerfully. "He's just a little sacked out. Aren't you, my little Frankenstein's monster?"

The mummy struggled out of Izzy's arms, who gasped in surprise as she didn't expect her friend to have this much energy. Her friend managed to raise one of his arms and ripped the bandages from his face.

Ezekiel gasped, breathing fresh air. He managed a glare at Noah and Owen, and muttered, "Thanks for all the help, you knobs!"

"Aw, c'mon," Chris Maclean moaned. "Am I ever going to rid of you, Zeke?"

Izzy started to talk over to Team 2, where the host was pointing. Noah felt his phobia acting up upon seeing the heavily bandaged Izzy walking towards him. "Izzy, remove that stuff."  
"Huh?"

"Take that stuff off! Take it off!"

A sensual grin spread across Izzy's face. "I always knew you were straight."

"You know what I meant, damn it!"

Ezekiel was busy tearing the rest of his bandages off, and hurried over to Chris. "C'mon, guy," he pleaded. "After all this, ya gotta let me back in the game!"

The host responded by smacking Ezekiel in the face with a harsh push. "Shove off, ya country hick. I'm not letting you back on the show."

"Aw, please," Ezekiel pleaded.

"No! Why should I? You're not popular, you're annoying, and I don't want you on the show!"

Izzy was snarling behind Chris' back, tearing off her bandages with almost feral ferocity. Before she could attack, a horrified scream startled all of them.

Katie ran out of the pyramid, shrieking in terror. "Oh God, it was, like, so awful," she wailed. "There was, like, screams echoing all over the whole pyramid! It sounded like people were being murdered! I thought the dead were coming back in one of those bad horror movies!

"I can barely breathe." Katie was wheezing in fear, with several hands on her shoulders and back to try and calm her down. She managed to mutter, "I could really use a hug right now."

She looked around, and saw Noah. Immediately latching onto him, she squeezed with enough force out a strained grunt from him, but he managed to hug her back.

"There there, I was scared to death too," he whispered. "Just please don't squeeze me like if I was your BFFF!"

"Sorry!"

She loosened her grip, but continued to hug him. When her breathing slowed down and she found it rather comfy in Noah's arms, a small smile crept across her pink lips.

Then she was ripped from his comforting hug by the man of discomfort himself. "Katie," Chris said, "go stand over there. You're starting Team 3."

" 'Team 3'?" she repeated, confused. "But aren't I with them? Team 2, with Noah and Owen and Izzy?"

"No, we have three teams, yadda yadda," Chris said.

"But Señor Chris," Alejandro spoke up, "that would mean Team 1 has six members, and our team only has five."

"Yeah, sorry about that, buddy."

Ezekiel stood up and approached the host. "Chris, there are eighteen purps trying to win it, and if there are three teams, then you should have six people-"

"Shut up, Zeke."

"But Chris, if you joo'st let me on Team 2, it woo'd balance 'oot the teams-"

He was rewarded for the efforts by another smacking push to the face by the host. "How many times do I have to tell you no? So get your ugly face out of my handsome face!"

Ezekiel sat up, and tried hard to hold in his emotions, but tears were starting to leak from his eyes, tears of frustration and sorrow. Izzy bit her bottom lip, but then she was cut off when more people ran out of the pyramid.

Sierra, Heather, and Cody all looked seriously pale and exhausted when they ran out. Heather was the first to say something. "Thank goodness we finally got out of there," she said, gasping for air. "Those echoing screams were the most horrible things I've heard."

"You know, Chubby Buddy," Noah whispered to Owen, "we're never going to live this down if they all figure out it was us."

"I won't tell if you won't, Little Buddy."

Sierra pat her chest over her heart, and then smiled. "We finally made it out! My first challenge completed! Group hug!"

She grabbed Cody and pulled him in for a hug. Because of the difference of height, Cody found himself wedged in-between her breasts. Some of the others noticed this, and Bridgette nearby couldn't help but grin. "Aw, aren't you two getting along," she cooed.

"Oh yeah," Cody said, muffled and sounding a bit goofy.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - A pyramid scheme?)**

** Cody** - *There's a dreamy smile on his face, but he shakes it off.* "Okay, I still am thinking about Sierra, if I want her around, but I'm not about to complain about that kind of treatment! Still... wish I could have Gwen that happy with me."

**Izzy** - *She has a bandage in her hands, wrapping it around as if she's preparing a garrote.* "Oh, that Chris Maclean will pay for treating my new friend like that!"

**Heather** - "I wish there was a way to emotionally blackmail one of those two screamers in the pyramid, but I have learned all too well that Owen has _no_ shame, and thus would not be threatened if I told people how much he called out for mommy. I wonder who the other person was..."

* * *

Chris Maclean held up his megaphone. "Okay, you two slowpokes," he called up to the last two contestants, "we're waiting for you!"

"Last place?" Courtney exclaimed. "That is inexcusable!"

"Well, what can you do?" Gwen grumbled.

"Don't sass me, Gwen, I'm... whoa!"

Courtney lost her grip as she tried to lower herself down a step, and fell down. She started bouncing down the steps, and the rope attaching her to Gwen dragged her down too. The goth girl went down flailing and yelping with every bounce.

When they finally got to the bottom, Gwen crash-landed on her back, and Courtney landed right on her. Both moaned, and then heard something they really didn't want to hear.

"Woohoo, look at that," Duncan cheered. "It's like a fantasy of mine come true."

"Duncan," Courtney growled as she stood up, "if I haven't broken anything, I'm gonna kill you."

"Except if I kill first if you didn't break any of my bones," Gwen moaned, unable to stand up on her own. When she looked up, a hand was reaching down to offer her assistance.

"Hi," Cody said cheerfully, "looks like we're going to be teammates again!"

Gwen sighed, but accepted the lift up. She sulked over to Team 3, glancing at her new teammates.

"_The person I hate most_," she thought bitterly, "_the boy with the hopeless crush on me, the gal who's been after my head since TDA, the panicky girl without her twin, and the crazy stalker. It's official, God hates me._"

Leshawna noticed how miserable Gwen looked, and rubbed her hands together. DJ noticed this, and whispered, "You worried about Gwen?"

"More than you can imagine. We hadn't talked much during the break, and now she's stuck on a team with people she isn't going to get along with. I've always been there for her until..."

She trailed off, and before DJ could ask more, Chris called out. "Okay, people! The teams have been decided! Get used to it, because you're going to have to deal with these people for all of the following team challenges!"

"Wait, what about Ezekiel?" Sierra asked, pointing at the crestfallen prairie boy. "Which team is he on?"

"None."

"But... but... you can't do that! I have absolutely nothing on him on my blogs compared to the others, I wanna learn more about him. Please oh please oh please!"

"No, and shut up," Chris exclaimed. "It's my show, my rules, my call! I'm the host, so what Chris says, Chris gets! And where the hell is the lobster?"

"Oh great," Noah muttered to his teammates, "now he's talking in third person."

"Maybe it's the sun?" Tyler suggested. "Tempers get short in blistering heat."

"That's a generous excuse for him."

"I know, probably hit my head harder than I thought," the sporto said, smiling slightly, but it died quickly when Chris brought the attention back to him.

"Now it's time for you guys to name your teams," the host said, snapping his fingers. "I'll give you all a few minutes to think of a name for your team. Discuss among yourselves!"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Team Potty!)**

** Bridgette** - "It was a little hard to come up with a team name we all wanted. Duncan wanted something mean, Lindsay something cute, Harold something cool, DJ something sweet, and Leshawna something strong. I acted as a diplomat, and managed to get something that we could all agree on..."

**Courtney** - "Our team is full of girls, except for Cody, so a little woman's pride seemed appropriate. I know it's unfair to Cody, but he's full of a team with girls, why would he complain? Besides, the idea we had wasn't so bad..."

**Izzy** - "I was sulking over Ezekiel's terrible treatment. I don't like it when my friends are abused, and I've been vengeful ever since the movies I've made, being so aggressive all the time... well, except for _The Sound of Music_, that was fun. But still, I just saw that heartbroken look on his face, and I lost it..."

* * *

"Team 2," Izzy exclaimed, surprising her teammates, "wants to be called Team Chris Is Really Really Really UGLY!"

"What?" Alejandro gasped.

"What?" Tyler exclaimed.

"What?" Owen cried out.

"..." Noah didn't say anything with a shrug.

Chris snarled at Izzy. "You know, you could be the reason for your team's lack of a sixth person, on top of your bringing Ezekiel out of the pyramid."

"Go suck a scarab, ugly boy!" Izzy bared her teeth and snarled.

"Well, I think I'll take that name for your team, but you'll be Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot!"

"What?" Izzy balked.

"What?" Tyler groaned.

"What?" Owen replied.

"..." Noah didn't say anything with a roll of his eyes.

Alejandro winced slightly, and said, "Señor Chris, I think there was only three 'Really's in that first suggestion."

Chris waved his hand, dismissing it. "Well, whatever. We have our second team's name. Team 1?"

"We decided," Bridgette said, smiling at her teammates, "to call ourselves Team Victory."

Chris nodded. "Okay then! If you want to jinx yourselves..."

"What?" the surfer girl asked, confused.

"Everyone knows that a team named something arrogantly positive is doomed to fail."

"You're one to talk about arrogance," Izzy shouted.

Chris scowled, and heard scattered chuckles, even from Chef Hatchet and the blond intern. The host groaned, and continued. "Whatever. Team 3?"

"We are going," Courtney announced, "to call ourselves Team Amazon!"

As the host nodded his approval, there was laughter from Team Victory. Duncan was pointing at Cody, cackling. "Hope you have fun over there," he called out, "Mr. Cody the Amazon!"

Cody started to roll his eyes, but then stopped and grinned. "Oh, I know, right Duncan?" he called back with fake exasperation, "I'm forced to be stuck on a team with five attractive, intelligent women! Curse my bad luck!"

Duncan's smile dropped, looking irked at the comeback that had earned quite a few laughs. Then he grinned with bemused acceptance. "Touché, man, touché."

"And Team Zeke!"

Everyone looked around to see Ezekiel had stood back up, fists clenched in determination. He had on his Z medallion and larger toque, and his shades were covering his slightly puffy eyes. "I am not backing 'oot on this contest," he exclaimed, trying to make a hip hand signal but his hands were shaking too much. "I'm going to compete in the rest of this challenge, eh!"

"Will you give it up?" Chris said, a cross between amusement and frustration. "Just take your poser act and go home to mommy and daddy out on the farm-"

"I'm all up in this, fo' rizzle, and you cannot stop me, you big dumb honky," Ezekiel hollered. "I'm gonna win this, and then you'll have to take me back! I'm not going to be the first one off a'geen, do you hear me?"

The host was looking perturbed again, then smirked. "You know what? Go ahead. I love watching you struggle despite how I'll never let you back on."

"Just you wait," Ezekiel growled, his emotions almost overpowering, as he could feel everyone there looking at him. It was a painful, judging moment for him, but he wasn't backing down.

Izzy was stroking her collarbone as she looked at him, and remembered the notepad she had in her cleavage still. She was about ready to take it out and return it to him when Chris turned back to the official teams and called out.

"Okay people," he declared, "it's time for the next part, which will be a trek to and then across the Nile! And anyone who makes a pun about the river's name is so going to be punished big time. Trust me, I'm sick to death of those jokes."

"For once, we agree on something," Noah muttered.

"Now we have a special item for each of the contestants arriving," Chris said, "and it will benefit you on your trip to the Nile, and across it. Or maybe it'll be a real disadvantage."

He walked over to Chef Hatchet, and snapped his fingers. Chef rolled his eyes, and snapped his fingers. A few interns came out, two of them leading an old camel on a leash, and one almost being walked by a very excited goat.

"Team Amazon was in last place, so they get the camel," Chris said, as the interns led the camel over to the team mentioned.

Most everyone looked baffled by this. "How exactly is it punishment," Harold asked, "for a team to get a camel on a trek across the desert?"

Heather scoffed as she looked over the animal. "You wouldn't say that if you could smell how awful this thing smells."

The camel spit, hitting Heather right in the eye. As the queen bee screamed in disgust and wiped away the saliva, Gwen laughed. "I like her already."

"Me too," Katie said, patting the camel's neck, to which it let out an approving grunt.

Chris chuckled, then continued, "Team Me Is Really Really Really Really Really Hot..."  
"Now he's up to five Reallys," Alejandro muttered to his teammates.

"... You guys get the goat."

Team Chris stared as the goat came bounding over to them, and glomped Tyler. Actually, goats make bad glompers, and it was more of a headbutt. While the wind was knocked out of the sporto, Tyler couldn't be too mad at the creature, as it started licking his face.

"Ahaha! No, stop! Down, boy! Hahaha," Tyler wheezed and giggled, the goat continuing to happily lick his face.

"How cute, it likes him," Izzy cooed.

"I want to know exactly how this helps or hurts us," Noah remarked, still unamused. "What else are you going to give us that's completely out of the ordinary? Some barb wire? A couple can openers?"

"You wound me with your ungratefulness," Chris said. "And finally, Team Victory, you get this."

He held up a stick, and threw it at the team. Lindsay caught it, and cheered. "Yay! Guys, we got a stick!"

"Seriously?" Leshawna balked. "A stick? How's that help or hurt us?"

"Maybe we can ride the stick to the Nile," Lindsay said, waving it around. "I know we can."

Several of the contestants had to bite their lips, their fingers, their tongues, anything to stop from saying a pun that would get them slapped in the face; Izzy bit Owen's arm ("Ouch!" he cried out, more in surprise than pain, then bit himself to see if he was tasty).

As the three teams looked over their prizes and Ezekiel watched (mostly at a certain member of Team Victory), Chris chuckled. "This will be very interesting indeed," he mused, then glared at Chef Hatchet and the intern. "Now get me some damn lobster dinner, before the race starts!"

Meanwhile, a small creature had landed near the top of the pyramid, hiding behind one of the stones of the great structure. It peeked its bill and eyes around the side, and looked down at the collection of humans gathered at the finish line. {I know one of them was flying that plane that ruffled my feathers. But which one? I swear I'll get you... it was not a lot of fun flying nonstop across Africa?}

* * *

...

...

...

**To Be Continued.**

...

...

...

* * *

**[1]** - Alejandro's Spanish rant in the confessional was: "Is that ***censored*** Chris _trying_ to make me lose? These ***censored*** teammates are stupid as hell!"

...

**Team Victory** - Harold, Leshawna, DJ, Duncan, Lindsay, Bridgette. (Have a stick.)

**Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot** - Alejandro, Tyler, Owen, Noah, Izzy. (Have a very friendly goat.)

**Team Amazon** - Katie, Gwen, Courtney, Sierra, Cody, Heather. (Have a camel.)

...

**Eliminated** - Ezekiel.

...

**Next Up** - The Nile's vile crocodiles.


	3. Egypt, Part 3

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Do not try any of this at home, except for the stuff that you can do at home. Except for the things you shouldn't, but can, just don't unless it's okay, but not when it's not.

**TKN's Warning** - Spot the differences so far? Like 'em? Hate 'em? Let me know!

And now for something completely different. Duncan's on Team Victory, Katie's on Team Amazon, and there is a duck in Egypt! (You know, A Duck In Egypt would make a good name for a rock band. A very weird rock band.)

...

...

...

* * *

**Chapter 03** - Riled Nile Crocodiles

* * *

...

**(Starting Line)**

The three teams were conversing with each other, trying to decide the best course of action. With not a map, compass, or clue to where the heck in Egypt they were among them ("We are as hidden as Carmen Sandiego," Noah had commented), they all wondered how they were going to find the Nile.

Chris was no help. His only instructions were that once the race started, they were to head to the Nile with the prize they had been given. He had given no clues which way exactly, though he promised it was "right ahead," and he wasn't giving them any water or supplies. Most of the teenagers were horrified at the thought of going across the desert with no map or water.

"Sorry, campers," Chris said, "but the budget was sliced a little thin, so we couldn't afford extra supplies for you all. Oh well, them's the breaks, right?"

He said this as he sat on the air-conditioned throne, using one of the interns as a footstool, while sipping champagne, the bottle in a temperature-controlled icebox, and munched on some lobster. Everyone there wanted to smack him, even the gentle ones DJ and Bridgette, and especially the intern.

"It comes from being the most wanted host currently," Sierra was saying to her teammates, chuckling to herself. "Chris Maclean is so highly desired, the company for Total Drama, which is also the currently the biggest grossing company in reality shows, would do anything for him. Heck, they'd build a stadium for him if he wanted it for this third season."

Courtney scoffed. "How could someone be so arrogant?"

"Like you were any better last season," Heather remarked.

"What does _that_ mean?"

"You were the one with special treatment in TDA," the queen bee said, calm and cool. "You were just as bad as Chris Maclean, and don't you try to deny it."

"I sure as heck will! I didn't ask for all of those things, Chris just gave most of them to me so that you'd all get mad at me and vote me off, as revenge for my getting back on the show via my lawyers."

"Yeah, like they could, with your immunity," Heather muttered. "I'm gonna talk to the camel, she disgusts me less."

As Heather left Courtney stammering, Sierra pat the CIT's shoulder. "Don't worry, she's just trying to make you look the worst. That way, we will want to vote off you instead of her."

"She's doing a good job of it. Heck," Courtney said, kicking at the sand, "even when I looked back at that last season, I couldn't believe how temperamental I could get."

"Reality shows make everyone tenser, and not themselves. It's a proven fact from many studies that I've read a lot of, to see what I can expect when I finally get on one."

Katie bounced on the heels of her feet as she smiled at them. "I know how stressful reality TV can be. Sadie and I had our first major fight because of this show! And our second. And...," the sweet girl tapped her fingers together, nervously looking up, "... third and fourth... fifth was off the show, sixth was on the show-"

"We get the point," Courtney said, shaking her hands. "Look, Katie, you're almost as new to this game as Sierra, so I want to ask you something. Don't vote for me, and I'll help you two out as much as I can."

Katie looked concerned, glancing over at Team Chris. Noah was trying to calm down Owen, who was concerned about the trek ("What about having no map and food, or cell phones or food, or snacks and food?"). Tyler was petting the goat, and it kept nuzzling his chest with his head. Alejandro was talking to a flirty, sly Izzy.

"Do you like fluffernutter?" she asked him.

"What's that?"

"Wanna find out?"

It was the most awkward flirtation Alejandro had ever been in, and the strangest Katie had ever seen. She was so distracted, that Courtney had to poke her several times to get her attention.

"Katie? About my deal?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, sure."

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Fluffernutter? Oh nom nom nom.)**

**Katie** - "Truth be told, I don't like my team that much, even if it's got girl power. I wanted to be on Team Chris, because the people there are so much nicer. Alejandro, Izzy, Owen, and especially..."

*She blushes, grinning shyly.* "Noah. He was just so nice to me, and has been comforting me all this time. I really wanted to be with him... do you think he likes me?" *Leaning in to the camera, she smiles but then looks confused.* "Wait, why am I asking a camera?"

*Katie howls in anguish.* "I'm on a team of mostly girls, and I have no one to gal pal with! Sadie, I miss you!"

* * *

Team Victory was trying to sort things out among themselves. DJ was talking to Bridgette and Harold, discussing survival out in the desert. Duncan was making small talk with Leshawna, and Lindsay was closely inspecting the stick.

"I think it's pine," she said, squinting her baby blue eyes. She licked her lips, and said, "Or maybe palm." She waved it in the air. "Maybe it's part of a tree next to the Nile, and it'll guide us back to its owner."

Duncan couldn't stand it anymore. "For the love of crap, Lindsay," he shouted, snatching the branch away from her. "Gimme that before you break it."

"Don't treat it so harshly, it's a living thing," Lindsay exclaimed. She yanked the branch away from him. "You're too rough, Douglas!"

"My name's Duncan, blondie, not Douglas! Who'd get that wrong?"

Douglas and Lindsay started tugging at the stick, and Harold's terrified shout stopped them. "What are you two doing? Are you both idiots?"

He pulled the stick from their hands, and added, "Gosh! It's our required item for the challenge, and you two were about to break it!"

"Can't you behave for one minute?" Leshawna shouted, looking at Duncan.

"Not as long as the nerd is telling me what to do," the punk said, glaring at Harold. "Get something straight, I don't listen to you, Harold."

Harold scoffed and crossed his arms. "Just be a team player, that's all I ask. In the meantime, I'll watch over the stick."

He stood firm to Duncan's glare, but Lindsay looked close to tears. "Oh, please, Harry," she said, clutching his arms and leaning in. "Please let my carry the stick! I want to prove I'm capable!"

"What's wrong, Lindsay?" he asked, looking concerned over her concern on the stick. "No one here has anything against you."

"But I totally blew it last season! I couldn't lead my team, and then I accidentally kicked myself off. I need to prove to you all that I'm good enough to be leader this time!"

Duncan barked out a laugh. "You? Lead? You can't even remember names!"

"I can too, Lunker!"

"Not even close."

Lindsay fretted, looking at her other teammates. "Guys, please? Lequanda? Brianne? CJ?" She bit her bottom lip, facing the nerd again. "Please trust me on this!"

She grabbed his shoulders and hugged herself tight to him. "I can watch over the stick, Harold, please please please!"

Harold looked over at the others, himself feeling sorry for Lindsay but unwilling to make the call. Leshawna shrugged with a slight smile, Bridgette nodded, and DJ gave a thumbs-up. He didn't bother to look at Duncan's reply.

"Okay, Lindsay," he said, gently patting her shoulders. "You can hold the branch."

"Thank you!"

Lindsay's hug doubled into a powerful squeeze, and Harold let out a small squeak. "Please now... you're compressing your organs."

"Oh don't be silly, I'm not working for a newspaper."

Bridgette chuckled lightly, and said to Leshawna, "He's got such heart, Leshawna."

"Please," Duncan said, "he just agreed because she pressed her boobs against that scrawny chest of his."

DJ pat Duncan's shoulder. "Come on, lighten up a little, Duncan. We have a fine season going for us so far, a good team, let's just be a little nicer."

"Okay, but just for you, big guy."

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - No seriously, what's fluffernutter?)**

** Duncan** - "Yeah, I hate my team. But I don't mind DJ, it's impossible to hate that guy. Thus, so long as he's around, and maybe Leshawna just a little, I can try to pretend I'm a little nicer. I'm not going to try for Material Girl Barbie, Malibu Barbie, and the nerd."

**Leshawna** - "Lindsay's a sweet girl, don't get me wrong. I just wouldn't trust her with something like leadership. Duncan may be right when he said Harold was influenced by her... um, never mind that, but hey. We can trust her with a stick, right?"

**Lindsay** - *looking really guilty* "I know it's kind of wrong to try anything... but I know boys love it when girls hug them, and I really wanted Harold's support on this! He's a supportive guy, kind of cute too, and..."

*She bites her bottom lip, and looks to the side.* "I... have gathered that he does like boobies. And a big toosh. While I don't have one, I have the others. Please, viewers at home, mom, dad, Paula, Beth, don't judge me! I just have to prove I'm more than a pretty face! I have a mind, and I'm gonna prove it this season!"

* * *

Tyler was distracted by Lindsay hugging Harold, long enough for the goat to wander off. When it came by Owen, the big guy smiled.

"Hi there, little guy," he exclaimed, startling the poor goat. It started to scamper off, but Alejandro scooped it up in his arms.

"You have to be more soothing with animals, Owen," he said. "Just be gentle, and... hey!"

The goat had wriggled out of his arms, and bounded off. Owen looked at the goat, then at Alejandro, and asked, "Is it supposed to happen like that, Al?"

Alejandro's eye twitched. "Um, don't call me that."

"Why not, Al?"

"Just don't, man."

"Okay, Al."

As the Latino teen groaned in frustration, their goat had bounded off to Team Amazon. It padded by Sierra, who tried to pet it but it darted off. It hid behind Gwen, who had been standing alone and away from her team. She was surprised to see the creature looking up at her with doe eyes.

"Why hello there," she said as it nuzzled her leg. "My, you don't seem scared of me. Sensing that I used to care for goats at that petting zoo? You know, I didn't have that much fun, I don't like goats much after that..."

"Mm-baa," it replied, nuzzling her stomach.

"... Now that's not fair."

Gwen pat its head, and it bleated happily. Tyler walked up, looking at the scene and letting out a chuckle. "You two seem to bonding quite well-"

He was interrupted when the goat let out a very happy bleat and tackled Tyler, knocking the sporto down again. Gwen gasped, but couldn't help but giggle. "Methinks he wants to get into football, Mr. Jock."

"He can be quarterback," Tyler moaned, chuckling slightly as the goat licked his face more. "He tackles better than I do."

"Modesty? From a jock? That's rare," she said. Tyler merely chuckled, and he helped himself up, keeping the goat next to him. Gwen watched him walk back to his team, and shook her head. "Guess you could find a modest jock if you had all of Canada to search."

"Gwen?"

Cody had approached her, smiling. "We've got a camel awaiting, and I've bargained for you to get shotgun."

"On a camel?"

"The first... umm... the front seat."

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Do I have to use Wikipedia to look up fluffernutter?)**

** Tyler** - "Hey, I like to brag about my skills in sports, but I wouldn't put anyone down unless they really deserved it, you know? Sports are a team game, every kind of sport is in a way, and thus, always be kind to your teammates. Thus, I'm gonna be a good team player for all my teammates, and a good sport for my opponents!"

**Alejandro** - "This season should be a breeze for me, since I've got some real gullible teammates. Everything will be cool, so long as they don't call me... Al..." *He groans and shivers.*

**Gwen** - "I know it's wrong to say you don't like cute creatures like goats, but cleaning up after them takes away their charm. Still, hard to resist when they give you the big, doe eyes, huh? The camel has fond eyes too, and it spit in Heather's face, maybe that's a good sign of things to come. I might even gather up the courage to do something daring this time around."

* * *

Ezekiel was watching the teams as they prepared. He rocked on his feet, biting his lip, trying to figure out what he should do. Part of his mind was screaming for him to listen to reason, to pack it in and abandon this hopeless cause. The other part was encouraging him to stay with it, to stick it to Chris and continue with this challenge.

The prairie boy was fiddling with his shades, new toque, and bling necklace, reminding himself what he came on this show for, to prove that he had reformed. That felt like it was slipping away, all useless to prove to nobody anymore.

Then his eyes settled on Bridgette. He had crushed on her since the first season, and watching her during both it and the second season had only enforced it. Though he respected her boyfriend, the prairie boy wanted to be closer to her. If only just to be her friend, to let her know he wasn't all those terrible things she may think he still was.

With a deep breath of dry, desert air, he started to summon his courage. He glanced over at Izzy and Owen, who were busy with their team, and realized he had some kind of encouragement. He was starting to walk over to Team Victory when an air horn blare startled everyone.

"Okay, contestants," Chris said, walking over to the side of the starting line. "Everyone gather up behind this starting line, and get ready to charge to the Nile!"

Team Victory were gathered up behind the line first, Lindsay clutching the stick. Team Chris was next, Tyler holding the happy goat in his arms. Team Amazon was nowhere near, and desperately trying to drag the camel over.

"She won't budge," Courtney wailed.

"She's like a donkey, or something to that effect," Cody declared.

Sierra stomped her foot. "C'mon, camel! You can spit in Heather's face again, we can allow that."

It took the strength of Chef Hatchet, the interns, and all of Team Amazon to pull the camel to the other side of the starting line. There, it stood there, looking like it was content with not moving another step.

"On your marks," Chris Maclean said, holding up a starting pistol, "get set... and GO!"

He fired off a round into the air. Before anyone could seriously go like they've never go'ed before, a pained cry of "QUACK!" startled everyone. A duck fell from the sky, clutching its wing in pain.

DJ and Bridgette screamed in terror, and several of them also reacted with horror. Noah slightly balked, and asked, "What is a duck doing flying in Egypt?"  
{Oh, stink bugs, this hurts,} the duck quacked, gripping its wing. {Someone grazed my wing tips!}

"Wow, that was a good shot," Chris said as the duck hopped around in pain, quacking in agony and nursing its burnt wing tips. "Especially since I wasn't looking."

DJ ran towards the duck, but he accidentally punted it when he got close. He screamed again, and gripped his head. "I'm sorry, little ducky," he blubbered.

{Not your fault,} the duck quacked, straining through the pain. {Ducks shouldn't be on the ground, knocked around like a puck!}

Chris grumbled as he watched DJ try to chase down the duck, who hopped around, trying to diminish the pain. "Delayed by a duck of all things," the host grumbled. "I shot him, why don't we just eat him?"

"You mean make duck a la orange?" Chef Hatchet asked. "I have no orange."

"How about cherries? Or almonds?"

While Bridgette and DJ were too busy fretting over the duck, Katie was the one to overhear this. "Wait, you mean you're going to eat that poor little duck?"  
"Nom nom," Chris said, grinning sadistically. "Duck goes so well with lobster, I've heard."

The duck froze, and its little eyes widened in horrific realization. {Holy corn on the water, I'm gonna be duck soup!}

With a fearful quack, the duck sprinted off, leaving a dusty, sandy trail behind it. Everyone stared in surprise, and Gwen was the first to say something. "What is up with all the ducks being high-speed sprinters?"

Then the next person to speak out spoke out. "WAIT," Bridgette screamed, running after the duck, "wait, little ducky! You can't fly, and it's desert for miles!"

She was sprinting so fast that her team lost sight of her too, or almost if Harold hadn't charged after her. "Wait, Bridgette," he called out, waving his scrawny arms. "The average temperature of the Egypt desert near the Nile River ranges..."

His voice died with distance, and after scrawny Harold came not-so-scrawny Leshawna and DJ, scrawny-waist Duncan, and Lindsay waving a scrawny stick.

"Wait guys," she called out, "the duck can wait, we need to head to denial! If a duck managed to make it to Egypt, it can probably wind up in denial too!"

The other two teams just stared, and then Heather spoke up. "Hey, did they all leave too early?"  
"What are you talking about? I already started off the starting shot," Chris said. "You all can go now, you just don't have to do a suicide sprint across the desert like Generic Granola Girl."

Gwen wrinkled her nose in disgust. "That's rude. What did Bridgette ever do to you?"

"Nothing, and that's why she's a pain. She hasn't done anything interesting since she puked on all you now. Hopefully, if she gets lost out there, they'll vote her off."

The goth girl snarled. "Are you not even going to bother hiding your bias?"

"Nope! People prefer a more honest, blunt, and straightforward host! It worked for Simon Cowell, it'll work here!"

Gwen rolled her eyes. "You disgust me. Amazons, let's get going."

"We would, Gwen," Cody strained to say as he pulled on a leash around the camel's neck, "but our humped buddy... um, wait... no, I mean, spitting buddy... well, she won't move!"

Team Chris walked on, Tyler carrying the goat. He glanced back at the Amazons, and then carried on. The rest of the team were right beside him, with Owen exchanging words with Noah, and Alejandro dealing with an friendly Izzy (who was discussing fluffernutter in great detail now).

"Maybe the goat is motivated by fan service?" Sierra asked. "You all would be surprised what is nowadays."

"It's a girl camel," Courtney scoffed. "We can't use fan service to motivate it to move!"

Heather, on the camel's back, rolled her eyes. "Yeah, the only boy we have here is Cody, and he's about as appealing as... Cody."

Cody looked distraught, then he defiantly huffed out his chest. Then he gripped his shirt by the hem, and tugged it off. "Get a good look, camel girl!"

Sierra took one look at shirtless Cody, and let out a squeal of delight, fanning herself. "Oh wow, this is better than my biggest fantasy within a fantasy of fan fiction," she declared. Then she cast a glare at Gwen, surprising her. "How could you resist that back in the first season? Are you dense?"

Before Gwen could reply to this, the camel started making funny noises. They all looked at the animal, who was staring at Cody. If this were a cartoon (or an animé, or a very cheesy movie), the camel's eyes would have bulged out as hearts.

"You gotta be kidding," Heather groaned.

"If it works, it works," Courtney said, then called out. "Cody, strut your stuff! ... Never thought I'd say that out loud..."

"Yeehaw, I've still got it," Cody cheered, holding his shirt over his shoulder. He started doing his trademark strut, and declared, "The Code-Miester has got animal magnetism! Follow me, camel lady!"

The camel did so, walking happily behind Cody. While Courtney and Heather rode her, Gwen and Sierra and Katie marched alongside. Sierra was watching Cody while giggling, Gwen was shaking her head in disbelief, and Katie followed with a smile on her face.

" 'Atta boy, Cody! Keep on trucking," she cheered. "You do the Amazons proud, as do you, Miss Camel! I think we should call you Ruby, it's a pretty name!"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - A camel, a duck, and a goat walk into a bar...)**

** DJ** - "I would have run after that duck if Bridgette hadn't. I was just scared he might have been more scared of me since I accidentally kicked him! Oh dear, I know how scary Egyptian mummy curses are... did that mummified dog curse me?"

**Heather** - "This team is so full of pushovers. The only one to worry about is Gwen, but it seems she has a few enemies already! Oh, how satisfying it would be to throw her from the plane."

**Courtney** - "Okay, time for me to stop getting upset, and time to break out the diplomat in me. Cody is more useful than I thought, maybe I can convince him to help me. Sierra seems to really dig him, and I just thought of how I can convince her in a way Heather could never: the stories of my relationship with Duncan behind the scenes the last two seasons! Oh... I'm such a sellout, but I want to win this time!"

...

**Owen** - "Izzy taught me a song on the walk across the desert! It goes a little something like this:

_Marshmallow and peanut butter / that makes us fluffernutter_

_ I'm sweet and soft, round and puffy / You're smooth and slick, crunchy and nutty!_

_ Let's make us a fluffernutter / and between us we'll have love to smother!_

**Noah** - *His eye is twitching, shaking his fists.* "They didn't stop singing that... the _entire_ trek across the desert! ARGH!"

* * *

**(Egypt Desert)**

After strutting the desert for about an hour, Cody wasn't strutting anymore. He was sagging over, gasping for air, sweat running down his body. "I cannot strut anymore, ladies," he admitted. "Can I put on my shirt again?"

Sierra was admiring the sweaty Cody too much to hear, but when Katie caught up with him to apply sunscreen to his body, the sweet girl was knocked aside roughly by the wild fan girl. Katie dusted herself off, and then saw a slight tear in her top.

"Oh no, I really like this top," she admitted to the only person nearby her now, Gwen. "It was one of the first ones I've designed."

"You do your own clothes?"

"Yes! Sadie and I design our clothes, we want to open our own line in the future. We can do all kinds of stuff."

"Any... thought on gothic clothing?"

Katie looked Gwen up and down, then grinned. "That could be the most fun! Black is always fun to stitch."

"Careful, Katie," Heather said from up on the camel, "you go the gothic way, you might be labeled as a big emo foundation."

Courtney chuckled slightly at this, trying to look away when she did. Gwen rolled her eyes, and muttered something about, "Emos are not gothic, dumb popular bi-"

Katie clapped her hands loudly, trying to clear the tense atmosphere. "Okay people, let's not get mad-"

They were surprised when Cody let out a startled cry. "Sierra! Why are you sticking your hands into my pockets?"

"Um, sunscreen on your thighs?"

"You can't reach them in my pockets! You'd have to reach into my pants."

A wide grin spread across Sierra's face, which made every girl there think, "_She wouldn't._"

* * *

Team Victory was running across the desert, looking around desperately for Bridgette. Most of them were distraught with the thought of her collapsing from heat stroke, while Duncan was just bitter; he would have complained, but Leshawna and her ear-grasping fingers were nearby.

Lindsay was gasping for air, almost panting, when they stopped for a quick break. She swooned from the heat and almost fell over, but Harold caught her. "You guys," she whined, "I think we passed that cactus before, the one that looks like Lady GaGa in that awful dress?"

"That's all of them," Harold muttered, fanning the swooning blonde. She smiled at him very faintly, then moaned.

"We cannot keep running around like this," she added, "our mascara will melt all the way down to our shoulders!"

"That's not a big worry of mine," Duncan grumbled.

DJ scanned the area. "We have to find Bridgette, guys."

"That's not one of my worries either."

Leshawna raised his fingers, and he leapt away. "Well, what the hell was she thinking, running into the desert for some stupid duck? Darn Malibu Barbie, she's almost as blond as Lindsay!"

Lindsay cocked her head to the side as Leshawna's fingers caught Duncan's ear to give him a lesson. "I don't get it. People usually call me Barbie, so who's Barbie, me or Brenda?"

"Neither of you are Barbie," Leshawna said as she let go of Duncan. "Now c'mon, people, let's find her!"

"We cannot let a mermaid like her be out on these sands," Harold declared, shaking his scrawny fists in the air. "I swear by everything good and holy, Leshawna, we'll find your friend!"

As he said this, there was a loud quack coming over a dune. The five of them ran over to see Bridgette cuddling the gasping, panting duck. "There, there, little duck," she cooed, stroking its back and smoothing out its feathers. "You'll be okay, I promise."

"There you are," her team exclaimed, surprising but delighting her. While Harold, Lindsay, and DJ pulled her in for a big hug, Leshawna was saying, "What on earth were you thinking, girlfriend? Running across the desert for the bird?"

"I couldn't let him be injured out here, it's not his habitat," Bridgette said. "He'd die, for sure!"

"Oh who cares?" Duncan snapped. "He's a duck. There are a billion ducks all over the world, what's one more quacker?"

"I love animals! I just couldn't-"

"Quit it with your bleeding heart, girl," Duncan said, leaping away from Leshawna, covering his hear. "If you had just used your brain when this duck darted off-

Harold leapt in-between the two right as the glares started to intensify. "Alright alright, let's not fight, peace and Kumbuya!"

"Listen, nerd, I don't take orders from you," the punk said as he poked Harold's scrawny chest. "Trust me, if I thought we could ditch useless members, you'd go first over Malibu Barbie. Maybe then, we could be shoving off to the Nile!"

"Why don't _you_ shove off, Duncan?"

It wasn't Harold who had said that, but Bridgette. She and Duncan were right back to glaring at each other when Leshawna stepped in. "Now stop this fighting. Let's get going to the Nile, then we can resolve our differences!"

The sister stepped forward, and looked around. "Now... where is it?"

Harold licked his finger and lifted it up. After a couple seconds, he pointed east and declared, "That way."

"How can you tell, Harold?" Lindsay asked him.

"The air is slightly moist this way, and that could only be the Nile."

"Oh I see! You're so smart!" She huggled him, and then pointed forward with the stick. "To the Nile!"

She marched forward, with DJ, Leshawna, and Duncan right behind her. The punk glared back at Harold and Bridgette before sulkingly looking forward as he trudged ahead.

The nerd took a deep breath, then smiled slightly at Bridgette. "Thanks, Bridgette."

"Hmm? For what?"

"Nothing."

He reached forward and pet the duck's head, who quacked appreciatively. Leshawna looked back at them, and smiled at Harold. "You have a thing with animals there, crazy boy."

"Possum Scouts always have a way with animals," he replied, huffing out his scrawny chest.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Lucky ducky. *gets slapped*)**

** Harold** - "It was the right, honorable thing of Bridgette to risk her life for a duck. I would have done the same, but she and DJ are such animal lovers that they put me to shame. Plus, I love bacon too much to switch to full animal lover; bacon makes everything taste better."

**Bridgette** - "When I first joined this show, it was to spread the love for Mother Nature and serenity for all. Sounds really hippie like, I know, but I wanted to give off positive vibes because TV and such can be so negative. But... when I went back to see most of the confessionals I did and most of the sweet moments we had first season, they had been all edited out. I suspect Chris Maclean!"

**Cody** - *He is bright red from head to torso, and wincing in pain.* "Seems that the sunscreen they used wasn't strong enough! Oh man, after the challenge was over, I seemed to light up bright red all over. Oh _wow_, does this hurt!"

**Sierra** - "Cody Mister is covered in blisters now! My poor Cody needs some kind of medicine... but how do you apply that to someone who screams in pain when you touch him? Unless he's doing that to avoid me..."

*She pauses, then laughs.* "Naw, he wouldn't do that with me!"

* * *

"_I'm sweet and soft, round and puffy / You're smooth and-_"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up," Noah chanted. "That song was cute first time, but the five thousandth time... knock it off, you two!"

Owen looked sad while Izzy pouted. Alejandro secretly let out a sigh of relief, while Tyler and the goat let out more obvious sighs of relief. Then the five of them caught a whiff of something very exciting: wet sand.

"Hark," Izzy exclaimed.

"Huzzah," Alejandro cheered.

"Thank you, oh generous, all-powering being up there," Noah praised, looking up at the sky. "Please keep being generous as I travel across the Nile on a boat with these people."

When they approached the shore, none of them could see any boats on the shore, but they could see Chris Maclean in a reclining chair, sipping from a cold drink. Owen called out to him. "Hey, Maclean buddy! Where are the boats?"

Chris rolled his eyes, then pulled a megaphone out from behind the chair. Turning the volume all the way up, he shouted into it.

"**YOU ARE TO CREATE A BOAT OUT OF THE MATERIALS YOU CAN FIND ALONGSIDE THE NILE RIVER**," he shouted.

The force of the voice was so powerful that the contestants felt wind and sound waves blowing their hair back; Tyler had to hold onto the panicking goat. "**YOU ARE TO CARRY YOUR SPECIAL ITEM ACROSS THE NILE WITH YOU. AND WATCH OUT FOR CROCODILES IN THE NILE. THANK YOU.**"

Izzy cheered. "This sounds like fun! Well, let's get going on making the boat. Noah, I need to gather materials for boat-making! Do we have any fiberglass around here?"

"Once again, I'll get my unicorn onto that."

"Great!"

Noah face-palmed, while Alejandro glanced at the reeds. "Maybe we could thatch these into a boat?"

"Reeds," the bookworm replied, "are not going to hold up our Chubby Buddy here."

He pat the side of Owen's belly, which jiggled. Izzy giggled and jiggled his big ol' belly too. Owen chuckled, and slapped it too, but this knocked himself over, falling back and hitting his head on a tree.

"Ow," he muttered, just before a coconut hit his head. "Ow to the power of two!"

"Izzy has been struck with a good idea," Izzy exclaimed, running over to the tree. "We hollow out this tree, and make it a boat!"

"Okay, I'd hate to sound like a certain CIT," Noah mused, "but just what is this large palm tree doing on the shore of the Nile River?"

"**PRIZE FOR WHOEVER GOT HERE FIRST**," Chris' voice boomed across the Nile.

Tyler looked strangely at the palm tree, then around. "So, how are we going to chop down this tree without an ax, or hollow it out?"

"**NOT MY PROBLEM!**"

"Wasn't talking to you," the sporto retorted. He looked back at his team, and was going to repeat the question when he saw Izzy wielding a hatchet, chopping at the tree. Tyler was surprised for a moment, then asked what everyone was thinking. "Where did you get the hatchet?"

"I keep one under my skirt for just such emergencies," Izzy said as she chopped.

"All the time, or just on the show?"

The redhead giggled. "Oh Tyler, you ask the cutest questions!"

None of them knew what to make of this, and Owen was a little distracted, looking at his new friend, the coconut that had struck him on his head. "Mr. Coconut? Is that really you? Wait, you're a new friend! Coconut Jr.!"

Izzy whacked the tree again, and another coconut fell down, knocking him on the head. "Ow to the power of three," he wailed, then shook it off and picked it up. "Oh hello there! You're Coconut Jr. the Second!"

"What a lovely, expanding family," Tyler remarked.

Owen nodded, then yet another coconut landed on his head. "Ow to the power of four," he exclaimed. "Coconut... Jr. ... the Third? Ehehe... _I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts..._"

Izzy pat her boyfriend on the shoulder in comfort before going back to chopping. As Team Chris watched and waited, Team Amazon came trotting up to the river. An exhausted and sweaty Cody gasped for air as he collapsed in front of the river. "Thank goodness," he gasped.

"What are we supposed to do?" Gwen asked, looking around. Chris had dozed off in his recliner across the Nile, with Chef trying to rouse him. "And hey, how did he get here before us?"

"Hello, ladies," Alejandro said, approaching them. "We need to make a boat on our own and cross the river with our item."

"Excuse me," Heather snapped, jumping down from the camel, "but we don't need _your_ help! You're on the other team!"

Alejandro blinked, then smiled. "I just wanted to help. My mother always insisted that one should help out a lady in need."

"Oh, so we're a bunch of little girls who cannot do anything without help? You're worse than Ezekiel!"

Heather stomped off, while Alejandro looked confused. Courtney shrugged, and said, "Don't worry, she's always like this. Thank you for the tip, but you better get back to your team."

"Thank you, bonita," he said, winking at Courtney. The CIT's knees felt weak, and she could barely hold back a swoon, but composed herself.

"Okay, we need a way across," she said, shaking off the affectionate shock she had. "Does anyone have an idea on what we're going to do?"

Sierra raised her hand, pointing at the reeds. "I can thatch those into a boat! I have a ton of skill on that, I've been doing it for years!"

She went into a detailed story about where, how, and why she ever got into it, but she was talking so fast that only Katie, who had experience in fast speak, could understand her. Sierra continued to talk until Courtney pat her shoulder.

"All right, all right, we got it. Start thatching the reeds!"

Sierra nodded, and started making the boat. Gwen watched her, trying to follow along and learn, but the fangirl's hands were too fast. So the goth girl said, "Just remember to make it sturdy enough for all of us and a camel."

"Gotcha," she replied, flashing a thumbs-up. While Sierra worked, Heather walked over to Gwen with a stern look on her face.

"Don't go telling Sierra what to do, Weird Goth Girl. You're not the leader, at best, you are a troublemaker. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to gather more reeds for Sierra. Keep at it."

"Gotcha," she replied, flashing another thumbs-up at the departing queen bee.

Gwen saw Courtney looking at her disapprovingly too. She looked away, feeling defeated, and Cody's senses for improving his reputation with Gwen tingled. He walked over to the girls as they gathered among a patch of reeds nearby Sierra's boat in process.

"Look, ladies, I know we've had troubles in the past," he said, smiling at Courtney, Gwen and Katie. Sierra heard the start of his speech, and listened with gusto. "We could stay mad at each other for things that happened in the past, but we all know reality shows don't bring out the best in us.

"There are the issues with arguments with best friends," he motioned to Katie, "incidents with Duncan," he smiled at Courtney and then Gwen, "deals about underwear, and misfortunes with grizzly animals that got us mauled. But you know, setting aside BFFs, boyfriends, bras, and bears, we can still be the best of teammates."

"Practicing your allegories, Cody?" Gwen asked, smiling a little.

"Maybe. But how about a truce between us all? We can be cool."

Gwen and Courtney glanced at each other. The CIT forced not to roll her eyes, then sighed and said, "Okay. For the sake of the team." She offered her hand to Gwen, and she tentatively shook it, smiling slightly. Katie clapped, and Sierra squealed in delight.

"My Cody is a diplomat," Sierra squealed, her hands almost a blur with her thatching. "I'm too busy, one of you hug him for me!" Then she thought how that would mean another girl would hug Cody, and added, "No no, wait! Back off!" Then she realized that this would mean Cody would be without a hug, and sighed. "Alright, one of you hug him. Just don't squeeze in butt in the process."

Katie was confused by the flip-flopping, but shrugged it off and went to hug Cody. She did so with much gusto from Cody, but she caught him glancing at Gwen after the hug was over.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - With a bathroom's blessing.)**

** Katie** - "While Sadie and I both love our hunks and handsome men, there has always been a difference. Sadie really likes the athletic and tough guys, and I've been partial to the smart guys. But we both did like DJ, and she thought Cody was kind of cute, and..."

*She goes about this stuff for a while...*

**Cody** - "I have a good feeling about this season! This time around, Gwen has got to pay a little more attention to me, and then she'll finally realize what a catch I can be."

**Katie** - "Of course, we both liked Shaun in the eighth grade, and though he loved soccer, he was also into sports, and he said I talked too much but he didn't seem too interested in Sadie, which totally didn't make sense to me, and..."

*Quite a long while.*

**Izzy** - *She is holding all of the coconuts that brained Owen.* "Tasty things, aren't they? I once bit into a coconut, I bet I could penetrate through with my teeth! I did, but I chipped one of them. Not the most fun visit to the dentist."

*She looks down at the coconuts, then the camera, then looks around to see if anyone else is watching. With an impish grin, she shoves two of them down into her top.* "Hey, look at me, everyone!" *She poses with the coconuts protruding lewdly on her chest.* "Who am I, who am I? 'Are _you_ Tyler?' Hee hee hee!"

* * *

Izzy managed to chop down the palm tree right when Team Victory came staggering towards the Nile, exhausted and tired. They heard the following exchange:

"TIMBER!"

_Crrrrrack_... **WHAM**!

"OWWWW to the power of WOW-HAH-HOWWWWWW!"

_Thud_.

Izzy dragged her unconscious boyfriend to the side, and handed the hatchet to Alejandro. "I'm really tired now. Could you hollow it out for me, oh strong and handsome man?"

"For you, redheaded chica, anything."

Izzy giggled, and then gasped when Alejandro removed his shirt. All of the girls were staring soon, when Alejandro started to swing the ax, and sweating in the process. Some even openly swooned and gushed over how handsome he was.

This caused some agitation among the boys. "Courtney," Duncan called out, snapping the CIT out of her daze. "Enough with the openmouthed gaping."

"Show off," Tyler grumbled, looking to the side bitterly after he saw Lindsay's fawning look.

"Typical double standard," Noah remarked, rolling his eyes. "A guy looks for two seconds at a girl's chest accidentally, and he's a chauvinistic pervert. But when a man takes his shirt off, girls are allowed to stare for as long and as much as they want. I blame _Twilight_."

"Just need to buff up a little more, and I can do that," Harold remarked, flexing his scrawny arms and legs.

Izzy continued to watch Alejandro work as she comforted the unconscious Owen; however, soon, the talk of being sexist around the others reminded her of Ezekiel, regretfully. She felt a twinge of worry in that wild and crazy mind of hers.

A plan was set into motion from that twinge. Leaving Noah to watch over unconscious Owen, Izzy started to observe Sierra. Sneaking on her elbows and knees in plain sight of everyone (wonder what the heck she was done), she observed Sierra's thatching skills. Her expansive mind studied the method and manner, and she learned enough from watching. If this was a video game, Izzy would have received a message "You Have Learned A New Skill!"

In fact, that's what was going through her mind, and she said to herself, "Time to level up my new skill!" She ran off to find a patch of reeds, and started thatching a small boat. She even narrated herself as she felt she was properly using the new skill. "Izzy's skill in Thatching has raised to 7. Izzy's skill in Thatching has raised to 8. Izzy's skill in Thatching..."

She wasn't the only one, as Harold was thinking the exact same thing as he thatched a boat for his team. He had proudly told his teammates, especially Leshawna, that he had learned how to do that in Possum Scouts. Duncan had rolled his eyes, but when he saw how quickly and efficiently he was making a boat, even he had to compliment Harold on doing a good job.

Harold took the time to explain to the others how to thatch. The others learned pretty quickly, though Lindsay couldn't get the hang of it. Ashamed, she watched as the rest of the team worked together to make a boat, holding the injured duck for Bridgette.

This combined effort helped Team Victory complete their boat and oars for paddling at the same time Team Chris had completed their log boat and paddles. Team Amazon was ashamed of the fact that they didn't think of having Sierra teaching them.

"Great going, guys," Heather spat at them as the watched the other two teams preparing their boats for the water. "Now we're in last!"

"I didn't see you helping any, Heather," Courtney remarked.

"I was watching the camel, making sure she didn't wander off. Therefore, I did my part. Unlike the rest of you, who let Sierra do all the work."

Sierra was coated in sweat and hands with blisters, but wasn't complaining when she finished after another minute. "Okay, it took a while, I admit, but I had to make it strong enough for six people and a camel."

"It's fine, Sierra," Katie said, patting the fan girl on the shoulder, "win or lose, you did you best."

Sierra chuckled weakly as the team coaxed Ruby the Camel onto the boat, and they pushed off. Miraculously for them, it stayed afloat. Sierra and Katie squealed in delight and began to clap, but the fan girl winced in pain as her hands stung too much to clap.

"Lemme take a look at those," Cody said, taking Sierra's wrists and applying some lotion to them. Sierra was now the happiest girl in Canada.

As the three teams started to row across the river, racing for the other side, Chris Maclean called out to them (he would have used his megaphone, but Chef had enough of being deafened and hid it). "Attention, contestants," the host declared, "I hope you were all aware of the crocodiles in the Nile?"

"Of course," said Harold.

"What what what?" Tyler exclaimed, holding the goat close to him.

"Eeek, big and bad reptiles?" Lindsay cried out, clutching the branch to her chest.

Chris Maclean laughed at their fear, then held up a small, noisemaking device. "See this? This device here emits a sound that drives crocodiles absolutely crazy. If I play it, the crocodiles will go into a frenzy!"

"He wouldn't," DJ whimpered.

"He shouldn't," Alejandro declared.

"Oh he will," Gwen groaned as she face-palmed.

Chris smirked, and shouted out to them again. "All I want is to see your teams fight amongst each other. Get the drama going, and I won't call out the crocodiles."

"Is that all?" Duncan asked, and then he started to smack Harold. The nerd cried out in surprise, then started smacking him back. The others all tried to get them to stop, especially because it was almost a one-sided fight the way Duncan had attacked Harold from behind. The duck seemed a little excited for the fight, quacking for one of them to win it. Lindsay was fearful for a moment, then she cried out and raised the stick.

"Stop hurting Harold, Lunker," Lindsay cried out, and swung the stick down on Duncan's head. It bounced off without him even noticing, slipped out of Lindsay's hands, and in the water. The blonde let out a squeak of terror, but no one else had seen this.

On Team Amazon, Heather and Gwen were already having a furious cat fight, so fierce that they were in danger of tipping the boat over. Courtney and Katie were trying to calm him down, while Sierra clung to Cody in fear of the ferocity.

However, Team Chris had no fighting going on (how ironic). Owen was too peaceful, Noah was too lazy, Alejandro was not going to hurt anyone physically, Tyler was holding onto the goat, and Izzy was not going to any of the handsome men on her team. Chris noticed this, and grinned wickedly.

"You all can blame Team I Am Really Really Really Really Truly Hot," he called out, and then bad hip hop music blared (insert your least favorite music artist here, for viewer appreciation). The crocodiles, even those deep underwater, all started to react. Eyes twitched, large mouths snarled, and scales tilted with fury.

The three teams screamed as the crocodiles swam up to the surface, and started snapping at them. They used their oars, the braver members their fists, and fended off the reptiles as best they could.

"Bad music and large reptiles," Tyler cried out as he held the terrified goat away from the edge, kicking at the crocodiles. "It's like some kind of crocodile rock!"

"It looks like Gwen's family reunion," Heather remarked, earning a smack to the back of the head by Gwen.

DJ screamed in terror as a crocodile snapped at him, and he used his oar to try and push it away, but accidentally jabbed it in the eye. The crocodile wailed in pain, tears coming from his wounded peeper, and DJ felt guilty. "I hurt another animal?" he whimpered. "Am I really cursed?"

The teams continued to fight the angry crocodiles, and Team Victory's boat was munched at several times, breaking it in pieces. When the front was eaten away, Leshawna lost her patience, and grabbed an oar. "Oh no, you didn't," she shouted, and proceeded to bash the tar out of the crocodiles. "I'm gonna turn you all into boots! You messed with the wrong sister!"

Team Amazon almost tipped over again when Ruby the Camel became fearful and started to move about on their boat. Cody managed to calm her down just in time, and as they went back to rowing, Team Chris pulled ahead.

The bad hip hop song Chris was playing died down, and so did the crocodiles' efforts. As the contestants went back to rowing, Ezekiel finally made arrived at the river, panting heavily. He had tied his jacket around his waist again, gasping for air; the home schooled teen may have been fit from helping around his parents' apple and orange farm, but he wasn't ready for treks across the desert. He saw the boats out on the river, and noticed they were all made from reeds or a tree. With no boat on the shore, and no idea how to make one, Ezekiel felt the despair of defeat.

Then something caught his eye, something hidden in the reeds. There was a small boat, made from reeds, complete with a couple small paddles. In it was a little note that said, "_Little gift from your friend Izzy. When you see me again, you're gonna have to admit girls can be tough as boys. Love, Izzy._"

She had added drawings of smiley faces, hearts, and zombies being shot to death. Regardless of the gory shoot outs, Ezekiel blushed when he looked at the note. He shoved the boat into the water and started to row, when he saw a stick floating by him. He seemed to recall that stick being around somewhere.

On the other side of the river, Team Chris pulled up to the shore first. All of them jumping out with loud cheers, they almost danced with delight. "We're first," Izzy declared, hugging all of her teammates. "Hot damn, we kicked ass and took names!"

Owen was hugging Noah, who begged not to be squeezed to death thank you very much. Alejandro and Tyler exchanged a high-five. As they all celebrated, Team Amazon pulled up next.

"We only made it here second?" Heather complained as she nursed a swollen eye, courtesy of Gwen. "Dang it, you people couldn't row any faster?"

"Oh will you shut up?" Courtney snapped. "We're second, and at this point, even I'll say that's not bad!"

"But we don't get first class! We get the crappy economy class!"

"So what?"

Before Heather began a fight with another contestant, Gwen stepped in-between them, facing Courtney. "Don't, girl," she said to the CIT, "she ain't worth it."

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Thinking of something clever to say.)**

** Courtney** - "Look, I'm not saying I'm Gwen's friend, far from it. But she is a good deal more tolerable than Heather. Gwen was stuck with her for two seasons, no wonder she would insist Duncan was just a friend, she sure would want one with Heather around!"

**Heather** - "I'll never get over just how dumb these people can be. They go by emotions, they don't treat it like real competition, they're just... dumb. All I have to do is lead them to victory each time, and hope second place will be the worse. And if we lose, we have Weird Goth Girl and the hopeless BFF to kick off."

**Gwen** - *face-palming and shaking her head* "Spare me. Just... spare me the drama."

**Alejandro** - "One thing I've learned is how much more effective honey is over vinager. That's why I'll be doing so much better than Heather. So much better."

* * *

Katie and Cody high-fived as they celebrated being second place, and Sierra glomped Cody. Now the back of his head was nuzzled in-between her breasts, and Katie giggled at the sight. As Team Amazon calmed down a little as far as fights and glomping was concerned, Team Victory pulled up.

Leshawna was ragged, scratched up from a lot of crocodile fight. She was still grinning, and said, "Man, I could make a career off of this!" She twirled a broken paddle around and then threw it back in the river. Harold followed her, beaming at the woman of his desires.

Bridgette was trying to comfort DJ, who was still distraught over hitting the crocodile in the eye. Duncan was stretching and discarding a broken paddle himself, and Lindsay was fretting, hoping no one would notice she lost the stick.

"All right then, contestants," Chris said, smiling. "You survived the crocodiles-"

"Jerk," Katie shouted.

"Dickweed," Duncan growled.

"Sadist," Noah grumbled.

"Thank you, thank you," Chris said. The blond intern handed him another bottle water, and took a long swig of it in front of the parched contestants (and the interns, and Chef). "Now," he paused as he looked at Bridgette, holding the little water fowl. "Oh Bridgette, I see you brought me dinner!"

Bridgette held the duck close to her protectively, but the fearful creature wriggled out of her arms and bolted. It sped off, quacking its thanks to Bridgette, disappearing into a nearby oasis.

Chris snapped his fingers, while DJ tried to comfort Bridgette, who still looked distraught over the duck. "Darn, there goes duck for dinner," the host muttered. "Now then, back to the show! If I saw right, Team I Am Oh So Crazy Super Duper Hot came first. I never doubted you guys, ever!"

"Aww, thanks, Chris," Owen said, hugging the host. Chris strained from the powerful hug, and groaned when finally released.

"Thanks, Owen. Now, Team Amazon is second, and Team Victory is last. HA! The ever predictable irony!"

"Murphy's Law," Duncan grumbled. "Damn you, Murphy."

Chris shrugged. "But aside from seats on the plane, that won't matter this time around. Because so long as you have the item you started off with, you are immune from voting. And if everyone has theirs, there is no voting ceremony for Egypt!"

Team Amazon cheered, some of them patting Ruby the Camel's side. Team Chris cheered, and Tyler proudly held up their goat, who bleated happily. Team Victory cheered, and turned to Lindsay.

The blonde saw all eyes on her, and her own baby blues widened in terror. She fretted, looking to the side, chuckling weakly. Then she swallowed, and her bottom lip started to quiver.

"Oh man," Duncan said, narrowing his eyes. "Don't tell me you-"

"I'm sorry," she whimpered pitifully.

Before anyone could say anything else, a happy shriek startled everyone (except the shrieker). Izzy was bouncing up and down, pointing at a small boat on the river.

"The Zeke-man is coming," she cried happily. "He made it after all!"

Chris Maclean's handsome face darkened. "Are you serious?" he grumbled, tightening his fists. "Just what do I have to do to get rid of that stupid poser?"

"Zeke-man," Izzy called out, fishing his notebook out from her cleavage. "I kept your notebook! I still got it for ya, buddy!"

"Gotta admire that determination," Gwen said, smirking. "Though it's a fine line between that and unable to catch a clue, I admire his spirit."

Ezekiel could only hear faint shouts from them from where he was, but he could hear Izzy's voice. He smiled, but that disappeared when he heard Chris' voice.

"Oh, Zeke," the host called out, holding up the sound device. "You wanna know what _this_ does?"

Several of the contestants balked when they saw Chris raise his finger towards the button. "No no no," Bridgette shrieked. "Don't do that, he's all alone!"

"That's not right," Alejandro declared.

Chris ignored them, and Chef held Izzy back. He shouted out at Ezekiel, "You should have quit my show the first time I told you!"

He pressed the button. The annoying hip hop song blared again, much to Ezekiel's confusion. Then the crocodiles attacked, overwhelming his small boat, and bringing him into the water.

Several people screamed in terror at what looked like a live version of a nature program gone horribly wrong. Izzy struggled to escape Chef's grasp, but he was too strong, though his grip was loosening as he watched the splashing in the water.

Chris Maclean laughed. "Oh, that's great. Now send out the rescue team."

"We don't have a rescue team," the intern said, wincing at the terrible sight.

Ezekiel resurfaced, inside a crocodile's mouth, using all of his strength to keep it from closing down on him. As he struggled, he managed to scream out for help.

"Oh gee, Ezekiel, so sorry," Heather called out mockingly. "But as a helpless little girl, I just cannot find the strength to assist you."

"Yoo'r going to hold me to that?" Ezekiel shrieked, his accent amplified by his terror. "That was so long ago!"

"Sorry," she said, quite insincerely and mocking.

"Good girl, you tell him," Chris said, clapping.

"HELP ME, PLEAS-" Ezekiel screamed before the crocodile went underwater, taking him with it.

Chef Hatchet winced. "Aw, Chris man, this ain't right at all."

"We'll edit this out and send it to some nature program gone horribly wrong. Anyway, we finally have that twerp out of our gorgeous hair. Well mine, you're bald."

Chef fumed, and let go of Izzy. The redhead barreled towards the river, and screamed, "I'm coming, Zekey!"

She wasn't alone, as Tyler had given the goat to Alejandro, and ran for the river too. "I'm not," he shouted, "leaving anyone behind! Ever!"

Both of them leapt into the river, and people watched in horror. Soon, they saw brief glimpses of them when someone or something resurfaced: Izzy punching a crocodile in the throat, Ezekiel struggling to keep a croc's mouth open as Tyler punched its head, Izzy wrestling another one of the reptiles, Tyler pounding furiously at something in his grasp, only to find out it was a rather annoyed Izzy.

"Sorry," the sporto apologized to the redhead, then he kicked another crocodile away, sending the creature sprawling. Between Izzy's kung fu and Tyler's strong kicks, the crocodiles eventually backed off.

Izzy and Tyler dragged Ezekiel to shore, the prairie boy shaking in terror, clutching something in his fist. He clung to Izzy, teeth chattering as he whimpered.

"Oh, you saved him," Chris muttered, sounding upset. "Well fine then."

Tyler snarled at the host, rubbing Ezekiel's shoulder. "You had no right to do that to him!"

"He's not even in the contest, and I can do anything I want to," he said, then struck a pose and declared in his best announcer voice, "because I am Chris Maclean!"

Izzy squeezed Ezekiel in her arms as she fired off, "You insufferable, pompous, arrogant, egotistic, fluffernutter-hating, power abusing-"

"Yes, yes, that's nice, Izzy," Chris dismissed her, ignoring the glares from everyone. "Fine display of heroism, but it was all for nothing."

Tyler balked. "What? You mean after all that, you're still not going to let Ezekiel on the show?"

"Yep! Why would I let him just because he almost died horribly? It will give us some serious footage, but face it, no one wants him on the show, everyone says so."

"Who is this 'everyone' you're speaking of?" Bridgette exclaimed. As she spoke, Ezekiel looked over at her, amazed. "We don't hate him, none of us, save Heather, hold a grudge on him anymore."

"Really?" Ezekiel asked, sounding happy despite everything that happened; however, his sapped strength left his voice too weak to be heard by anyone but Izzy and Tyler.

"Why, the 'everyone' is me, of course," Chris said, grinning. "And what I say, goes. Now I think we know which team lost. Now someone get me some more lobster, and we'll be heading off to the voting ceremony tonight."

"I think not."

The person who said that startled everyone: the blond intern. He had his arms crossed, and was glaring at the host. "I think it's time someone taught you a lesson."

* * *

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**To Be Continued. Stay tuned for the dramatic conclusion of Egypt!**

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* * *

**Team Victory** - Harold, Leshawna, DJ, Duncan, Lindsay, Bridgette. (Stick?)

**Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot** - Alejandro, Tyler, Owen, Noah, Izzy. (Goat.)

**Team Amazon** - Katie, Gwen, Courtney, Sierra, Cody, Heather. (Camel.)

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**Eliminated** - Ezekiel.

...

**Next Up** - The biggest twist in the hist' of the exhibition, total drama!


	4. Egypt, Part 4

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Do not try any of this at home, except for the stuff that you can do at home. Except for the things you shouldn't, but can, just don't unless it's okay, but not when it's not.

**TKN's Warning** - Now I risk one of the biggest changes in TD history!

And now for something completely different. Something way out there, different in a way that none of you will see coming! Unless someone told you, or you used the internet to find out unlawfully.

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* * *

**Chapter 04** - Chris Gets E'gypt

* * *

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**(Finish Line)**

Everyone stared at the intern, who was glaring at Chris. The host blinked, then burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry, but 'teach me a lesson'?" the host repeated the intern's words. "Just what are you on? Did you take a blow to the head when getting the props?"

"This isn't a joke, Chris Maclean," the intern said. "I've officially had it with your attitude."

"Right right, complain to the union, little man," Chris said, pushing the intern onto his back. He then cackled and said, "Oh that's right! You interns don't have one!"

The intern growled as he pulled himself up. "My name is Billy."

"You're very silly, Billy, and dumb as a hillbilly."

"Billy Overbeck," he said. When slight recognition of the name sunk into Chris' mind, he added, "The executive producer of the Total Drama franchise!"

Chris froze, then in a heartbeat, he was on his hands and knees, worship-bowing at Billy's feet. Chef Hatchet was there too, worship-bowing with him too.

"Your holiness," Chris exclaimed. "Your worshipfulness! You intelligent and wonderful man!"

"Oh Billy," Chef pleaded, "Mr. Overbeck... do you know where my paycheck is?"

"Will you two get up?" Billy snapped.

As the host and co-host did so, the contestants were murmuring among themselves. "That nice man was the executive producer?" Katie asked, looking surprised. "I thought he was one of the interns."

"And I almost beat him up once too," Izzy whispered to Tyler and Ezekiel. "I hope he's forgotten that."

"I love what you do with your hair," Chris was saying to Billy, "do you need some hair gel? Here, I got some hair gel right here."

Billy was ignoring Chris' pleas and suck-ups. The executive producer was trying to speak, but the host wasn't giving him much of a chance. It took Chef covering Chris' mouth to give someone else a chance.

"Thank you, Mr. Hatchet," Billy said. "Now Chris, I've really had enough of you."

"Look, sir, if this is about the push and remarks, I'm sorry, but I didn't know it was you-"

"Yes, that was the point of my pretending to be an intern. I wanted to see what was going on behind the scenes."

"I KNEW IT!"

They all glanced at Sierra, who pumped her fists in victory. "I knew you were _the_ William Overbeck, and I thought you were scouting out the show! I just didn't want to say anything to blow your cover."

Billy smiled at her. "Thank you, dear."

"No problem! But now I gotta blog about this for sure!"

As Sierra pulled out her phone and started texting the message, Billy turned back to Chris. "Well, thanks to Miss Sierra here, I managed to keep my identity secret so I could see how the show was run. And I tolerated your ego until now, and it's not just because of me. You could have killed Ezekiel back there!"

"But but," Chris stammered, pointing feebly at Ezekiel, "he's not even in the show anymore! He's not a contestant, and he's the least cared about person among the campers!"

"None of that gives you the right to almost kill him the way you did," Bill shouted. "I have kids their age, I wouldn't want anything to happen to them! They may be going through some dangerous challenges, but that's voluntary; you did that for your own sick entertainment."

Chris chuckled weakly. "Okay okay, I'll... apologize." He looked over at Ezekiel, and then said, halfhearted and forced, "Sorry, Zeke." Satisfied, he turned back to Billy, and said, "There, everything is better."

Billy had crossed his arms, drumming his fingers on them as he looked at the host. "It would really kill you to be humane, wouldn't it?"

"Hey, it brings in the ratings, Billy! Right, Chef?" Chris said, grinning at his sidekick. Chef rolled his eyes, and shrugged. "Aw, you're not help. Well, Billy, I bring in the money."

"You also suck more of it out of the budget than any one human being should ever have spent on himself or herself," Billy said, as he pulled a long piece of paper out of his pocket. "Your gold-plated jacuzzi? The amount of lobster and other expensive food you require? Cripes, you spend thousands on hair gel and other beauty products alone! Thousands on hair gel, I thought it was some kind of whacked-out typo."

"That is pretty whack, yo," Ezekiel whispered to Tyler and Izzy, still too weak to raise his voice any. He still managed to get chuckles from them.

"And not to mention your out-of-control bias on this show," Billy continued. "The way you make things more difficult just to be difficult, bad mouthing contestants on camera, how rude you are to specific contestants!"

"But that works on a lot of shows," Chris whimpered.

"Not when you're doing it so much that it disrupts the show and needlessly degrades our contestants! We've had to edit out hours of footage of you being a giant prick because it serves no purpose to the show! Half the things you've said here in Egypt has only been for your sadistic desire to berate some of these kids needlessly!"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - It was Billy all along!)**

** Leshawna** - *grinning* "Seeing Chris Maclean chewed out by Billy was one of the greatest things I've ever been lucky enough to have seen. I know I speak for all of us when I say we tolerated his ego and sadistic sense of humor for too long. I personally had it with how he was always snapping at me whenever I said anything!"

**Noah** - *smirking* "That had to be one of the most satisfying moments of my life. When Billy said those amazing words after summing it all up..."

* * *

"So between the literal hundreds of thousands of dollars you squandered on frivolous things for yourself," Billy summed up, "reckless endangerment of our contestants, your ego, your inability to host without being biased and insulting, and corrupting the rules with last-minute changes for solely your own amusement...

"It is within my power to remove you from the position of host."

Chris was silent, eyes wider than anyone had seen, jaw slacked. There was silence for a few seconds, then Gwen let out a loud cheer. A good deal of the contestants joined her, rooting and exclaiming their joy over Chris' misfortune.

"Joy to the world," Courtney cried out.

"Serves you right," Duncan added.

Even DJ joined in. "You totally did deserve this."

Only Sierra looked let down. "Oh dear, my mom is going to be so upset."

The cheering continued until Chris sputtered in indignation. "You cannot fire me! I'm Chris Maclean! I've got a contract!"

"True, I cannot fire you," Billy admitted.

"Exactly! So let's forget you said that, and I'll just cut down on the spending and host-"

"But I can," the executive producer interrupted him, "demote you. That's well within my right. You are now just like Mr. Hatchet here, a co-host in the show."

Chris gasped, his jaw dropping down so far, some people thought he unhinged it. Billy smirked at this expression, and said, "You don't get to spend any of the show's budget, you don't have any say in the rules or eliminations, and you will assist in the physical constructions of the challenges."

There was more cheering, more rooting, and more applause. Chris let out an anguished wail, which just encouraged the contestants and Chef Hatchet to laugh. The cook pat his back and said, "Don't worry, pretty boy, I won't make you too much of the handwork. But just maybe I'll make you cook."

The former host swatted Chef's hand away. "But what about the challenges? And my hair gel needs? I need my hair gel, that's in my contract."

Billy rolled his eyes. "The challenges are made up, as are the locations. Chef Hatchet knows them all already, he actually listened to the briefing instead of staring at my girlfriend the entire meeting!"

"Oh, that explains you were there," Chef Hatchet said, then chuckled and looked at Chris. "Billy here was at the meeting, and you didn't even recognize our executive producer."

"His girlfriend Emily was really fine," Chris grumbled, crossing his arms. "I cannot believe this is happening!"

"Don't worry, you'll still get your precious hair gel," Billy said. "We will provide for that, but you aren't getting any more of our money. You'll eat what the contestants get, and you won't get to pimp your space on the plane anymore. The new host will actually be there."

Chris wiped his brow, and finished off his water bottle. "Thank goodness for that... wait, what's this about a new host? You have a new one already?"

"No."

"You cannot possibly find a new host in time, then," Chris said with a satisfied grin. "I know for a fact we're set for time, and you don't have enough time and money to blow on finding a new host."

Gwen scoffed, and looked over at Leshawna and Bridgette. "So now he finally learns the virtue of time and money limits?"

"Of course," Leshawna said, "because it's not him they're spending it on."

"It still surprises me just how egotistical he can still be," Bridgette admitted to her friends. "I mean, he's still acting like he runs the show, even after all that's happened. He won't recognize his own faults, ever."

"Sweetheart," Leshawna said, patting the surfer girl's shoulder, "it's one of those things you can be glad you don't understand."

"Darn right," Gwen said. "Now quiet, I wanna hear Chris get chewed out more."

"And not to mention, there aren't any famous hosts available at the drop of a hat, and they all cost a pretty penny to hire," Chris was reasoning with Billy. "So let's forget you did this, and I'll go back to hosting-"

"Just because we don't have a host right now doesn't mean I cannot get us one," Billy said. "I can always ask Chef Hatchet to host."

"Him?" Chris exclaimed. "He's tried it already, he's no good at it!"

"Gotta agree with him, Mr. Overbeck," Chef Hatchet said with a shrug. "Hosting ain't my thing."

"I appreciate your honest, Mr. Hatchet," Billy said, "so my second option is to ask one of our contestants if they want to host!"

He gestured to the eighteen teenagers watching the exchange, all surprised to be suddenly brought back into the conversation. Chris gaped, and then laughed. "These brain-dead morons? They're all dumb teenagers!"

As he laughed, a coconut was thrown and hit him on the head. He looked around, trying to find who did that. Noah was looking around, pretending to be innocent, while whispering, "If he makes another crack like that, let me have another Coconut Jr., please."

Owen giggled. "Can do, Noah!"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Could we host?)**

** Tyler** - "The thought of hosting would be nice, but I'd only really do it for a sports game or show. I don't have much interesting in hosting much else, and competing is so much nicer."

**DJ** - "I might have wanted to host, but for something much nicer than this show. I think my momma would rather I host a cooking show, or something more pleasant, you know?"

**Heather** - "Hosting this show would be interesting, but if being biased is what got Chris demoted, I wasn't going to take the chance. I am rather shocked by who they picked..."

* * *

The contestants were quiet, looking at each other. Most of them wanted to compete, not host. It also seemed to have the stigma of being Chris Maclean's job.

"It seems cool, but I wanted to get to know everyone," Sierra said, "and I don't think I can avoid being biased."

"I managed to get rid of the singing," Duncan said, "and I'd much rather compete than host this show!"

"I wouldn't know the first thing about hosting," Owen admitted.

Courtney looked interested, but then shook it off. "I want to win, and a career in TV hosting is something I don't wish to pursue."

They continued to look around at each other, hoping someone had the answer. Billy and Chef looked at them, and before Billy would concede defeat with this idea, one of them spoke up.

"Oh," Lindsay exclaimed, raising her hand, "oh oh, me! Me me me, Willy! ME! Oh-ho, me!"

Chris burst out laughing, discouraging her. "Her? Lindsay? You seriously cannot consider her."

"But I'd be really good at it!"

"You don't know half of what you would for hosting a show," the former host scoffed. "You don't even remember names."

"I do so, Chip," Lindsay said, then her eyes widened. "Oh dear, I think I've had this conversation recently..."

"Exactly," Chris said, dusting his hands triumphantly. "She is far too dumb to host a show."

Tyler stood up, fists clenched. He snarled as Izzy and Ezekiel held him back. Lindsay looked distraught, until a big hand pat her shoulder.

"Then I'll help her," Chef Hatchet said.

Chris' shock hit him all over again. "You... you traitor! You'll help her replace me?"

"Heck yeah, pretty boy! She'll be much nicer as a boss, and I might actually not feel like a guilty jerk when you were hosting."

"After all we've been through, Chef, you ditch me for this blond floozy?"

As Izzy and Ezekiel held back a very mad Tyler, Gwen chuckled. "Sounds like a bad breakup," she joked to Leshawna and Bridgette. As they laughed, Chris stomped his foot.

"She cannot possibly host," he protested.

"I see no problem with it," Billy said. "She's charming and sweet, she's everything you're not, Chris."

He walked away from the sputtering host, and pat Lindsay's other shoulder. "You'll be paid for this, so you cannot compete in the contest anymore, even if you want or need to resign as host. Is that okay?"

"That'll be fine," Lindsay said, hugging Billy. "Thank you so much! I've always dreamed of hosting a show! Now I'm going to be on a major TV show! I'm gonna be famous!"

As she clapped and jumped up and down in excitement, Duncan watched her bounce up and down. "Yes," he said, grinning, "she certainly has enough to keep a boy's attention."

Courtney smacked him. Hard.

Chris gnashed his teeth, then something clicked in his head. "Wait! You just demoted me because of bias! Lindsay has friends on this show."

"My big friend was Beth," Lindsay said, "and she's not here any more! I think everyone else is nice enough."

"You have a grudge against Heather!"

"I wouldn't say it's that bad, and I could be nice to Helga during this contest."

Chris fumed, then another part of that argument clicked in her head. "Wait a minute! You're _dating_ one of the contestants! Tyler! No matter how unimportant of a contestant he is, you cannot be dating one!"

"I'm dating one?" Lindsay asked. When Chris pointed at the sporto, she gasped. Something clicked in her mind, she smiled, then frowned in concern. "That's right! Tyler! The nice boy in red who risked seeing me, against Heather and his teams' wishes!"

"She remembers me?" Tyler asked, then he pumped his fists. "She remembers me! YES!"

"And thus, she cannot host, because she's dating Tyler," Chris said, smiling triumphantly. "Now, let's just forget about the demoting, and I'll host this show better than Lindsay ever could-"

"But didn't Tyler and I break up?" Lindsay asked, looking confused. "Then it shouldn't be a problem?"

Tyler looked hurt by this. "Lindsay, I never broke up with you! I just couldn't get in contact with you during the break between seasons!"

Billy approached Lindsay again, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Lindsay, Tyler may still believe you two are an item, but to host this show, you cannot be dating one of the contestants."

"You mean... I have to break up with Tyler, after just finding him, to host the show?"

Billy nodded, and Lindsay looked downcast. She approached her boyfriend, and said, "Tyler, I really thought we had broken up, and we wouldn't be seeing each other again. I'm... I'm really sorry, but did you still want to go out?"

Tyler bit his bottom lip when he looked into those baby blue eyes of hers. More than anything, he wanted to tell Lindsay that he still wanted her, that he had feelings for her; however, he could sense Lindsay's strong desire to be host. He remembered when he talked with her, she told him about her desires to become a movie or TV star. This was her dream, and to keep her from it to rekindle something she had truly thought was over felt like a selfish thing for him to do.

He just wished everyone wasn't watching as he did this. "Lindsay," he said, "if this is what you really want, then I won't stop you."

"You're not upset?"

"I just want you to be happy."

Lindsay smiled, looking a little sad too, and kissed his cheek. She turned to Billy and Chris, and said, "Tyler says it's okay. We're not dating."

Billy nodded, while Chris stomped his foot in frustration. As Lindsay went back to talking to the executive producer, Tyler sighed regretfully. He could feel people still staring at him, so he preoccupied himself by helping lift Ezekiel up on his feet.

"C'mon dude, cannot be sitting down all day," he said.

"That was a very nice thing you did," Ezekiel said to him. "Are you sure yoo'r okay with it?"

"Not entirely, but it's what Lindsay wants."

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - What a girl wants, eh?)**

** Sierra** - "Poor Tyler. I didn't have the heart to tell him that, from what I heard from my sources, Lindsay's dad screened the calls their house, and prevented him from talking to her. He didn't approve of Tyler. Now don't ask me to reveal my sources, Lindsay's sister prefers staying secret." *She smiles, then her eyes widen in horror when she realizes what she said.* "Oops."

**Cody** - "Don't worry, Tyler, there's someone out there who knows how you feel. Well, did. This season will be different for me!"

* * *

As Lindsay clapped her hands in excitement, wondering what to do next, when Chris snapped his fingers. "WAIT A MINUTE!"

"Oh, what now?" Billy groaned. "Can't you just accept it?"

"Lindsay cannot be host because she was just eliminated," the former host exclaimed.

"No, she wasn't," Leshawna said. "We lost, but who said we were going to vote for her?"

"There wasn't gonna be a voting ceremony. I made the rules then that whoever lost the item for their team," Chris explained, "would be eliminated with no voting ceremony. I felt sudden death eliminations were more interesting."

"You cannot do that," Harold declared.

"Can to, I made that before I was no longer host," Chris said, smiling his trademark, mean man smile. "Therefore, Lindsay, who lost your stick, is eliminated, and cannot host because she is no longer part of the show!"

"That's such bull," Tyler muttered. "You're just bitter!"

"Not anymore. Now let's just forget about appointing someone else as host, and let me back on the job-"

"Wait, do you mean this stick, eh?"

Everyone looked around to Ezekiel, who pulled something from the belly pocket on his hoodie. It was Team Victory's stick, waterlogged but still in one piece. "I found this floating on the Nile," he explained, "and I thought it looked really familiar, eh."

"You," Chris shouted, his handsome face contorted with rage and disbelief. "Ezekiel, you son of a-"

"Wow, dude, you remembered that?" Tyler asked. "Why would want to save Team Victory, though?"

"I joo'st," Ezekiel glanced at Bridgette for a brief moment, "didn't want them to lose, eh."

"It doesn't matter," Chris shouted. "You have the stick, you home schooled twerp, not Lindsay."

"But what if I gave it to Lindsay?"

Lindsay gasped, looking astonished at Ezekiel. "You... you'd do that for me?"

"Sure, eh, you sound like you really want to host."

She stared at him for a few seconds, then she cupped his face and kissed him full on the lips. Ezekiel's eyes went very wide, as Tyler balked and everyone else gaped in astonishment. When Lindsay completed her grateful kiss, Ezekiel, still amazed, handed her the stick. Giggling, she waved it in the air, shouting, "He gave me the stick! I'm still in the contest! I can be host, right?"

Billy nodded, while Chris stared, slack-jawed and eye twitching. The executive producer shoved the former host away, and asked, "Does anyone second the notion of Lindsay becoming host?"

"I do," Harold said, raising his hand. "And I think when Zeke here recovers from his shock, he'll also agree."

Lindsay cheered, hugging Harold in her celebration. "Oh thank you! I'm host of Total Drama World Tour now! I'm so happy, and I know what I want to do first!"

"You have all the power Chris Maclean did," Billy said, "but please don't abuse it."

"I don't plan to, but there's something I want to do," Lindsay said as she walked back to Ezekiel. "Now, you are... Esteban, right?"

"E-Ezekiel."

"Oh right, right! Well, Chip unfairly eliminated you, so I think it's only right to bring you back onto the show!"

As Ezekiel gaped, delighted, Chris Maclean let out a frustrated groan. "Now how is that not biased?"

Billy, without turning to look at him, smacked Chris in the face, knocking him over and shutting him up.

"And since Tyler and Frizzy risked their lives to save you too," Lindsay continued, "and they also came in first place, I believe, you can join their team!"

Izzy cheered, and hugged Ezekiel tight to her. "I caught me a Zekey! I am so happy!'

Tyler, pushing aside his shock and sorrow, managed to smile and pat Ezekiel on the shoulder. "Welcome to the team, buddy."

Ezekiel smiled and pumped his fists. "Yes! Thank you, Lindsay! Thank you, Izzy, Tyler!"

He hugged both Tyler and Izzy, and was about to hug Lindsay too, but felt it best not to hug the host at the last second, so he bowed politely to her. Many of the teens thought this was the dorkiest thing they had seen, but Izzy giggled and bowed too.

"Well everyone," Lindsay said, "I think it's time to get out of this dreadful sun, don't you? I mean, a good sun bath is great every now and then, but we are gonna get, like, so burnt if we stay out here much longer!"

Chef Hatchet nearby her nodded. "Yes, the challenge is over, Egypt is done. We should get back to the plane." He looked over at the very bitter Chris Maclean, and grinned. "Sorry you got demoted to my status, pretty boy."

"This is the worst day of my life," Chris shouted with dramatic gusto.

"Oh, I only have one bed for where I get to sleep, as the co-host. Since Lindsay will obviously get your deluxe queen bed with soft downers and plush pillows... I hope you don't mind sharing a bed with me."

Chris' eyes widened in terror, and the teenagers all burst into mocking laughter.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Good bye, Egypt.)**

** Chris Maclean** - "They cannot do this to me! I'll get back at them for sure! I'm the Chris Maclean, I am the host! They'll all regret it, Billy and Lindsay and Ezekiel and... everyone else!"

**Lindsay** - *clapping and cheering* "I cannot believe how lucky I am! Wait until Beth hears about this! Oh! Think I can promote her to co-host?"

**Katie** - "Well, this contest might be okay after all, now that someone with a brain is hosting, you know? But even though I want to win this contest, there's something else I am aiming for..."

* * *

**(Total Drama Jumbo Jet, First Class)**

Katie waved at Noah as the two loser teams passed by the winners in first class. Noah glanced up from the book he was reading, and gave a small wave back. She giggled and skipped off, leaving him confused.

As the teams walked by, Owen fished something from his pocket. "Oh that's right," he said to himself, as self-narration was something the big guy was prone to do. "I have to give this back to Ezekiel."

"Give what to him?" Duncan, who was passing by, asked. He took the notebook from Owen, and flipped through it.

"It's Ezekiel notepad," he explained, being helpful. "Izzy found it when he was thrown from the plane, and she handed it to me."

Duncan leafed through it, raising part of his unibrow. "Heh. Home School has definitions of slang that's so common, even grade schoolers know them. Oh, and notes on all of us. And..."

The punk burst out laughing, much to Owen's surprise. When several people looked at Duncan, he called out, "Hey, Bridgette! Get a load of this!"

Bridgette was confused, especially when Duncan almost shoved a notepad in her face. It took her a few seconds to see what it said, and when she did, her eyes widened.

Ezekiel had written her name among the others, with a few notes like, "Vegetarian, loves her mother, loves dolphins." However, the most noticeable part was all the hearts that had been drawn around her name.

Bridgette gaped as Duncan snorted with laughter. "Looks like a certain Home School still is crushing on you, Malibu!"

The certain home schooled boy froze up when he saw what Bridgette was looking at, and pulled his toque over his eyes, shrinking into his seat. The surfer girl saw him, then glanced back at Duncan to snatch the notepad away. Leshawna then dragged Duncan off by his ear.

Ezekiel felt someone poking his shoulder, and when he saw it was Bridgette, he blushed and tried to shrink more into his seat. He was startled when she handed him his notepad.

"I believe this is yours?" she asked.

"Y-yes, eh."

When he accepted, she smiled at him. "You've had a hard day, huh Ezekiel? Well, at least now, you're among friends. And I'm glad you're okay, that issue with the crocodiles really scared us all."

He smiled and said, "Th-thanks, eh. Guess I'm now finally experiencing Total Drama."

"Ain'tcha loving it so far?"

"It'll take a bit of time, but I think I'll get jiggy with it."

Bridgette giggled, then said, "Little bit of advice, that slang you are using sounds pretty forced."

"Yeah... I think I'll ditch it," Ezekiel said. "Izzy said the same thing, and she's pretty smart."

After exchanging a few more words, Bridgette had to leave to join her team in economy. Ezekiel had a couple seconds before Izzy leapt into the seat next to him, startling him. Her grin was almost ear-to-ear.

"Seems my Zekey still has a thing for the surfer girl," she gushed.

"Y-yeah, kind of."

"And for the record, drawing hearts is something girls do, not boys."

"Oops."

"It's no problem, could have been worse! She could have been disgusted. But no, she might want some of that home grown muscle you have."

She squeezed his arm and chest playfully, and he blushed. "But... but... she has a boyfriend, eh."

"That won't matter with Izzy helping you. Boyfriends won't get in the way when Izzy wants to help her Ezekiel. That'll be my goal for this season!"

Ezekiel smiled. "Yoo'r so nice, Izzy. Thank you."

"I'm just listing achievements, but you are welcome."

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Achievement Unlocked! Over 25 confessionals!)**

** Izzy** - "Ezekiel and I have become good friends, and along the plane flight, I had to hold onto him for a little while, due to my phobia of flying, which I thought I conquered but still comes back. I would have clung to Owen, but we had to tie him up and down on a bed to keep him from hurting himself over his phobia. I have to feed him personally when he's like that, Noah didn't care to for some reason."

**Ezekiel** - "I'm... I'm joo'st _so_ happy to be back! I cannot believe I'm finally hanging 'oot with other teens, and best of all, Bridgette doesn't hate me, eh! I... I think I'm gonna cry." *He sniffs and wipes away a tear.*

*He then blushes, and looks away from the camera.* "And I gotta say... my first kiss... that was really nice, eh."

**Duncan** - "Yeah, this season might not be so much fun, but hey, I can endure. My main issue is Leshawna, who watches over me like some kind of big sister. And I do mean big!"

*The door flies open, and Leshawna stands there, looking very mad. He places his hands over his ears, grinning victoriously at her, and then she grabs his nose.*

**Owen** - *tied up but still able to walk* "I wanted to say something before Izzy ties me back to the chair. I... I don't know how much longer I can stand this plane! Mommy! Daddy! Great pizza above, keep me safe!"

* * *

**(Total Drama Jumbo Jet, Economy Class)**

The plane was taking off, flying to its next destination. The two losing teams were sitting with each other, except for Leshawna, who wanted to sit next to Gwen. No one in economy was happy, because it seemed to be more bumpy than usual. All of them buckled up, but that didn't seem enough closure for some of them. DJ clung to Duncan, Sierra to Cody, Bridgette to Harold.

"This is horrible," Katie shouted. "I never want to be here in economy again!"

She grabbed Courtney in her terror, and the CIT clung onto to her too. The plane shook more, and thus he response was garbled. "N-n-now I'm very happy that Chris just lost his job! I hope Lindsay buys a new plane!"

"You think she will?"

"Actually, I saw the host's quarters, I don't think she'd turn that down. I don't think even I could."

Duncan laughed. "Princess would love a royal room?"

Courtney glared at him. "Didn't I ask you to stop calling me that?"

"Sorry Princess, but I don't know what they call queens in Egypt. And Harold," Duncan snapped just as the nerd opened his mouth, "I don't care."

Gwen chuckled. "But do you care that it makes you pharaoh, Duncan?"

"Maybe, Pasty, maybe."

" 'Pasty'?" Courtney repeated, glaring at Duncan. He and Gwen played innocent, while she had a nasty glare on her eyes.

It became a game between Duncan and Gwen then. Whenever Courtney looked away, the two would exchange grins, whispers, or winks from across the economy class. Courtney kept looking at them, trying to catch them in the act, but always missing. It kept up until Leshawna nudged Gwen.

"Don't provoke that girl, Gwen," she whispered to her friend. "It ain't worth messing around with a taken guy when his girl determined to keep him."

"She barely recognizes their relationship," Gwen grumbled.

"You still have to recognize you'll be in serious trouble if you fool around with him. At the least, Courtney will hate you, and Heather will obviously be looking for an excuse to vote you off."

Gwen sighed, shaking her head. "Don't you think... if you like someone enough, they're worth the trouble?"

"Dunno, hon, never had that forbidden love."

From the other side of the door, leading into first class, was Alejandro, who could overhear Gwen and Leshawna's conversation. He grinned, and then walked back over to his team.

"Want a drink, Al?" Owen offered. "I'd get you one, but my arms are tied down."

Alejandro's eye twitched at the mention of "Al," and he walked by Owen without a word. The big guy didn't seem to notice his aggravation. "Al? What's wrong, Al? Al? Al? You okay, Al? Al, still want that drink, Al?"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Al for one, and one for Al.)**

** Alejandro** - "The key to winning this is to make sure the heat is never on you. If Gwen decides to get involved with a taken boy and his jealous girlfriend, it'll just cause trouble for all of them, which is good for me. A little encouragement from yours truly about 'following your heart,' and she'll practically vote herself off."

**Gwen** - "Leshawna is the best friend I ever had, and I respect her opinion. But to be honest, this feels like something I should try. I've always liked Duncan, and Courtney just hits him in the groin when he teases her. Still... I don't want to hurt Courtney, I'd feel bad about that; I'm no Heather."

**Courtney** - "I always knew Gwen had a thing for Duncan. Well, I won't stand for that! As long as I'm on her team, I'll be keeping her in check! Thank goodness for Leshawna, she keeps Duncan in check."

*She looks out the window, pondering this.* "Maybe I should act a little like Leshawna with Duncan, teach him some manners!. But would that mean he'd become attracted to her too? I cannot see Leshawna and Duncan being a couple, but... you never know, right? Calm down, Courtney girl, it's just new season jitters you got here... you'll be fine!"

* * *

The hours went by, with the plane quietly flying and no longer shaking. Exhaustion set in with a lot of them, and they were falling asleep one by one. Gwen rested against Leshawna, Sierra against Cody, DJ against a now very crowded Duncan.

"Can someone get the gigantic brick wall off of me?" Duncan grumbled, trying to push the sleeping DJ off him.

Harold quietly snickered, but kept it down in fear of Duncan hearing him. He was staring at Leshawna, admiring how beautiful she looked when she was asleep, when something rested on his shoulder: Bridgette's head.

"Mmm," the surfer girl hummed, unaware of how surprised Harold was, "you don't mind if I..."

"No, not at all."

"Thank you. So tired... I normally am not, sand usually means a fun time at the beach for me."

Harold chuckled lightly, and pat her knee. "Maybe with luck, we'll visit California or Hawaii next."

"Thanks, Harold. You're such a nice guy."

She hummed again in her groggy state, and Harold smiled. "Thinking of Geoff?"

"No, I was thinking of you when I said you were a nice guy."

Harold couldn't remember the last time anyone called him nice; he also had trouble remembering when was the last time he got a decent compliment. He felt flattered, but wished deep down it came from Leshawna. "Thanks. But I'm sure you miss Geoff."

"Of course I do," she cooed. "But for now, I have you and my other friends."

"You consider me your friend?"

"Of course! I always have."

She pat his knee, as if in return. "Don't worry, I'll help you get back Leshawna."

"Umm... what makes you think I was thinking about Leshawna?"

"Silly, I know you're looking at her right now."

If Bridgette's eyes were open, she would have seen he was looking at her right now. He swallowed and looked at Leshawna as if to comply. "Y-yeah, gosh, how could one not look at such a dreamy dreamer?"

She giggled quietly. "Just don't stare too much, don't want to freak anyone out."

"Got it."

"You're a good guy, Harold."

Bridgette fell asleep after another minute. Harold glanced at her again, and thought, "_Geoff, you'd better count your blessings with how awesome of a girlfriend you have. And please don't kill me if you see this._"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - We miss you too, Geoff, though we haven't met.)**

** Bridgette** - "Harold may be a weird guy at times, but deep down, he's a softie, a romantic, and a sweetheart. Of course, there lays a fighter in him too, and I hope he brings that out against Duncan. ... I mean the other teams, of course. Now we're the struggling underdogs with one less than the others, but we have a good team!"

**Harold** - "When I became famous with the band, it wasn't the glorious life that I thought it would be. The fan girls were all over Trent, Justin, and Cody, but never me. I used to think I was really handsome, but now I feel like the ugly duckling. Still, it makes me the underdog!" *He grins and pumps his fist.* "Now that I recognize my faults and can focus on what really matters, I'll win Leshawna back for sure!"

...

**Izzy and Ezekiel** - **Izzy** - "Izzy just wants to know one thing, my Ezekiel."

**Ezekiel** - "What's that, eh?"

**Izzy** - *She holds up a light blue bra, smirking slyly.* "Who does this belong to?"

**Ezekiel** - *He gasps.* "What? What do you mean, eh? I've never seen that!"

**Izzy** - "It was in your jacket pocket, I pickpocketed you for fun."

**Ezekiel** - "Oh... it's probably Bridgette's." *He blushes bright red.* "It probably fell in my pocket when I huddled in her suitcase for warmth."

**Izzy** - *She quirks an eyebrow.* "Oh really now?"

**Ezekiel** - "Yes, I woo'dent lie to you, eh!"

**Izzy** - "Don't worry, I believe you. But I'll take care of it for now." *She shoves the garment down the front of her top. Ezekiel starts to giggle.*

**Ezekiel** - "I just... find it funny that yoo'r hiding a bra in your shirt, eh."

**Izzy** - "You big funny!"

* * *

**(Total Drama Jumbo Jet, Cockpit)**

Chris, dressed in his flight suit and pilot's hat, was sitting in the pilot's seat. He was not happy. "***Censored*** Billy," he said, stating his unhappiness. "I am so unhappy, I could scream!"

Chef shrugged. "You let power get to your head. I did that once, but you can work your way to the top again. Just like I'm doing now."

"Yeah well, you didn't lose a gold-plated jacuzzi. Even I wanted to slap you for getting that."

"I deserved that! I am Chris Maclean! I could get any woman I wanted, any show would have been glad to have me! I was proclaimed the sexiest man alive by several magazines."

Chef rolled his eyes, to which the former host stomped his foot. "This has got to be the worst day of my life. What else can Billy and Lindsay take from me?"

Lindsay entered the cockpit, holding a cell phone to her ear. "Uh-huh, uh-huh," she said, nodding. She approached the pilot's seat, and looked surprised to see Chris there. "Oh, Charlie? I'm supposed to be sitting there."

"... What?"

"Buddy was just telling me that I have to do the ending, for the finale of the episode when it airs. And since you're not host anymore, I have to do the announcement."

Chris stared at her, then burst into tears. And not just normal tears, but the hysterical kind of crying you have to hold back laughter to when you hear it. He yanked off his pilot jacket and hat, shoved them into Lindsay's arms, and stomped out. Lindsay stared in surprise, then looked at Chef.

"Was I too harsh?"

"Pretty boy's just got a lot of angst after losing his position. Don't worry, he'll be fine."

"Okay then."

"Truth be told, I think you'll be a better host than him."

"Aww," Lindsay cooed and hugged him, "thank you, Chef Chipper!"

She put on the jacket, which was a couple sizes too small, and then the helmet. "This should be fun. Now... do I just sum up things and say good-bye?"

"Something like that."

Lindsay clapped her hands, and looked out the windshield. "Well, everyone, we've just started this season, but there's so many questions at hand! Will Chuck get over being demoted? How will I do as host? Will Tyler find someone else, or will he focus on the competition?

"We all will find out in the next country we visit! On Total... Drama... WORLD TOUR!"

...

...

...

"Was that all right?"

"That was good."

"It wasn't over the top?"

"No no, don't worry your pretty head over it, you did fine."

"Aww, thanks, you're so sweet!"

As the plane cruised on, a winged fellow clung to the tail, straining but staying firm. Slightly burned wing tips were holding on, and a determined snarl came from the being's beak. {You're not getting away with this, Chris Maclean,} the duck quacked. {First you hit me with a plane, then you shoot me, then you try to eat me. I'll hunt you down to the ends of the Earth!}

* * *

...

...

...

**To Be Continued!**

...

...

...

* * *

**Team Victory** - Bridgette, DJ, Duncan, Harold, Leshawna.

**Team Chris** - Alejandro, Ezekiel, Izzy, Noah, Owen, Tyler.

**Team Amazon** - Cody, Courtney, Gwen, Heather, Katie, Sierra.

...

**Eliminated** - _Ezekiel_ (brought back), _Lindsay_ (promoted to host).

...

**Next Stop** - JAPAN!


	5. Japan, Part 1

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Do not try any of this at home, except for the stuff that you can do at home. Except for the things you shouldn't, but can, just don't unless it's okay, but not when it's not.

**TKN's Warning** - The reason why for no music and songs for this TDWT is musicals do not translate well onto text. It's like writing a songfic, and personally, I don't think that would work unless you're parodying songs. And still, even though, it's not so much fun to read.

And now for something completely different. The Land of Japan stands grand with their band Sand Glands!

...

...

...

* * *

**Chapter 05** - Sushi What Happened?

* * *

...

**(Total Drama Jumbo Jet)**

All of the contestants had gathered in the cafeteria of the jet, making small talk. The conversations always seemed to drift back to Lindsay and Chris' change of power. As the chattering continued, DJ and Ezekiel made coffee and tea.

"Luckily fur us," Ezekiel was saying to DJ, "we have tea because some people doo'nt like coffee."

"Really? Who?"

"Bridgette, fur one."

"Oh yeah, that's right. Who else, do you know?"

Ezekiel opened his mouth to answer, but the answer seemed lost. He kept thinking and pondering, unable to think of anyone else. He stammered, then pulled his toque down in embarrassment as he admitted, "I doo'nt knoo' who else, eh."

DJ chuckled and pat his shoulder before he picked up the tray of full, steaming coffee and tea mugs. "Don't forget, buddy, she has a boyfriend."

"I haven't, doo'nt woo'ry," he said, though the thought of Izzy's promise to him triggered at the mention of boyfriend.

The two handed out coffee and tea, and as it turned out, several of the others drunk tea besides Bridgette: Katie, Sierra, Noah, and Harold. Especially grateful was Katie, who always drunk tea with Sadie, and this triggered another upset sobbing from the sweet girl. DJ had to comfort her, while the others went back to talking.

Chef Hatchet entered the room, and noticed the tray of drinks that Ezekiel was handing out. "Tea and coffee?" the big man asked. "Oh, don't mind if I do!"

He grabbed a mug of both and started to guzzle them down. Callously walking past Ezekiel, he knocked the prairie boy over. Luckily, he fell down on a seat, but unluckily, the coffee and tea spilt all over his chest.

Wincing in pain, he pulled on his jacket to get the hot liquid that had absorbed into it from touching his chest. Izzy started to scream as if it was a true emergency and dashed to the kitchen, then came back with a tray of ice cubes, and, pulling his jacket open at the top, dumped them all down.

Ezekiel was now shivering as well as shaking, and looked an awful mess when Bridgette came up with a first-aid kit. The surfer girl frowned at Izzy for the ice cubes, and looked over at Ezekiel. "Are you burned any? We should apply some cream if you have been."

The prairie boy thought of Bridgette rubbing cream on his bare chest, and his face heated up faster than his chest had been. Both girls mistook that as a sign of pain, and Izzy fanned him desperately. Ezekiel managed to find his voice long enough to assure them he hadn't been burned. He removed his jacket and started wringing it out.

Izzy noted his pale gray shirt, then asked him, "Hey, Zekey, where's your bling? Don't you wear it under your jacket?"

"No, I lost it," he said. "The bling, the other toque, and my sunglasses, they were lost when I nearly got eaten in Egypt."

"Dang, that's a real shame," Izzy lamented. "Well then, just let Bridgette apply some medicine to your chest, and you'll feel better."

Someone loudly cleared his throat from another table. That someone would be DJ, who was still busy comforting Katie, and he was giving Ezekiel a sideways glance. The prairie boy gave a feeble wave, and repeated that he was fine.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Coffee and tea is on Ezekiel!)**

** DJ** - "Geoff's a good friend of mine, so I want to make sure no one hits on his girlfriend while he's not here. Though I'm sure Ezekiel's a nice guy, it's kind of obvious he has it bad for her. I mean, who couldn't?"

*He chuckles, then freezes up.* "Um, not that I meant anything by that! Sorry, Geoff! And you, Mom! And you, Bridgette!"

**Izzy** - "I have not forgotten my promise to get Ezekiel that girlfriend he deserves! Do you want to know how cool that cat is? In first class, when I was chatting him up, he listened to every crazy story I have! No one listens to me, they just look anxious or scared! Tell me, what girl wouldn't want a boyfriend who listens no matter what wild things you tell him?"

"And I even made up some of those stories!" *She laughs, then glares at the camera.* "But don't tell anyone that."

**Bridgette** - "Look, I know Ezekiel may have a thing for me, but I'm sure he knows I'm not only taken, but I'm not worth... pining over, or whatever. I'm just a normal girl who likes surfing and animals, nothing special."

*She laughs, then stops and listens to the door.* "Um, don't tell Duncan I said that, or I'll never hear the end of it. He hasn't stopped bugging me since this contest started."

**Ezekiel** - *just wearing his shirt, missing his jacket* "It seems everyone is aware that I really like Bridgette, but I think, despite what Izzy says, I should just lay off, eh. Every time I tried to get near her in the past, it ended disastrously, and now that I'm on speaking terms with her, I want it to stay that way, eh."

*He chuckles, then stops, but chuckles again.* "You know, now that I'm not trying to be hip, I actually feel cooler, eh."

* * *

Harold yawned as he scooted next to Leshawna. She noticed this action and wish he wouldn't, but she didn't have the heart to scoot away from him. He smiled at her.

"So, my lady Leshawna," he said, grinning at her, "where do you think we'll go next?"

"Dunno," she said with a shrug.

He tried to draw more out from her. "Where would you like to go?"

"Honey, I don't know, I never considered myself much of a traveler."

As Harold contemplated his next question, Duncan let out a loud laugh. "Jeez, take a hint, nerd," he said, chuckling.

"What's that mean?"

"She's not interested in you. Does she have to draw you a picture?"

Leshawna glared at him. "I can speak for myself, Duncan!"

This wasn't what she meant to say, but the words had already affected Harold, who looked heartbroken. "Really?" he asked. "Leshawna, please tell me Duncan is wrong."

Leshawna wish she could stand up against Duncan now, but what she wanted to say contradicted that. She took a deep breath and was about ready to tell Harold how she really felt when the overhead speaker spat out a high-pitched whine, startling everyone.

"Attention everyone," Lindsay's voice came from the overhead, "today will begin the next challenge for Total Drama World Tour! I hope you're all excited as I am, because I'm gonna be hosting my first episode ever!"

"Whoo," Leshawna exclaimed, pumping her fists and standing up, distancing himself from Harold. "You go, girl!"

"You're gonna be great, we all know it," Katie cheered.

"That's my girl," Tyler shouted, then he flinched in embarrassment and muttered, "Well, was my girl."

Lindsay's musical giggle echoed from the loud speaker. "I am so stoked like you all wouldn't believe! And our next place of visit is going to be a lovely place known as... Jay-pay-nen."

Everyone exchanged glances, very confused by this. Harold's eyes widened, holding his breath in anticipation.

Chef, meanwhile, was groaning. "I should have been there, to read it for her. She's terrible at maps."

"Wait a minute," Courtney said, looking over at the big man. "If you're back here... who's flying the plane? Lindsay?"

"Yep."

"Are you _crazy_? There's no way she knows how to fly a plane."

"Relax, I gave her a crash course."

"What a horrible, horrible way to put it."

"It'll be fine so long as she's paying attention to what's in front of her. The plane practically flies itself."

This calmed down Courtney and some of the others just a little, until Tyler spoke up. "But if she's reading the map, is she watching where she is going?"

Chef paused, then his eyes widened in terror, and he sprinted back to the cockpit. The passengers were all terrified until they heard Lindsay's voice, struggling to pronounce the latest location, be replaced by Chef's. "I'm back. It's all cool."

Everyone let out sighs of relief, and then Chef added, "Oh, and the place we're arriving at now is Japan."

Harold let out a cry of delight, which had been amplified by how long he was holding in his anxiousness. The powerful whoop of nerdish delight startled all the others as Harold cheered and pumped his fists.

"Shut up, Harold," Duncan grumbled.

"We're going to Japan," the nerd exclaimed. "I've wanted to go here all my gosh-darn life! This is great!"

He hugged Leshawna in excitement, and said, "I'm gonna treat you to some real Japanese sushi! That stuff is incredible!"

"You talking about raw fish, sugar?" Leshawna replied. "That doesn't sound good to me."

"Neither does letting you teenagers run about."

Heather rolled her eyes. "You know what? Has anyone recognized the difficulty we'll have going to other countries? Who here can speak Japanese?"

Harold, Ezekiel, Izzy, Alejandro, and Noah all raised their hands, and Heather sank into her chair, defeated for the time being.

Chris Maclean had entered the cafeteria during Harold's jubilation, and his smirk, though bittersweet, was back. "Sorry Harold, but we are not going to let you trouble-making teenagers run around foreign countries and possibly get Canada involved in a worldwide scandal."

The nerd sighed in regret and slumped down in a chair. The former host took power in this torment, and added, "Heck, we're taking a chance just by letting Ezekiel out of his home schooled cage."

He laughed until a tea mug hit his forehead. As he cried out in pain, Izzy tried to look innocent by hiding under a table. It didn't look too innocent when she peeped up at Ezekiel from his lap.

"Does he see me hiding?" she asked him. Ezekiel was trying to stay calm as Izzy grabbed his knees and rested her chin on her hands, and managed to shake his head. The redhead nodded back, then added in a whisper, "In Japan, we work on your courting skills."

"Is that necessary?"

"Ninja Izzy demands it!"

As Izzy continued to discuss this with Ezekiel, some of the members of Team Amazon were discussing their new destination. "I'll be quite happy to see Japan," Gwen said to Katie and Cody. "I love travel, especially to places rich in culture."

"Funny you should say that," Heather said as she sipped her coffee, "considering you're not rich, and have no culture."

Gwen gave her a side glance as Courtney cleared her throat in hopes to avoid a fight. "I for one am glad we're visiting a civilized place. It gives me hope about the challenges."

That's when she overheard Tyler and Harold excitedly chattering. "I love those Japanese game shows," Tyler was gushing, "like when they make contestants eat live bugs!"

"They have such funny faces," Harold agreed, "and we have practice with Chef's old cooking!"

"And the one where they have to avoid laughing without being spanked," Tyler added.

"Or how about the one where they have to try to carve a picture," Harold said, "while fending off inflated boxing gloves..."

"...using nothing but a frying pan!" They both howled with laughter and high-fived.

"Well, so much for that hope," Courtney grumbled.

"I hope we get on Skillet Skills while we're there," Harold cheered.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - These crazy shows nowadays show everything.)**

** Tyler** - "Yeah, I guess deep down I'm still reeling from having to let Lindsay go, so I'm digging into my other passions to avoid being depressed. The biggest bummer is, no sports can be done on a plane, and even if we do get into sports, the only other athlete here is DJ. I guess Harold would be okay, he's cool since both of us are eager to see Japan."

**Heather** - "It doesn't surprise me that Gwen wants to go to Japan. She looks like a living Kabuki mask." *She laughs, then pulls a notepad and pen from her pocket.* "Ooo, I'll have to use that one on her later." *She clicks her pen and grins at the camera.* "Once a queen bee, always a queen bee."

* * *

As the contestants talked to each other and Chris applied an ice pack to the injury on his head, Lindsay stepped into the cafeteria, wearing a very festive outfit.

"Konnichiwa," Lindsay said cheerfully, spinning around so that her bright robe flowed around her. She pat her hair, done up in an elegant bun, and then smiled. "We will be arriving shortly in Japan!"

She looked down at herself, placing her hands on her stomach, which was bare. The costume was definitely not authentic, as the contestants all gathered since it looked more like a sexy Halloween costume. Lindsay may have had the flowing skirt of a Japanese kimono, but her top was covered by mostly a tube top of the same design, with ribbons stitched on the side. She wore sleeves on her lower arms and fingers, with her nails delicately painted. She did look very sexy, as most of the boys noticed with glee.

Though ironically, and this did catch Leshawna and Bridgette's attention, Harold looked horrified. For someone who loved Japan and girls, they both thought, he'd be the first one to drool over Lindsay; however, the nerd ran over to the new host in a panic.

"Lindsay," he whispered to her, "don't you know what kind of costume that is?"

The blonde nodded, smiling at Harold. A faint blush appeared on her face as she asked him shyly, "Do you like it?"

"Um... gosh... um... no no! What I mean to say is, your costume is styled to be like a geisha girl!"

"I know that, I did a little research of Japan's history before I ordered this," Lindsay said, lifting up her boobs and correcting herself. "A little tight in the bust, but they normally don't make them my size."

"Lindsay," Harold said, trying to ignore this movement while several boys behind him did not (which got Duncan a elbow to the side, Cody a slight bop to the head, and Tyler a small headache when he slammed his head against the tabletop to avert his sorrow). "Lindsay, you do know what geisha girls did, don't you?"

"I read a brief thing on them, and I kind of gathered they were there for moral support," she said, then posed as she added, "kind of like cheerleaders! Geishas were Japan's cheerleaders!"

Heather and Chris were snorting with laughter, as Harold ignored them by being nice and assuring Lindsay she had a wonderful costume. Bridgette looked over at Leshawna, who had a slight smile on her face.

"You're... amused by this?" she asked Leshawna.

"Girl, it makes me happy to see him talking to other girls so comfortably."

"But... you know he likes you most."

"Yeah, but Bridgette," Leshawna lowered her voice to whisper to her friend, "I don't think I'm really interested in him that way."

Bridgette felt her heart sink a little, and then it got worse when Duncan chuckled nearby, having heard their words. "Yeah well," he added, "I cannot blame you for that, Leshawna."

"Do you have any idea about privacy?" Leshawna snapped at him.

"Not when the conversation is right next to me."

Leshawna was not the only one who was having trouble with privacy, as Cody was dealing with a very excited Sierra. "We could go out for sushi together too," she was suggesting. "Have you ever had it? Says it is the second-most heavenly thing to have on your lips."

"Oh really?" Cody asked, a tad nervous at how close Sierra was to him. "And the first most thing would be?"  
"Someone else's lips, of course."

Katie giggled when she heard this. "That sounds like something Cody would say to a girl."

"Really now, I just wanted to try it once," Sierra admitted, grinning at Katie. "See how much fun it is to be direct like he can be."

"He does a lot of flirting, doesn't he? First season, he hit on Sadie and I a little at the Playa des Losers."

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - No one flirts in here.)**

** Cody** - "Okay, I am a bit of a flirt, yes. But you know, how can you not be when there are such nice girls all around? Aside from Heather, all the gals of this show are really something! But my heart will always be aimed at Gwen, and this season... I am hoping!"

**Sierra** - "Sure, flirting with Cody and clinging to him and touching his butt when I can is the best part of being on the show, but it also gives me a chance to talk to people who I can relate to! At school, people avoided me because I loved talking about TD, but here! I have Katie, and Izzy, and Leshawna, and more! I can gossip all day with girls who know it all! Like having the best message board ever!"

* * *

Cody groaned in embarrassment as Sierra and Katie continue to chatter, when the plane shook a little. Lindsay all but ignored it, except for a bright-eyed smile.

"Oh, that's Chef putting it on autopilot," she said to Harold, then whispered. "He said he wanted to dress as a traditional Japanese warrior for the occasion!"

Harold grinned. "I can see him being a powerful samurai, maybe even a ninja!"

Chef then entered dramatically, kicking open the door and striking a pose. Harold's jaw dropped, then he frowned and pointed accusingly at Chef.

"That's not a traditional Japanese warrior," the nerd shouted.

"Say what now, shrimp?" Chef growled. The warrior-cook-pilot was dressed in an orange robe, and had a bo staff in his hands, and while Lindsay was smiling at him, she looked confused over Harold's indignant outraged.

"You're a Shaolin Monk," Harold outraged indignantly. "Shaolin Monks are Chinese warriors! Gosh, idiot!"

"How dare you insult my cosplay," Chef roared, and then swung his battle staff at Harold. The nerd ducked in time, and ran away from the proud but still incorrectly dressed cosplayer.

As Duncan and Chris Maclean laughed as Chef chased Harold around the cafeteria with his bo staff, Lindsay was shouting at them to stop. And just when she said, "You could hurt someone, Chef Whackit, or break something," Chef broke something.

The mighty chef took a mighty swing at Harold, and hit the not-so-mighty door on the plane's side. The door creaked, making everyone nervous.

"Um," said a very scared Owen, "they make those doors really well, don't they?"

"Of course they do, big guy," Noah said.

Then the door came clean off its hinges and right off the plane.

"Except for ones on a cheap plane bought by a stupid host."

Chef didn't even have time to marvel his strength, because the plane was up in the air, and now the cabin pressure was sucking everything out of the flying death trap. Chef was the first to go, screaming very much not like a warrior but a ninny. Harold went next, his last words in the plane were, "Pacifist warrior, my butt!"

All of the other contestants were sucked out of the plane, screaming and flailing, trying to grip something to avoid this fate but no one was strong enough, not even DJ or Owen. Lindsay managed to grab the side of the door, and her geisha nails were strong enough to stay clinging to the plane.

Chris was braced behind one of the tables, and shouted, "Well, looks like Chef's martial arts are still useful," he shouted to Lindsay over the whipping winds.

"I want a new plane," she wailed. "I don't care if I lose that jacuzzi, I want something better than this!"

Meanwhile underneath them, eighteen people plummeted through the sky, screaming in abject terror.

"We're gonna die," Owen was factually shrieking. "Gonna die from falling to our deaths and impacting on the surface! Mommy!"

Izzy was exclaiming a prayer as she held onto Ezekiel, who was clinging to her. "Oh God," she called out, "if you're out there, give us all pogo sticks so we can leap back onto the plane!"

"This is the end," Courtney wailed. "We're all gonna die from this... this is all your fault, Harold!"

"Yeah, you just had to provoke Chef," Heather shouted.

"Way to go, butt face," Duncan chimed in.

Several of the teenagers glared at Harold, but he was too busy battling Chef right now. The nerd had revealed his numchucks and was parrying the cook's bo staff.

"Chinese warrior," Harold shouted, "not Japanese! You disgrace cosplay everywhere!"

"Do you know how long I had to wait for this costume to be ordered?" Chef roared back, swinging wildly. "Two hours! Two whole hours! I could have been working on something important, like painting my nails after I was done with Lindsay's!"

This remark made him show his funky nails at Harold, who then bashed him on the head with his numchucks. Chef Hatchet drifted away from Harold, muttering unintelligible things in his daze.

"Next time, check your facts," the nerd declared, pocketing his weapon. It was then that he noticed a lot of the others were glaring at him. "Um, what?"

"In case you haven't noticed, string bean," Leshawna shouted (and Harold marveled how her hair whipped around as they all fell), "we're falling to our deaths!"

"Nonsense!"

Everyone heard the voice come up from the plane. Lindsay and Chris were standing in the open doorway, now that the cabin pressure had decreased enough, and the new host was holding a parachute in her hands.

"We have one of these," she called down to them. "Now... one of you wear it, and the rest of you cling onto that person!"

"_One_ parachute?" Duncan shouted up at them. "That's ALL?"

"Well, I'm having trouble finding the others," Lindsay admitted, just as Chris snatched the parachute from her hands.

"Here you go, you ungrateful kids," he shouted as he hurled it down at the plummeting teenagers. "Just make sure Ezekiel doesn't get it!"

Duncan was face-palming as he saw the parachute come hurdling down to them. "Great, we're gonna die because our former host was too cheap to buy parachutes on a cheap place! What the... duck?"  
The flying fowl had appeared in front of the punk, flapping its wings as it looked around. {Why are all you humans trying to fly?} it quacked. {And more importantly, is Chris Maclean among you-}

It was cut off when the parachute hit the duck, sending the quacking bird into a downward spiral of despair ("QUA-AAACK!"). Bridgette and DJ, despite their predicament, cried out in horror.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - He should have ducked.)**

** DJ** - *sobbing hysterically* "That poor duck! Waaaaaah!"

**Bridgette** - *also crying emotionally* "Why must poor animals be hurt in the making of this television show?"

**Duncan** - "Okay, I'm not a nice guy, and I don't really care about animals, but even I am starting to feel sorry for that duck. Seriously, what the-"

* * *

The parachute soared past several people trying to grab it, and landed in Noah's hands. The bookworm raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"Oh great, of all the survivors," Heather shouted, "it just had to be the one who doesn't cooperate!"

"Sob a little more, sister," Noah retorted as he started to put it on.

"Seriously, Noah?" Leshawna yelled at him. "You really are a turkey, aren't you?"

"Jerk," Izzy declared as she clung tighter to Ezekiel. "Parachute hogger!"

Noah was busy rolling his eyes as they insulted him, and then he noticed Owen, flailing and screaming hysterically with phobia-induced panic. For one of the few times in his life, Noah felt sympathy for someone else, and removed the parachute. He grabbed Owen's flailing arms, and shoved the parachute onto him.

"Now grab onto Chubby's large girth," he started to say, but Owen's flailing finger snagged the cord and pulled it. The parachute opened and Owen was yanked upwards as everyone shot past him. Noah paused he watched his big friend and the parachute fade from view as they all continued to plummet.

"Well," he said, feeling the eyes of all the others on him, "I go out with a clear conscious, then."

"You're so nice," Katie gushed. "You saved Owen!"

"Of all the people you had to save," Heather started to protest, but Courtney swatted her in the face.

"Stop whining," Courtney hollered. "If we're all going to die, I don't want to hear complaints!"

"Why not, eh?" Ezekiel asked, squeezing Izzy in his terrified grasp. "I mean, there's so much I woo'd have liked to do befur I died, eh!"

"Like what?" Izzy asked, smiling casually.

"Oh, I doo'nt knoo'... maybe learn a ninth language!"

"Kiss a girl too?" Izzy whispered into his ear.

He blushed, and said, "Well, I've had my first kiss, eh, but maybe there is someone else I want to kiss..."

Katie was joining in the fun. "I know what I want to do before I die," she declared. "I want to see Sadie again! And then we'll open our own clothing line!"

"That's all?" Duncan said. "I want to blow up the juvie jail I was in before I joined this show!"

"That's horrid," Courtney shouted.

"That's brilliant," Gwen cheered.

Bridgette shivered as she dared to look down. "This is it! Tell Geoff I loved him!"

"Tell Lindsay I still cared about her," Tyler cried out.

"Tell Leshawna I love her," Harold declared.

"Why don't you do it yourself?" Alejandro asked him. "She's right there, you know."

Harold opened his mouth, but then they landed. Luckily, against all odds, and I'm seriously talking like lottery winning odds, they landed in a gigantic bowl of rice that was set up as a public advertisement. The sixteen free-falling teenagers landed safely in the bowl, the rice cushioning their very long and dramatic fall. Chef Hatchet, screaming, plummeted to the side of the bowl and smashed into the ground. A Chef-shaped imprint was to be seen when the dust cleared, then the very, very injured man started to pull himself out.

"I lived," he whimpered happily.

Then he heard terrified blubbering, and looked up to see Owen's plus-sized butt coming down. Even with a parachute, the large teen made quite an impact, and right on top of Chef Hatchet. As the phobia-induced fear went away, Owen gasped and looked around.

"I made it," he screamed in delight, then looked down to see what he had landed on. "Good Buddha, I squashed Buddha!"

In the rice bowl, the teenagers were surfacing, and the first was Harold. The excited nerd looked around, pumped his fists, and shouted, "JAPAN! YES! Konnichiwa, Japan!"

Then Leshawna surfaced. "Don't be so stoked, string bean, your 'fanboyism' is the reason we took a skydive!"

Alejandro surfaced next to her. "Now now, chica, he was enveloped by the passion of Japan. I happen to know a little..."

He spoke in Japanese, some of it Harold knew too, and the nerd was infuriated as Leshawna was confused. "What you say?" she asked Alejandro.

"I said, 'You look beautiful under the rising sun, Leshawna'."

Leshawna giggled and smiled, while Harold clenched his fists underneath the rice, trying to cover up how much it hurt to see the girl he loved getting giggly, something he had yet to do, over another guy.

Someone cleared their throat behind him, and in a threatening manner (as threatening as clearing your throat can get, but I'm sure you know). He slowly turned to see Duncan, Courtney, Heather, and some of the others glaring at him.

"You almost got us killed, nerd," Duncan roared, wading through the rice at him.

Harold squeaked in terror, and waded away from some very angry teenagers.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - I hope Harold stays in One Piece.)**

** Courtney** - "Harold better be glad he's not on my team!"

**Duncan** - *cracking his knuckles* "Man, why does that nerd have to be on my team?"

**Harold** - *wearing a headband that has Japan's flag on the front* "I will uphold the honor that is seen in Japan and its warriors, like the samurai! No badly-dressed cook or panic-stricken teenagers are going to change my mind about that!"

*He crosses his arms and tries to look defiant, but it falls through when he sighs in exasperation.* "My honor would feel more important if Leshawna was fawning over me instead of that new guy! Now I cannot romance her with Japanese words, because he's already done it!"

* * *

**(Japan Airport)**

Some interns guided the contestants to the airport, while Chef Hatchet had to be taken to the hospital on a stretcher. One of the Japanese nurses looked very confused when he saw Chef's outfit.

{Why is a Shaolin Monk in Japan?} she asked another of the nurses.

{I think he is that western cartoon character who dresses in orange,} the other nurse replied. {You know that one... Kenny?}

{Oh no,} the first nurse exclaimed, {they almost killed Kenny!}

When the contestants got to the airport, they had to wait for the Total Drama Jumbo Jet to land. Harold was finding it hard to be comfortable waiting when everyone was glaring daggers; the nerd had learned a long time ago that his cast mates could be violent deep down, and would usually strike him if he got on their nerves.

Well, most of them. Bridgette was still talking to him.

"I don't see why they're mad at you," she whispered to him, "when it was Chef who broke down that door."

"Safety in their anger," he replied, and when she looked confused, he said, "If they get mad at Chef, he'll smack them, but I won't. Directing your anger at the person least likely to hurt you is almost natural safety route most take."

"Sad but true." She sighed, then smiled at him. "Don't worry, I got your back, Harold."

He couldn't display that meant deep down to him, so all he could say was, "Thanks," in reply, just as the plane landed.

Lindsay stepped out, her hair disorganized and her geisha costume a little crooked. "And the first thing we're gonna do while this plane has landed," she shouted at Chris as he stepped off, "is get a new door! One that one come off from a small bump like that!"

"We don't have money to just throw around," Chris said, smirking at her. "Remember that you cannot just be blowing money, Lindsay."

"I know," Harold said. "We could take it out of your salary!"

"Shut up, Harold," said Duncan before Chris could.

"Yeah, shut up, Harold," Gwen muttered.

Lindsay was surprised at the hostility Harold was getting. "Why are you mad at him?"

"He almost got us all killed," Heather snapped.

"No, he didn't," Bridgette exclaimed. "That was Chef who hit the door! Quit blaming him!"

"But it's so easy to," Duncan said, smirking.

Lindsay was now looking around. "Where is Chef Latchit now?" she asked.

"At the hospital," Alejandro offered. "Our big amigo missed the soft landing."

"Oh that's too bad. Well, at least we have free health care."

"We're in Japan, eh," Ezekiel pointed out. "They doo'nt have free health care."

Lindsay was very confused, but eventually the clinking of gears in her noggin got the point through, and she nodded. "Oh, I get it," she said, then turned to Chris. "We can take his health coverage out of your salary, Charlie."

As the new host skipped away from the flabbergasted former gasping, she motioned to everyone. "Come along now, we have a certain destination to hit, and I know some of you are very excited!"

She walked over to Harold and walked alongside him, and as the teenagers followed her into the nearby city, Izzy and Ezekiel could see Chris making throttling motions at Ezekiel, including garroting, throat slicing, and tearing out the Adam's apple. The home schooled boy whimpered and clung to Izzy.

"Don't let the turkey get you down," Izzy whispered to him. "You got to be a man."

"He's already tried to kill me once, eh," Ezekiel replied. "I'm afraid he'll try it a'geen!"

"Chris may seem violent, but he wouldn't dare damage his face or hair. Who's he actually hurt?"

As they walked away from the plane, an injured bird trying desperately to fly crash-landed next to the plane. It picked itself up, quacking in pain and frustration. {This was the work of Chris Maclean, I know it,} it quacked, {and I'm gonna get him for this, I bet my bill on it!}

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Maybe a little Bleach will cure that.)**

** Chris Maclean** - "I'll have my revenge, mark my words! I'll be host again, and that dumb blonde will pay for making me look stupid! I don't think they know how much I, Chris Maclean, have influence in show business!"

**The Duck** - *rubbing his bill and inspecting for injuries* {Everything looks fine. While they are gone from this very large bird, I'm going to put out a little warning for that Chris Maclean, to show I mean business..."

**Duncan** - *looking at the toilet seat, very confused* "How'd a dead water bug get on the seat?"

* * *

**(Japan, City)**

The cast was walking through the city when they found themselves besieged by the civilians, getting pictures with their cell phones and cameras. Lindsay tried to put them off so she could make her way through, but the allure of posing pulled her in after a few seconds. Soon she was striking all kinds of poses.

"I practiced this at home," she explained to Harold as she struck a particularly sexy pose of sticking out her chest and butt while winking at the camera, "because I, like, knew I would be famous one day, and I wanted to make sure I could look for the camera."

"No argument here," Harold said, smiling. The man holding the camera said something in Japanese, and he translated, "He wants you to do something decent, this is for his kids."

"Oh, sorry!"

A lot of young Japanese girls were swarming Cody and Alejandro, giggling and squeezing their arms. Both boys, from their own experiences, were used to this treatment, and learned how to smile and accept it, and enjoy it. Sierra was a little jealous of Cody getting attention, but she was distracted by people asking who she was.

"I'm the new contestant this season," she said, speaking slowly as most English speakers do because they think it helps to people who don't know any English. "I... new!"

"What's up with this?" Courtney asked aloud as she tried to pose modestly for a young lady holding a cell phone. "Are we really that famous?"

"Sure are," Chris said as he struck many poses for very anxious women. "Total Drama is a huge hit in Japan!"

"And you tried to get rid of us," Noah remarked, hiding behind Owen's large girth as he hated the attention. "You really are a moron, aren't you?"

It took a long while to finally get to where Lindsay was trying to lead them, and she was no help in that sense as she kept stopping to pose whenever asked. Chris, Alejandro, and Cody were just as bad, and Heather was soaking up the admiration she was getting, something she rarely received nowadays. Also, Ezekiel became lost when he was engrossed in a conversation with a young Japanese boy wearing a straw hat and his redheaded girlfriend, and had to be retrieved by Izzy.

Finally, they managed to reach what looked like a warehouse. "This isn't a warehouse," Lindsay explained to them, "it's actually a film studio."

"Oh man," Gwen moaned, "it's Total Drama Action all over again!"

Katie clapped her hands in delight. "Goody! I never got to experience that!"

Lindsay led them into one of the large studios. "I was told by Chef, before we had that unfortunate incident on the plane, that this was where they shot Japanese game shows!"

Tyler and Harold both let out loud cheers to this. "We get to see the set of a Japanese game show?" Tyler exclaimed. "This is the coolest day ever!"

"I know, right?" Harold agreed, and they high-fived.

"Tyler, you fool," Noah grumbled, "we're all supposed to be shunning Harold for almost killing us, remember?"

The two boys didn't hear this. They were more preoccupied when the lights came on, and what looked like a gigantic pinball game could be seen. They both let out very excited screams of joy.

"HUMAN PINBALL," they both shouted, jumping in delight.

"We're on the set of Human Pinball," Tyler cheered. "This is so cool that we get to see this!"

Lindsay looked at them, looking a little confused. "Oh, you know the challenge?"

"This is the challenge?" Gwen asked, looking a little concerned. "A giant pinball game?"

The new host nodded, smiling and gesturing at the giant contraption. "This was the plan, do you like it? Now let me explain the rules to Human Pinball for you:

"Each team is going to have two balls."

Tyler and Harold guffawed, trying to suppress their childish desire to giggle, but let out a few and got glares from disapproving females. Lindsay was confused, then continued. "And every team's balls is gonna be whacked into the game by the stick here."

Some of the boys started giggling openly as Lindsay pat the giant, spring-loaded stick for starting the game. Even a couple of the girls started to snicker as she, still confused, carried on.

"Now you want to bounce your balls around as much as possible to score, but you don't want to go into the hole at the bottom; it's very bad when one of your balls goes into the hole, because you can not get it back."

That did it, all those trying their best not to laugh were doubling over with not-at-all-suppressed laughter. Some, like Heather and Chris (well, only them), were still resisting and rolling their eyes. Lindsay thought there must be a joke someone told that she missed, and concluded.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - How childish, joking about Dragonball.)**

** Courtney** - *trying hard to not to giggle, suppressing it* "As... *ahem*... as a CIT, I would not support such childish, dirty humor... keh-hee-hee! Snrrrk... not! Do not support it at all!"

**Chris Maclean** - "See? Nothing this juvenile would happen if I was host! I'd just have contests where they have to seriously hurt themselves or puke hard. That's entertainment!"

**Lindsay** - *looking at herself in the mirror* "I didn't have anything on my face there, did I? I look fine, right?"

**Harold** - "Well, now I know why they always change the word 'ball' to something else whenever an animé is dubbed in English."

* * *

**(Human Pinball Set)**

Lindsay tapped her fingers on her arms as she waited for the laughter to die down. "Well then," she said, "we are going to have two people on each team, and each has to have a different companion. One of them is... a friendly Japanese animal! The panda!"

From a large box, she lifted up a panda cub. All those of light heart deep down "d'aaaaaaaaw"s of delight. The panda cub, nervous, curled up against Lindsay. While most were marveling the cute sight, Harold was slightly distracted.

"Pandas come from China," he said, crossing his arms. "Just why do you have panda cubs in Japa-"

Duncan slapped him against the back of his head, and not lightly. "The last time you complained about that, you almost got us all killed, so shut up!"

"Stop being mean to Harold," Lindsay shouted, "or I'll pair you up with the dangerous animal we have!"

The punk shrugged. "Meh. What is it?"  
Lindsay glared at him, and looked over at Chris. "What is it?"

"It _was_ going to be Chef Hatchet, but he is now detained."

Duncan snickered, as Lindsay sighed in defeat and said, "Well, Chris was going to pick the people, but I'm just going to suggest them. For Team Chris... how about..."

She looked at the six of them, and tried to think of who to suggest that wouldn't sound biased: she was attracted to Alejandro, had kissed Ezekiel, had dated Tyler, Izzy would be too good, and Owen would be rather... painful to watch. She looked at the last member and said, "Itchy Boa!"

"It's Noah!"

"Why not you?"

Noah groaned, and looked away. "No, thank you. I'm allergic to panda dander."

"How could you possibly know that?" Izzy barked at him.

"I just do."

"Are you trying to weasel your way out of this?"

Leshawna let out an audible scoff. "That's no surprise, remember what an uncooperative turkey he was first season?"

Noah scowled and faced away from the others as Heather added, "Yeah, he's not a team player. You all should remember that."

"Guys, leave him alone," Owen said as he pat Noah's shoulder. "If he says he's allergic to panda danda... pandra dranda... pandaren dera... to panda fur, then he is!"

The bookworm looked rather surprised by this support, and muttered, "Um... yeah, thanks Owen."

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Take Route N? Nah, Route O!)**

** Noah** - "I cannot believe Owen supported me back there! No one supports me, not my family, not my stupid classmates... this is the first time I can recall someone standing up for me. And best of all, he blocks out the harsh rising sun when he does so!"

**Owen** - "I owe my little buddy Noah so much from that parachute! Everyone thinks it's so funny when someone has a weird phobia, but he saved me when I was plummeting to me death! It really isn't funny..."

*He then looks out the window, screams, and darts out of the room. Actually, he ran into the door for the bathroom, and fell to the ground after impact.*

* * *

"I will take the panda," Alejandro said, raising his hand. "I have a way with animals."

Lindsay nodded, and handed the cub to Alejandro. As the charming young man started to sweet talk the panda, both cub and girls of TDWT were all swooning; only Heather remained immune, and rolled her eyes.

"What's so special about that?" she scoffed, but no one on her team was listening to her. Lindsay looked over at Team Victory and held up another panda cub from the box.

Harold started to speak, but DJ raised his hand. "I gotta take this," he declared. "I need to prove I'm not cursed."

"DJ," Leshawna muttered, face-palming, "there are no such thing as curses-"

The panda cub in Lindsay's hands leapt out and attacked DJ, clawing and gnawing his head, punching his face. Harold pulled it off of him, and started to soothe the agitated cub.

"Ooo, that's the temperamental one," Lindsay observed. "Well, I think Harold will do it before GJ and that cub really hurt each other. And who wants to do it for Team Amazon?"

Courtney cleared her throat. "As leader of Team Amazon, I think I should take on this task-"

"_You're_ the leader?" Heather barked. "No way! I'm leader!"

"Oh, like I trust you," Gwen snapped. "Either of you! Neither of you deserve to leave!"

"Stay out of this, Weird Goth Girl," Courtney shouted.

"Hey," Heather cried out, "I call her that, that's my personal insult, Crazy In Training!"

"Oh, we're going there, are we?"

Cody, who knew the perils of cat fighting, walked backwards until he bumped into Sierra, who wrapped her arms around him in terror. "You know, it's fun to watch them fight on TV," she whimpered into his ear, "but it's very scary in real life!"

"I know, right?"

"Hold me!"

"I can't... you're holding me too tight from behind."

The fighting lasted for a few more seconds, Duncan the only one enjoying the argument, until Katie finally spoke up. "Will you all stop fighting?" she shouted. "I'll do the challenge, just to stop this horrible fighting!"

Lindsay nodded, and gave the panda cub to Katie. This one was the anxious one, and it immediately began to crawl all over the sweet girl.

"Gah! Oh ho, that tickles! Ooo, sharp lil' claws... ouch, little panda! Ack, you're grabbing my boob there... oh, my leg!"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Fullmetal Alchemist! ... Oh wait, that's not a pun, but we just really like that animé.)**

** Katie** - *She looks very disheveled, hair and clothes in disarray.* "I actually really don't like wild rides, but I like fighting even less. And I realized those three were going to fight, which always makes me flashback to the horrible fights Sadie and I have had, well I realized I had to get out of there soon. But... maybe I could have avoided being paired with an anxious panda cub!"

**Panda Cub** - *It holds up a picture of Katie in its paw and lets out a wolf whistle.*

**Gwen** - "I somehow anticipated Heather and Courtney struggling for power, but I never thought I would get involved. I don't want to lead, especially after what happened last season..." *She looks to the side and drifts off.*

* * *

"So the ones with the cubs," Lindsay was saying, "are going to be Harold, Kathy, and Alejandro!"

"Ow," Katie yelped as the panda cub playfully pulled one of her pigtails. "Why is my name the only one she gets wrong? Oh, my ear!"

As Katie tried to stop her cub from licking her ear, Lindsay stepped towards the others. "The next person to be placed in one of the pinballs... has to share it with another member of your team!"

Team Amazon's quarreling trio glared daggers at each other, before a happy squeal made them flinch. "Cody and I will go in one," Sierra said, squeezing Cody from behind again. The tech geek let out a strangled gasp, and nodded.

"Fine by me," he said, but it came out, "Fffrsh bugh meeep."

"Okay, then we'll have Corey and Sarah," Lindsay said, clapping her hands in excitement. "That's for Team Amazon, and for Team Chris?"

"I wanna go, I wanna go," Izzy exclaimed, jumping up and down, blocking out Tyler's attempts to voice his desire. "It looks like so much fun!"

"Okay, Kelsey," Lindsay said, ("What?" Izzy repeated **[1]**) "who will be your partner? Your boyfriend?"

Izzy looked at Owen, then the pinball, then back at Owen. "Um, Big O? I think it'd be best you sit this one out."

"Fine by me, my little Izzy, I've had enough wild trips for one day. Who'll be your partner then?"

Izzy didn't see Tyler raising his hand and whimpering in his effort to get noticed, but she missed him and saw someone more desirable to her. "My Zekey!"

She pulled Ezekiel to her in a tight hug and then said out loud, "This will help teach him not to be afraid of girls, when he's trapped in a tight container with one and being bounced around like a... like a pinball, haha! This is gonna be so much fun."

Tyler let out a pitiful whine as he faced away from Izzy huggling Ezekiel, and though the prairie boy did like being held close to her, it was embarrassing as he could feel everyone watching them.

"And the remaining members of the teams," Lindsay said, "will struggle amongst the teams for control over the flipper buttons!"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Hoping not to get a Death Note.)**

** Tyler** - *sulking* "I get to actually get to be on a Japanese game show, and I don't even get to really participate. This season really sucks, man."

**Leshawna** - "All I can say is, when they launched those pinballs, I sure am glad my booty and I were not in one of those oversized hampster balls!"

**Alejandro** - "Yes, it was a little bit risky, but did you see the way the girls stared at me? None of them are going to vote off me now."

* * *

"And for Team Victory," Lindsay looked over at the team, and tapped her lips, "which two of you want to be trapped in one of the balls together?"

Duncan looked at DJ, who was nursing his sore head, and Leshawna, who did not excited to go. The only remaining member was Bridgette, to which the punk shrugged.

"I guess I'll have to go with Malibu Barbie," he said, wrapping his arm around Bridgette's. She tried to pull away, but he held firm and grinned at her. "Don't worry, I'll be gentle."

As Bridgette protested and tried to pull away from Duncan, Courtney stopped fighting with Heather and Gwen long enough to see what her boyfriend. "Hey... hey! Duncan! Let go of her!"

Duncan merely laughed. "Sorry Princess, but I gotta take a ride with your friend!"

As Bridgette groaned in disgust and made another attempt to get away from Duncan, a scrawny but strong pair of hands pulled Duncan and Bridgette apart. Harold shoved the panda cub into Duncan's arms, and he had that fierce glare Duncan had only seen once, which was right before the nerd had decked him last season.

"If you're not going to be honorable about this," Harold snapped, "then you can ride with the cub, and I'll go with Bridgette."

Duncan blinked, then looked down at the cub. It began to snarl viciously at him, and he winced. "Um... uh... DJ! Think fast!"

He chucked the cub at DJ, and the pounding and gnawing continued. The violence caused Alejandro's and Katie's cubs to cuddle up to their new friends in fright.

Lindsay was, and this should come as no surprise to anyone, confused. "Okay... um... so who's doing what for Team Victory again?"

* * *

**(AIrplane Bathroom - Azumanga Daioh World Tour!)**

**Chris Maclean** - "See how Lindsay lets the others walk all over her? Well, this should prove she's not a good enough host. I'm gonna be back as host before we get to the next country, mark my words."

**Courtney** - "Duncan has some nerve, grabbing Bridgette like that! If he's not careful, I might lose him again! ... I mean! He might lose me again! Yeah, that's what I meant. Honest!"

**Duncan** - *He makes sure no one is listening outside before he talks to the camera.* "So... think that got her attention?"

**Bridgette** - "Thank God that Harold stepped in when he did. Could you imagine being trapped in there with Duncan? I cannot think of anything worse."

**Chef Hatchet** - *in traction, inside the bathroom* "I... hate... my life." *Now that he's said that, he tries to exit, but realizes he can't.* "Aw crap."

* * *

The six balls with their passengers were loaded into the starting area. Lindsay and Chris pulled the plunger back, and then let it fly as the six balls with passengers rolled out onto the game. They all quickly learned just how dizzying it could be to be inside a ball rolling around.

"Waaaaaugh," were Katie's exact words. "Ouch! Ooof!" The ball bounced around the large bumpers and springs. The panda was whooping in delight, and still managing to crawl all over her.

Alejandro had the panda in his arms, and it was pointing at good locations to bounce against. "Thank you, little friend," he said. "You've been on this game enough to know where to go, what a handy skill!"

DJ's panda buddy was not as helpful, but then again, both cub and huggable DJ were in a dizzy and rather painful roll. The panda kept getting squashed against the sides from DJ's large bulk, and the gentle teenager would scream out, "Sorry, panda!" It was a rather hilarious/horrid thing to watch (you make the call, or it could be horribly hilarious).

Sierra and Cody were also being knocked around in their ball, but Sierra was purposefully getting herself all over Cody. The lady-loving geek would not have minded that much if he wasn't being slammed around in the ball.

Izzy and Ezekiel were in the same situation, although Izzy was cackling madly and trying to give Ezekiel tips as they ran. "Now you have to be yourself," she instructed Ezekiel, "and I know you're a little scared of that, but Izzy is never scared of what people think! If people think Izzy is crazy, then Izzy will think people are crazy!"

Harold was the only one taking the game very seriously, and also one of the few on his feet inside. He was holding Bridgette's hand, and keeping them both at a job, running into as many point-collecting bumpers. "See, the trick is," he was shouting to Bridgette, "you need to keep balance and a speed that equates the speed that the circumference of the ball is going!"

"Harold, I think I'm gonna be sick," she shouted.

"Oh sorry! I know some people hate it when I talk about math-"

"No, I mean literally!"

Harold swallowed nervously, and said, "Okay, I'll try to make it easier. Can you hold it down until we get to the end?"

"S-sure!"

As the balls bounced around, their remaining teammates fought over the paddles. At the right paddle, Leshawna was shoving Noah away from the button.

"Move, turkey," she exclaimed, knocking over the small bookworm. Owen attacked from behind, but Leshawna was more than enough to handle him. When Courtney and Heather tried attacking at the same time, they accidentally bumped into each other, and triggered another argument. They were so busy arguing that they didn't save Sierra and Cody's ball from slipping past the paddles and into the exit hole.

"Good one," Gwen hollered at her teammates from the left paddle button. She was in control, and Duncan didn't seem to care if she kept it. Tyler, however, had determination.

"Sorry," he said as he pushed Gwen away. "But my team needs me-"

He was cut off when Duncan tackled him, shouting, "Don't shove her, you creep!"

"Ow! Hey, look who's talking," Tyler shouted back, to which Duncan twisted his arm. "Owtch! Dude, stop it! She's not even on your team, and I said I was sorry!"

Gwen watched as Duncan defended her, and then called out, "Hey, Duncan, don't give him such a harsh time, okay?"

The goth girl was so busy with the fight happening in front of her that she started to press the button every time a ball came to it, be it her team's or another's. Tyler shoved Duncan off him during this confusion, and lunged at Gwen to get control of the button back.

He put too much gusto into it, and knocked both of them on the floor. She groaned as she lay on the ground, muttering, "Thanks, Tyler, I didn't need my spine."

"Sorry," he said, cringing as he helped her up, "I really am-"

Duncan attacked him again. "What did I say?" he shouted.

The fighting carried on for the paddles as the balls continued to bounce all over the field. DJ's slipped through the paddles, followed by Katie's. After a minute passed, Izzy and Ezekiel's ball went by the paddles as the conversation continued ("Now see, Zeke, the birds and the bees have this thing-" "My parents already gave me that talk, Izzy!").

Alejandro's ball came down next, followed after a few more seconds by Harold's. The ball return slot then opened, and the balls came out, opening so that their passengers could escape.

Bridgette wobble-ran to the side and puked, to which Harold rubbed her back and apologized over and over. Izzy laughed in merriment as she hugged Ezekiel, both smiling and gushing about how much fun it was. Alejandro promptly thanked his panda pal before returning it to its box home.

DJ stepped out of his, holding a very battered and sore panda cub in his arms. He sobbed loudly, crying out, "Is there a panda doctor in the house? Oh man, I really am cursed!"

Cody fell out of his, and feebly reached up to wipe away the lipstick from his face. "Ugh. Sierra, if we got a point for every time you kissed me-"

"Still wouldn't have been enough points," she giggled. Then the world seemed to shift in a tectonic fault for her, and she fell down in a dizzy state.

Katie stepped out of hers, incredibly disheveled and dizzy. Her panda cub clung to her head, giggling, as she moaned. "Thank you, people," she slurred out her words, "we hope you enjoyed doing those circular activities to get the blood pumping. Now we move onto the floor exercises!"

She fell down onto the ground and didn't get back up. Lindsay took note of that, and the others, and said, "Well, I forgot to mention something! The one team that scored the most points gets to go on a shopping spree with me during the break!"

"Hey, wait a minute," Chris exclaimed. "You cannot just blow the show's money willy-nilly."

"I don't know who Willy Nilly is or why I would spend his money, but I have my own," she said, patting her pocket in her skirt. "I have credit cards of my own, you know!"

Chris grumbled something about "a lame prize" as he sulked away, and Lindsay looked up at the score board up at the top of the pinball game. She tried to ignore all the arguing and moaning as she read them out loud.

"Okay, last place was Coby and Siesta," she said. "Fifth was DG, fourth was Karen, third place was Tizzy and Ebsen! Second place was our nice, new contestant Alejandro, and our first place winner is Belinda and Harold!"

Bridgette heaved right after she said this, and muttered, "That's... good."

Harold winced, and looked over at Lindsay. "Can we wait a minute for Bridgette to recover?" he asked. "She's really not feeling good, circumference spinning can seriously affect-"

"Shut up, Harold," Duncan shouted as he struggled with Tyler, still.

Bridgette groaned, and said, "No... you... shut up. Harold, go on without me."

"Gosh, Bridgette, that's not fair-"

"No, I insist, go have fun with Lindsay," she said, managing a smile that would have been sweet if her lips didn't have a film of puke over them. "After all, you wanted to see Japan!"

Leshawna went over to Bridgette to comfort her, and waved her hand at Harold as encouragement. With a guilty sigh and a shrug, he walked over to Lindsay, who hugged him in delight.

"We're gonna have so much fun," she exclaimed. "Oh, and before we go, we need to figure out which team came in first, second, and third!"

She looked at the very large numbers on the screen, and winced. "Ooo... this may take a while," she admitted. "Has anyone got a calculator?"

"Team Chris has first place," Harold said, narrowing his eyes as he did the math in his head. "Team Victory got second place, and Team Amazon has last place!"

"There you have it," Lindsay cheered, then beamed at Harold. "You're so smart!"

She turned towards the camera, waved at the camera guy, and said, "We'll be right back after these messages, so don't go away! As Total Drama World Tour has some more fun in Japan!"

"Medic," DJ wailed.

"Hurk," Bridgette puked.

"I'm gonna break your neck," Duncan roared at Tyler.

"You losers cost us the game," Heather shrieked at her team.

Lindsay winced, and pulled Harold out of there, eager to get away from the chaos.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Insert your own animé pun here.)**

** Chris Maclean** - "What'd I tell you? She just goes off to shop, and with a contestant. The show will be mine again!"

**Bridgette** - *cleaning herself up with a hand cloth* "Oh boy... second time I puked on international television... I hope Geoff missed that part."

**Leshawna** - "Harold seems to be getting along with Bridgette all right. I think it's time I break him the news, because I cannot see him in a new light." *She sighs.* "This isn't going to be easy."

**Katie** - *still disheveled* "Well... that wasn't a ball." *She manages to giggle, then moans as another dizzy spell hits her.*

**Cody** - *using another hand towel to wipe off the lip imprints* "Okay, I think Sierra got a little too energetic in that ball, but hey, I didn't mind so much!" *He tilts his head and then reaches into his ear, pulling out a wad of gum. With a disgusted moan, he flicks it away.* "Ugh, but I do mind her gum in my ear! Yick!"

**Sierra** - *rolling her tongue inside her mouth* "Uh-oh! Oh dear... if that wound up in his ear... I think I'd better stay a bit of a distance from my Codykins now, at least until the challenge is over."

**Alejandro** - "Things are going smoothly here, and..." *He pauses, then lifts his foot; a stretching, wet sound can be heard, and he winces in disgust.* "Who leaves their gum on the floor? Honestly!"

**Chef Hatchet and Panda Cub** - *Both are in traction. Chef glances over at the cub.* "Oh, they got you too, huh soldier?"

* * *

...

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**To Be Continued.**

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* * *

**[1]** - In case you don't know why Lindsay would call Izzy "Kelsey," Kelsey was the name of CN's doppleganger contest, in which she dressed and looked a heck of a lot like Izzy.

...

**Staff** - Lindsay (host), Chris Maclean (co-host), Chef Hatchet (co-host, in traction).

**Team Chris** (first place) - Alejandro, Ezekiel, Izzy, Noah, Owen, Tyler.

**Team Victory** (second place) - Bridgette, DJ, Duncan, Harold, Leshawna.

**Team Amazon** (third place) - Cody, Courtney, Gwen, Heather, Katie, Sierra.

...

**Next Up** - Japanese Movie Making!


	6. Japan, Part 2

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of this fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Do not try any of this at home, except for the stuff that you can do at home. Except for the things you shouldn't, but can, just don't unless it's okay, but not when it's not.

**TKN's Warning** - I have a very good excuse for why it took me so long to update. I really do! And that reason is that time refused to stop. And since it refused to stop, I had no way of doing everything required of me. Therefore, it is all time's fault. Go out there and punch a watch for me, or kick a clock. Point at the time clock on your phone and say, "BAD!"

And now for something completely different, and boy howdy, you have NO idea. *_wicked laughter that lasts too long and dissolves into coughing_*

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* * *

**Chapter 06** - Crowning Moment of WHU-WHAAAAA?

* * *

...

**(Japan, Recording Studios)**

Most of the teenagers were getting slightly impatient while waiting for their host to get back. Chris Maclean was getting the most impatient, but frankly, no one really cared about his feelings because he never cared for theirs, past or present or even future (he's just that cold, he doesn't care ahead of time).

Bridgette was trying to calm down DJ, who was pacing back and forth, fretting over how he was hurting animals left and right. Leshawna made small talk with Gwen, as Courtney tried to get Duncan's attention but having little success; she could almost sense he was trying to irk her by doing this.

Katie was being assaulted with questions by Sierra, though since most were about Sadie and what to put up on the blogs, the sweet girl was more than eager to be the starlet for the paparazzi known as Sierra. Cody, still a bit dazed from the wild ride of the pinball game, was just admiring Gwen from afar.

Noah was busy reading, Owen busy reading over his shoulder. Tyler was bored with his yo-yo, Heather watching Alejandro suspiciously from afar, and Alejandro was glancing at Heather cautiously.

Only Izzy and Ezekiel were busy, talking animatedly about the necessary things on life. "So what you are saying," Ezekiel said, cocking his head to the side in confusion, "is that girls don't like it when boys act stupid but do?"

"Yes, of course!"

"I'm so confused, eh."

"See, you have to act a little stupid, because if you have no flaws, girls think you're just a big act! And that means you have one thing on your mind!"

"… Sex?"

Izzy clasped her hands over her mouth. "No! My, how atrocious! You really do have a dirty mind!" As Ezekiel stammered out an apology, she giggled and slugged his shoulder. "I'm kidding you, you're right."

"It's not easy to learn," he said, sulking, "when you give me a hard time over the right answers, eh."

"That just makes it more fun! Keeps you on your toes!"

"Keeps me wondering if I'll ever get it right, moo'r likely…"

Thus, the two were so busy talking that they didn't even notice Lindsay and Harold return. Harold was now dressed in samurai armor, complete with helmet, shoulder pads, and a very realistic looking scabbard complete with sword inside. He was carrying a great deal of shopping bags by their handles in his hands, mouth, and pointy ends of his armor. Several people came over to help him as Lindsay removed her new shades and beamed at the others.

"I never realized how much shopping could be done in Japan," she gushed. "You guys have got to try it one day!"

Harold took a small breather after he let go of all the bags, as Duncan stood nearby, laughing. "Samurai Harold, I presume?" he asked, snickering as he looked up and down Harold's new armor. "More like Samurai Dork."

"You're lucky I don't act like a real samurai," the nerd replied, "and challenge you to a duel to defend my honor! But I have no time for that, I have presents for my wonderful teammates!"

He handed a rather large bag to Leshawna, who looked startled. "I got you a take-out order of sushi, picking out what you would like most, I'm sure! Then there's some really nice Japanese candies and a few other things."

"Harold, you…," Leshawna started to say, wondering how to say it without hurting his feelings. She could only bring herself to say, "You shouldn't have spent so much money, sugar."

"Well, I gotta admit, Lindsay bought most of it, because that was my prize for winning," he confessed, "but I thought of you when I was getting them! I hope you like it! Now Bridgette…"

He walked over to his teammate with another bag. He first fished out a roll of tablets and whispered to her, "These are like Japanese Tums, in case you're still feeling queasy."

"Thanks," she said, pocketing the candies. Before she comment and say she was feeling better, Harold pulled out something from the bag that made her eyes widen and then sparkle.

"Japan loves their plush toys," he said as he handed her the stuffed dolphin toy, "and I know you love dolphins, so-"

He was cut off by an excited squeal from Bridgette as she hugged her new dolphin plush, and chanted, "Thank you," over and over. Duncan rolled his eyes and scoffed at this, muttering something about, "Malibu and her obsessions."

"Oh, and DJ," Harold said as he walked over to his unhappy teammate, "I got you some ofuda papers. They're charms to ward off evil spirits, if you really think you're cursed. Oh, and I got you a bunny plush."

DJ accepted the presents graciously and with much delight, but when he hugged the bunny plush, the little head popped off. He burst into tears as Harold winced. "Oh, that's not a good sign," he muttered. "Probably should have got the more expensive ofudas."

"Anything for me?" Duncan asked. "Or did you get me nothing to spite me?"

"Oh, I did get you something," Harold said, tossing Duncan a small roll of candies. "Those are a Japanese candy breath mints. Enjoy!

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - It's like Harold Claus!)**

** Duncan** - *_angrily staring at the breath mints in his hand_* "The nerve of that nerd, insulting me in front of everyone, saying I have bad breath! I'll get him for that, mark my words!" *_He pops one of the candies into his mouth, and his dark mood brightens slightly._* "Oh wow… gotta give him credit, these are good!"

**DJ and Harold** - *_DJ is still crying over the now-headless plush bunny, while Harold tries to comfort him by patting his back._*

**Bridgette** - *_still hugging her new plush dolphin_* "I think the first stuffed animal I ever got was a dolphin, and it was from my dad. I couldn't help but feel a little girly out there, it just brought back so many happy memories!"

**Chris Maclean** - "If I were still running this show, I wouldn't have any happy, gushy moments like Generic Granola Girl's confessional! Lindsay insists on keeping the happier moments, which is such bull! But mark my words, if my name isn't Chris Maclean, I'll have this show back before you know it!"

**Leshawna** - *_looking at the bag of presents Harold gave her, sighing heavily_* "This doesn't change much, except it's gonna make it harder when I tell him. I gotta do it sooner than later, that's best! C'mon Leshawna, you've had more difficult moments that this!" *_She pauses, then sighs again._* "No, I haven't, really."

* * *

"So what's the next challenge, Lindsay?" Noah asked.

"Hold your ponies, Nathan," Lindsay said with a polite chuckle, "we're getting right to that. See, here in Japan, they love their movies and cartoons, as Harold has told me. And sure enough, this challenge is to make your own commercial for a new product hitting the shelves!"

"That's right," Chris said, holding up a bag of disgusting looking treats. "We have here the-"

"Our product name is called Ninja Sweet-ken, after the ninjas'," Lindsay started to pronounce the name of the throwing weapon wrong, and after a few more tries, she turned to Harold for help. "Shuriken," she said, now corrected. "They're quite delicious, and Harold got me a box while we were out-"

"Hang out a minute," Chris shouted, waving his bag of treats in Lindsay's face, "we're supposed to be selling _these_, the-"

Lindsay cleared her throat to interrupt him, and held up her cell phone. "Willy called, said that the product you were planning had tanked, so they went with a new Japanese candy. He said to say sorry for inconvenience, by the way."

Chris gnashed his teeth. "Damn you, Willy! I mean, Billy," he shouted, then glared at Lindsay again. "Are you enjoying this?"

He was hit in the forehead by a thrown shuriken Ninja Sweet-ken. Glaring at the most suspicious person there, Chris noted Harold was eating from a box of the candies as he whistled innocently. He let out a sigh of defeat, and said, "Whatever then. Lindsay, lead on and show them all where the props are, okay?"

"Sure thing, Charlie!"

Lindsay led them all to a large warehouse, and said, "In here, you will find all kinds of used props and other fun things! Now we're going to allow first choice to Team Charlie, who came in first the last challenge. Next will be Team Nicotine, and last, Team Amber Mom. Have I got that all right?"

"Not even close," Heather grumbled.

Lindsay continued, not hearing her. "Now we have three small filming studios nearby, numbered one, two, and three. Charlie goes in one, Nicotine in two, Amber Mom in three. You'll have about five hours to finish your commercial, starting when the first team goes into the prop warehouse. Any questions?"

"Can I have some of those sweets?" asked Owen.

"Is this a real challenge, or a prize filler?" asked Courtney.

"Are the cameras in the filming studios?" asked Noah.

"No questions then," Chris blurted out, grinning. "Very good, you may all start now!"

"Hey," Lindsay protested.

"Oh sorry, force of habit. Go on, you do it then."

"Um, okay. Team Charlie, you heard Charlie, go on in."

As the team went in, Izzy giggled and nudged Ezekiel. "Maybe we'll find something for you to give to a girl you like!"

"What do girls really like, eh?"

Alejandro chuckled. "Flowers."

"Candy and sweets," chimed in Owen.

"Attention and affection," offered Tyler.

"Wrong," Izzy exclaimed. "They like weapons!"

"That's not a wise gift," Noah remarked, "because if she doesn't like the weapon, you've armed a very disappointed woman."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No, wait, it's the Airplane Bathroom! What were we thinking?)**

** Izzy** - "As the only girl on Team Chris is Really Really Really UGLY, I have to make sure Ezekiel gets the proper education on courting a girl! After all, when he meets that special girl and needs to charm her, who better to learn from than a special girl?" *_She claps her hands, and then licks the underside of her own nose for a quick cleaning._*

**Noah** - "Something tells me that if Ezekiel takes Izzy's advice seriously, he's going to be worse off than he ever was."

* * *

**(Props Warehouse, Team Chris Is Really Really Really Hot/Ugly.)**

Izzy practically dove into the pile of props, reemerging with funny-looking things in her hands, in her mouth, tangled in her hair, sticking out of her clothes. She kept diving back in, as Ezekiel watched intrepidly, worried she might stab herself with a pointy prop.

Noah and Alejandro were actually taking the game seriously, and looking for something they could use. Alejandro struck gold when he found a giant monster costume, one in a plus, plus, plus size. He held it up in front of Owen, and said, "Jackpot! Just your size, big guy!"

"We going to have some giant monster stomping Tokyo movie?" Noah asked, raising an eyebrow as Owen gleefully admired the costume.

"That's always a common theme. Shall we, Noah?"

The know-it-all cast a suspicious glance at the charming teen, then shrugged. "Whatever, sounds fine."

"Do you think we'll need a beautiful damsel in distress?" Alejandro continued, walking over to Izzy. She dropped what she was holding (fake banana, surfboard, water gun), and blushed, giggling at the attention from the handsome young man. Unbeknownst to her, Ezekiel watched with a certain amount of defeat.

"Wish I coo'd be that good," he muttered to himself, walking away. "Must be nice to knoo' hoo' to be so nice."

Tyler overheard this, and scoffed. "Don't believe he has it on easy street, dude, I'll bet he still has his own share of problems."

"Really? Does every guy, eh?"

"Yeah, man. Trust me, no matter how smooth someone appears to be, there's no perfect guy."

Ezekiel nodded, then overheard Izzy giggling, rather girlishly, as Alejandro paid her a compliment about her hair. The prairie boy mentally sighed, then tried to block it out by searching around the props for something to use in their movie. While he dug through a box of army costumes, Tyler continued to talk to him.

"Look, I know you feel down after Egypt, but the girls are just a little excited with Alejandro," he said. "You just gotta remember, it is like sports! Keep trying, it's not over yet!"

"Really? Are you going to keep trying with Lindsay?"

Tyler had not considered that. He tapped his lips in thought, and said, "You know, I hadn't thought of that. Do me a favor, buddy. When we start filming, cover for me for a while."

Ezekiel was unsure what was going on, but he remembered Tyler helping to save his life, so he just nodded. He picked up a stack of army helmets, and walked over to Noah and Owen. "Would these be good for the monster invasion?"

"Good work, Home School," Noah remarked. "Now go find some fake buildings, but nothing too hard, lest our chubby buddy tries to stomp on them and hurt himself."

Owen chuckled at the thought. "Guess that means no stomping on Paris, or I'll impale my foot on the Eiffel Tower!"

"Wow, Owen," the bookworm said, raising an eyebrow, "didn't know you were that knowledgeable."

"Of course! That's the one that's leaning, right?"

"And with that, all impressment is gone. Get some buildings, and get Izzy to stop drooling over Al."

Tyler and Owen scrambled to find fake buildings, cars, and anything else they really wanted stomped on. They both had armfuls of props, as Ezekiel balanced five army helmets, when Noah told them they had enough. With the costume slung over his shoulder, the bookworm walked over to the gushing Alejandro and swooning Izzy, and clicked his tongue. "Flirting in the hallways is over, students, let's go."

Izzy stuck her tongue out at him but followed along, and Alejandro followed up in the rear. As their team started to leave, Team Victory came in, with a very anxious Harold at the front. The Latino teen grinned mentally, and approached Harold.

"Good luck on this challenge, Team Victory."

Bridgette and Leshawna both started to giggle, which annoyed Harold some; he was already getting into the very serious role of samurai. "We don't need luck," he said defiantly, turning his nose up at Alejandro, "we have mad skills!"

"Of course you do, that's more than obvious to see," Alejandro said, patting Harold's shoulder. "The others should be grateful to have such an intelligent and knowledgeable person of Japanese culture leading them in this challenge."

"Hey," Duncan barked, "that nerd is not our leader!"

Harold found himself blushing at the compliment, and tried to tilt his helmet to hide this, but couldn't hide the smile on his face. "Gosh," he gushed, "thank you, Alejandro."

"No problem, my friend."

* * *

**(Confessional Can - No, we got it wrong again! Airplane Bathroom! That's what it is!)**

** Alejandro** - "It's all too easy. Give the nerd a superiority complex with a compliment, and he'll think he's better than the rest. Harold's ego will grow, they'll lose the challenge, and they'll blame him. Far too easy, and necessary to get rid of someone as clever as he can be."

**Harold** - "If my brief stint with fame and bad start at courting Leshawna have taught me anything, it's that ego does not help. Samurai do not have ego, they have honor! I will not think myself better than my teammates, because they are all smart, helpful, and I'm gonna need them to pull off the best commercial Japan has ever seen!"

**Ezekiel** - *_He is holding up a prop tomahawk and a fake AK-47._* "So… according to Izzy, girls woo'd love to have these… but fur some reason, I doo'nt think Bridgette woo'd really go fur them, eh. Am I wrong?"

* * *

"All right then," Harold clapped his hands as Team Chris left the building, "I have the perfect idea for a commercial!"

"Not really interested in hearing one of your nerdy ideas," Duncan scoffed.

He was suddenly grabbed at the shirt collar by Harold, yanked right into the nerd's face, so that they were eye-to-green-tinted-glass-covered-eye. "I suggest you listen to me very carefully, baka Duncan," he said, "or I might teach you how to commit hari-kari. Now go find us a prop horse or some other animal to come riding on!"

Harold shoved Duncan away, then turned to the others and smiled, despite the very startled looks on their faces; none could remember Harold being aggressive. The samurai-dressed nerd approached Leshawna and Bridgette, and placed a hand on each of their shoulders.

"Leshawna-kun, Bridgette-kun, I'm gonna need you two to find costumes. I'm sure they have plenty of costumes for peasants and princesses. We need three peasants and one princess."

"Who's gonna be the princess?" Leshawna asked, not liking where this was going.

"Why you, of course, my dear Leshawna."

"Don't be silly, Harold! Whoever heard of a black, Japanese princess?"

"There was Princess Tiana, that's about halfway there," Harold said, grinning at his crush. "C'mon, you'll look great."

Leshawna sighed and muttered, "Fine. Don't know if they make princess costumes big enough for my tush, but if you insist." As she walked off, Harold felt concern over her lack of enthusiasm. He looked over at Bridgette, who shrugged in disbelief too.

"You know, if she hates it," she said, "I wouldn't mind being the princess."

"But the princess has to be the romantic lead with the samurai," Harold explained, patting his chest at the last word. Bridgette nodded at this and winked.

"I'll make sure she looks good," she said as she hurried off to help Leshawna. Harold beamed at his departing friend, then turned to his last teammate. "And you! DJ! I want you to…"

He trailed off when he saw DJ was still comforting the plush, decapitated rabbit. It might have been pathetic, had it not sounded so grisly when you say, "decapitated rabbit." Harold took a deep breath, and looked at DJ with a serious but calm face.

"DJ, I want you to go find some plant props. Get a lot of them, maybe a tree, anything that'll work for the open."

The gentle giant wasn't listening, just quietly sobbing into the exposed fluff of the plush.

"DJ, focus. We need bushes, weeds, flowers, roses… DJ, we need at least one. Can you get me a bush? A small bush!"

He still wasn't listening, his giant shoulders shaking. Harold gripped them, and shook DJ.

"DJ," he called out to him, loud but slow so as to make it perfectly clear, "I WANT... A SHRUBBERY!

Harold's words didn't work, so he had to come along with DJ and have him carry the props. DJ almost started to help, but when Harold handed him a wooden stand-up of a sheep, DJ dropped it and broke the head off, sending him into another fit of tears. It took a great deal of time for Harold to calm him down, like the good friend and noble samurai (and as someone who realized it was just a prop) that he was. So when they had everything ready, Team Amazon was getting really impatient and frustrated.

"Finally," Courtney shouted at them as they left the warehouse. "We were getting really impatient!"

"It's so frustrating," Heather snapped, "how you all hogged it for as long as you could."

"A thousand pardons, gentle ladies," Harold said, bowing before them, "it was not intentional. Best of luck, may your skill shine like the rising sun."

"Ooo, that's neat," Sierra said, writing down those words on a notepad. "That'll be the quote of the day on the blog!"

Katie was looking around the warehouse, fretting over a very crucial detail. "Um, guys? There's not much left here."

The others started looking around, and Courtney let out a frustrated groan. "It's all just a bunch of crap that nobody would want."

"Here's a sheep," Cody said, lifting up the busted prop, "oh, and here's his head."

Gwen held up a hockey mask. "There's a few things left. We should be able to make something."

Sierra inspected the hockey mask too, and smirked at Gwen. "Oh, going to your love of horror movies, eh?"

"You know too much about me… but then again, I think everyone knows that."

Heather let out a very audible scoff. "Like we're going to use any of your ideas in this production, Weird Goth Girl!"

Gwen clenched the hockey mask in her hands, trying to contain her desire to fire back. It didn't help that Heather was still tongue-lashing her. She bit her own tongue to avoid lashing back (anyone getting mental pictures, chastise yourself).

The queen bee was not stopping. "So as the leader of Team Amazon, I'm not going to let you make this some B-grade horror movie."

"_You_ are the leader?" Courtney shouted. "No way! I am the leader! I have the experience."

"At sucking."

Sierra hid behind Katie, who was chewing on her bottom lip. Cody stood nearby Gwen, hoping she might do the same as Sierra. The goth girl was more content with letting this all blow over, and watched the exchange. "Look," she said, hoping to stop another fight, "I don't think Heather should be leader either-"

"Shut up, Gwen," Courtney shot a glare at her, hands on her hips. The CIT, in her frustration, was getting flashbacks of Duncan and Gwen bonding, and now she couldn't contain herself.

Gwen's first notion going into this was to stay calm and reasonable. Her second motion? "_Screw this_."

Angry shouting ensued between Gwen, Courtney, and Heather. The amount of shrieking could be heard by the other teams.

"I never knew Heather could have such a foul mouth," Noah muttered.

"Damn girl," Leshawna swore, "now I really wish you were on my team, those two are really making you mad, huh?"

Izzy stuck her fingers in Ezekiel's ears. "That's a type of slang you don't need to learn." ("What?") "I said not for your ears, Zekey!" ("What?") "I said-" ("Maybe if you take your fingers from my ears, I coo'd hear, eh.")

After a couple more minutes of this, the three girls had had enough. They stormed off, but they couldn't even leave it at that. Heather shoved at Gwen when they were near the door. "I'm going this way, Weird Goth Girl!"

"You can't claim a way out of here," Gwen replied.

"Well, I'm not going this way if either of you are going that way," Courtney shouted.

Finally, the furious arguing ceased because they are separated far enough to seize shouting (Gwen still flipped them off when they weren't looking). Sierra peeped from behind Katie, and whimpered, "You know, it's fun to watch conflict on the screen… not fun to be in the same room as it!"

"Gwen still looks good," Cody said, chuckling. He turned to the two girls, then their situation dawned on him. "Oh. We're screwed, aren't we?"

"OMG," Sierra squeaked. "We are so screwed!"

Katie shook her head, then smiled at the tech geek. "Are you kidding me? We still have a shot at this!"

"But we're down three people!"

"And we got three people still," Katie said, defiantly putting her hands on her hips. "I'm not giving up on this! Let's make a movie!"

Sierra squealed in delight, hugging Katie and lifting her up in her excitement. "Now this is the side of Katie I've never seen! It's like you're a leader! Say something inspiring, oh glorious leader Katie!"

"Erk," Katie grunted, trying to wiggle out of Sierra's excited grasp.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Now we got it under control!)**

** Katie** - "I'm not a leader! Like, no way am I qualified for that kind of responsibility! But I am determined to keep this team winning, because… it's more fun to stay in the contest! Plus, arts 'n crafts are my forte, and Sadie and I make loads of movies for YouTube!"

**Heather** - "I cannot believe I'm stuck with this team! Now I actually miss Beth and Lindsay being on my team, at least they're easy to boss around! Instead, I'm stuck with the ugliest goth girl ever, and the crabbiest politician-in-training! I'm so much smarter than them, and I have to put up with them for much longer-"

*_She goes on for quite a while._*

**Courtney** - "And another thing about Gwen! She'd better keep her distance from my boyfriend if she knows what is good for her! Luckily, she doesn't seem the kind to be mean for the sake of being mean, like Heather is! That girl is totally-"

*_She goes on for a while too._*

*_The camera cuts to the one in the hallway, where Noah and Owen are waiting; Courtney and Heather's rantings can be heard from both confessionals. Noah taps his foot as he glances at his watch, when Owen whistles a little, trying to distract himself from the very loud and angry rantings._*

**Owen** - "Wow, they really have a lot to say, don't they? Never heard anything like this, little buddy?"

**Noah** - "I have several older sisters, thus the bathrooms were _never_ available in the mornings and nights. This is making me homesick, to be honest."

* * *

**(Team Chris' Studio Warehouse)**

Alejandro was seated in a director's chair as he watched Izzy and Ezekiel work on the set. The two were busy, or at least Ezekiel was, because Izzy was moving her mouth much more than her hands.

"Now that post office is too close to the fire station," she was instructing her friend. "Letters get moist when water is around, and everyone knows that envelopes are notorious for letting moisture get through! That's why I lick my envelopes like this!"

She wrapped her arms around Ezekiel's neck and yanked him over to lick his cheek, which became very red very quickly. Izzy giggled, swayed her hips, and knocked over a skyscraper with her right. Ezekiel rushed over to pick it up, and knocked over two more.

"Who needs Godzilla," Noah said upon approaching the scene, "when you two are smashing up a city like the big ol' lizard on a drunken binge?"

"I don't see you helping," Izzy replied.

"I just helped Owen get in his big monster costume, thank you. I really wish you had helped with the zipper and not me."

"I didn't want it spoiled how good he looked. And my oh my," she cooed as she saw Owen, dressed in what looked like a giant purple beetle outfit, come waddling over to them, "… Does he look handsome or what? See, Ezekiel, girls love it when a boy dresses up for them too!"

Ezekiel nodded and watched as Izzy pounced Owen and started licking his face, but the big guy protested. "No no, Izzy, I've been all made up!"

Noah shook his head as Izzy sulked away. "Told you, dude, you need to consider someone who's not as nutty as… a nutty metaphor. I'm sorry, talking about nuts makes me worry about one of my life-threatening allergies."

"What's that, hombre?" Alejandro asked curiously.

"Bad metaphors."

He chuckled at Noah's wit, and then turned to the group. "All right then, my beloved teammates, we got our monster, we got our city mostly set up. We're on schedule, and I have the dialogue and choreography set up here," he held up a small binder. "Are we ready to start filming?"

The others all nodded, Owen bobbing up and down more so. Alejandro smiled, but as he looked around his teammates, he noticed someone was missing. "Um, where is Tyler?"

"Tyler?" Ezekiel repeated, looking a little nervous suddenly.

"Tall, doofus-looking guy," Noah said, "loves sports, wears more red than a Chinese festival, used to date our host."

"Oh, he had to use the, um, bathroom, eh," Ezekiel stammered to explain. Alejandro motioned at the bathroom in the back of the studio, and the prairie boy winced. "Um, he, uh, didn't knoo' that one was there, so he went to the jet's bathroom."

"Sounds more like he's making a confessional," Alejandro remarked.

Ezekiel, who was proving very efficiently that he was not an efficient liar, scratched the back of his head and muttered softly, "He told me to say he was using the restroom, not the confe-"

Izzy, the only one to hear this, slapped her hand over his mouth. "Shush," she whispered to him, then added, "You really don't know how to lie? I like that! Girls love that, except for when they want you to lie." ("Mmmph fffmrr?" Ezekiel asked.) "Oh you know, when they want to be told they look good in something." ("Wmmf uf mmrph maah?") "Doesn't matter, they sometimes want a lie. Unless they want the truth, and no, you'll never know when."

* * *

Gwen was pacing back and forth in front of the jet's entrance, muttering angrily to herself. "I should have known those two would hog the confessionals," she spat out. "Gosh, what idiots!"

She froze, and then slapped her forehead. "Oh God, I'm starting to sound like Harold! I've been on this show way too long!"

With a heavy sign, she started to walk away when she saw Lindsay, applying her new lipstick. The blonde host walked around a corner of a nearby building, and Gwen, wanting to talk to someone to avoid talking to herself, went after her. Before she could round the corner, she heard Lindsay talk.

"Oh hi, Teddy!"

Gwen heard Tyler let out a small sigh, though it sounded bemused rather than upset. "Hey, Lindsay!"

"Oh, I got your name wrong again, did I? It's… Tyler, yeah?"

"Yep, that's it! Listen, I wanted to ask you something."

"That's fine, it'll be the only way I can answer you, right?"

Gwen rolled her eyes, and started to walk away when she heard Tyler ask, "Lindsay, I know you cannot be seeing me because of the show now, but I wanted to ask if after this season is over, and you're no longer host, could we go out again?"

Now the goth girl found herself frozen in her steps, unable to tear herself away. She wasn't one to gossip or ease-drop, but for some reason, she couldn't step away. And Lindsay's lack of answer right away couldn't be ignored.

"Well," Lindsay said after a few seconds, "it's like this… I really thought we were over, Tyler. I mean, you didn't call or text or anything to me."

"I did," Tyler exclaimed, his voice breaking slightly with emotion, "all the time! But after a while, I got this message saying your number had been disconnected!"

Lindsay paused, then did one of her trademark, "Ohhhhhhh! That must have been when I was imprisoned in France, and they confiscated my cell phone. The nice French police officers lost it, but I got a new one. It's French! Look!"

"Lindsay," Tyler was saying as Lindsay pulled her cell phone from her costume's pocket. Gwen found herself wanting to smack her to get her to pay attention to Tyler as a French ringtone started to play. "Lindsay, I even wrote you. To your home."

"I never got any letters when I got home," Lindsay said as she closed her cellphone. "How do you text my house, anyway?"

"No no, letters! Like typed out, put in an envelope, sent to an address."

"I know what e-mail is, Tyler."

"Real mail, Lindsay! You know!" Apparently Lindsay didn't know, because she was giving him a confused stare. "Um, you know, where the catalogs and such come from?"

"Ohhhhhh! Mail! You can do that? Send messages via mail? Wow, what will they think of next?"

Gwen rolled her eyes and decided to leave when Tyler's voice became emotional. "Lindsay," he said very softly, as he placed his hands on the blonde's shoulders, "we've really digressed. You haven't answered my question."

"Really? I thought I did," she replied, confused again. "Since you weren't in contact with me, and it had been so long, I really thought it was over."

"I didn't want it to be. After this season-"

"I'm sorry, but I think we should start seeing other people," Lindsay said. Her voice wasn't cold or harsh, but it didn't stop Tyler's heart from throbbing in pain and plummeting into his stomach. "I mean, you are really nice and I enjoyed what we had, but I don't see how it can continue. Plus, we have our careers."

"You want to be host forever?" Tyler asked, his voice almost a whisper.

"Maybe not of this show, but it is the start. And you have your own career, right? You are with Lewanda on those reality shows!"

"That's… over."

"Oh, I'm sorry, did you two have a fight?"

"No, we just don't have any more shows to be on."

Things were quiet for a few seconds. Lindsay looked sympathetically at Tyler, who was hanging his head and covering his mouth to hide his sad frown, but he couldn't hide his hurt eyes. Gwen stood around the corner, still frozen.

"I'm really sorry, Tyler, I didn't mean to hurt you," Lindsay said, straightening her geisha costume. "I mean, I really, really thought it was over-"

"No, no, I don't blame you, Linds," he replied, his voice a forced calm.

"You'll find someone, I'm sure. This show is still full of nice girls! I'd introduce you to my best friend Beth, if she wasn't taken and if she was here…"

"I didn't want another one of the girls," Tyler admitted. "I wanted you."

Another awkward silence followed, and then Lindsay whimpered, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, really," Tyler said, waving his hand. His shoulders sagged, and he added, "Don't blame yourself, just probably my own fantasies. You should enjoy being host, don't worry about me."

"Okay," Lindsay said, chewing on her bottom lip for a couple seconds. She looked to the side and said, "You know, you should get back to your team. There's not that much time left before the deadline, and I don't want your team to lose. They might blame you, and I'd hate to see you voted off."

"Thanks, Linds," he said with a forced small smile. He walked away, still smiling back at her, and Gwen realized he was coming her way. She silently swore and bolted, an easy sight to see if Tyler was paying attention.

Though he wasn't paying attention at all. He walked with his hands in his pockets, head and shoulders hanging in sorrow, and tried very hard not to cry.

* * *

**(Team Victory's Studio Warehouse)**

"DJ, my man, you did an awesome job," Harold congratulated his friend as he looked at the scenery. "The background, the plants, the trees, and I like the shrubbery quite a lot."

"Thanks," he said from behind the camera. "How do you want this filmed? Black and white, or with color? This camera has that setting."

"Color is fine, but see if it has a sienna setting, that'd be awesome."

"Indeed it would!"

"Aha, you and I are on the same page! My dear DJ, we are mind-linked! Good to see you're over your depression."

"Yeah, I'm better now."

Harold dusted his hands as he looked around the scenery, and then saw Duncan walk on dressed as a peasant. The punk did not seem to appreciate wearing a tattered robe and a sunhat. "Of all the nerdy things," he growled, "this is the nerdiest thing you've ever 'nerded,' nerd."

"Sticks and stones," Harold replied with a smug grin.

"C'mon, Duncan," DJ said, "it's looking really good."

"Man, I thought you were on side," Duncan said. "Remember the good days when we picked on Harold together?"

"That was one time, and a long time ago."

"Whatever. Where are the chicks?"

"Right here!"

Bridgette, rolling her eyes at Duncan's comment, walked onto the set while adjusting her sleeves. She was wearing a tattered robe and sunhat as well, but she made it look a little better than sulking Duncan (who somehow had his waistline lowered on his, regardless that it was a robe). The surfer girl smiled at Harold and bowed before him.

"Looking good, Bridgette-kun," Harold said, bowing in reply.

"Very nice, Bridge," DJ called out.

"Whatever," Duncan said again. "Can we film now?"

"We're waiting for the princess," Harold said. "Where is Leshawna, Bridgette?"

"She's-"

The surfer girl was cut off when a frustrated cry rang out around the studio. Leshawna stormed out, looking very uncomfortable in her princess dress. It was a dark red with golden trim, with a silver tiara on her head, but the dress looked a size too small. Harold gasped at her, marveling her beauty.

"Leshawna, you look incredible," he gushed, approaching her.

"Harold, I can't wear this! I look like a fool wearing something like this!"

"No no, you look great! You're beautiful!"

"You do look good, Leshawna," Bridgette said.

"She looks like a fancy, chocolate candy," Duncan remarked, raising an eyebrow.

Leshawna let out a furious cry as she tried to get comfortable in that dress. "It's too tight! I don't want to wear this!"

She started to storm off, but Harold ran over. "Look, my dear Leshawna," he whispered to her, "the filming will be about five minutes, maybe less. I promise you you'll be out of that soon-"

"Harold, it's not the dress," she said, looking to the side, "it's not the dress, really. I don't really like doing this. Dolling up and such."

"But you look so good! You do look beautiful-"

"Look, sugar, I know you mean well, but this is not going to work. It's just not right for me, as nice as it was at the start. You're nice and all, but I'm sorry."

Harold blinked a few times, nervously adjusting his glasses. "Um, we are talking about the movie we're trying to make, right?"

They stared at each other for a while, while the other three watched helplessly. Leshawna finally let out a sigh, and said, "I really didn't want to say it… I feel like a jerk, letting it slip out."

"It's okay," Harold said, sighing and hanging his head. "I kind of saw it coming, but I didn't want to admit it."

"You're a terrific guy, Harold, but I'm afraid we're too different. You love this stuff, I cannot get into it."

Harold nodded again, his helmet falling down over his eyes. As he lifted it up, he asked, "Feels like a repeat of last time… are you sure I cannot say anything to change your mind?"

"You'd have to think of that, hon, but I don't think so. Let's just stay as friends, and work together. You can trust me with just that."

Harold managed a smile and replied, "Yeah, I can trust you now."

"Thanks, hon. I gotta get changed now, I cannot stand this dress."

Leshawna pat Harold's shoulder, and walked off. The nerd in samurai armor hung his head, and bitterly muttered under his breath. "Gosh. Déjà vu."

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - It's two, two, two breakups in one!)**

** Heather** - "And another thing-"

*_Harold comes in, grabs the queen bee by the shoulders, and almost throws her out of the room. The nerd's armor looks very ruffled, but not as much as the distraught nerd._*

**Harold** - "Oh why? WHY? Why must cruel fate play games with my heart? Why does the girl of my dreams and desires not want me? Why must I fall for someone who doesn't think there can be anything between us!"

*_He slams his fist on the counter as he slumps forward._* "It's a greek tragedy, or maybe geek tragedy, because I feel like one. My heart is compounded like the first Terminator under the piston of heartbreak! I feel so forlorn, my heart can be found in my shoes! I feel like screaming and crying like a special infected woefully tearing about survivors in the zombie apocalypse that is my sorrow!"

*_He slumps forward on the counter, sobbing with his shoulders shaking. He manages to lift his head after a while, clearing the tears from his eyes_.* "You know… it's amazing how creative I get when I'm upset. Maybe that's why famous artists are always such angsty. Oh, why doesn't Leshawna like me… what do I have to do to prove to her I really, truly love her?"

*_He sobs again, and removes his glasses to better cover his tearful face. Outside the bathroom, Heather gives up on waiting for him to come out, and walks off in a huff, complaining that things are always difficult for her._*

* * *

"Harold?" Bridgette approached Harold, patting his side. "Harold, are we going to shoot the movie?"

"I don't care," he muttered, still staring down at the floor.

"But…," the surfer girl didn't know what to say, because she didn't want to push her heartbroken friend, but the challenge's time limit was running out. Still, her emotions were more powerful than her competition sense.

Harold merely shook his head as he stared down at the ground, something he wished he could just crawl under now (and from a distance, Leshawna was feeling the same way). "I don't have any gusto or mojo or whatever to carry on," he admitted.

"All right then, my turn!"

Harold was knocked onto his stomach by the saying of the previous saying, who also owned the foot that was now stomping down on his back. "If you aren't going to even try and make our movie," Duncan said, boasting a sinister grin, "I'll do it for us, nerd! DJ! Keep that camera rolling, we got a commercial to shoot!"

DJ flinched from behind the camera, and as Bridgette and Leshawna came after Duncan, he could only film the chaos that followed…

* * *

**(Team Amazon's Studio Warehouse)**

"Do things suddenly feel… depressing to you all?" Katie asked, perking her head up as if trying to gauge the wind. "Feels like there's, like, a lot of sorrow in the air."

"You can sense that?" Sierra asked.

"Kind of. Sadie says I have a gift for knowing how other people feel. Like right now, I can sense there are three very angry people out there."

"That's too easy, try something harder!"

Cody cleared his throat. "Um, girls? Shall we begin shooting?"

"No no, I want to hear Katie's ability," Sierra said, jumping up and down, waving the camera around wildly. After Katie and Cody got her to stop doing that, the sweet girl cleared her throat.

"I think there are a few people really upset, bad news or having to do something they don't want," Katie said, tilting her head. She one-handed juggled the fake donut in her hand. "Major strife, like, nearby. There's someone out there who is brooding and scheming, and someone… is thinking of Gwen in a sexy cat costume."

Both girls grinned at Cody, who blushed and replied, "Gee, thanks, Katie."

"I just think it's cute that you're still into her, after all that's happened. Never was a big fan of her, but now that she's a teammate, it's time to play nice. Speaking of play, it's time to start filming. Sierra? Sierra!"

Sierra was thinking about how she would look in a cat costume, and wondered if that could distract Cody from Cat Girl Gwen. She shook her head and spluttered, "I'm… I'm ready! Just one question! Do you want me to hold it still, or move around whacky-like?"

"We have to take into consideration motion-sickness," Cody pointed out.

Katie nodded as she put on a headband with cat ears. She let her pigtails down, and then added, "Let's do this! Trust me, this'll work for winning the day! Just remember mood, theme, attitude, body language, personality, motive, and character!"

Cody blinked and mouthed to Sierra, "What?" The fangirl shrugged, then steadied the camera. Right before she started to film, she wondered, "_I wonder what the other girls are up to._"

* * *

"Get out of my way, bossy girl," Heather spat at Courtney as they both tried to exit the jet plane together.

"You move, you popularity witch," Courtney shot right back. "I warn you, I have physical training!"

"And I have nails!"

"So do I!"

"Mine are longer!"

Gwen, standing nearby and watching, raised an eyebrow in bemusement. "My, how nice it is to see you two making up."

"Shut up, Gwen," both girls hollered at her.

"You know, if you two are so determined to be leader," Gwen continued to speak, more irked now, "why don't you head over to the studio so we can get this done?"

"Why don't you head over to the studio?" Heather snapped. "Go back to the boy who wants in your skirt, Gwen, he's the only one who'd ever want you! Oh… except maybe Duncan?"

Courtney froze, and glared at Gwen. "How dare you!"

"What! She said it, not me!"

"Stay away from Duncan, I know how you ruin men! Look at what happened with Trent!"

"Keep Trent out of this!"

Heather let out a dry chuckle. "You made sure of that, didn't you Gwen?"

The goth girl's black nails dug into her palms, threatening to draw blood. Regardless of how many people insist that girls look cute when they're angry, Gwen specialized in looking like she was really going to kick your butt when she wanted to kick your butt. Heather realized she was on the threshold for a butt kicking, so she waved her hand dismissively at Gwen and walked off.

"I'm calling my lawyer," Courtney shouted as she walked off in an opposite direction from Heather. When she was far enough away from Gwen, she dialed a number on her phone, and because it was a much nicer phone than yours, she got an answer right away. "Hi, mom? It's Courtney. I really need someone to talk to…"

Gwen stormed into the jet, and headed directly for the confessionals. The goth girl was almost blinded in indignant rage, but was snapped out of it very quickly when she could hear someone inside the confessional she was about to enter. And that someone was crying.

Tyler's sobs and pitiful moans made Gwen pause, and slowly tiptoe away.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Good place to let it all out. *rimshot*)**

** Tyler** - *_He clears his eyes and takes a deep breath, his voice still shaking a little._* "Okay, I'm… I'm better now. I'm just glad I made it here in time before I cried in front of anyone. I wish I wasn't so emotional… I blame my sisters. I know I'm supposed to be the tough, rough jock, but that's not me, and I'm sure my team would mock me over tha… oh crap! The movie!" *_He bolts out of the bathroom._*

**Gwen** - "Wow. I didn't think Tyler would take it so hard. Truth be told, I just thought he was another jock, though not quite so bad. Either way, that's a shame that he's so upset. But at least it proves there is humanity in there… unlike Heather and Courtney!"

**Sierra** - *_She is wearing the cat girl ears now, pondering._* "Do I make this look cute? I mean, I know some boys like cat girls… I know Harold does! He once said in an interview that he'd kill to see Leshawna in a Catwoman costume… sounds like he wants to see her like Halle Berry!" *_She giggles and claps_.* "Isn't nerdy love the best? Boys like Harold and Cody are so cute!"

...

**Cody and Katie** - **Cody** - "Just between you and me, I think Sierra was going through people's luggage when we took a break."

**Katie** - "I think she took it here." *_She bends over to pick up stuff on the floor._* "Here's the cat ears I saved… here's your shoe… oh look! Here's Gwen's bra!" *_She grins wickedly at Cody's._* "Or is that yours or hers?"

**Cody** - "N-no! I gave that back to her!"

**Katie** - "Oh I see."

**Cody** - "But can I keep that one?"

**Katie** - "Heehee, no can do, Cody! Gotta make a gentleman out of you!"

* * *

**(Total Drama Jumbo Jet, Cafeteria)**

After the time limit expired, the teams were escorted back to the jet. Lindsay had set up the giant TV screen, standing next to it and looking like some kind of Japanese show girl as she was still in her geisha costume.

Except unlike a game show girl, Lindsay looked rather upset. She wasn't the only one, as the three teams were a cauldron of teenage angst, drama, frustration, and the usual norm that would make an emo feel at home.

Tyler was still looking very downcast. Harold looked like he had lost some wrestling match, both physically and mentally. Leshawna looked upset in more than one way, as was Bridgette. Gwen, Courtney, and Heather were all infuriated still, casting eye daggers every now and then.

Only a few of them looked excited. Ezekiel was delighted at being part of his first team challenge since a very long time, Izzy was cuddling her monster-costumed Owen (she insisted he wear it for the premiere of the movie), and Duncan looked rather pleased. Everyone else looked anxious for the judging to start.

"Well then," Lindsay said, trying to perk herself up with her own perkiness, "I cannot wait to see your movies! I am sure you all did a wonderful job!"

At this, three girls of Team Amazon flinched, eyes widening in horror as they finally realized they had forgot something very important. Lindsay clapped her hands in excitement, and looked over at Chris Maclean. "Aren't you excited, Chris? I'm very excited!"

"I can see that, my dear Lindsay, and yes," the host spread his arms. "This is going to be, I think the most interesting challenge yet!"

"It's the second place on the show yet," Noah grumbled.

"I meant in Total Drama history," Chris snapped, then smiled again. "Yes, and thanks to monitoring the cameras and angles around here, I have enough footage for drama of the ages! All the fights, heartbreaks, and crybabies!"

Several people flinched, and considered rushing the front to beat Chris Maclean like… someone who deserves to be beaten. But none of them had the energy, and thus let it pass; they would just endure whatever came forth later.

"I think we'll start with our first place team," Lindsay said, "Team Chris Is Really Really Really Ugly!"

"HOT," Chris shouted, startling everyone with how fierce that line came out.

"_How ironic,_" Noah thought to himself as Lindsay apologized to the former host, "_that something that shouldn't have surprised us did._"

"Okay, so Team Chris Is Really Really Really Hot," Lindsay said, "can I see your movie?"

Alejandro handed the footage over to the host, winking at her and making her blush and giggle; Tyler felt sick to his stomach upon seeing this. As the movie started to play, Izzy noticed Ezekiel's hand shake in apprehension. She spared one of her hands to hold his, her other arm still around her monster boyfriend. The prairie boy smiled appreciatively at her as their movie started…

* * *

**(Team Chris' Commercial)**

Giant Owen Monster stomped through the city, roaring about how hungry he was. Buildings fell, cars were crushed, trees were snapped, and a countless amount of Starbucks were destroyed.

The five members of Team Chris were standing in the street, but it seemed each one forgot their motive. Alejandro holding a bag of Ninja Sweet-ken as he watched in terror. Izzy and Ezekiel were clinging to each other, Ezekiel in terror and Izzy in aroused delight as she observed the "monster." Tyler looked downcast, and Noah couldn't bring himself to look terrified.

"It's the Giant Owen Monster," Alejandro shouted.

"We must run," Tyler muttered half-heartedly.

"This is the third time this month," Noah commented, "we've got to get a bigger fence!"

"Someone save us, eh," Ezekiel squeaked.

"He's _so_ hot," Izzy squealed in joy.

Alejandro's eyes lit up, and he exclaimed, "Wait! I know what can tame the beast!" He dug his hand into the bag and took out a treat. Chucking it at Owen's face, the large teen/monster opened wide. The treat went in, and Owen suddenly stopped trashing about and crushing helpless parking meters.

"That's good," he roared happily.

The scene quickly changed to something resembling a dance video. It kept cutting in-between the cast, all of them dancing (or barely so). They sang with the same amount of gusto.

…

Alejandro - *with bravado* "_When you need a picker-upper…_"

Noah - *with none* "_Just can't wait until your supper…_"

Owen - *loudly and badly* "_There is one snack that can tame your inner dragon!_"

Ezekiel - *enthusiastically* "_The Ninja Sweet-ken is a tasty weapon!_"

Izzy - *gleefully* "_You'll be a lil' ninja, believe it… will happ'on!_"

Tyler - *unable to get into it* "_Get yourself the sharp treat of Ninja Sweet-kun._"

…

The camera switches back to the remains of the city, with all six posing and the product superimposed in all the corners. Owen stands in the center with his fists up in celebration, Tyler has his helmet pulled down over his eyes, Noah with a very forced grin as he gestured to the bag of sweets in Alejandro's hands, and Izzy and Ezekiel were hugging in celebration.

* * *

**(Total Drama World Jet, Cafeteria.)**

"Neat," Lindsay chirped.

"Not bad," Harold admitted. "True to Japanese commercials."

Sierra giggled and said, "I think Izzy and Ezekiel look so cute hugging each other!"

As Ezekiel blushed and realized that Izzy was still holding his hand, Katie glanced over at Sierra and whispered, "I think you really embarrassed him, and Owen's nearby too."

"I cannot help myself! I am a shipper! I ship nonstop, over everyone with everyone! Any super fan does that! You wanna know who fans say would be best with you?"

"No no, I'll be fine!"

As Katie waved this away, Chris loudly cleared his throat. "Quiet in the theater! We're screening Team Victory's now."

Duncan's laughter covered up Harold's groan as the lights went down again and the screen turned on.

* * *

**(Team Victory's Commercial)**

The footage starts with Duncan knocking down Harold and then standing on him with one foot. The punk cackles and faces the camera.

"Nerdy samurai bringing you down?" he asked the camera. "You really just wish you had something tougher than that? Something more sinister and wicked?"

Bridgette came up, waving the bag of Ninja Sweet-kun as she shouted at Duncan to get off Harold; however, the punk had edited the sound, and Bridgette sounded like she was a high-pitched ninny shouting nonsense comically. Duncan, with one motion of his arm, snatched the treat bag from her hands.

"You need Ninja Sweet-kun, which gives you the ability to ninja! Ninja your enemies, ninja the treats…"

Leshawna stomped over to Duncan, and then the punk made his move. He wrapped his other arm around the back of her neck, and pulled her in to kiss her full on the lips. Bridgette stared aghast as the kiss lasted a few good seconds before Duncan pulled back.

"And ninja the kiss," he declared. He held the bag up to the camera and said, "Ninja Sweet-kun, for the wicked ninja in you!"

He dropped the bag, and the camera followed it to where it hit the horrified Harold on the head. The nerd flinched, and moaned, "This is the worst day of my life. … With Ninja Sweet-kuns!"

With an incredible display of acting in his grief, he managed to grin at the camera and give the peace sign. The Ninja Sweet-kun was superimposed on the screen, and then it faded to black.

* * *

**(Total Drama World Jet, Cafeteria.)**

When the movie ended, the room was filled with the laughter of several people, while others stared in horror. One was quite pissed, and we're not going to give you three guesses who that was.

"Duncan," Courtney shrieked, "what was _that_?"

"Acting, princess," Duncan replied. "Had to do it for the commercial. They do it all the time in movies and such, so I just did it for the challenge."

"But… but… you kissed Leshawna!"

"She was the princess there. And hey, she wasn't going to kiss Harold," Duncan added with a laugh. "Look babe, lighten up, it wasn't anything except a challenge."

Courtney sputtered, then sulked back to her chair and glared furiously at Gwen. When the goth girl's confused look wasn't enough, she glared over at Leshawna, but noticed she looked rather upset too.

"I cannot believe we used that," the sister muttered. "You didn't have to rub it in Harold's nose, you know!"

"I'll say," Bridgette grumbled.

Lindsay nervously looked at the screen, at Harold, at the laughing Chris Maclean, and then at Duncan. "Um… that was nice, I guess. But we have one more to do! Team Amazon!"

Courtney's anger, Gwen's confusion, and Heather's bemusement were all canceled as horror dawned on them. "Um, Lindsay," Courtney muttered, "as leader of Team Amazon, I regret to say-"

"You're not leader, I'm leader," Heather snapped, "and I'll tell her that we didn't-"

"Just can it and let me tell her!"

"No, I'll do it!"

Gwen slapped her forehead and hunched over. "Oh God, here we go again."

"Shut up, Gwen," both girls shouted.

While Gwen didn't reply, Katie did. "If you two are done," she said, shaking her head, "we have a movie, Chris."

"We do?" said Gwen, lifting her head.

"Yes! Thanks to the efforts of Sierra, Cody, and myself, we have a movie!"

Lindsay took it, and popped it in for everyone to watch.

* * *

**(Team Amazon's Commercial.)**

Katie, wearing cat ears and having her shirt rolled up a little, was licking her "paw" as Cody approached. "Aww, does kitty want a donut?" he asked, holding up the fake donut.

Cat Girl Katie spat in disgust, and Cody nodded. He held up the bag of Ninja Sweet-kun, and said, "Would she like a Ninja Sweet-kun?"

This time, Katie let out a meow of delight and pounced Cody, knocking them out of sight as a lot of painful scratches and bite sounds were heard, and Cody wailed, "Aiiiiyeeee, my hand!"

The screen burst into a display of hearts, stars, and pinkness as Katie was seen holding a couple bags of Ninja Sweet-kun in both hands. She was doing a ridiculous dance of popping her hips from side to side and swinging her hands above her head as very silly music played.

It cut to Cody, wearing cat ears too and sans his shirt, digging into a bag of sweets and wolfing them down. He suddenly notices the camera, and swallows what he has in his mouth. He chuckles nervously and says, "They're really good," and proceeds to dance like Katie was.

Then it cuts to Sierra, who's doing the same dance and wearing puppy dog ears and a fake tail. She stops dancing to pop one of the sweets in her mouth and says, "They're endorsed by us crazy boys and girls! Enjoy them, savor them, and bring out the ninja in you!"

"Ninja Sweet-kun," all three said aloud as they appeared in a group, Cody holding up the bag, "you'll love every last one of them!"

Sierra noticed the bag of sweets in Cody's hand and pounced him, knocking them out of sight as the sounds of happy slobbering, nipping, and chewing followed, and Cody's scream of, "Gah, my other hand!"

* * *

**(Total Drama World Jet, Cafeteria.)**

Everyone stared for a few seconds, some with their mouths wide open in shock.

"BRILLIANT," Harold exclaimed joyfully.

"What the hell," Duncan groaned, "was that?"

"That's gotta be one of the silliest things I've seen," Noah said, chuckling and shaking his head.

"You made Cody a Cat Boy?" Heather snapped at Katie. "Are you trying to make people puke?"

"Hey, he looks good without that shirt," Katie retorted, "but it wasn't my suggestion, it was Sierra's!"

Cody, still snacking on the Ninja Sweet-kens, said, "Yeah, I was okay with it."

Gwen tapped her knee, and then eventually smiled. "It was something, better than nothing. You three saved our asses, well done."

Courtney glared at Gwen, but then lightened up and said, "Yes, I have to admit, well done. It was… something, and that's good. Well done, Katie!"

"I don't deserve all the credit," the sweet girl gushed, "Cody and Sierra were, like, so helpful."

After all the chatter died down, Lindsay clapped her hands. "Well, we've seen them all, and they were all good! So now it comes to the judging!"

"Which," Chris Maclean said, stepping up next to her, "you won't do."

"Wh-what?"

"I don't think it's fair for you to judge, Lindsay," he continued, then leaned in to whisper, "especially after that discussion you had with Tyler."

"Huh?" the blond host replied, very confused.

Chris slapped his forehead, and held up a remote towards the screen. He started pushing buttons and a collection of scenes played on the screen in small clips: Izzy licking Ezekiel's cheek, Cody taking off his shirt, Alejandro cleaning his nails and still managing to look hot doing it, Gwen and Heather and Courtney arguing, Leshawna wiping her mouth after the kiss in the commercial, and then finally Lindsay and Tyler.

"_You know, you should get back to your team,_" the recording of Lindsay talking to Tyler played, "_There's not that much time left before the deadline, and I don't want your team to lose. They might blame you, and I'd hate to see you voted off._"

Chris turned off the screen, smirking at Lindsay. "You're supposed to remain unbiased, and yet there's someone you don't want voted off. Do you know how wrong it is for the host to personally keep a contestant on? I'd never do that!"

"That's such favoritism," Heather spat. "She doesn't want her ex voted off!"

"Girl," Leshawna said, "as much as I hate to agree with them, you have to be neutral here."

Lindsay bit her bottom lip at the criticism, then managed to say, "But I wasn't going to do the judging myself! I was going to have Chef Hatchet do it because he'd be 'unhighest,' or whatever that word is!"

Leshawna did an about-face, and said, "Oh, well, that's different. Sorry, babe."

Chris shook his head, tsk-tsking. "But Chef Hatchet is in the hospital still, and won't be released until we leave Japan."

"Oh dear, that's right," Lindsay said. "But what can we do then?"

"Why don't you have," the former host said, taking a grand pose, "Chris Maclean judge this one?"

"That would be, like, _so_ nice of him! Do you know where he is?"

Chris face-palmed, then glared at Lindsay. "I meant me."

"You? I… I guess that's okay, since you have so much experience in this show."

Gwen waved her hands and shook her head to try and warn Lindsay, but Chris had already taken center stage, shoving Lindsay out of the way. "Well then, campers," Chris said, in full-blown host mode now, "I saw the movies, I liked them, I loved the work, and I gotta say, it's a shame we cannot show the footage of what went on outside the filming, because that was even more entertaining!"

"I don't," Tyler muttered.

"Me neither," Harold agreed.

"Don't care for that," Courtney concluded.

Chris shook his finger at them, and said, "Tut tut! The winner needs to be announced. And I, Chris Maclean, as your beloved host… I mean, co-host, have picked your winner! And that is…

…

…

…

…

…

"Is this necessary?" Gwen cried out.

"Shush, the audience loves dramatic pauses!"

…

…

…

…

…

"Um, what audience is that?" Owen asked. "Aren't we the only ones here?"

"I said quiet! Quiet!"

…

…

…

…

…

"This is just so you can hog the limelight again," Noah commented, "isn't it?"

"I said shush, and I meant shush!"

…

…

…

"I've forgotten what's going on," Sierra exclaimed, "why are we quiet again?"

"SHUT! UP!"

…

…

"Right, after a good deal of very rude interruptions, I am declaring the winner of this contest to be Team Victory!"

If this was good news to them, only Duncan seemed to be happy about it. While the punk cheered, Harold looked quite upset, DJ guilty, and the two girls perturbed.

"Why?" Leshawna asked, raising an eyebrow at Chris.

"Well, for a good deal of reasons," the former host said, smiling.

"Could you tell us some?" asked Bridgette.

"Sure. Harold got hurt, Harold didn't like it, the nerd got his heart broken during the filming…"

As Chris listed the reasons, Harold got up and walked out of the room, trying very hard to ignore how many people were looking at him. The samurai-garbed nerd slammed the door behind him, accidentally catching his scabbard in the door behind him and having to yank it out.

"Are you telling me," Bridgette said, after watching Harold exit, "that the only reason we won is because our commercial features Harold being hurt?"

"Yes. Yes, it does," said Chris, grinning proudly. "After all, that's what Total Drama has always been about, abusing the nerds!"

"How comforting," Noah grumbled.

"Oh, speaking of losers," the former host continued as the new host fiddled with her hair uncomfortably, "I have to say who the losers were in that competition."

"We just had to have the geek take off his shirt," Heather groaned, covering her face. "With this judging, we're dead."

"Oh, quiet," Katie scolded her. "And anyway, you didn't do anything about taking off Cody's shirt, Sierra and I did that."

"If I may," Chris said impatiently, "because I've been waiting a long time for this! The losing team is, sad to say, Team Me!"

After a second of confusion, Team Chris realized what he meant. "Wait, us?" Alejandro said, looking hurt. "But why?"

"Many reasons. But of course, to sum it up in one, Ezekiel."

Ezekiel had a second to look shocked, but then he had to react as Izzy let out a furious shout and threw herself at Chris; thus, the prairie boy had to hold her back before she committed cold-blooded bloodletting.

"This is absurd," Noah grumbled, covering his face with his hand. "You just said Lindsay couldn't judge because she was biased, and then you say our team loses because you hate one of our members."

"Hey, I'll just say it was because of his poor performance in the movie," said Chris.

"No way," Tyler protested, "my performance was way worse than his."

"Don't care."

Owen sighed tragically. "I stomped on a major metropolis for nothing. Oh whenever I get upset, I wanna eat!"

Cody handed him a bag of Ninja Sweet-ken, but immediately wished he didn't because Owen downed the entire bag in one go. As the geek glared at the big guy, Izzy had calmed down to the point that she was no longer fighting Ezekiel's grasp but still glaring daggers (steel, poison-tipped, serrated daggers) at Chris.

"You said you've been waiting a long time for this," the wild redhead shouted. "It didn't matter about our movie, you just want us to lose and blame Ezekiel."

"Well, if you're going to put it that way," Chris said, still smirking at Izzy's eye daggers, "then think of it this way. As long as Ezekiel is around, your team is going to lose. So who are you going to vote off this time?"

"You really shouldn't do this," Lindsay whimpered.

"I should, and I can, and I will! Because I bring the drama, I bring the strife, and you, little missy, do _not_! So I will be back on top soon, and when I do, you're out!

"So please, do the right thing and vote off Home School," he said as he started to leave the room, but added a mean little laugh and said, "This truly is Total Drama! Oh, I love it!"

After he left, there was a few moments of silence. "Wow," Sierra said, breaking it, "is it always this bad on the show? 'Cuz it didn't seem that bad when watching it."

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Ever feel like crying and don't know why?)**

** Ezekiel** - *_whimpering_* "I'm dead… I'm so so dead, eh! And I was having such fun! Izzy's bin so nice to me, I enjoy being with her, I was getting new friends and loving the challenge… argh! Maybe I shoo'd just have left the shoo' when I was first eliminated! I'm just… this is whack, eh."

**Lindsay** - *_nervously playing with her hair_* "Oh, dear, I have blown it already, haven't I? Things aren't looking good, and I was having a good time! Maybe I should have just stayed in the game… this Chris Maclean that the former host brought in was so mean, I don't think I want him on the show again!"

**Izzy** - "Grr! And I mean grrr! With a capital growl, and a snarl for an exclamation point! Izzy will not stand for this! I will not have that really, really, really UGLY ex-host have my friends voted off, because you know he won't stop at Ezekiel! If only I had a baseball bat, or a chain saw, or maybe a really strong pogo stick…"

*_She pauses, and her eyes light up._* "That's it! I know what I can do!" *_She bolts out of the room, and you hear her crash into someone, knocking them down and making them cry in pain._*

**Chef Hatchet** - *_He has a good deal of casts, bandages, and teddy bear band-aids on him._* "Where's that psycho girl going to in such a hurry? She almost ruined some of my cute band-aids!" *_He pauses, looks out of the room, and then back at the camera._* "No telling anyone I said that, maggots. Ever."

* * *

**(Total Drama World Jet, Drop of Shame.)**

Lindsay did not look very excited at the voting ceremony. She stood behind the tropical-themed podium, looking over at Team Victory. Most of them looked upset, especially Ezekiel, but Izzy looked stubbornly defiant. Chris Maclean stood nearby the door, holding a parachute and grinning victoriously at Ezekiel. Chef Hatchet was next to him, looking grumpy (a.k.a. normal).

"Okay people," Lindsay said, holding up a handful of passports, "it's time to see who you all voted for! It's an exciting moment, I know, because I've been there, just like you all!"

No one in the hot seat shared her enthusiasm, which she noticed. "Look, I know it's sad," she said, "but remember that with, um, how many people are in this competition?"

"Sixteen," Noah said.

"Right, we have sixteen people, and fifteen need to be eliminated. We have to do this, as bad as it may be."

"You could have just made it a reward challenge," Noah added.

Lindsay paused, then her blue eyes widened in realization. "Oh… you're right!"

"Too late for that," Chris declared. "You cannot change it from a voting ceremony to a reward challenge! I would never have done that!"

Lindsay sighed in defeat, and opened her mouth to continue when Chris cut her off again. "Lindsay, if you'll notice the large TV next to you?"

"Oh, is it mine now? It's really nice, is it high-definition?"

"No! No, Chef Hatchet has helped us out, and has the vote videos for our viewing! Please play it so that we can see who voted for who and why!"

"But I thought the voting was supposed to be unanimous!"

"That's anonymous, Lindsay," Chris said, "and no, not when there is a certain prairie boy that deserves to be crushed."

Izzy snarled and wrapped her arm around Ezekiel's shoulders. Owen, feeling the emotion, wrapped one of his arms around him and Izzy, almost crushing Ezekiel; he also wrapped an arm around Noah and pulled his friend close.

"Stop trying to help people feel the love, Owen," Noah said as he struggled to free himself, "or Chris might take you out next!"

"Go on, Lindsay," Chris exclaimed, "play the footage!"

Lindsay pouted, looking sympathetically at Team Victory, then saw them hugging and realized maybe it wouldn't be so bad. With a little smile, she picked up the remote, took two minutes to find the Play button on far too buttony remote, and then hit Play.

* * *

**(Voting Confessionals.)**

** Izzy** - "I have rallied the troops, culled the swarm, and organized the army! Izzy will not allow Chris Maclean to continue his reign of tyranny! Thus, Izzy votes for Chris Maclean!" *_She lifts up a passport that has the picture torn out, and a crudely drawn picture of Chris Maclean on it._*

**Alejandro** - "I'm not entirely sure if I should trust Izzy on this, it could be a trick; you can never tell with these reality shows what people are planning. But, for the sake of trust and teamwork, I will go with her flow, and vote for Señor Chris Maclean!" *_His drawing of Chris is a lot better._*

**Ezekiel** - "I knoo' Izzy is trying to help, but I doo't this'll work, eh. Still, why not just try? I trust her enough." *_His drawing is rather good, but Chris' hair seems to be forming horns._*

**Owen** - "Izzy told me to do this. She also said something about afterwards, she would *_do something we really, really cannot mention here_*. But what is that? Hmm." *_He holds up a really bad drawing of Chris Maclean._*

**Tyler** - *_He doesn't say anything, just holds up his passport with an okay drawing of Chris Maclean, with the stamp all over it and "JERK" written on the bottom._*

**Noah** - "This is so not going to work, but it's better to amuse Izzy than anger her. There's a mad brain under that tangle of red hair." *_He holds up his own drawing of Chris Maclean, which is really good, except that he is not wearing pants._*

* * *

Everyone stared for a few seconds, and then Izzy let out a happy cheer. "It worked," she exclaimed. "Thanks you guys."

"Ha ha, nice try," Chris said, scowling darkly. "But not only was that not funny, but you are next, crazy girl."

"But Charlie," Lindsay said, facing the former host, "you just got voted off. That's it for you!"

"What? No! You cannot vote me off!"

"But you got six votes against you, and I'm sure that was it," she continued, scratching the back of her head as she fought the confusion. "So that means you have to go, right?"

"I'm not a contestant, you stupid blonde! I'm Chris Maclean! I'm famous!"

"How rude," Lindsay snapped, putting her hands on her hips. "You should be a better sport about this, Mr. Chris Maclean! Now please say your good-byes, and take the Drop of Shame!"

"I will not, you have to vote off Ezekiel! He's-"

A heavy hand grabbed his shoulder, and he looked to see Chef Hatchet frowning down at him. "Play nice, pretty boy!"

"Chef, c'mon! We're a team!"

"A team where only one of the members got the good food, comfortable quarters, and a paycheck, huh?"

Chris started to panic, his normally cool eyes darting around. "W-wait! The bad drawing Owen did! That looked a lot like Ezekiel! Double-check that, will you?"

Lindsay shook her head. "You lost, Charlie!"

"My name is Chris Maclea-"

He was cut off when Izzy came running up to him, spun him to face the door, and kicked him right in the rump, knocking him out. Chris' scream could be heard as the wind blew him back until he could no longer be heard.

"Ding-dong, the Chris is dead," Izzy shouted, pumping her fists up in the air. "This is the best day ever!"

"Where are the peanuts?" Owen asked, looking around.

"That resolved itself nicely," Noah remarked.

Ezekiel ran over to Izzy and hugged her, kissing her cheek. "You saved my butt a'geen, eh! Thank you, thank you!"

"Aw, it was nothing," Izzy said. "I enjoy wrestling crocodiles and kicking jerks out of planes. Reminds me of my summer job a year ago."

Ezekiel chuckled as Owen approached, and he realized how bad this could look. "Um, Owen! Um… soo'ry! I forgot a'boot-"

"Aw, it's okay," Owen said happily as he munched down peanuts that Lindsay had given him. "I'm so full of joy right now! C'mere you!"

He cupped Ezekiel's face and kissed his cheek a couple times. Ezekiel's eyes widened in surprise, and he muttered, "Wow. Never had that happen befur, eh!"

"You've got bits of peanut on your cheek now," Izzy said with a giggle, wiping them away.

"Owen," Noah said as he walked by, "you kiss boys on the cheek more than a grandmother."

"Aw, do you want one?" Owen asked, smiling at his little friend.

"No! Get away from me!"

As people watched Noah run from Owen and laughed, outside of the plane was a different story. Chris Maclean was clinging to the tail wing, his gorgeous hair whipping in the wind. "I'm not going anywhere," he shouted, though no one inside could hear him. "This is MY show! MYYYYYY SHOOOOOOOOW!"

Then the duck landed on the wing in front of him. {You!} the duck quaked furiously, and started pecking his face in revenge.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - What a ceremony! And I helped!)**

** Tyler** - "I guess that ended nicely. It wasn't a happy ending for me, but at least the jerk is gone. To be honest, I thought I would go because I wasn't helpful during the challenge… just gotta recover, then I'll get my game back on!"

**Harold** - "I think I know why things are going so bad for me: karma. Why else would I have the worst time ever in the country I've wanted to see for years? Why would Duncan get to win and kiss the girl I love? Why would the girl I love tell me it couldn't work here? So it's time for me to make amends… and I'm going to have to start where it's hardest!"

*_He swallows hard, and then steps out of the bathroom, like a man about to head to the chair._*

* * *

**(Total Drama World Jet, Economy.)**

"Courtney?"

The CIT looked up at Harold, who had removed his armor and was back in his normal clothes. After this glance, Courtney couldn't be bothered to look at him any more and stared off at the window.

"I just," he stammered, bracing himself as if preparing an attack, "I wanted to say that I'm sorry for the first season."

Courtney grunted in reply, and Harold didn't know how to take that. "Um, you know about the voting thing? I'm really sorry, you didn't deserve that. I was just mad, and I wanted-"

"I don't care anymore about that, it's fine," she replied nonchalantly, still staring at the window.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really, fine. No problem, Harold."

"Oh, okay."

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Back so soon?)**

** Harold** - "Wow. I had no idea it would be that easy! Gosh. Well, I have to keep on doing this if I want karma to lay off me and Leshawna to want me again. Never knew Courtney could be so forgiving… wait, do I have to do this with Duncan too?" *_He winces._*

**Courtney** - "I cannot get the idea of Duncan kissing Leshawna out of my head. What's his deal, huh? We made up on the journey to get back on the show! Why is he avoiding me? Gah!" *_She grabs her head and cries out in frustration, then she looks up, seemingly confused._* "Wait… did I just give Harold a major pass? I'm really starting to lose it! I'll bet Gwen is doing something dastardly behind my back right now!"

* * *

**(Total Drama World Jet, Economy.)**

"Psst! Gwen girl!"

Gwen looked away from her teammates to see Leshawna in the doorway, beckoning her over. Excusing herself, she headed over to her friend. "There's no way I'm gonna let you starve in economy," she said to Gwen, "so I snuck some food in here!"

"Oh thank you so much," Gwen said, wolfing down a hamburger. "I haven't had anything good to eat in a while!"

"No problem, girl. What are friends for?"

As Gwen ate, she noticed Leshawna was rather quiet, something unusual for her. So she decided to break conversation. "So… how good of a kisser is Duncan?"

"Girl, you crazy? I didn't want him to kiss me!"

"Aw, c'mon, tell me."

"Well… not bad, really. Was kind of nice, but I don't want to talk about that," she said, sighing. "I feel guilty about Harold."

"Leshawna, you had to do it sometime if you didn't feel the same for him."

"I know… but I still feel like a real jerk. I hate feeling like… like Heather, with a conscious."

"That is what separates her from us at times, makes us human."

As the two shared a laugh, Bridgette entered from first class. "What's this?" she teased. "Having a good time?"

Leshawna and Gwen were confused at first, and explained to Bridgette they were talking about Leshawna's semi-breakup. Bridgette too assured her that it was the right thing to do, but quickly changed the subject. "I thought you were celebrating Chris getting kicked off the show."

"Oh, that was wonderful news," Gwen exclaimed, pumping her fist. "Best news ever!"

"I propose a toast," Leshawna said, handing a can of soda to each of the girls. "To Chris Maclean! Hope your parachute failed to open!"

"Failed to open," all three girls cheered.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Failed to open? More like failed to let go.)**

** Leshawna** - "Yes, I still feel bad about Harold, but I'm sure he'll be okay. He was fine the first time, and I think that maybe this time, he'll realize it just won't work. I admire his determination, but he really should find himself a new girl. He's sweet, he deserves one, and maybe with Chris gone, he won't be harassed so much."

**Bridgette** - "I didn't want to say it when I was with her and Gwen, but I really think Leshawna should still go out with Harold. I've thought they were a wonderful couple since their first kiss! First kiss…" *_She sighs and shakes her head._* "I miss Geoff. But at least I know he's doing okay. And speaking of that, I hope Courtney's okay too. Duncan was being a real jerk again, wasn't he?"

**Gwen** - *_She looks at the door suspiciously, then takes a deep breath._* "Okay, I feel paranoid, but what I'm going to say is kind of risky. I'm more than certain I want Duncan now, and seeing how Courtney barely reacted to him kissing Leshawna, I'm certain she doesn't care all over again. If she cannot muster the energy to care that Duncan is her boyfriend except in that dominating "he's mine" attitude, then all bets are off! Plus… Leshawna said he is a good kisser." *_A faint blush spreads across her pale face._*

**Duncan** - *_He is snacking on the Ninja Sweet-ken, throwing them up and catching them in his mouth._* "All in all, a good day. And I get the feeling it's going to keep staying good, hehe."

* * *

**(Total Drama World Jet, Economy.)**

"You ever get the feeling," Katie said as she looked over at Cody, "that we kind of have been brushed off?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we, like, totally saved the day by making the movie! And though it wasn't first place, we did have something!"

"It's probably because Chris Maclean wouldn't have cared if we had a movie or not, he made up his mind before the movies were even shown."

"True," Katie muttered, shaking her head. "Still, a little thanks would be nice."

"I know, I agree. But since Gwen's gone, Courtney's distracted, and Heather won't, I'll just say, thank you, Katie!"

"Yes, thank you for helping us make the movie," Sierra agreed. "We can make you the unofficial leader!"

"Oh, I don't want that," Katie said, smiling and waving her hand. "But you two can tell me something… think anyone else was impressed by the movie?"

"Anyone in particular?" Sierra said, with a notepad and pencil in hand, writing down all possible names as her shipper mind went into overdrive.

"No," she replied, glancing over at a certain member of Team Chris across from them. "No one in particular."

As the three continued to discuss the movie and their efforts, the jet sailed on. Team Chris was basking in the happy glow of eliminating Chris Maclean, who was whipping like a flag on the outside and trying to swat an angry duck away. Bridgette, Leshawna, and Gwen continued to chat and enjoy themselves. Tyler, Harold, and Courtney were all staring out windows, wondering what to do with the seemingly shattered remains of their love lives. DJ sat in first class, trying to keep his mind off the panda he accidentally beat up (it had recovered and was now hosting the renewing season of Human Pinball).

Up in the cockpit, Lindsay was holding the controls, glancing over at Chef from time to time. "Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

"I'm fine, boss."

"Because I could ask for some help at the next place, make sure you don't have to work hard and cause more pain."

"Pain don't hurt."

"What? But by its very definition, it does!"

"Don't worry about me, just end the episode."

Lindsay nodded, and then looked forward again. "Well people at home, and hi daddy, we leave Japan with many questions on our minds. How will the show progress without Charlie? Will Harold and Tyler get over their tragic breakups? Will…"

She stops and looks sad, until Chef nudges her to snap her back to attention. "And," she said, "what is… going to happen next? That is what is on everyone's mind, isn't it?"

"You have to spruce it up."

"Um… okay! What's on your mind? Will your questions be answered, like questions should be? You might get some answers on the next episode of Total! Drama! WORLD CURLS!"

"Tour, Lindsay."

"Thank goodness, I look bad in curls."

* * *

…

…

…

**To Be Continued!**

…

…

…

* * *

**Staff** - Lindsay (host), Chef Hatchet (co-host).

**Team Victory** (first place, first class) - Bridgette, DJ, Duncan, Harold, Leshawna.

**Team Amazon** (second place) - Cody, Courtney, Gwen, Heather, Katie.

**Team Chris** (third place) - Alejandro, Ezekiel, Izzy, Noah, Owen, Tyler.

…

**Eliminated **- Chris Maclean.

…

**Next Stop** - You can't guess! Wait, Yukon?


	7. Yukon, Part 1

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of this fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Do not try any of this at home, except for the stuff that you can do at home. Except for the things you shouldn't, but can, just don't unless it's okay, but not when it's not.

**TKN's Warning** - I noticed most of you suggested that I abandon computer games so that I can write more; nice to know most of you think you're my MOTHER! Those that want me chained down in front of my computer, I wouldn't mind that so much some days.

Now you all have been begging and asking for songs, so I provided a little something. If it's still not enough, let me know, but personally, I think _reading_ a song is not quite so enjoyable. But I still listen to my readers, even if they want me chained at my computer and unable to play games. *_whimper_*

There is a new poll on my profile, and it won't be on there for long. It's about songs in this story, if you all think it'd really improve things. Just as a warning, I'm _not_ parodying full versions of the TDWT songs (wouldn't make sense to do parodies of songs they supposedly haven't sung at all); if I do songs, I'll improvise.

And now for something completely different: snow! … Well, it's completely different if you've grown up in California.

...

...

...

* * *

**Chapter 07** - Tour the Small Fjord!

* * *

...

**(Total Drama World Jet, Economy Class)**

Redhead looks at toque-wearing brunet. Both observe blonde strapped down in chair. Redhead nods, signifying an O.K. from H.Q. (herself).

"Ready?" she asks, her voice containing a hum.

"R-ready."

"Okay then! Operation Cheer-Up Owen commences in three… two… one… now!"

…

_Come ride with us / on our smelly bus_

_ Come… and ride with us!_

_ (Izzy) We want you to enjoy our ride!_

_ (Ezekiel) Smooth and safe, a yellow glide!_

_ (Izzy) Don't wonder if the wheels go 'round_

_ (Ezekiel) In school bus, you can't hear a sound-_

…

"Sound?" Owen shouted, struggling against his bonds. "SOUND? Did you hear that? Sounds like something falling off the plane! We're gonna die!"

He proceeded to scream in abject terror, while Izzy and Ezekiel backed off. Nearby, disturbed from his reading, Noah looked up with a disgusted snarl. "Thanks for riling him all over again," he grumbled. "And by the way, that was the dumbest song I've ever heard."

"That might have bin my fault, eh," Ezekiel admitted. "Izzy just told me to make up the lyrics as I go."

"Time for Plan B," Izzy said, knocking on Owen's head to get him to stop singing. She looked at Ezekiel, who looked daunted by Plan B.

…

_(Ezekiel) A cool pillow to fluff and bacon to fry!_

_ (Izzy) There's so much to enjoy before we die!_

…

Needless to say (but we will because it's rather funny), Owen started screaming after that last lyric. His hysterical blubbering startled Ezekiel and he hid behind Izzy, who was trying to reason with Owen that he should be feeling better. Noah put his hands over his ears, not letting go of his back and using his head as a bookmark. Tyler was awakened by this screaming, and stretched as he winced.

"Can't you leave the poor guy alone?" he asked. "He's having a hard enough time."

"I'm trying to make him feel better!"

"I don't think it's working, chica," Alejandro said.

"It will! I will crush his phobia like something underneath my foot! I could crush this floor under my foot, wouldn't that be interesting?"

"And smash a hole throo' the floor?" Ezekiel asked, smiling lightly at his friend.

"Hole? Hole throo' the floor?" Owen repeated. "WE'RE GONNA GET SUCKED OUT AND DIE!"

"Time for plan C," Izzy muttered as she grabbed Owen's face and stared deep into his terror-stricken eyes.

…

_I wanna tell you while the weather is cold…_

_I would gladly kiss your winter pole!_

_My tongue may get stuck in the process…_

_But you have to admit, that would be some kiss!_

…

As Izzy sang, she lifted her foot to stomp the floor, which did not really fit the song. Right underneath them was the cargo hold, and someone was rather annoyed by the loud thumping sound. Chris Maclean, who had snuck into the cargo hold at the last gas stop, covered his ears and grumbled, "What are those stupid teenagers doing up there? Honestly, how dare they stomp around my lovely jet?"

A nearby suitcase wiggled around nearby, and Chris laughed at it. "Haha, stupid duck wants out? That'll teach you to peck at my handsome face!"

{When I get out of here,} the duck quacked angrily, {I'm gonna make a nest out of your stupid hair!}

Chris didn't speak Duck, but he did feel a tinge of threat towards his hair, and quickly brought out a bottle of hair gel. He quickly applied it to his beautiful hair, and made it shine gorgeously. He sighed in relief, and then tried to mentally block out the sounds of stomping.

Izzy was still singing sensually to Owen, who looked very confused and still terrified. If he didn't get the romantic singing, Noah did.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Izzy's songs sounds familiar…)**

*_Noah and Owen are in the bathroom together. Owen is tied up from shoulders to waist._*

**Noah** - "When are you going to break up with that nutcase of a girlfriend of yours?"

**Owen** - "I don't know, Izzy and I do have something good going for us…"

**Noah** - "You mean that she didn't tie your feet up too?"

**Owen** - "Well, I do need to move around, don't I?"

**Noah** - "Face it, dude, you don't need a girlfriend."

**Owen** - "You know, you could be right, little buddy!"

**Noah** - "You're just fine on your own!"

**Owen** - "I got my buddies to help me!"

**Noah** - "See? What do you _need_ Izzy for?"

**Owen** - "I get it! Now I need to use the toilet! Can you undo my belt for me?"

**Noah** - *_He pauses, then opens the door and calls out._* "Izzy, your boyfriend needs your assistance!"

* * *

Team Chris Is Really Really Really Ugly was now seated normally, with Owen still tied up and taking deep breaths. Tyler and Alejandro sat alone, lost in their own thoughts. Noah was back at his book, and Izzy was making talk with Ezekiel.

"This next stop, wherever it is," Izzy whispered to Ezekiel, "is where you will make your move. Bridgette has been alone, and her team is frazzling her. Frazzling her more than a tongue in the electric socket."

"That sounds… painful, eh."

"Nah, it's fun, but I don't recommend it for most. Now, tell me how you're going to approach Bridgette!"

"… Say hello?"

"I was thinking of hugging her from behind, wrapping an arm around her stomach, turning her head to the side, and planting a big wet one on her lips!"

He blinked, then blushed bright red at the thought of doing that. Ezekiel smiled for a second, then flinched. "Um, Izzy, what she does next to me after that is very painful, eh."

"I'd love it if a boy did that to me, if I wasn't taken! I'd only slap a boy if she did that when I was taken."

"But Bridgette's taken!"

"Oh then, she'd slap you."

Ezekiel sighed, and she rubbed his back. "That's why, wherever we land, you must get your reputation up with her! It's not wrong if she decides to go out with you, my Zekey! And don't feel guilty, couples break up all the time! Look at where Courtney and Duncan are heading!"

A loud gasp from the other side of economy class could be heard, and Izzy looked to see a very upset Courtney glaring at her. She gave an innocent shrug, which didn't help. The CIT stomped off, passing by her team. Heather seemed delighted, Gwen wasn't there, and the other three were talking among themselves.

"Did you know," Katie was saying, "that Eva doesn't have a nightie? She wears what looks like work-out clothes mixed with pajamas!"

"I heard about that, but we didn't get much info on you all during Total Drama Action," Sierra said. "I'll have to update the nightwear page for all the contestants!"

"You have one of those?" Cody asked.

"Of course! And your yellow pajamas are so cute!"

"Um, thanks," he said, looking around with a slight blush. With another glance away, he gathered his courage and asked a question that had come to his mouth since they brought of nightwear. "What's Gwen wear at night?"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - One wonders about one's wonder.)**

** Heather** - "I wonder if I should thank Izzy, because Courtney being distracted is all I need to become leader of this pathetic team. And Gwen's too distracted with _Duncan_ to fight any longer. This game is going to go back my way, at long last, and I'll ride the wave to the very end."

**Sierra** - "I think it's time to get more information on the others, especially Courtney and Heather, who I could not get much info on. And Katie's going to help me out? Isn't this fun? Eeeeeee!"

**Katie** - "Sadie, if you're out there, trust me when I say I'm not replacing you! Sierra is, like, another friend! She's, like… nice and all! We get to flirt with boys… well, just Cody." *_She sniffs, then sobs._* "Oh, forgive me, Sadie! I went 'EEEEE' with another girl other than you!" *_waaah, hic, sob_*

**Courtney** - "I've had it with people saying Duncan and I are going to break up! There's no proof of this! Things are just a little rocky! They usually are…"

*_She hangs her head, upset, then brings it up to frown._* "I sure hope that home-wrecking goth girl is proud of herself. And I haven't seen her for hours, she'd better not be trying to get some goth girl hooks in my boyfriend!"

* * *

**(Total Drama World Jet, Cafeteria)**

Gwen's "goth girl hooks" were not in Duncan. They were, in fact, pounding a table as she laughed nonstop at Leshawna's tale. Bridgette was also laughing hard, hard enough to make her face bright race. Leshawna was trying to tell her tale, but was laughing too hard herself to talk. Anyone witnessing this bunch of intense laughter among three young ladies would come as a shock to everyone who didn't get women (aka men).

After another minute, they all managed to calm down, and take deep breaths of much-needed air. Leshawna managed to finish her tale, and they all shared one more big laugh.

"Oh, you two are the best," Gwen said after she finished laughing. "Best friends I ever had."

"You've been in such a good mood," Bridgette noted. "And you too, Leshawna."

"Maybe it's just being Chris-less," Leshawna said.

"Yeah, food tastes better, air smells cleaner, life is just better," Gwen said. "Plus, I finally get to hang out with my best friends again. I'm no longer a crabby goth girl."

"If only we could have you on our team, girl," Leshawna mused. "Think we can ask Lindsay for a change?"

"No, I tried, she said it wasn't possible. I guess, for fair reasons, we couldn't do that."

"Well, we miss you," Bridgette said, "and we know it cannot be fun being on the same team as Heather again."

"Or Courtney. Sorry, Bridge," Gwen apologized, "but she's been at my throat since this season started."

"I want to talk to her about it, but she has been really furious, hasn't she? But Gwen," Bridgette hesitated, and swallowed before she asked, "are you really getting close to Duncan?"

"I've… thought about it," Gwen admitted. "Didn't they break up?"

"I don't know, hon, it's really hard to tell," Leshawna admitted. "But I hate to say, Duncan's been getting under our skin."

Gwen sighed and shook her head. "I need to speak to him about that. I don't like how he won't be nice with you two. But please, could you promise me that if your team loses in the future, could you not vote him off?"

Bridgette and Leshawna exchanged glances. "But," Bridgette said, "that only leaves DJ and Harold."

"Damn," Gwen said, realizing that both of the mentioned boys would be emotional for them to vote off, "if only there was someone you wouldn't feel guilty about voting off. We need more Heathers."

Leshawna nodded, and added, "Or rookies we don't like. Shame Alejandro is just so darn good-looking."

"I know," Bridgette said with a hint of a swoon, then shook it off. "Uh, I mean, well, we shouldn't ask for more mean people like Heather. It's a relief to have someone polite like Alejandro."

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Seems like a trigger to counter what was last said.)**

** Alejandro** - "I think it's about time I start being more polite to Bridgette. That way, I can use that sickeningly sweet personality against her, and get her out of the game. Nice girls finish last, and they get voted off first." *_He laughs, and rubs his hands together._* "It feels so good when you get a plan in action. Like a pleasurable surge of adrenaline."

**Leshawna** - "I hated to tell Gwen, but Duncan is the only person I really could vote off without feeling guilty. Still, I promised my girl I wouldn't vote off him, but I'm looking after Bridgette first. Our sisterhood of chocolate (me), vanilla (Gwen), and strawberry (Bridgette) will be getting to the end this time!"

* * *

**(Total Drama World Jet, First Class)**

Duncan was busy cleaning his fingernails with his pocketknife while one of the special service personal was taking care of his toenails; that person was also wearing a gas mask. The punk was bored but comfortable, and was for the most part content with that. He, like everyone else, was glad Chris Maclean was gone.

"_I guess that means I don't have to fight against that music clause all season like I thought I would,_" he thought, letting out a sigh of relief. "_That's good, because I have too much on my mind, what with Gwen and Courtney. Not to mention this whole ordeal with Leshawna and Harold. I know I cannot tease the nerd about it without the girls going nuts over it. Maybe now would be best?_"

He looked around to see where the nerd was, and saw him sitting next to DJ. Harold was trying to comfort the big guy, and thus Duncan gave up on giving him a hard time for now.

"Look, DJ, you were the Pocahontas of our show, next to Bridgette," Harold said. "You gotta believe that animals are still your friends!"

"It's not them, dude," DJ said, "it's me, I'm cursed."

"Dude, it was a fake pyramid! Not to mention that Egyptian curses are a bunch of hooey. You're talking about a tyrannical, evil ruler giving everything he wanted at the blood of others, only to have his death treated more lavishly than his servants' deaths!"

"That does sound bad when you say it."

"They used to remove the servants' brains through their nose with a hot poker, did you know that?"

DJ started to look sick, to which Harold decided to change the subject. "My point is, there is no such thing as curses. Now you love animals, don't you?"

"Yes!"

"Then go out there, and prove you are the modern day Jane Goodall!"

DJ nodded, went to slip on his sandals, and stepped on a rat that had been resting on them. The creature squeaked and bolted, limping slightly. Harold winced, especially when DJ burst into tears.

"I can't even put on my flip-flops without crushing one of God's creatures," he wailed.

Harold was rubbing his shoulder, trying to say comforting words. "Well, do you know how many people rats have killed?"

"How does a rat kill a human, Harold?" DJ sobbed. "That doesn't make sense!"

"Diseases and plagues, Deej."

"That's the virus, not the poor little creature! I must find the mouse hole, and give him some cheese in apology!"

"We're on a plane!"

"Then I'll leave cheese out everywhere! It'll be like first class for him!"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - With a bit of cheese inside here now.)**

** Harold** - "Luckily, I managed to prevent DJ from spreading cheese all over the place. I then listened to him talk about his mother for some time. I know I love my mom, but I doubt I could go on about her that long. I'm hoping all this will help with my karma. But on the other hand, it's nice to be able to talk to someone."

**DJ** - "I just gotta break this curse! I know Harold said curses don't exist, but this has been going on for far too long! I cannot go on hurting animals accidentally, what happens when I finally want to adopt a little puppy dog or a sweet kitty cat? When I finally go home to Jamaica, I want to be able to have a pet!"

*_He pauses his upset speech to calm down a little, wiping his forehead._* "Just gotta keep my head in the game. Got teammates counting on me, and I cannot let them down! I just hope wherever we're landing is not known for animals. But speaking of such, I wonder why there was a rat up here in the plane?"

**Rat** - *_munching on some cheese, speaking in Rat_* "wut? did u dink i wuld spend time in teh kargo huld? that nastee hueman iz so crabby, he iz real pain 2 be round!"

* * *

**(Total Drama World Jet, Cockpit.)**

Lindsay was busy doing her nails, talking to Chef. The co-host was co-piloting, keeping his eyes on the sky but his ears for his new boss.

"So I told Beth," Lindsay said, "if he was gonna talk to me like that, I wasn't gonna hear it!"

"Oh, I know," Chef replied.

"I mean, just because a girl accepts a dance doesn't make her his, you know?"

"Oh, I _know_."

"Beth thought he was very cute, but I don't really go for that, like, kind of guy."

"Oh, I _know_."

"So then we decided to go to a discotheque, and I was wondering why discotheque is spelt so funny-"

She was interrupted when a buzzer went off, catching both their attention. Lindsay was confused, then upset. "But I didn't even try to spell the word, how'd I get it wrong already?"

"That's just the thing hinting that we're very close to our next destination, girl."

"Ooo, spiffy," Lindsay said. She picked up the intercom microphone, and clicked it on. "Attention, travelers! You are not going to believe this, but we are nearly at our next destination! Are you ready for another great challenge, another elimination, and a lovely place to see?"

She giggled, then, forgetting to turn her microphone off, she asked Chef, "Where _is_ the next location?"

Chef tapped at a clipboard near them, and she picked it up. She read the entire thing, which left every contest wondering for ten minutes where they were going. Their answer was given them after Lindsay was done saying, "Hmmm… ooo… okay… ahhh."

"Today's challenge will take place," she said with gusto, "in Yuck'on! Yuck'on right here in Canada!"

"I think you mean Yukon, Lindsay," Chef corrected her.

"I kon what?" she asked, confused.

The plane landed before she could get an answer. Lindsay immediately forgot her question, and started looking around. "Chef, I need to find Chris' coat, the clipboard said it was very cold. Can you escort the contestants out while I find it?"

"Certainly."

Lindsay walked into Chris' swank quarters, and shuffled through his clothing. As she did, she could hear a lot of protesting, then screams of terror. This concerned the bubble-headed blonde, and she darted towards the cafeteria where the sounds were coming from. Chef Hatchet stood at the exit door, which was wide open, and he chuckled to himself. Lindsay looked outside to see the contestants all piled up in a heap in the snow.

"Chef," she exclaimed. "What did you do?"

"Well, the inflatable ramp that's supposed to pop out might have frozen already, so I just pushed them all out," Chef Hatchet said with a chuckle. "Don't worry, the snow cushioned their fall."

"And then we cushioned our own falls," Heather shouted up at him.

"Ack," Courtney cried out from the giant pile of teenagers, "who pinched my butt?"

"Ack," Cody cried out as well, "who pinched _my_ butt?"

"Will all of you get off of me?" Noah whimpered from the bottom. "I think something's broken."

One by one, the teenagers managed to get themselves untangled and up, some helping some up. Noah was the only one not fully recovered, grasping his arm. "I think it's sprained," he muttered, "but not broken."

Chef Hatchet chuckled again as he watched them all recover, then he scratched his head. "Hey, are we missing one of them?"

The sound of rope breaking could be heard, and a frantic Owen came running from economy. "LAND," he screamed in joy, then in a delusional voice, started to scream-sing, "_Come land with us / come land with us…_"

He bolted towards the open door. Lindsay managed to jump out of the way, but Chef was terrified at the sight of a giant, delusional, singing teenager coming at him. The collision knocked them both out of the plane, and hurtling down to the snow below, and also a very unfortunate Noah. He only had time to widen his eyes in terror as his large friend and a mean cook landed on him. A very painful snapping sound could be heard too.

"_Now_ it's broken," Noah wailed from underneath Owen.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Doubles as an ER room.)**

** Noah** - *_His arm is now in a cast and a sling._* "It's all good and fun until someone gets hurt, huh? Well, are you laughing now? ARE YOU? If my family is watching this, change the channel."

**Cody** - *_rubbing his butt_* "I wish I knew who pinched my butt."

**Sierra** - *_flexing her fingers_* "Hee hee hee!"

**Courtney** - *_rubbing her butt_* "I really want to find out who the creep was who pinched my butt!"

**Izzy** - *_looking rather upset_* "I, like, thought that was someone else!"

* * *

**(Yukon Runway)**

The cold soon washed over the teenagers like a tidal wave. They stood there, chattering and shivering and whimpering. Noah, who had quickly been bandaged up by Chef, looked the most pitiful as he only had one arm to wrap around himself.

"It's s-s-so cold," Katie shivered.

"I h-h-hate the cold," Leshawna muttered.

"Where's L-Lindsay?" Courtney asked. "Can we start the stupid challenge?"

"She's not r-ready yet," Chef Hatchet chattered, just as cold as the contestants. "She had to get a coat."

"Why's _she_ get a coat?" Heather shouted. "That's completely unfair!"

"Well, she is the host," Alejandro pointed out.

"Oh shut up, brown-noser!"

"Hey," Izzy snapped, "don't talk to my teammate like that!"

Heather would have replied, but her teeth were chattering too hard for a stern reply. They continued to stand there, shivering, and some more than others.

"Now I really wish I wore more for this contest," Katie wailed.

"This is agonizing," Bridgette whimpered.

"M-maybe," DJ muttered aloud, not to anyone in particular, "we could h-huddle together for warmth?"

While the gentle teenager thought of a Saint Bernard with a keg of hot cocoa, the others took to what he said almost immediately. Tyler clung to DJ, shivering too hard to care what others thought right now. Heather huddled up with Sierra before the fangirl could go to Cody. Owen pulled Noah to him and squeezed him against his girth, apologizing over and over for the accident with his arm.

Cody looked around for Gwen, only to see her snuggling up to Duncan. He was rather saddened to see her so close to him, but nowhere near as upset as Courtney was. The CIT gasped in horror, then her face contorted with rage, but it wasn't enough to discourage Duncan. Courtney was furious, but too cold to make a scene, so she simply grabbed the nearest boy, who happened to be a rather upset Cody, and squeezed him close to her. As she gave Duncan a "so there" look, Cody, almost wedged in her chest, was not quite as upset anymore and much warmer.

Alejandro was besieged by Leshawna, Katie, and Izzy, all wanting to hug themselves around the very handsome boy. He managed to smile through the tight hugs, and then noticed Bridgette was standing alone. She caught his eye, and they exchange a small smile, but she realized there was no room for her. Izzy noticed this too, and looked for Ezekiel.

"Huddle time," she shouted, grabbing Ezekiel's hood when she found him. She yanked him right over to Bridgette, who caught him right as he gripped her to balance herself. Now they were hugging, noses almost touching, and both were blushing cherry red.

"I…," Bridgette shivered, "I have a boyfriend!"

"S-soo'ry," Ezekiel stammered and tried to let go, but part of his body was refusing to let go of the very warm girl he was holding onto. The other part noted Izzy staring sternly at them, and wondered just what she would do if he let go.

"Izzy declares it National Huggling Day in Canada," Izzy said, staring down Bridgette, "so you will huggle him!"

Bridgette really did not want to argue with Izzy in this cold, and sighed regretfully as she pulled herself a little closer to Ezekiel. He was much more comfortable than she thought he would be, but her thoughts were all on Geoff and praying Lindsay would edit this out.

Izzy went back to hugging Alejandro, and thus Harold was the only one left alone, shivering and chattering. He tried to say aloud, "Damn… karma," but he couldn't get the words out. Just when he was about ready to cry from how cold, lonely, and agonizingly uncomfortable he felt, someone hugged him from behind.

"Oh, Harold," Lindsay cooed, squeezing herself against him, "why aren't you huggling anyone? I heard it's a holiday!"

Harold felt the very thick coat Lindsay was wearing against him, the puffy arms holding his scrawny body. He let out a small sigh of relief, and said, "Just f-freezing myself to death. It's karma, you know."

"Is that what the Americans use for measuring the temperature?" Lindsay said as she released him to walk up to the front of the contestants. "I could never remember how that works."

"Why do you get that coat?" Heather snapped. "Why don't we get coats?"

"I wanted to do that," Lindsay said, as she glanced down at her clipboard, "and it says right here, Chris planned something for that."

Small cheers spread throughout the teenagers as Lindsay reread the list. "It says right here," she said, "to 'make a joke about having ordered cloaks, and that they'd be here in eight weeks.'"

Everyone groaned and whined. Lindsay continued to read the list. "'Laugh at them when they whine and groan.' Well, that's not very nice."

"It's not nice that you get to wear a coat," Courtney, still shivering and holding Cody close to her, snapped. "Why do you get special treatment?"

"She is the host," Tyler muttered, but a sharp glare from several contestants silenced him.

"Hey, I don't really want to wear this," Lindsay said as she corrected the hood. "It's not my color, it's way too big for me, and it reeks of hair gel!"

Not many got sympathy for Lindsay, who was wearing warm clothing from head to toe. She noticed this, and though she had all the right in the world as host to be more comfortable than the contestants, she felt guilty. Her bright blue eyes brightened as she got a bright idea. "Aha! I know! Chef, can I borrow a pair of scissors?"

The shivering co-host handed her a pair. She turned her back towards the others for a couple minutes, all of them wondering what she was doing. As they heard the scissors snip, there was some pained howling echoing around the Yukon. It sounded like it was coming from the cargo hold of the Total Drama World Jet.

"Are those wolves?" Katie whimpered, squeezing against Alejandro tighter.

"Maybe it's the spirits of the Yukon," Izzy whispered excitedly. "They come for our blood for daring to trespass upon their sacred ground."

"It sounds nothing like that," Noah grumbled. "And Owen? Please let go now."

When Lindsay turned around, they received a rather big surprise. Lindsay had cut off the bottom of the jacket, all the way up to expose her tummy. She had also cut herself a neckline, right down to the bottom of her cleavage. She looked like she was wearing a sexy tank top, but it was as puffy as a snow jacket.

"How's that?" she asked, lifting up the scraps of cloth in her hand. "I made myself a little bit more exposed so I'm just as close as you all are! Is that better?"

"You look like an eskimo floozy," Heather cried out.

"I must remember that look," Katie said, giggling, "for when I design clothing."

"Now, I must direct your attention to this river," Lindsay said, gesturing to a wide river behind her; it was a rather good choice of words on her part, because some boys had been staring at her alterations. "See this wide river?"

"Looks more narrow to me," Owen commented.

"Really? I think it's more wide."

"This is narrow compared to other rivers," Chef said.

"What rivers, the Amazon?" Heather snapped. "That's wide!"

"It's narrow, you can see the other side easily," Noah said.

"Narrow or wide, it's still a river," Lindsay protested. "Direct your attention to it!"

"It's narrow," Duncan remarked.

"Fitting for someone narrow-minded," Courtney snapped at him.

"He needs to widen his views," Harold remarked, grinning proudly until several glares shot him down.

Leshawna rolled her eyes and said, "Look Lindsay, can we get on with this?"

"Yes, I can! For the first part of the Yukon challenge, you are going to have to cross the river."

"More river crossing?" Ezekiel squeaked in terror.

"Yeah," Katie said with a scoff, "couldn't you have widened the challenge frame?" When she received a lot of glares, she blushed and said, "That was, like, totally unintentional!"

Lindsay cleared her throat. "Now about this river? See this river?"

She flung her arm out to showcase the river, but in the process accidentally let go of the scraps of clothing she had. They flew out into the river, which would not have been a big deal if a redheaded girl didn't leap after them shouting, "WARM CLOTHING!"

No one really believed they saw the blur of red and green go diving into the air and eventually hit the water; everyone had just assumed that no one could be that foolhardy. Then it sunk in, as they all were teens performing stunts that shouldn't be tried at home. And one boy who had always been at home until now reacted first.

"IZZY," Ezekiel shrieked in terror, running to the side of the river. He leaned over the side and looked into the water, only to see a very happy Izzy resurface.

"I got me some of Lindsay's coat," she bragged. Ezekiel grabbed the wrist of the hand she was holding up a scrap of cloth in. He pulled her up as she giggle-shivered in victory. Owen was right there the moment Ezekiel pulled her up, huffing and puffing from sprinting what was a long distance for him to sprint (ten steps).

Izzy was shaking, icicles forming on her wet hair and ears, but she still carried a victorious grin. She pushed the cloth against Ezekiel's cheek and said to him, "Here, I think this part was over her chest, wowee-wow-wow Zekey!"

"Izzy, are you okay?" Owen asked in-between pants.

"Izzy's just fine!"

"Izzy's insane," Duncan shouted.

"Izzy's suicidal," Heather said.

"Izzy sure does make the show interesting when she's on," Sierra gushed, clapping. "Well done! Wish that could go on my vlog!"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - A narrow accommodation.)**

** Gwen** - "Seriously. Just what was Izzy's mother on when she was pregnant with her?"

**Tyler** - "Man, that dudette should have come with Leshawna and I when we were doing reality TV shows! She could do anything with a smile on her face."

**Chef Hatchet** - "That girl ain't normal. And I know what's normal." *_He takes a break to file his nails._*

**Ezekiel** - *_He is without his toque or green jacket, wearing a thin gray shirt._* "Izzy's my best friend, and she's helped me and encoo'raged me, eh. I figured after all the advice she gave me, the least I could do would be to make a small sacrifice for her."

* * *

"You're going to freeze to death like that, eh," Ezekiel said, pointing at her shivering, goose bump-ridden skin. Izzy shivered, still grinning, and chuckled.

"Aww, you don't have to worry about me, Zekey."

"Well, I think I am. Here," he said as he took off his jacket. His toque fell off his head in the process, but he put back on as he handed Izzy his jacket.

"Izzy will be f-" Izzy started to say before a particularly cold shiver made her stop talking and then sneeze. Some sanity reached into her brain, and she took the jacket. "Thank you," she said as she put it on, and then took a deep sniff of the inside. "Ooo, smells like Zekey."

"You can have my pants too, Izzy," Owen offered, already starting to take off his belt.

As all the others begged Owen to stop, Lindsay watched for a couple seconds then received a nudge from Chef Hatchet. "Oh, about the contest," she announced, "here, I'll explain the rules again. First, you have to cross this wide river on those narrow glaciers-"

"More narrow and wide?" Courtney asked, rolling her eyes. "Honestly, can't you drop it?"

There was a quiet sound of pants hitting the floor, and Duncan glanced over at Owen before looking back at Courtney. "Nice going, Princess, Owen just did on your order. Can you please stay quiet for two minutes?"

"Can you keep off _Gwen_ for two minutes?" she shot back in return, glaring more at Gwen than Duncan.

Gwen started to frown, then smirked and said, "Well, can you keep off Cody for two minutes?"

Courtney looked down to see Cody was still being pulled into her chest. She let out a cry and pushed him away, blushing brightly as she tried to look innocent. Harold managed to catch him before he hit the snowy ground.

"People," Lindsay cried out, "we're going off-track again!"

"Yes," Harold said, "can we just learn about the challenge? Gosh!"

"Thank you, Harold! Now, the first part is to cross this river! You have to jump from ice block to ice block, and then once you get to the other side, you can mount your dog sled!"

She pointed to the other side of the river, where people could faintly make out three dog sleds. "Um, sugar?" Leshawna spoke up. "I don't see any dogs."

"Well no, because the sled has to be pulled by a member of the team," Lindsay said. "And only one. You can change at any time, but the first one to the other side has to start pulling."

"How are we supposed to catch up then?" Katie asked.

"See, the sleds," Lindsay was making all kinds of hand gestures and movements as she spoke, "are to follow this track that goes around several areas, but the people who aren't on the sled can walk straight forward to the flag poles that mark the pathway.

"Each team has to pick up all their members before they make it to the finish line that will be over yonder," Lindsay said. "I'm assuming Yonder is a little town in the Yukon that's underneath something, according to the clipboard."

"What happens if you don't have all your teammates?" DJ asked.

"Then you cannot win."

"What if your teammates cross the finish line before your sled does?" Cody asked.

"The rules are that once everyone crosses, that team has made it."

"What if-" Bridgette started to ask, but Chef shushed her.

"Can it," Chef shushed, then turned to Lindsay. "You're supposed to not tell all the rules as a way of making a twist at the end."

"But I'd look terrible with a twist," Lindsay whined, patting her hair. She shook this off, and turned to the contestants. "Any more questions?"

Alejandro raised a shivering hand. "Uh, yes," he said, managing a smile that warmed Lindsay, not to mention most of the other girls who looked over at him. "I was wondering, since our poor teammate here has suffered a serious injury…"

He pat Noah's good shoulder, and gestured to his broken arm. "Could we not go first, due to our handicap?"

Chef Hatchet cleared his throat. "Technically speaking, Owen knocked me out of the plane, so your team broke its own arm."

"Not to mention one of your teammates tried to start too early," Heather snapped at Alejandro. "You cannot charm your way into cheating!"

Alejandro looked startled for a few seconds by Heather's words, then smiled. "Of course, of course. I humbly apologize, we will make do with what we got."

Lindsay nodded, smiling sympathetically at Alejandro. "I'll give you all fives minutes to discuss strategy, then you gotta cross that river!"

* * *

**(Team Victory's Huddle)**

The other two teams were indistinct, but no one on the team was keen on listening in. Leshawna clapped her hands. "Okay, we all know we have the ability to run fast, so I got a plan."

"What's that?" Duncan asked.

"Try to get to the finish line instead of stopping at a flag," Leshawna said. "We're all in good shape, we can make it there. Then we pick up everyone instead of dragging everyone there."

"Not bad. And of course, DJ can pull the sled."

"If he's okay with that."

DJ nodded, looking around. "So long as there aren't any dogs that I can accidentally hurt."

"Please stop talking about a curse," Bridgette pleaded. "You're not cursed, it's really all in your head."

As Bridgette and Leshawna tried to comfort the big guy, Harold noticed Duncan's attention had drifted to Team Amazon. "Planning on running off with your girlfriend?" Harold teased him.

He was rather surprised when the punk glared at him. "Stay out of my business, nerd," Duncan snapped.

"Gosh, I was just kidding. Just don't blow this for our team, we're all teammates here."

He received a snarl in reply, and decided to go off to talk to someone who wouldn't bite his head off.

* * *

**(Team Amazon's Huddle)**

Gwen's attention was also distracted, especially when she saw Duncan looking at her. She put her hand on her hip and pretended to pout, to which the punk wiggled his unibrow approvingly. The goth blushed slightly, unable to deny to herself how much this wasn't like her.

"Gwen," Heather declared, startling her. She flinched when she saw everyone on her team was looking at her, especially a frowning Courtney. "I want you all focused on this!"

"Are you really our boss?" Katie asked, looking rather suspicious.

"I have to! Courtney and Gwen won't pay attention, and you three are not leadership material."

Sierra was too busy writing in a notepad to be offended by this. She approached Heather and asked, "So, Heather, will you continue your webcam series when the show is over?"

"Yes, but that's not important-"

"Will your cat be on again?"

"Sierra, you need to focus-"

"So when you do your next blog cast, will you be stroking your-"

Heather smacked her in the face with a handful of snow. Sierra yelped and fell down, struggling to remove the frozen material from her face. "Gah! Snow went up my nose!"

Courtney ignored all this, watching Gwen carefully. The goth girl didn't dare to look at Duncan anymore, so she walked over to Cody. "So," she said, smirking, "thinking of asking out Courtney later, now that you two have got so close?"

"I dunno. How about you, gorgeous? Still need to huddle for warmth?"

She rolled her eyes as he narrowed his, grinning at her and wiggling his eyebrows. "Oh, just try Courtney. What, she's not your type?"

"I wouldn't say that, I like all kinds of girls. I like 'em all from Beth to Sadie, but you're more my type."

"How comforting, seeing you'll date any type of girl."

"Not every kind, I wouldn't date Heather. I couldn't dig a girl who hated you so much."

Gwen sighed, trying to ignore Katie giggling as she listened in. The sweet girl, still shivering like everyone else, rocked on her feet and glanced between the goth girl and geek boy.

* * *

**(Team Chris Is Really Really Really Ugly's Huddle)**

"I look like Zekey now, don't I?" Izzy said, fluffing the jacket. "Maybe I shoo'd talk like him, eh!"

"My fair redhead, we must focus," Alejandro said, patting her shoulder. "We are at a major disadvantage. Not that it is Noah's fault."

The bookworm rolled his eyes and corrected his sling. "Yeah, and we all know who's fault it is."

"I'm sowwy," Owen bawled, grabbing Noah in a bear hug. He squeezed as he continued to sob and cry and bawl and howl and blubber and boo-hoo-hoo. Izzy wiped a tear away, hitting Tyler's eye when it froze in mid-air.

Tyler rubbed his eye and muttered, "Well, I still blame Chef Hatchet, since he threw us out instead of letting us depart normally!"

"I was going to say that actually," Noah strained out to say.

"Okay then," Alejandro said, looking at the big teen hugging his smaller friend, "since Owen feels so close to Noah, you will take care of our one-armed teammate."

"Joy to the world, and all the boys and girls."

Alejandro nodded, and looked at the others. "Anyone else need a buddy?"

"I'll be fine," Tyler said.

"Me too, eh," Izzy chimed.

"Well," Ezekiel said, shivering harder than most, "I coo'd actually use someone to help-"

Izzy elbowed him to interrupt, and whispered in his ear, "Bridgette hunting time, Zekey! You're on your own, eh."

Ezekiel nodded, and looked over at Bridgette, who was still comforting DJ. Little did he know, Alejandro was also glancing at her.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - A wide selection of huddles.)**

** Izzy** - *_wearing Ezekiel's jacket_* "My buddy Zekey will get the girl in the long run! Something tells me season three will be a big, wonderful change overall!" *_She laughs, then takes a deep sniff of the jacket._* "Ooo, smells like home. Well, Ezekiel's home, that is."

**Duncan** - "Forget Leshawna's plan. Something tells me I should take a detour to hang out with a certain, hot girl who needs my attention…"

**Alejandro** - "Forget working together this time around. My team thinks I'm a saint, it's time to sabotage the others."

**Cody** - *_wiggling his eyebrows and grinning_* "Am I making progress with Gwen or what? She's gotta fall for me sooner or later, and sooner would be nice!"

* * *

"Well then, I guess we're all ready," Alejandro said, looking at his teammates. "So I guess we just have to wait for Lindsay to call it?"

"I really don't look forward to hoping from glacier to glacier," DJ admitted. "Looks risky."

"I'm sure they tested all this out before we were supposed to do it," Gwen comforted him. "Actually, it was Chris who made the challenges, I doubt it."

"So when is 'Chris' going to start us off?" Noah asked.

They looked over at Lindsay, who was filing her nails and talking to Chef Hatchet casually. "So I said to the bouncer, 'You, like, have to know who I am!'"

"Oh, I _know_," Chef Hatchet said, pouring her a mug a hot chocolate.

"I mean, I had not only made reservations, but I'm, like, famous! That's why I joined this show!"

"Oh, I _know_."

"What's the point of being on a reality show if you cannot even get in a club! And it wasn't even that fancy of a club."

"Oh, I _know_-"

"Hey, Lindsay," Harold called out. "It's been over five minutes! Are we starting yet?"

"Oh! I, like, totally forgot that! Thank you, Harold, you're so smart!"

There was a pause, as most people waited for the command. Leshawna looked between Harold and Lindsay, noticing them looking at each other and smiling bashfully. "Um, so," the sister said, "is that a go?"

"Oh yes! Go!"

Everyone turned to the icy river, and fear locked up on most of them. Izzy, of course, leapt to the nearest glacier, cackling madly with no fear.

"Wait up, Izzy," Owen called out. He picked up Noah and leapt on the same iceberg, following his girlfriend and oblivious to the protests of his friend.

"Stop, halt, desist," Noah shouted, struggling as Owen kept him on his shoulder. "Cut to commercial, fade to intermission, just don't let my family see me like this!"

The others weren't so eager, but the more brave of them leapt onto passing glaciers. Eventually with some encouragement (or in DJ's case, a requested kick to the seat from Harold), the others were all leaping from glaciers. Ice turned out to be quiet as hard to balance on as one would think.

Tyler took the plunge first, his legs scrapping frantically before going in the terribly cold water. He came up, gasping for air and shaking, and tried to pull himself up. Duncan stomped on the glacier, knocking him back in the drink. "Sorry, jock," he cackled before bounding away.

Izzy backtracked to help her teammate, pulling him up as Duncan headed after a certain girl, who was having trouble on the icy platforms. Harold was trying to think of it as a video game, timing each jump; he was assisting DJ as well, determined to make sure his friend didn't go in the water. Katie was still back on her first glacier, worried horribly about jumping at all.

Cody hurried after Gwen, but was knocked into the water when jumped on the iceberg he was on, the balance of weight sending the smaller boy into freezing water. Sierra would have come to his rescue, but she was a little busy talking to someone who didn't want to talk to her.

"So Courtney," Sierra asked, steadying herself on the iceberg they were both on, "are you running for school body president again when you get back?"

"I don't think so," Courtney muttered, "and right now, it really doesn't matter."

"Is it because of the polls? Some say you should really ride the polls as hard as you-"

Courtney knocked her off the iceberg. Sierra yelped when she hit the water, and then surfaced, spluttering, "I-ice water! Ice water w-went up the nose! This is going down in my blog, Courtney!"

The CIT rolled her eyes and helped Sierra back up on the iceberg, but jumped off onto another before the shivering uber-fan could get revenge. Sierra then spotted Heather making her way across, and bounced after her.

"Heather! The fans want to know if it was true that you were fat and pimply as a child!"

"Get away from me, you stalker fan from hell!"

"C'mon, it's a decent question! I was short when I was young! See, that's a trade, now you tell me something? Pretty please with Cody on top?"

Leshawna was having a bit of difficulty, as the icebergs were collapsing slightly under her weight. "How does Owen do this?" she declared as she kicked cold water from her shoes. "C'mon, Leshawna, get back in your A-game!"

She glanced over at the big guy, and noticed he was bouncing on the bigger ones. "Maybe I should have carried a scrawny nerd with me too," she mused, then shook her head. "No, don't think about Harold, girl. You and him are just friends now, he can care for himself… damn this guilt, I'm talking to myself now!"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Talk to yourself, you're always right!)**

** Lindsay and Chef Hatchet** - *_They are talking as Lindsay does Chef Hatchet's nails._*

**Lindsay** - "So Harold is being, like, so nice to me! I really need that, since so many of the contestants don't seem to like me."

**Chef Hatchet** - "Oh, I _know._"

**Lindsay** - "I know I was told that I cannot get involved with the contestants, being the host, but there is nothing with being friends with them."

**Chef Hatchet** - "Oh, I _know._"

**Lindsay** - "Sometimes a girl needs someone to talk to."

**Chef Hatchet** - "Oh, I _know._"

**Lindsay** - "Really? How?"

...

**Bridgette** - *_She's clutching something in her hands._* "Back when Geoff and I were together, we just used to make out all the time. It's kind of why we got thrown out of TDA, that and Duncan. But now that I'm on my own in a sense, I miss Geoff.

"I wish he was here, because then things wouldn't be so confusing…"

* * *

Bridgette, ever the clumsy one on land, slipped on the ice on the glacier she was standing on. Just before she fell over the side, a hand grabbed her wrist.

"Hang on," Ezekiel shouted, pulling her back on. The surfer girl managed to steady herself, and took a deep breath in relief. When she saw who saved her, she couldn't help but gasp.

"You," she cried out.

Ezekiel flinched, not expecting this kind of reaction. "Um, me?" he replied.

"What are you doing?" she asked, frowning and putting her hands on her hips. "We're not on the same team! Are you following me?"

As Ezekiel stammered out an explanation, Alejandro observed from a distance. He was also frowning at Ezekiel but for a different reason. He was going to intercept when a polar bear started to pull itself on the other side of his iceberg. "Dios Mio," he cried out as he leapt onto another iceberg, "there's a great white bear over here! Someone throw it a steak or a seal!"

Bridgette and Ezekiel missed the cry for help, as the prairie boy explained himself. "Well see," he stammered, "there was this iceberg, and then it started to sink, and then Duncan tried to shove me off one, so I was-"

The surfer girl held up her hand and sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, I'm just a little touchy. I hate the cold."

"Me too, eh!"

"Well, you would do better with your jacket."

"I had to give that to Izzy. She's in a much woo'rse state than me, eh."

A wild cry that was almost comically placed surprised them both, and saw Izzy, hoping from glacier to glacier, sometimes doing hand flips from each, with her red hair whipping behind her. Bridgette looked at Ezekiel, and then she smirked and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh really?"

"She… recovers quickly, it woo'd seem."

"That's our Izzy. So, shall we get going?" When he cocked his head in confusion, she shrugged and said, "I dunno, I guess I want to help out a little. Maybe it's because," she poked his chest as her smirk grew, "the boys need help from us girls."

Ezekiel was crestfallen. "Yoo'r still upset a'boot that, eh?"

"Nope. If you're friends with Izzy, you obviously have changed. Shall we?"

No longer crestfallen, Ezekiel followed Bridgette as they leapt from glacier to glacier. The pattern was broken when Bridgette leapt on one and it floated away from the one Ezekiel was still on. A great distance separated them, and the prairie boy felt defeat sink in as he watched Bridgette's float away.

"JUMP!"

Izzy's cry startled him, and he looked to see her pointing at Bridgette, who was watching him still. The surfer girl gestured for him to do the same.

"Do it," she called out, "I'll catch you!"

"Bridgette!"

Duncan's voice startled her, and she glanced over at her teammate. "You'd better not be helping the other teams!"

She considered his words for a few seconds, but Ezekiel was getting ready to jump; she couldn't find it in her heart to betray his trust. He leapt, she reached out with her arms, and he knocked her down.

What happened next was too fast for all four of them to see how it went down, but Bridgette was down on her back, Ezekiel on top of her. Somehow, their lips were pressed together in the collision. After a couple seconds, both of them realized what they were doing and separated, eyes wide and jaws dropped.

"Yay, Zekey," Izzy shouted.

"You're dead, Home School," Duncan shouted.

Ezekiel looked down at Bridgette, gaping in surprise, and reacted fast. He pushed himself off her, crying out repeatedly, "I'm soo'ry, I'm soo'ry, I'm soo'ry-"

Then he tipped over the side and plunged in the water. His toque had slipped off and landed on the glacier, safe and dry. Bridgette glanced at it, then cried out his name and scrambled over to the side. When he surfaced, she grabbed his wrist and pulled him onto the glacier. He collapsed, shivering and shaking.

"S-so… very cold…," he whimpered, "never… bin this cold befur, eh!"

Bridgette noticed that he looked half-frozen to death, he still had a bright blush on his face. She realized she was flushed a little too, and tried to futilely rub away the flush from her cheek. "Okay… well… we gotta get you to shore, to your team."

"O… okay," he stammered, struggling to get to his feet. He picked up his toque, then held it at arm's length as if he was afraid of it. "I… what am I going to do with my toque? I doo'nt want to get it wet, eh!"

Bridgette took it from his hands. "I'll take care of it. Provided that you don't kiss me on accident again!"

His face was almost purple from a combination of freezing blue and blushing red. It looked so cute that she couldn't help but giggle; however, she quickly remembered something very important. "I… I have a boyfriend!"

Ezekiel nodded, though it was hard to tell with how bad he was shivering. "G-Geoff. Yes, I k-knoo'. Doo'nt woo'ry, I'm not trying anything!"

Alejandro, who was near the other side of the river now, glared at the prairie boy from afar. His mind struggled to think of a way to use this to his advantage, and then thought of it. "Well, if Bridgette's going to fall behind because of another team," he said, smiling to himself, "better him be at fault than me!"

He leapt onto land, snow crunching under his feet. He hurried over to the nearest sled, but before he could get himself hooked up in the harness, Izzy bounced onto land too.

"Izzy's pumped and excited," she cheered, glomping him and knocking him into the snow with her. "You wouldn't believe what just happened."

"Can you let me up, Izzy?"

"Naw, I wanna stay cuddled here! It's more fun than pretending to be a dog, I would know!"

As she nuzzled into him and he sighed in defeat, Duncan leapt onto the shore. He looked over at the sleds, then rolled his eyes and headed off. "No one said I had to pretend to be a sled dog," he said as he dashed off.

DJ and Harold were next to make it across the shore. Harold picked up the harness, studying it as if he could analyze deep facts about it ("_Plus two strength, plus three agility_," he thought, proud of his joke but knowing no one but him would get it).

"Dude, you really think you can pull the sled?" DJ asked.

"Well, I don't mean to brag, but I'm stronger than I look."

"No offense, but I'm on the football team. Also, maybe pretending to be animal will break the curse!"

As Harold opened his mouth to protest and say he wasn't cursed, Leshawna leapt on the shore. "Oh Lordy," she declared, "if I never see another river again, it'll suit me just fine!"

The promise of getting to ride in the sled with Leshawna was too great, and Harold thrust the harness into DJ's hands.

Heather and Courtney landed on the shore at the same time. The CIT let out a sigh of relief, and said, "Okay, let's discuss who's going to pull-"

She stopped when she saw Heather getting comfortable in the sled, putting on a coonskin hat that was inside it. "You're pulling," Heather said matter-of-factly.

"No way!"

"Yes way. There's no way I'm pulling, and if you want to look good after you blew it in Japan, you'll do it."

Courtney wanted to say how wrong Heather was, but she knew there was nothing she could do if Heather refused to budge; as much as she deserved to be dragged out of the sled, Courtney didn't feel like starting a real fight (yet). She sighed and started to get herself hooked up in the harness, when the sharpest of cracks snapped right above her head.

"Get going," Heather snapped, as she flexed the whip she had just used, something that had also be in the sled.

Courtney ground her teeth and snarled, "I'm going to kill you!" She had just finished putting on the harness when another crack made her yelp in surprise.

"Mush!"

"You're dead!"

"MUSH!"

The Amazon sled took off just as Gwen landed on the shore. "Wait," she called out. "Don't go just yet!" She was too late though, as Courtney pulled the sled out of hearing distance. The goth girl sighed, then caught a glimpse of Duncan trudging down the pathway for those on foot. "Well then, when life gives you lemons," she said, managing a little smile, "even if the lemons are in the freezer!"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Frozen lemonade!)**

** Lindsay and Chef Hatchet** - *_still doing Chef's nails_*

**Lindsay** - "So next time I get some time, I want to talk to my friends among the contestants! I just want to talk to them, let them know things are cool, you know?"

**Chef Hatchet** - "Oh, I _know._"

**Lindsay** - "Friends are the most important things ever! You cannot replace people like Lequesha, Greta, and LJ!"

**Chef Hatchet** - "Oh, I _know._"

**Lindsay** - "You know, we should go out and check out how things are going. Chris didn't hire any rescue divers, so we should observe them to make sure they don't, I dunno, freeze? That'd be bad."

**Chef Hatchet** - "Oh, I _know._"

* * *

Lindsay scanned through binoculars, trying to see if anyone was in dire need of help. No one was in such peril, but she was concerned how Tyler was splayed out over an iceberg, content with letting it drift to the side.

Katie was still in the middle of the river, wondering what to do as there were no icebergs around. She panicked and called out for Sadie, but remembered she wasn't there, and started calling out for anyone (Lindsay was a little confused on what to do when she eventually reached Chef Hatchet).

Bridgette was helping Ezekiel onto the shore, still holding his toque as well. All the sleds were gone by this time, and thus they trudged off together, making small talk.

Owen bounced onto the shore with Noah still on his shoulder, and then the switcheroo happened. Owen, now fully exhausted, had to be pulled by Noah. The very irked bookworm pulled his arm with his good one, as his chubby buddy panted out requests ("Water… sports drinks… soda with little ice with a lemon twist and a cherry on top…").

Cody had pulled Sierra out of the water again, and was now carrying the dazed super-fan on his back as he traveled across the glaciers. Sierra was blabbering trivia to keep herself awake.

"Harold's got more Possum Scout badges than any other Scout."

"Okay then."

"Noah was in the top two hundred players of Starcraft 2 before he got pulled onto the show."

"That's nice."

"Gwen has a themed set of underwear."

"… What theme?"

"Invader ZIM."

Cody faulted, and they both fell in the water. Lindsay, still watching through the binoculars, winced as she watched them splashed. "Oh dear, Cody seemed really distracted about something and fell in. I hope he's okay."

"I wouldn't know," Chef Hatchet remarked.

* * *

**(Total Drama World Jet, Cargo Hold)**

Chris fumed and shivered, having bundled himself in a bunch of clothes and blankets he looted from the suitcases. "Now I really do regret," he muttered, "having not ordered any other coats for those ungrateful twerps."

{Let me out of here, you shivering coward,} the duck inside the suitcase quacked. {Or is it sniveling coward? I'm new to this vengeance stuff!}

"Shut up, duck!" Chris kicked the bag, knocking it around the cargo hold.

{You're deader than a water bug,} the duck hollered. {I'll rip you apart faster than corn and bread pieces thrown into a flock! I'm gonna smack you down faster than water off my back! I'm… this isn't the most threatening rant, is it?}

"Do you ever shut up in there?"

{I'll get you so bad! Not only have you bashed me with a plane, shot me, and hit me with a parachute, but I'm trapped on National Huggling Day! Let me out of this narrow suitcase, you bas-}

* * *

…

…

…

**To Be Widened. I Mean Continued!**

…

…

…

* * *

**Staff** - Lindsay (host), Chef Hatchet (co-host).

**Team Victory** - Bridgette, DJ, Duncan, Harold, Leshawna.

**Team Amazon** - Cody, Courtney, Gwen, Heather, Katie, Sierra.

**Team Chris** - Alejandro, Ezekiel, Izzy, Noah, Owen, Tyler.

…

Currently:

**Narrow River** - Katie, Sierra, Cody, Tyler.

** Victory Sled** - DJ (pulling), Harold, Leshawna.

** Amazon Sled** - Courtney (pulling), Heather.

** CIRRRU Sled** - Izzy (pulling), Alejandro.

** On Wide Land** - Duncan, Gwen, Bridgette and Ezekiel, Owen and a very reluctant Noah.

…

**Next Up** - It's Sledding Time!


	8. Yukon, Part 2

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of this fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Do not try any of this at home, except for the stuff that you can do at home. Except for the things you shouldn't, but can, just don't unless it's okay, but not when it's not.

**TKN's Warning** - Yes, I know I'm taking forever to update, and haven't done TDBG in a very long time. The truth is, I'm working more on my novel nowadays. And that takes priority, because I will eventually profit from that. Sorry.

And now for something completely different: a song! La-aaaa~! You'll have to look up the song if you want to sing along, or follow the bouncing marker! Wait, where's that bouncing marker? I need to go find it!

...

...

...

* * *

**Chapter 08** - You Heard What I Sled!

* * *

...

**(Yukon, Riverside)**

Tyler gasped as he surfaced at the other side of the river. He gripped the frozen land and pulled himself up, gasping for air and shivering hard. He lay down his frozen body down by the riverside. "Ain't gonna study war no more," he mumbled. Then he shook the water from his hair, and added, "I have no idea why I just said that."

Groaning, straining, and mostly shivering, he struggled to sit up. "Okay then! Get in the A-game time, Tyler. Now let's see where the sled is…"

He looked around, and saw that none of the sleds were still there. Peering into the horizon, he sighed as he realized everyone was out of sight. Standing up slowly, he glanced back at the river, and noticed no one was there. Stammering in surprise, he looked down both sides of the river, and the lack of people down by the riverside (studying war or not) was there.

"Oh, for the love of everything good and in-bounds," he cried out, "I'm in last place? Oh, this is so not going to make me look good… my team needs me!"

He scrambled to his feet and blitzed forward, managing to trip on rocks, sticks, his own feet; however, nothing would deter him. Tyler was determined, and even if he was going to trip over the snow, he wouldn't stop!

Tyler just wish he knew how far behind he was, and how many football fields it was. He started imagining he was doing the world's longest touchdown, maybe that would impress Lindsay!

* * *

**(Yukon, One of the Pathways.)**

Ezekiel and Bridgette were walking quietly for the most part. The prairie boy was huddling himself, shivering terribly, while the surfer girl held his toque. She kept glancing at him, noting his bluish face.

"Are you sure you don't want this back?" she offered.

"N-no, doo'nt want to get it wet or ruined, eh."

"Is it special?"

"Yes. My grandfather's, he let me have it befur he died, eh."

Bridgette nodded wistfully, looking at it. "I know how that can be. I lost my father when I was young."

"Oh, that's terrible," he wiped his nose and sniffed, trying to remember not to do anything gross that would ruin this conversation, "I guess that's why you are close to your mother, eh?"

"One could say that. Are you close to your mother too?"

"Of coo'rse. Dad's a bit… strict at times. Doesn't let me watch movies that often."

"Really? What's the last movie you watched?""

"I… think it had Care Bears in it."

Bridgette burst into giggles, the musical kind that made Ezekiel blush and suddenly become much warmer. She noticed this and flushed a little.

The two continued to talk, about family and movies and other small things. The more they talked, the more comfortable they both felt. They almost missed the pole that marked where they could be picked up. As they continued to talk, Ezekiel took note of the pole.

"I heard that if you lick a pole in the cold like this," he said, "your tongue woo'd get frozen to it, eh."

"I heard that's true too, but it's not possible. Your body warmth would eventually thaw your tongue off."

"Really? How do you knoo' that, eh?"

"I did it once," she admitted, giggling slightly. "Was stuck to a pole, you should have seen me trying to pull my tongue off."

"Why on earth did you lick it, eh?"

"Dare from my friends, they wanted to see if I would kiss it."

As Bridgette giggled and subconsciously rubbed the tip of her tongue from painful memories, Ezekiel chuckled and tried very hard not to think of Bridgette kissing a pole. It made his mind wander…

* * *

**(Yukon, CIRRRU Sled.)**

"Izzy, I really think I should be pulling this!"

"Nonsense! I am the rare redheaded husky, I will trudge through snow and slush, and despite how wet my skirt and panties get, I will carry on! I'm like Balto!"

She proceeded to howl and bark, then got down on all fours and charged forward. Alejandro had to grip the sides of the sled, as he cursed out in Spanish. ("_This crazy girl, now she's even acting like a sled dog… holy cow, they're green!_")

Eventually, the sled skid to a halt at a pole, where Noah and Owen were waiting; actually, to be specific, Owen was waiting for the sled while Noah waited for a swift, painless, merciless death. "Please end it all," he grumbled from his big friend's shoulder. "I'm suffering, humiliated beyond belief, and I'm being treated like a parrot on 'matey' Owen's shoulder!"

"Cheer up, Noahie boy," Izzy said. "You want to pull the sled now?"

"You want to eat yellow snow?"

"I tried that once, didn't see what the point was."

Owen gently placed his one-armed friend in the sled. "Cheer up, you get to have your own ride! It's not so bad, you could have been hit by a car."

"Your girlfriend is driving this, we're going to have this sled wrapped around a tree."

"Don't worry," he said, leaping in the sled behind Noah, "Izzy knows what she's doing."

Then Izzy kicked off on all fours again, throwing snow behind her as she sprinted. Frozen mush continued to whip Alejandro, Noah, and Owen.

"Your girlfriend is…," Noah sputtered as he spit snow from his mouth, "turning this into a one-nutcase open sleigh!"

"I think I need to reconsider what we were talking about," Owen wailed as he gripped Noah in terror.

"This show," Alejandro cried out, "gets weirder and weirder the longer I'm on it!"

"Weird is good, handsome man," Izzy shouted in delight.

* * *

**(Yukon, Amazon Sled.)**

"Let me get this straight," Heather said, staring at her two companions, "Cody was carrying you on your back…"

"Yep," Cody said, nodding and breaking some icicles from his hair and chin.

"And you froze to him as he carried you piggy-back style?"

"Yes, and you should really talk to me. Her mouth froze shut a half-mile back."

"Lucky me," Heather said, smirking. "Oh, and sorry, Cody, but I don't speak to pervy geeks."

Courtney looked around, shivering and upset. "Now don't be rude, he hasn't done anything."

"And the only reason he won't is because his hands are frozen to Sierra's legs in the process of carrying her."

There was a rather sharp sound of ice cracking and jaw unhinging, and then the uber-fan let out a soft squeak and added, "I've never been more happy in my life."

"Oh great, she speaks," Heather groaned.

"Quit being so mean," Courtney muttered. "I really am tired of how much you're complaining-"

"Courtney, I really wanted to ask you this," Sierra chirped as Cody climbed into the sled with her frozen on his back still. "How far have you got with Duncan? First base? Second?"

The CIT's eye twitched, and then she yelped as Heather cracked the whip over her head. "Get moving, dog-girl! Or should I say-"

"In your sleep, Heather," Courtney muttered under her breath as she struggled to get the sled moving again, "in your sleep!"

As the sled trudged off, someone chased after it. "Wait," Katie shouted, waving her arms desperately. "Wait wait, I'm here, don't leave me behind!" But her team was already out of hearing range, and she realized catching up by chasing was impossible. Part of Katie wished to know how Courtney was strong enough to pull a sled with three people in it faster than she could run unhindered.

"Crazy strength," she muttered, then added with a giggle, "in training! Well, onto the next one!"

Then she ran off down the track for those on foot, unaware she was being watched by someone from behind a tree. Gwen leaned out further, and then whispered, "Okay, she's gone."

Duncan looked out too, and scoffed. "Thank goodness she's quick, she's probably worried about being eliminated."

"And if we don't hurry up, one of us may be too," she replied, smirking at her friend.

"What's wrong? We're just talking," he said, then wiggled his unibrow at her, "or did you want to aim for more?"

"Punk," she said, giggling and elbowing him gently. "Come on, we're just talking."

"Anything for you, Pasty."

* * *

**(Yukon, Victory Sled.)**

"So see, this is a game that has some of the most famous characters from both sides," Harold was saying to Leshawna, speaking with much gusto and cheer, "and you would not believe how many awesome female fighters there are!"

"Scantily clad, hon?" Leshawna asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No… well, some. One's a succubus, one's a cat girl," he feebly admitted, "but see, it's awesome regardless of that."

"Harold hon, you know I'm not into video games, I really don't know how to follow."

The nerd sank in his seat as he tried to think of something, anything, interesting to get Leshawna's attention. She started to feel a little sorry for him, and then pointed at something in the distance. "Check that out, a moose."

"Oh, a dark-brown moose, here in the Yukon," Harold said, smiling. "They're quite rare to see! You like animals, Leshawna?"

"I sure do, but I think I know who loves animals more. Yo, DJ!"

The sister waved at DJ, but the gentle giant didn't seem to reply. She called out several times, until he finally looked around at him. The rather startling sight of ice on his eyes made her flinch.

"Ack, Deej! What happened? Your eyes are frozen!"

"Ice over the eyes?" Harold echoed. "That's not good! DJ, I took a bit of medical training, and-"

He was interrupted when he heard DJ sobbing as he continued to run, hands over his eyes. "I think I ran over a snow bunny," he whimpered.

"How could you have done that without knowing?" Leshawna asked. "Didn't you see… oh."

"This is so horrible! I'm so cured, it's getting worse!"

Harold waved his hands as he chanted, "No no no! Please don't despair, DJ! You are a good man, you wouldn't intentionally hurt an animal-"

The moose Leshawna had pointed out had walked right in front of them, and DJ, still blind, ran right into its side. Mooing in surprise, it was knocked over DJ and the sled, Leshawna and Harold ducking to avoid being scraped by the antlers.

"Holy… holiness," Leshawna declared, staring with wide eyes. "DJ, your football skills are rather impressive, wish you were on our team-"

There was another thumping sound, and a seal was sent flying over the sled. "Please tell me that wasn't what I thought it was," DJ cried out.

"Don't worry, it's not as bad as you," Harold started to say, then another thump was heard and the nerd watched a flamingo catapult over them, "now wait a gosh-darn minute, those are not indiginous to the Yukon-"

Yet another thump, and Leshawna had to grab Harold to pull him down to avoid being hit by the bulky body of a very surprised polar bear. "Now that is some impressive tackling," Leshawna cried out.

"Oh boo hoo hoo," DJ wailed. "This is so distressing, and I cannot get my eyes to open again!"

"Speaking of which, where are we?" Leshawna looked around. "I think we're rather… lost."

"Now I've gotten us lost? Oh darn," DJ cursed. That was the best he could manage since he knew his mum would be watching. "Crud, heck, fiddle-faddle, frooger nooger, peas and rice!"

"Such harshness," Harold said, as he crawled up to the front of the sled. "Now DJ, I'll be your eyes if you'll be my strength in pulling this sled!"

"*sniff* What does that mean?"

"Just turn slightly right, and head forward."

DJ followed Harold's instructions, taking guidance around trees, rocks, and more animals that ran from what could have been a literal hit-and-run. As they carried on, with DJ running and Harold guiding, the nerd scanned the snowy fields ahead and said, "Guessing by how long we were off-track beforehand, and how much energy Deej will have to put in catching up, we should be on track again in about ten minutes."

"You do have your good points," Leshawna said, patting his shoulder. "Not often, but you sure do have them."

Harold looked away to avoid her seeing his blush. "I just hope I didn't miss Bridgette at one of the poles."

"That's true. Wait, what about Duncan?"

"Hmm? Nope, don't mind so much."

He smirked, and then DJ said as he tried to rub his eyes, "Dude, please don't be so bad towards Duncan. He's not so bad deep down."

"Sorry, Deej but… DJ, WATCH OUT FOR THAT-"

BANG!

"Ooo," Leshawna winced.

"… Tree. Sorry."

"It's karma," DJ whimpered as he pushed away from the tree and went around it. "I am getting karma backlash from all this."

"So am I, buddy," the nerd whispered. "So am I."

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - About time, we thought you forgot us!)**

** Chef Hatchet** - "Chris wrote down instructions to place animals where Team Victory's sled was going. I don't know how Pretty Boy could have predicted that. Sometimes I wonder if things are planned in ways we cannot begin to imagine. Wrap your mind around that, maggots, because we might all be pawns in schemes we cannot-"

*_This confessional is being cut off. We don't want people asking questions, mostly because Chef is rather dumb. But don't tell him we said that, or he might hurt us, and we don't want that, do we?_*

**Ezekiel** - "The moo'r I talk to Bridgette, the moo'r I like her. But I doo'nt knoo' if I could try to court her… I woo'd like to be her friend, if she woo'd accept that. Fur some reason, I have my doubts… I doo'nt knoo' why Izzy has such faith in me."

**Izzy** - *_scratching herself behind the ear with her foot_* "Some people join this game to win it, that they have clever plans and strategies to get what they want." *_She gnaws a little on her wrist._* "Izzy wants to make her friends happy, and she'll do that in the most fun ways!" *_Izzy licks her own thigh, then sits up straight._* "Okay, Izzy no longer want to be dog, Izzy be cat girl now!"

**DJ** - *_sniffing and sobbing_* "I cannot believe all the animals I'm hurting! I'm doing my best, I'm always nice, why does this keep happening? I need a sign that animals don't hate me completely!"

*_There is a cheerful meow from the ceiling. Izzy, wearing cat ears, pounces on him and knocks him to the floor, mewling and cuddling as DJ tries to recover from the redhead crawling all over him._*\

…

**Lindsay** - *_She is looking at the clipboard, pondering something and looking rather upset._* "Chris' plans are all full of mean and not niceness and that kind of stuff. I think it's time to introduce some kind of fun, something nice and that everyone can get behind! And as the new host of Total Drama World Whirl, I shall!"

* * *

**(Yukon)**

"_Attention all contestants of Total Drama World Girls,_" Lindsay said over a microphone, loudspeakers that speckled the tracks that sleds and foot runners were traveling, "_this is Lindsay, one of those World Girls… or is that the wrong title? I keep forgetting._"

Duncan looked up at one of the speakers that was up in the tree he was leaning his hand against while talking to Gwen. "How does her mind work?" he asked.

"Beats me," Gwen said, shrugging and grinning at Duncan.

"Well, at least she's better than Chris."

"_I have decided,_" Lindsay's voice gushed, "_that we shall do a song!_"

"What?" Duncan shouted, startling Gwen. "But I made sure there was no singing!"

"_I know Douglas banned the singing, so I have decided that this will be completely optimal_," she went on. There was some hushed whisperings that sounded like Chef. "_I'm sorry, I mean optional. So you don't _have_ to sing, but if you do, think of it as, um, extra credit! You know, like in school!_"

Duncan scoffed and kicked at the school. "Didn't want that either, count me out."

"Could be fun," Gwen said. "Might as well try it."

"Nope!"

"_If you are all ready to sing a song, here we go_," Lindsay said. She pushed a button on the complex remote that Chef Hatchet handed her. The remote squirted her with water, and she blinked. "_Oh my, this is one funny thingamabob. Oh wait, this one might be it!_"

Music started to play on the overhead, and soon the contestants found themselves participating in the first official musical.

* * *

Yukon Sled Ride

Parody of "Weird Al" Yankovic's "Skipper Dan"

**Gwen** - *singing as she spins around Duncan* _I rejoiced when Chris got the boot_

_Thought his good-bye was a hoot!_

_But this contest just hasn't got any less weird._

**Heather** - _Signing up is something I still rue._

**Courtney** - *seething* _And I still dream of hurting you._

**Alejandro** - _This contest is just about as bad as I feared!_

**Ezekiel** - *He smiles and dances around Bridgette, who watches.* _We trekked Egypt's hot desert_

_Japan was where we all got hurt._

_But it's the Yukon where things finally cool doo'n_

**Harold** - _We're gonna be traveling this place all night!_

**Leshawna**_ - Need I remind you that we could get frostbite?_

**Owen** - _But at least there aren't any traffic lights?_

**Noah** - _And I'm sorry to say that my friend cannot think of a proper noun!_

_..._

**Izzy** - _I'm your sled dog on the Yukon Sled Ride!_

_The Redhead Husky Dame!_

**Owen** - _And she leads us on a very scary ride…_

_"I loved you, Mom," I exclaim!_

**Noah** - _We're totally screwed by that psycho hose-beast!_

_Let my funeral be a closed casket, at least!_

**Cody** - _Always wanted a girl clinging to me, but not by ice!_

_And that's how it is on the Yukon Sled Ride!_

...

*A short musical break, as Noah starts to write his will, and Ezekiel and Gwen dance at their respective places. Cut to a worried Katie.*

...

**Katie** - _Oh, I'm breathing in, like, ice and frost_

_And I'm like, so very totally lost!_

_I wish Sadie was here, because I could lose my place at the mall!_

**Lindsay** - _Aw, but isn't it better with me in charge now?_

**Chris Maclean** - _*_pounding the side of the cargo hold* _That won't be for long, you fat blond cow!_

**Chef Hatchet** - _Did I perchance hear something? Naw, twas just a small squall._

_Should've brought my pretty shawl!_

_..._

**Courtney** - _And I resent pulling this on the Yukon Sled Ride!_

**Heather** - _Really now, that's a shame!_

**Leshawna** - _When I heard we would be touring the world_

_Didn't think it would be this lame!_

**Bridgette** - *Now waltzing with Ezekiel.* _Heed my advice when I say don't kiss the pole!_

**Ezekiel** - *twirls Bridgette around* _I'm frozen oot'side, but this song's warmed my soul!_

**Sierra** - _I'm gonna blog all this, just as soon as I've dried!_

_And I'm frozen to Cody on the Yukon Sled Ride!_

...

**Alejandro, Owen, Noah** - _Izzy should watch where's she going_

_We think the Yukon froze her brain!_

**Bridgette and Ezekiel** - _We can celebrate Chris' departure_

_A'geen and a'geen and a'geen and a'geen and a'geen and a'geen and a'geen!_

_..._

_*_All Spoken.*

**Duncan** - Forget it, I'm not singing! (**Gwen** - "Awww…")

**Harold** - Yukon's the home of many different kinds of moose and bear!

**Noah** - And my mom can have my computer, even if she can't use it…

**Flamingo** - {Anyone get the license of the sled that hit me?}

...

**Alejandro** - _I should have listened when Izzy said to me:_

_"It's like the Yukon Sled Grand Prix!"_

**Izzy** - _Stop being such wussies, did your sense of adventure die?_

**Katie** - _And I'll probably be walking this entire challenge of the Yukon Sled Ride!_

_This is such a dumb game!_

**Harold** - _The rare wood bison lives in this place!_

**Gwen** - _I'm still singing, I'm not ashamed!_

**Owen** - _Look at that bridge, it doesn't look that wide…_

**Tyler** - *hopelessly lost* _For crying out loud, WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?_

**Noah** -_ I was an idiot when I thought this'd be dignified…_

**All Contestants **(except Duncan) - _I'm freezing my butt off on the Yukon Sled Ride!_

_I'm still running on the Yukon Sled Ride!_

…

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - On the Yukon Sled Ride!)**

** Gwen** - "That… was actually quite fun!"

**Owen** - *_still shaking and trembling_* "Oh Lordy and pancakes, I now have a fear of sleds! It's getting to the point where I cannot get in any vehicle! My last chance might be a moped!"

**Angry Duck** - *_thrashing about in the suitcase_* {Let me outta here! I heard that song, it sounded like fun! I wanna sing, us ducks are natural songbirds! Honest!}

**Katie** - "Funny how people sing songs to warm up. Campfires, romance, war, all songs are about heating up! Wish I had someone to sing with when I was all alone…" *_She blushes and giggles._*

**Duncan** - "And that is precisely why I tried to ban singing! Seriously, you couldn't write that kind of crap, it would have to escape!"

* * *

**(Yukon, Team Amazon)**

"Aw, you could have sung," Gwen said, playfully punching Duncan's shoulder. "Wouldn't have hurt."

"I thought you were on my side on this, Pasty."

"Well, I was when Chris Maclean tried to force it, but I'm okay if it's just a suggestion." She chuckled and spun around again, still with the music in her.

"Whatever, you do look cute when you're frolicking about."

"I'm not cute," she replied, though a blush appeared across her pale face. The blush quickly disappeared when they both heard a sled approaching. Gwen squinted and looked in the distance, and then exclaimed, "Oh crap, that's my team!"

"I'd better go, if Princess sees me, she'll kill me," Duncan said. "Sorry, Pasty!"

"Another time," she called out as he sprinted off, kicking up snow and hauling butt, the latter she watched happily.

When Team Amazon pulled up, Gwen looked at Courtney. The CIT was heaving for air, gasping almost in pain. The goth girl had prepared herself to detest her, but right now, she could only feel sympathy.

"You getting on or what?" Heather snapped. "C'mon, Weird Goth Girl!"

Old hatred swelled up in Gwen, and she approached Courtney while glaring at Heather. Courtney started to push Gwen away, but stopped when she realized the goth was unhooking her harness.

"I'll pull," Gwen said. She added a whisper to Courtney, "I'm not having her treat you like this, get some rest."

Heather was starting to grin diabolically, but before she could do anything, a desperate cry echoed across the Yukon. "Wait," Katie wailed as she sprinted to them. "Wait for me-eeeeee!"

The frantic, sweet girl crashed into the sled, tumbling inside it. She whimpered and then sat up. "Don't leave without me, please!"

"You're in the sled, you're fine," Courtney muttered, struggling to get in herself.

"Yes, I'm here, we're all here. Thank goodness," Katie said in-between gasps for air. "Oh Cody, Sierra, hi! … What _are_ you two doing? You sillies!"

Gwen chuckled as she put on the harness. "Well then, I'm ready, you sillies. Shall we be goin-"

A sharp whip crack made the raspy-voiced goth let out a high-pitched shriek quite unlike her. She whipped around (haha) to see Heather holding up her whip. "Well then," she said, "get going, Weird Goth Girl!"

"What's this?" Katie said disapprovingly. "No whips! Bad Heather, bad bad bad!"

The sweet girl pounced the not-so-sweet girl, wrestling for the harsh lasher. Gwen let out a relieved sigh as she struggled to pull the sled. It turned out to be easier than she thought, and soon was pulling them on their way. "_Not a bad string of luck_," she thought, "_we're all here and no one's mad at me… hope things go okay for Duncan!_"

* * *

**(Yukon, Team Victory.)**

"Finally," Duncan grumbled as the Team Victory sled pulled up. "You wanna know how long I've been waiting for you?"

"Don't start," Leshawna muttered. "Anyway, it's not entirely DJ's fault."

"Who said anything about DJ? And where's Bridgette?"

"We haven't found her yet, gosh," Harold interjected. "She's probably going to the finish line now."

"Knowing Malibu, she's probably tripping on rocks or a moose or the snow."

"You keep bad-mouthing our teammate, and I'll be introducing you to my high-quality karate chop, Duncan!"

The punk let out a barking laugh. "Yeah, sure, whatever. Now let's hurry up already."

DJ nodded, and took off in a sprint. This was not such good news for Team Victory, because he didn't have complete sight yet. With Harold distracted with Duncan, the gentle giant crashed into a tree.

"You're making things worse, Duncan," Harold shouted as he pushed his way to the front.

"Hey, if you weren't so busy blabbering about Bridgette, you could help DJ out. And what's with the sudden interest in her? Does Leshawna know you're not into her now?"

Leshawna groaned and shook her head. "Does everything you say have to be so rude, white boy?"

"Hey, it's not my fault if Harold cannot keep his focus on just one girl. Does Geoff know about this, Harold? Or does Ezekiel? I saw him kissing Bridgette earlier, maybe she's throwing the challenge to spend time with another man."

"That's it, I'm not listening to you," Harold shouted, sticking his fingers in his ears. "Not listening!"

"Real ninja-like, nerd, sticking your fingers in your ears."

"Not listening, la la la! Can't hear you, idiot!"

"You must be in deep denial, unable to accept that both Leshawna and Bridgette don't want you. Maybe you could use your ninja moves to make yourself useful, like Deej over there. You should actually pull, you know, since you're absolutely whipped."

"That's it," Harold shouted as he spun around, "I _was_ listening! Have at thee!"

He leapt at Duncan, knocking him down and started fighting with him in the sled. Leshawna balked as she pushed as far away back as possible. DJ covered his ears and wailed, "Oh, can't we all just get along?"

"He started it," Duncan shouted as he slapped away Harold's karate chops. "Anyway, just hurry up, because Malibu Barbie should be at the finish line considering how much time we've lost!"

* * *

**(Yukon, Random Waiting Flag.)**

"So how long have you bin surfing, eh?"

"Since before I could walk."

"Ever do some serious competition?"

"No, I've never had the desire for that. I'm just not the aggressive type to get into grueling competition."

"I believe that, eh. But why'd you sign up for this shoo'?"

Bridgette laughed and shook her head. "My friends kept encouraging me, as did my mom. They all think I could be some big star, but I don't think so."

"I disagree, eh."

Bridgette flushed a little, some much needed warmth to her cheeks. "Thanks, but I disagree with your disagreement. Still, this contest has been good to me overall. Wonderful boyfriend, new friends, even if it's been bad at times."

Ezekiel nodded, rubbing his bare arms. She noticed how painfully cold he looked, and she squeezed his toque in her hands. "Are you sure you're all right, Zeke? I'm worried about you."

"I'm moo'r woo'ried a'boot you, eh," he stammered, his accent incredibly thick in the thick cold. "I mean, don't you need to go on? You said your team was going to meet at the finish line."

"Sorry, but I'm not leaving you to freeze to death, they will have to pick me up normally; I'm sure that won't be a problem," she said. "I know my team, they would understand."

"Even D-Duncan?"

"I think he's outnumbered by Harold, Leshawna, and DJ," she said. "But if he wants to give me trouble…"

She took Ezekiel's toque and placed it on her head, grinning impishly. "I'll joo'st disguise myself as you, eh!" Ezekiel laughed at her impression of him, then he shivered violently. The surfer girl stopped her impression and grasped his shoulders. "What's wrong?"

"It's… it's hard to move," he admitted. "My arms and face feel… numb."

Bridgette felt panic rising, but suppressed it as she wrapped her arms around him. "I did this for a friend who was shivering just as bad as you after a bad wipe-out surfing at night," she whispered. "You need to bring up your body temperature, or this could get serious."

Feeling Bridgette hugging herself so close to him did both for Ezekiel: his body temperature spiked, and he felt this was so much more serious. He managed to chuckle, and felt that if it did become too serious and he died, his life was complete right now.

Then his team had to show up and spoil everything.

"Woohoo," Izzy screamed, startling them both. "You did it!"

"Dude, wow," Owen cheered. "That's the spirit!"

"Are you serious?" Noah muttered, face-palming with his free hand. "There's a time and place for everything, and it's neither those!"

"My my," Alejandro said, raising an eyebrow. "Don't you two look comfy."

Bridgette was now throughly embarrassed, and cried out, "He was freezing, I had to do something!"

"Like wear his hat?" Noah pointed out.

"That was… oh it doesn't matter. Just please, take care of him now."

She tried to pull away from Ezekiel, the key word being "tried." Bridgette pulled again, and then realized her hoodie had frozen to Ezekiel's shirt. She yelped and tried to pull away, shattering little icicles that had formed on their clothing, but it didn't pull away.

"Oh dear," Noah groaned. "Don't tell me…"

"Oh goody," Izzy gushed. "Their hot love has melded them together."

"Don't say that," Bridgette exclaimed. "I have a boyfriend! This was just-"

"That's nice and everything, but we need our teammate," Noah snapped. "Let go of him!"

"I… I can't!"

Izzy cheered. "Excellent!"

"Izzy, please!"

"Can't you do something, Ezekiel?" Noah asked. "Shove her away or something?"

Ezekiel pitifully shook his head. His body was refusing to move, partly out of cold and partly for another reason that even though he knew it was wrong, he was not wanting to lose this moment for anything.

"We haven't got time for this," Alejandro said. He jumped out of the sled, plucked both Ezekiel and Bridgette up, and placed them in the sled. "We will just take the lovely surfer girl with us."

Bridgette gaped at him. "But… but…"

"No protests, Bridgette," he said, winking at her. "We cannot leave a lady behind."

She felt herself blushing again. Ezekiel shivered violently, whimpering in pain, and she squeezed her arms around him. Whispering comfort to him, she glanced at Alejandro and mouthed, "Thank you."

As he mouthed, "No problem," he escorted Noah away from the back. Noticing the positions of them all, he grinned to himself. "Now hurry Izzy, we shall meet our final teammate at the finish line!"

"Can we trade Bridgette for Tyler?" the redhead asked as she sprinted off. "I have plans for her!"

"Can we trade _you_ for her?" Noah snapped.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Trade us for her?)**

** Alejandro** - *_He chuckles and rubs his hands together._* "It's so easy to manipulate nice people like Bridgette. After all, they cannot see what you're planning when you're being a softie. Sorry, Ezekiel, but I'm making sure your crush will go, and you won't even know I did it."

**Heather** - *_ruffled_* "Jeez, that Katie can fight. But I won't be deterred by her, nice people aren't going to beat clever people like me. Just you watch."

**Courtney** - "Gwen might have tried sucking up to me, but I'm not going to look the other way! I am going to stomp on her, and smear her like the bug she is! She'll pay, oh she will pay!"

**Cody** - *_He opens his mouth, then winces and looks around._* "Why's it feel so hostile in here? Bathrooms should not be hostile places! They should be relaxing… even if you have a camera watching you."

* * *

**(Yukon, Finish Line)**

Lindsay was looking down at herself, observing the detail work she did on Chris' coat. As she felt the cold wind brush against her stomach and down her cleavage, she had a terrible thought.

"Does this make me look fat?" she asked Chef.

"Girl, you skinny."

"You think so? Because I don't want to look fat, especially now that I'm host."

"Lindsay, I'd kill for your figure."

"You're so sweet for saying that, Chef Latch It!"

"But one day, you're going to have to get my name right, foo'."

"My name's not Foo, it's Lindsay."

"No, that was… oh, never mind."

"I'm so confused now," she admitted. "Was Chris ever this confused when he was hosting?"

"No, but he didn't need to be, he had all the other issues."

Lindsay nodded, then felt boredom sinking in again. She picked up some snow, sculpted it into a ball, and shouted, "Snowball fight!"

She threw it, and it fell at Chef's feet. He scoffed and looked at her. "You throw like a girl, foo'."

"I am a girl, and my name's not Foo!"

"Well if you want a snow fight, you're on!"

Lindsay grinned and started to make another one. She was just done packing it together when the sun seemed to be blotted out. The blonde looked up to see Chef Hatchet holding a boulder-sized amount of snow over his head. Her baby blue eyes widened in terror, the only action she had time for before she was buried by the tremendous amount of snow.

"Ha," Chef Hatchet shouted, pointing at the mound of snow that was covering Lindsay, "how you like that, foo'?"

A slender hand dug her way out of the snow mound, then flicked her wrist to toss another snowball at Chef, hitting him in the face. A very muffled, "Ha," could be heard under the snow.

"Give up yet, Lindsay?" The reply he received was nonsensical, muffled mumbling inside the snow. "Maybe next time, soldier. And oh, looks like one of the teams is pulling up to the finish line."

Lindsay let out a squeak, and struggled to get herself out of the snow prison. When she finally broke free, only her pretty head popped out as she gasped for air. Eventually she managed to push her arms out, and as she tried to pull herself out, she asked, "Who is it? I got snow in my eyes!"

"Can't tell from here, but it's a rather crowded sled," he muttered, peering into the distance. "We need binoculars."

"Just do what I do," Lindsay said, and cupped her hands around her eyes, squinting hard. "Oh my! Oh no! Oh dear!"

"What is it? What is it?"

"My eyebrows have snow in them! That is, like, a disaster!"

Chef Hatchet grunted. By then, the team in lead was in view, and he said, "Oh, it's the one with all those girls."

"And Coby."

"He's scrawny enough to be a girl."

Lindsay didn't get that, but she did wave at the approaching Team Amazon, with a gasping and panting Gwen pulling the sled. "Hi, Amazons! You're gonna be first if you hurry!"

"Hear that, Gwen?" Heather shouted. "Don't blow it now!"

"Yeah, Gwen, don't fail us," Courtney chimed in.

"You can do it," Cody cheered.

Through her gasping and straining, Gwen grunted out, "I… ask all of you… right now… to just shut up!"

Sierra, still frozen to Cody, looked around to the back. "Hey, I think another one of the teams is approaching; I can see their sled."

"Who is it?" Cody asked, unable to really look.

"Who cares?" Gwen strained to say. "It's… not worth it to look."

"It's Team Victory," Sierra shouted. "Team Victory is coming at us!"

Indeed, the team known as Victory was coming in second (har), with DJ running, still blinded and with a very upset and ruffled Harold shouting directions. And closing in on them was Team Chris, pulled by a still wild Izzy.

"When I catch up with you all," the redhead was shrieking, "I'll chew you and spit you out. I'mma gonna eat your brains! They taste like chicken; wanna know how I know that?"

"No," Owen pleaded. "Don't let us know! I don't wanna think about eating brains!"

"Is that my team?" Bridgette squeaked. "Please don't let them see me like this!"

She huddled herself as close as possible to Ezekiel, hiding in the back of the sled. Ezekiel feebly tried to hold up one of his hands to block the view of her face to the others.

"What the _hell_ are you doing with them, Malibu?"

"Too late," she muttered, hiding her face in Ezekiel's chest in shame from Duncan's outburst.

"Can't you keep off Ezekiel for one minute?" Duncan shouted. "Are you trying to screw our odds?"

Izzy, who was rather tired of the punk's interference with her romantic pairings, had had quite enough. "You're a bunch of stupid moron idiots with lame pathetic fail!"

"Your insults are dumb," Duncan shouted back.

The three teams were all heading for the finish line, Amazon in first, Victory in second, and Chris in last (which doesn't make sense when you think about it since he's not here, so don't think about it). Gwen strained desperately to pull, her body burning with pain. Izzy galloped, cackling madly. DJ just ran with his fingers crossed, hoping not to hurt anyone.

"Ooo, I wonder who's going to win," Lindsay said. "Greta's slowing down, PJ is really sprinting hard, and Lizard is, like, a wild pony!"

"Yeah," Chef Hatchet grunted. "Guess this one is going to be as simple as a race to the finish-"

He was interrupted as the entire Yukon seemed to shake with a desperate shout, "HEY YOU GUYS!" Everyone looked around to see, up at the top of a very tall hill behind the path to the finish line, Tyler standing and waving desperately. "Don't forget about me!"

"Tyler?" Alejandro balked.

"How'd he get up there?" Katie asked. "How lost did he get?"

"Please tell me he's not going to descent down that hill," Harold whimpered. "With the angle and his footfalls combined with his determination-"

"I WON'T LET TEAM CHRIS LOSE BECAUSE OF ME!"

"… He is."

Harold pulled Leshawna down to the floor of the sled. As she protested, Tyler leapt forward and started running down the hill. He almost immediately lost his footing, tripped, and starting rolling down the hill. As he rolled, snow built up and grew into a ball, then a boulder, then a freaking large boulder.

"Oh," Duncan stated.

"My…," Heather whimpered.

"FUDGE," Izzy shouted.

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Avalanche of snowy proportions!)**

** Harold** - "How hard would it be to listen to me for once? Honestly. If I was a girl, a hot girl, I could get a lot of attention and respect. I mean, if I had some big boobies, and I was saying the same thing about large proportions of snow and motion and the land speed of rushing snow gathering up downhill…"

*_He stares miming having large breasts, then immediately gets lost in thought. A few seconds later, he shakes his head and clears his throat._* "Sorry. What was I talking about again? Oh yes! Big proportions!"

* * *

The gigantic snow boulder formally known as Tyler came plowing down the hill, gathering in size and speed. It first swallowed Team Chris and their sled, then gathered up Team Victory, and finally absorbed Team Amazon. Lindsay and Chef Hatchet had time to cling to each other as they screamed in terror and get snagged in the snow boulder.

A combination of rumbling and screaming echoed across the Yukon as the boulder continued to roll, until it smashed into the side of the Total Drama World Jet. The crappy vehicle of flight was not damaged, but the snow boulder broke apart and came to a sudden stop.

The contestants, slowly but surely, managed to wriggle out of the enormous out of the snow. Ezekiel, finally separated from Bridgette, helped to pull her out as she was barely able to stand. Izzy dug her way out, and then pulled out Noah, who was whimpering about how much life sucked ("Please God, just let it end, it can't get worse!" "Hi, Noah!" "Argh! It's worse!"). Sierra dug frantically in the snow to save Cody, pulled a frozen person out of the snow and hugged them tight, and finally released when Chef Hatchet asked her to let go.

"Well," Lindsay summarized after everyone had pulled themselves out, "that was an exciting ending!"

"I have a better way to end it," Heather shouted. "Hands up for those who want to kill Tyler!"

Several hands shot up, and Tyler whimpered as he tapped his fingers together. "Sorry?" he tried.

"Oh you're not getting out of it that easily," Noah shouted. "Thanks to you, my broken arm feels worse all over again! And now we're last because you evolved from a monkey into an avalanche!"

"We could have passed the other teams with Izzy's impressive running," Alejandro added, "but you knocked us all over! Thus we were last to cross!"

"You could have broken all our necks," Duncan spat. "What's wrong with you? Not content with injuring yourself?"

"There's no way even your ex will find a way to save your butt," Heather declared. She pointed at Lindsay, who was looking at a digital video camera and reviewing the footage of the end of the race. "If your team doesn't vote you off, we'll throw you out the plane."

"Will you all shut up?"

Gwen, still aching and extremely dizzy, was sitting down on the mound of snow. "There's absolutely no reason to keep harping on him. So just let it lie."

"Why are you defending him?" Courtney asked. "You could have died too!"

"_Because I've been where he is now,_" Gwen thought. She instead said, "Because I have a major headache, and I don't want to hear any more shouting. Amazon came in first, Chris in last. It's as simple as that."

"Actually, no."

Everyone looked at Lindsay, who was done studying the footage. "You see," she said, "the rules were that the last person to cross the finish line would be the losing team, not the sled."

"Yes, and?" Leshawna asked. "Team Chris had the last member cross because they were last."

"No, not really," the pretty host walked over to Leshawna and showed her the footage. "See? Brianna's sitting in the back of Team Chris's sled. Therefore, she was the last one to cross the finish line."

Alejandro, making sure no one could see, smirked in success as the others realized who Lindsay meant when she had said, "Brianna."

"What?" Bridgette whimpered.

"What?" Harold balked.

"I knew it," Duncan shouted, glaring at Bridgette.

"But sugar," Leshawna tried to reason with Lindsay, "you cannot tell for sure after everyone got swallowed up by that snowball."

"I know, but since it's impossible to tell who came last in that, I can only go by the footage beforehand. Therefore, Team Victory is in last place because of… um, what's her name again?"

"Moron," Duncan spat at Bridgette.

"No, I'm pretty sure that's not it."

"You went and cost us the game," the punk continued, getting up in Bridgette's face. "You just had to chasing after Ezekiel, didn't you?"

"I wasn't chasing him!"

"You've been all over him since this challenge started! You were kissing him on the ice flow, you were snuggling him on the sled ride, what other explanation could there be? Just face it, we lost all because of you; your butt is so voted off!"

"No, don't do that! It's my fault, eh!"

Ezekiel stood in front of Bridgette and spread his arms as if to protect her from Duncan. "It's all my doing! I fell on her doo'ring the ice floo', I froze my clothes to her, it's my fault! Send me home instead!"

"We can't, your team won," Duncan pointed out.

"I doo'nt care, just chuck me 'oot anyway! I shouldn't even still be here, eh!"

Izzy came charging over, waving her arms. "No, don't do that! You aren't allowed to throw my Ezekiel out of a plane! He was just innocently coming onto Bridgette as per my instructions!"

"He was coming onto her?" Duncan replied incredulously. "She's wearing his stupid hat!"

"Stop arguing, please," Bridgette cried out. "It is my fault! Ezekiel, don't blame yourself, it was all me!"

"No, it was me," DJ cried out. "I ran over animals and hit trees because I wasn't looking where I was going! We could have picked you up!"

"No, blame me," Harold shouted. "I should have led the team better! It's all my fault!"

"No, me," Owen declared. "I don't want to go back on the plane!"

As the arguing continued, Chef Hatchet let out a sigh of relief and smiled. "Good to have the drama back, isn't it?"

Lindsay stared at him, confused. "Wait, whose fault is it again? Do we have to give a red flag or something?"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Wasn't our fault!)**

** Noah** - "After everyone seemed to blame themselves or someone else for about ten more minutes, Lindsay got us all in the plane and took off. I'm not a betting man, but I'm pretty sure I know who is going. And speaking of going, I think it's high time I talked to Owen about this relationship he has that's not going anywhere."

**Tyler** - *_digging in his ear_* "Man, those guys looked like they really were about to murder me! I gotta thank Gwen later for saving my skin."

**Bridgette** - *_clutching Ezekiel's toque in her hands, tears in her eyes_* "I cannot believe how terrible I was today! Geoff, if you can see this, I'm so sorry! I was always thinking about you, and you know how crazy this show can get! I'm so deeply, humbly, regretfully-"

**Sierra** - *_typing on her laptop_* "Hmm, looks like the reputation of Tyler and Bridgette is going to sink among the contestants, but will it rise among fans? Hehe, it's a little like stock options, these predictions! Lemme check my ultimate source to see if they will be shunned or not." *_She lifts up a Magic 8-Ball and shakes it_.*

**Bridgette** - "… deeply, utterly, completely, honestly…"

**Leshawna** - "My girl Bridgette may have been tripping with that Ezekiel boy, but in no ways does that excuse Duncan for yelling at her! No one treats my friends like that, and thus Bridgette should have no reason to be-"

**Bridgette** - "… hopelessly, tragically, painfully _sorry_!"

**Cody** - *_He opens his mouth to speak, and almost chokes._* "Oh man, now it feels like sorrow in here!"

* * *

**(Total Drama World Jet, Drop of Shame.)**

Lindsay stood behind her podium, looking at the members of Team Victory, who looked anything but. Bridgette and DJ looked depressed, Duncan bitter, and Leshawna and Harold looked concerned and regretful. The pretty host clicked her tongue in hopes of removing the tension. It didn't work.

"I just want to say," she said, "that Chef Hatchet has volunteered to stand at the door, to make sure no one sacrifices themselves, and that none of you try throwing anyone out. We want things to be fair, so care!"

She giggled, but that slowly died when no one joined in. She sighed and looked at the barf bags full of peanuts. "Okay, I'm sorry, but it is time for elimination. Let me check the votes real fast."

Reading over the list, she squinted, scrunched up her cute nose, then grunted in confusion. She tried hard to pronounce the names. "Who is 'Ettedirb'? And 'Dulorah'? And 'Nacnud'?"

"You've got the list upside-down," Chef Hatchet called out.

"Ohhhhh," she said, then turned it right-side up. "Oh, yes, that makes much more sense! Now… wait, who is Leshawna?"

"That's me, sugar," Leshawna said, raising her hand.

"Oh, you get one of these!"

She threw a bag of peanuts at Leshawna, or at least attempted to. The bag of peanuts hit the ground a foot away from the sister, who raised an eyebrow. "Lindsay hon, no offense, but you gotta work on your arm."

"Still throws like a girl," Chef muttered.

"Now let me get this straight," Lindsay said. "I'm trying to see who got how many votes."

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Who got what where and when, so why and how?)**

** Leshawna** - *_She sighs as she looks at all the passports in front of her._* "Harold asked for a favor, but I promised Gwen. I'm not voting for my girl Bridge." *_She lets out another sigh as she brushes away Duncan and Bridgette's passports, and contemplates the other two._*

**Duncan** - "Hm, Gwen might not like me voting for her friend. But what the hell, she won't ever know." *_He stamps a Bridgette passport._*

**DJ** - *_He closes his eyes to stamp a passport, but misses and stamps a rat. It squeaks and runs off, to which DJ sees and starts crying again._*

**Bridgette** - *_She is looking at a passport of herself, then hangs her head in shame and stamps it._*

**Harold** - *_He takes a passport and stamps it angrily._* "Just once, I'd like to be in a season without _you_ on my team, gosh!"

* * *

Lindsay recounted the votes. "Okay, I think I get it," she said. "Harold also gets one!"

Another wimpy throw resulted in another bag of peanuts landing a couple feet from the receiver. Harold somberly nodded, then glanced over at the other three.

"The next is… Duncan! Which one is Duncan?"

Harold sighed in regret and pointed at the one that is Duncan, who smirked. The smirk faded slightly when the punk saw his bag of peanuts hit the ground too.

Lindsay bit her bottom lip and studied the list more. "Okay, now I'm like, seriously confused. The final two, DJ and Bridgette, they have two votes each. So do I kick both of them?"

"No," Chef Hatchet called out.

"Oh okay. So what do I do?"

"I'll go," Bridgette shouted, raising her hand. "I have to apologize to Geoff in person, I don't belong in the game anymore!"

"No, me," DJ exclaimed, standing up. "I am cursed, I keep hurting animals and my team's chances!"

"DJ, don't do this," she said to him. "You have nothing to be sorry about, only I do!"

Lindsay picked up the parachute and walked over to them. "Well, maybe we can find a way to reason with this. Arm wrestle?"

"That's not exactly fair for Bridgette," Leshawna said.

"Rock paper scissors?"

"That's lame," Duncan mumbled.

"How about Tic-Tac-Toe?"

Bridgette shook her head. "No, Lindsay, I should go." She reached out to take the parachute from her. "Just give that to me, and I'll take the Dro-"

She was interrupted when DJ pushed Bridgette back; he forgot his own strength, and knocked the surfer girl on her back. "No, it has to be me," he declared, snatching the parachute from Lindsay's hands. "For all the animals' sake!"

He sprinted for the Drop of Shame as he put on the parachute. Harold was helping Bridgette up as Duncan shouted, "No, Deej! Wait! Don't do it-"

Duncan's call to his friend was unsuccessful as the gentle giant leapt from the plane, screaming, "I'm coming home, Ma!"

His team rushed to the door, all peering over the side, but no sign of DJ plummeting or his parachute opening could be seen. Duncan stepped back with a scoff.

"Man, what happened?" he asked aloud. "One minute he was here, the next minute gone! Did any of you see where he fell?"

"Nope," Leshawna said. "Maybe he fell out of sight before we looked."

"That parachute better work."

As Team Victory and a very confused Lindsay took one final glance at the Drop of Shame, Bridgette hung her head in shame. Ezekiel's toque fell off and she managed to catch it. "_Guess there's one more thing,_" she thought, "_I have to do now, since I'm going to stay._"

Harold sighed in regret. "I'm gonna miss that big guy."

"We all will," Leshawna said. "Hopefully, we'll see him under better conditions one day."

Meanwhile, outside of the jet, DJ was being whipped around like a flag in a hurricane. He had pulled the cord too soon, and his parachute snagged on the landing gear that Chef had forgotten to raise. He screamed in terror, and then saw his parachute start to rip. With strength and determination that any football player or a teenager dangling from a plane thirty-thousand feet up in the air would have, DJ pulled himself up towards the landing gear. He grabbed the wheel and pulled himself up just as his parachute tore from its cords.

Panting and whimpering, the big guy grasped the landing gear, muttering, "Oh, this _would_ happen to me, wouldn't it?"

* * *

**(Total Drama World Jet, Cafeteria.)**

Bridgette held Ezekiel's toque in her hands as she walked out of the Drop of Shame room. As she thought about what she was going to say, she overheard Izzy say something.

"Well, how'd it go? Did she fall for you?"

"Izzy, I really cannot do this, eh."

"Why not? Aren't you totally crushing on our surfer girl?"

Bridgette paused and stayed hidden behind the wall. She knew it was wrong to listen in, but couldn't help herself right now. She could hear Ezekiel sigh and shake his head.

"I really do like, Bridgette, eh."

"Then what's stopping you?"

"She has a boyfriend, and it's obvious she felt awful the entire time she was stuck to me, eh. I coo'dent put her throo' that a'geen."

"You serious? Don't you want to go out with her?"

"I'd joo'st," he stammered, rubbing his arm, "I'd like to be her friend. I woo'd be okay with that."

"You want to be _friends_ with a girl?"

"Why not, eh? You're my friend."

"I'm more of an Amazonian warrior with a hint of super spy, but I see. So you'd be happy with just being friends?"

"I'd be moo'r than happy for us to be joo'st that, eh."

Bridgette finally decided to blow her cover, and stepped out. "I think that's okay," she said, smiling at them as she approached.

"You were listening in?" Izzy declared. "Holy laser watches, there's a super spy in you yet, Bridgette."

Bridgette chuckled and then looked at Ezekiel. "I think this belongs to you," she said as she handed him his toque. "And I'm more than happy being friends with you too, Zeke."

Ezekiel blushed slightly as he placed his beloved toque back on his head. "Thank you, Bridgette."

"No problem. You want to get something to eat? I'm really in the mood for something hot, and I need someone to talk to."

Izzy cheered, startling them both. "Izzy got you two to be friends! That is a good enough achievement in itself! Oh, and your jacket, Zeke!"

She pulled Ezekiel's jacket off of her, and tossed it to him. With a wave and a bounce, Izzy skipped out of the cafeteria, and ran right into Owen.

"Oops, sorry big guy," she apologized as she picked herself up. "I just got done solidifying Ezekiel and Bridgette's friendship."

"That's cool," Owen said, tapping his fingers together. He looked nervous and anxious for some reason.

"Is something wrong? You look nervous and anxious for some reason."

"No no! It's nothing that'll make me anxvous and nerious!"

Izzy raised an eyebrow. "You want to talk about something?"

"Izzy," he said, taking many deep breaths, "I've been thinking about this for some time…"

"What's 'this'?"

"What I've been thinking about."

"And what's that?"

"What I want to talk about you about."

"And that is?"

"I'll tell you!"

"Is it about pie? I know you think about pie a lot."

Owen had been starting to get frustrated, but the thought of pie distracted him. He smiled and salivated, thinking about many different types of pie until Izzy waved a hand in front of his face. "Hello? Owen?"

"Oh, sorry! Well, Izzy, I've been thinking about this-"

"Still don't know what this is."

"This is… well, I was just thinking that maybe… we should see other people."

There was an awkward pause, Izzy crossing her arms as Owen braced himself, holding up his hands. It was broken when Izzy burst out laughing.

"That's silly, I've been seeing other people all my life."

"What?"

"Yes, Owen, that's what eyes are for."

"Oh yeah," he agreed, nodding. "I totally get it now!"

"Right. So why are you telling me we should see other people now? Are you having trouble?"

"I meant more in the sense of dating."

"We see other people dating all the time."

"I meant us!"

"Oh! Oh I see. Owen is breaking up with Izzy?"

"… Yes."

Izzy rocked on her feet, and nodded. "Okay."

"Really?"

"Yes. It's not really fair to you to feel chained to Izzy when she hasn't seen you that much."

"You're not going to hit me?"

"Good heavens, no. But will Owen still be Izzy's friend?"

"Of course Owen will!"

Izzy beamed at him and hugged him. "Guess you've been talking to Noah a lot?"

"Um, maybe. A little."

"That's cool, maybe it's time you find a girl who doesn't put you in danger so much, I think that'd be more your style."

"Thank you, Izzy! Now can you do me one more favor?"

"What would that be, my friend?"

"Help Owen get back to his seat, he just realized we're on the plane again!"

And thus he fainted. On Izzy. The redhead squeaked underneath him, and cried out, "Help! I'm being squashed underneath my good friend! I thought this would have happened while we were dating, but not after!"

* * *

**(Airplane Bathroom - Sad for all the Ozzy fans.)**

** Izzy** - "I might be a little upset about Owen and I being over, but we're still friends. Now I'll have someone to hang out with again, share stories, have the occasional no-strings make-out session. All I have to do is tie him up when he's on the plane, and we all are happy. I wonder who will do that for him besides me!"

**Sierra** - "Phooey. I'm an Ozzy fan, but at least it ended on good terms. Or did it ever start? It's really hard to tell with Owen and Izzy."

**Noah** - *_rubbing his arm in the sling_* "Well, I'm just glad Izzy didn't get out a shiv and come after me for talking to Owen about this. I already got a busted arm over this, I didn't want more injuries. I never figured I would get a broken arm on this show, I would have put money if I ever did, it would be falling down the stairs or getting hit by a car; possibly getting hit by Chris's ego could break a bone."

**Alejandro** - *_He snaps his fingers._* "Well, that did not go to plan. I put Bridgette in the back of the sled, because I knew Lindsay would have to count her team as the loser if we arrived last. But I was hoping she would get voted off, DJ just became expendable collateral.

"No matter. I just got rid of someone on another team, and thus, plan worked out perfectly. Eventually, I'll get her, and everyone else who stands in my way. That million is mine, amigos."

**Bridgette** - *_She sighs and looks to the side._* "I think the worst part of all this would be how we didn't get to say good-bye to DJ; he said he was going home after this season was over. I know most of us will miss him. I really hope, wherever he landed and wherever he goes, he'll be happy."

* * *

DJ was still clinging to the landing gear when Chef Hatchet flipped the switch to bring it back into the plane. The gentle teenager cried out in shock as he was brought in, and then climbed up when he could. Groping about in the inky blackness of the underside of the plane, he managed to pull himself around into the cargo hold. The light was dim there, and he clung to a suitcase.

"Oh man," he muttered. "Things cannot get any worse."

"Hello, DJ."

He flinched violently when he heard the voice, then saw some movement nearby. A sitting figure slowly turned his head to face DJ, and their eyes fixated on DJ.

"Welcome," Chris Maclean grumbled, "to hell."

DJ shrieked in terror, scrambled back, and fell on a suitcase.

* * *

**(Total Drama World Jet, Cockpit.)**

Lindsay peeked up from her magazine. "Did you hear that, Chef Ratchet?"

"No, what?"

"It sounded like a muffled scream from close by but far away, followed by a startled quack."

"Girl, you trippin'?"

"How could I do that, I'm sitting down!"

Chef Hatchet shrugged. "I dunno what I mean. Maybe you should wrap up the episode?"

"Okay," she said cheerfully. She turned towards the windshield and waved. "Hi, Mr. Camera on the hood of the plane! Must be chilly out there, I'd really hate to be stuck on the outside of the plane!"

"The episode, Lindsay!"

"Which one?"

"The one we just did!"

"Oh right, that one," she said. "People, according to the latest gossip, we've had break-ups and make-ups! Friendship and love, rivalries and hate. With poor MJ gone, Team Victory is falling behind the other two crowded teams! Will they catch up, or are they doomed to fail? Will Lizard and Oscar find someone else? And most importantly…

"Will I get something nicer for the next place we visit?" she said as she looked down at the trimmed coat. "This really does make me look fat, I swear."

"You still look fabulous, girlfriend."

Lindsay giggled and pat his arm. "Isn't he the sweetest?" she said to the camera. "Well, until next time, I'm Lindsay, and this is," she pointed at Chef, faltered, and then stammered out, "well, this is not Lindsay, ehehe! Until next time, on Total! Drama! World Core!"

"Tour, Lindsay."

"Thank you, Not Lindsay!"

* * *

…

…

…

**To Be Continued!**

…

…

…

* * *

Votes:

** Duncan** - Bridgette.

** Harold** - Duncan.

** DJ** - DJ (self-vote).

** Bridgette** - Bridgette (self-vote).

** Leshawna** - DJ.

…

**DJ** - 2 (forfeited).

**Bridgette** - 2.

**Duncan** - 1.

* * *

**Staff** - Lindsay (host), Chef Hatchet (co-host).

**Team Amazon** (first place) - Cody, Courtney, Gwen, Heather, Katie, Sierra.

**Team Chris** (second place) - Alejandro, Ezekiel, Izzy, Noah, Owen, Tyler.

**Team Victory** (last place) - Bridgette, Duncan, Harold, Leshawna.

…

**Eliminated** - Chris Maclean, DJ.

…

**Next Up** - The Statue of Lindsay.


End file.
